Andy Murray Promises That If He Wins Wimbledon He'll Stop Doing Bad Sean Connery Impressions

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Saturday, 7 July 2012

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Andy Murray - Trainspotter Of The Year

Scottish tennis sensation Andy Murray released an official statement this morning to the effect that, if he beats Roger Federer in Sunday's mens singles final he'll stop doing bad Sean Connery impressions.

The move comes following criticism from fans that in a number of recent TV interviews, Murray appeared to be trying too hard to come across as a younger version of Sean Connery/James Bond.

"Och, I hate it when the lad does that," Willie McQueen, President of the Bonnybridge chapter of the Andy Murray Appreciation Society said today. "I cannae stand the way he knits his brow, glares at the camera, and then starts tryin' tae talk like Sean Connery, and come across like a Leith hard man. It disnae suit him. He tries so hard tae be cool, but comes across as a complete and utter twaddock. Personally, I like him better when he's losing as usual, and sulking and pouting like a big hairy woman. However, I do welcome the news that he'll cut oot the bad Sean Connery impressions if he beats Federer. Although I cannae see that happenin' tae be honest."

"I think it's wonderful that the Murray chap is to cease doing awful Sean Connery impressions," said Wimbledon regular and Henman Hill veteran, Oliver DeCourcey. "The lad should remember that he's representing Great Britain, and that he isn't Francis Begbie out of Trainspotting, or that gangster chappie, Jimmy Boyle. Or indeed Sean Connery. Not a lot of people know this, but Sean Connery was actually a terrible James Bond, in no way like the character Ian Fleming portrayed in the books. Roger Moore was much better in my opinion. A gentlemanly Bond. A bit like Tim Henman really. In fact, come to think of it, Roger Federer would make a better Bond than Andy Murray. I hope he doesn't start doing Sean Connery impressions when he wipes the floor with Murray in the final. That would constitute a double tragedy."

Veteran actor, Sean Connery seems undecided as to whether he will attend the final, but Robert Carlyle, who played Francis Begbie in Trainspotting, and Gregor Fisher, who played Rab C Nesbitt have declared an interest, providing they will be considered for a part in the next Bond movie.

Daniel Craig said that he wasn't bothered either way.

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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