Jonathan Papelbon Defends Big Papi (or Sour Grapes Make Great Jam)

Written by Ossurworld

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

If your vine has tender grapes, you should be happy, but if your vine has grapes like David Ortiz and Jonathan Papelbon, you sought to move the pergola to another place in the yard.

At the All-Star game shenanigans in Kansas City where two faces are as common as Kansas and Missouri, Jonathan Papelbon told Boston Red Sox owners to pay Ortiz whatever he wants.

With financial acumen like that, Papelbon walked away from Boston and the Red Sox. One would think the great Philadelphia Phillies closer would urge Big Papi to move on to a team where he'd be more respected.

Papelbon went on to show his knowledge about sports history when he said that David Ortiz was better than Ted Williams when it came to being a Red Sox star.

Granted, Teddy Ballgame in his early years played left field like Carl Crawford, but he did play the field. Big Mouth Papi plays first base only when the Interleague moneymakeing owners allow it.

Pap must have seen the red seat in the bleachers at Fenway and thought it was out there to honor Big Papi's longest home run in Red Sox history.

Pap must have a dim memory of Ortiz batting .400 the year before Papelbon came to the Red Sox as an ostensible starter before they discovered he belonged as far away from other players as the bullpen allowed.

As we recall from our Aesop lessons, that fox jumped mighty high to reach a bunch of grapes that dangled over his head. Try as he might, he couldn't get them-and gave up, thinking the grapes were in all likelihood sour.

Papelbon has just jumped again.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more