Epsom Derby meeting: College of Psychic Studies channels Shergar warning

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 30 May 2012

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Epsom salts? Two-day meeting is hexed says Shergar

London - Thirty-one years after burning the Derby course and distance record a spooky Shergar hexoplasm apparition has rattled bookies.

Last night's seance at London's top spiritualism freakshow channelled the dead thoroughbred's warning that the Hexom - er...Epsom! - Derby 'will bomb' this weekend.

Psychic medium Dame Phyllis Bladderwort told an audience of fee-paying guests that Shergar 'is pissed' [in American parlance] at police failure to nab his kidnappers.

Accordingly a 200 year-old curse on the Surrey racecourse will now become active causing the cancellation of the two day meet-up 'due to karmic, tragic events'.

Commenting on the blast from the ether online bookies Aintgottaprayer.con said today there was zero chance of such a total screw-up.

"An alternative psychic medium's already told us the winners, heheh," the website's Dave Mug-Punta tweeted this afternoon.

"Besides, everyone knows that Shergar's Ghost is one damn liar and his betting tips are the stuff of bankruptcy."

Dame Phyllis, however, is sticking to her guns.

Her last psychic tips from the dual English and Irish 1981 Derby champ produced a string of winners, she said, 'including the 25/1 shock winner of this year's 1000 Guineas Homecoming Queen'.

The filly subsequently flopped in last Sunday's Irish equivalent after being sent off an uneasy 3/1 favorite.

Expect a massive row if the Derby meeting bombs.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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