Calling Dr. Jordan Crawford, Head Case Proctologist

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Thursday, 2 May 2013

Noted proctologist and expert in choke holds, Jordan Crawford, the latest irritant in the Celtics universe, seems to have diagnosed a major hole in the game of the New York Knicks.

Being a friendly sort, Crawford tried to give a prognosis to Carmelo Anthony who suffers the most from hemorrhoids after missing the rim all night.

Whether Jordan offered Carmelo a bowl of honey-nut Cheerios or simply an enema, we cannot tell from lip-reading of the video, which serves as Exhibit #1 in the latest flare-up of sphincter alley troubles.

There was another example of NBA diarrhea of the mouth in this game, and the constipation of shots seemed to have rattled the three-point deep thinkers.

At the press conference after the game, noted mellow Melo seemed about as mellow as a three-week old banana. He said in his usual quotable semi-English: "I'm not thinking about no Jordan Crawford."

Anthony seemed to be missing Cleopatra's asp. Crawford noted that his sphincter was noticeably tightening up during the game. It takes a real head doctor to tell you what's happening at the other end.

Jordan professed after the game that he could not understand why the Knicks were consulting him for an opinion when he is clearly not the primary care opponent on this case.

Head of Celtics brain surgeons, Doc Rivers may ban Crawford from the operating room and confine him to the broom closet for the next game.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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