Corsair, Pirate, Privateer, or the Man Rolled into One: Sean Payton

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

New Orleans sinner Sean Payton must walk the plank. Yes, indeed, Captain Jolly Roger Goodell is treating the Head Coach of the New Orleans Saints like the last of the Blackbeard types.

Walking the plank with sharks below would be too good for the man who raised the Bounty game to a new level.

Jolly Roger is flying the caution flag for all coaches planning to do a lap around dance of breaking legs of opponents.

Sean Payton has been suspended for a year by the NFL And, the League did not even consider his attempt to bloat the statistics of his passer Drew Brees who still doesn't get it. Yes, every little yard helped put him into the record books, even throwing underhanded passes.

Payton may be far guiltier of being a smarmy control freak. Even with his leg in a timed corset and using crutches, he had to stand on the sidelines and cast aspersions before swine.

Not since Sir Francis Drake has there been a rogue more adept at bending the rules to serve his purposes than the Sir Sean Payton. The cutthroat world of NFL pirates has been ruled safe for now. Bettors and those wanting to sail the murky waters of the Playoffs can now take a deep breath of salty air. The salty language you hear is from Drew Brees who is cursing the candlelight.

Payton will likely argue that he was merely another corsair like Bill Belichick of the Barbary Coastal pirates. However, breaking legs and keelhauling are hardly equal to crimes of candid cameras.

Smile, Sean Payton, you're now on Candid Camera for Cheaters, joining Captain Bligh and Jean LaFitte as men who ran their vessels aground. Of course, we prefer to think in terms of the ruined careers of players whose concussions and ACL tears led to years of pain. We doubt you ever think of them.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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