Grovelling Suarez Apology Dismissed As Damage Limitation By Liverpool FC

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Sunday, 12 February 2012

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Take My Hand...(Elvis Presley) Not Likely Matey Chum...(Luis Suarez

Liverpool striker Luis Suarez today issued a grovelling apology on the club's official website, for refusing to shake Patrice Evra's hand before the game at old Trafford, against Manchester United, which Liverpool lost 2-1

Suarez stated that he had spoken to the Liverpool manager (Kenny Dalgish) and realised that he had acted inappropriately, letting down the manager and the club in the process.

Coming after Sir Alex Ferguson's condemnation of the Uruguayan striker, whom the United boss claimed was a disgrace, and asserted that he should never represent Liverpool Football Club ever again, the apology has been viewed by cynics as a cynical damage limitation exercise by Liverpool Football Club.

Whilst there is no denying Suarez's talents as a gifted goalscorer, question marks loom darkly over his temperament, and raises the question: Can LFC afford to have a loose cannon in the Anfield fold?

It's embarrassing for the club, given their staunch backing of Suarez after he was handed an eight match ban for continually hurling racist abuse at Patrice Evra during a clash between the fierce rivals at Anfield a few weeks ago.

Cynical United fans reacted instantly to the apology. One, Jarbo The Killer, said:

"They've obviously had words with the prick, and some pen-pusher has drafted an apology for him, but I'm not convinced. Suarez has dug himself into a deep hole, and now he's trying to wriggle out of it. The bin dippers need him, so they're trying their hand with an arse kissing apology and hoping the furore will die down. That's bollocks that is. United fans have long memories. Kick one of us and we all fucking limp."

Fan, Donald Skoob, a janitor at Salford University gave a more measured response:

"If the apology is genuine, then fair enough, we can all move on and get back to the everyday business of mutual hatred, but I don't believe it is a genuine apology. After what that cock end did with the handshake thing, he should at the very least be battered repeatedly about the head with a cricket bat. The man's a cunt."

More from the terraces as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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