There were 33 spoof news snippets published in October 2015. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Messi does not screw the Inland Revenue!
Mutli-millionaire soccer player, Lionel Messi, has been cleared of Spanish tax evasion, instead his padre is guilty, typical Spanish, keep it in the family!
written by unknown
Klopp is a German Nutter!
Liverpool have employed a German "Knocker" called Klopp and it serves them right! He will Head Bang the Scousers with impunity and stuff Bratwurst down the throats of anybody who says "nein" to him
written by unknown
Dentist Walter Palmer sticks his head in lion's mouth!
Innocent (?) lion slaughterer, Walter Palmer, has offerd free dental service to lions all over the planet! The world hopes that a lion has a wicked tooth ache whilst Walter has his head in its mouth!
written by unknown
China loses its (golf) balls!
Chinese Communist party has banned its 88 million members from joining golf clubs, instead they are allowed to invest their capitalist earned bucks in promoting the noble sport of Polo, hypocrites!
written by unknown
Merkel invites Pink Floyd to open the new WALL!
It seems Angela Merkel will erect a modern version of The Berlin Wall and thought it would be a grand idea if Pink Floyd opened the ceremonies, sadly Syrian President Assad was not invited!
written by unknown
New Liverpool manager is a dead Beetle!
Liverpool will not employ a living manager anymore, they have decided to erect an inspirational statue of a dead Beetle who sucked in many VW exhaust fumes whilst alive, plus other filthy substances!
written by unknown
VW turns back the clock!
Nein to software, computers, navi systems and back to basics for VW! Ancient Beetles will now be produced in Wolfsburg and Hitler was heard turning in his grave! NEIN BITTE NICHT!!!
written by unknown
Dutch prove they really are as flat as pancakes!
Turkish delight instead of a joint, sticky pancake, or van Gogh ruled over Europe last night as Oranje led by a Blind leading the Blind hit a cul de sac, but not a French one!
written by unknown
Channel tunnel brought to a standstill by fleeing Brits!
Brits fleeing their land of hope and glory through the Channel Tunnel have created Cameron's last stand and no Red Indians will be there to save his scalp!
written by unknown
Hitler not Austrian, he was a Palestinian!
Israeli PM, Nut-anayuh, has claimed Hitler was really a Palestinian undercover agent employed by Nazis to burn all Jews in hell! Modern-day German Nazis have just declared war on Israel!
written by unknown
New divorce ruling - Pukka pie shares up!!!
Supreme Court today ruling allows fat ex-wives to screw more cash from divorce settlements to buy more pies. Paul McCartnery was said today to be shitting himslef - Heather Mills is hopping for joy.
written by The Big C O Jones, 14 October 2015
Martin O'Malley Suggests Winner of Second Dem Debate Decided by No-Blinking Contest
During Tuesday's Democratic Debate, Former Governor of Maryland Martin O'Malley showcased his dedication to energy conservation by limiting his blinking to a maximum of one blink every six minutes.
written by Hannah Meholick, 15 October 2015
Koala Found Thinking Koala-Like Thoughts
A koala was today accused of infamy, chewing gum and thinking koala-like thoughts, when it dropped from its tree from pure eucalyptus pleasure
written by <3 +, 18 October 2015
UK Older Persons Groups Press For Urgent Legislation To Address Term Time Holidays
'They can't stop pushy parents taking children on term time holidays,' said a spokesman, 'so we need legislation to ensure that if kids are at resorts in term time, the little bastards remain quiet.'
written by Swan Morrison, 25 October 2015
Wuthering Heights Remake
Warner Bros are doing a remake of the classic Wuthering Heights. Tony Blair has been asked to star as Heathcliff and J.K.Rowling as Catherine.
written by Auntie Matter, 16 October 2015
50 Cent Files for Bankruptcy
Rapper 50 Cent files for bankruptcy and changes name to 10 Cent.
written by Ellie James, 01 October 2015
One of Harry Reed's relatives, no dount
A woman glued her eye shut when her husband mistakenly handed her a tube of Superglue instead of eye drops after debris blew into her eye. She has since filed for divorce.
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
Kim Kardashian: "I envy Caitlyn Jenner's boobs"
Kim Kardashian admits she'd "love a pair of pert and pretties" like those of transsexual swimmer Caitlyn (nee Bruce) Jenner but says she--Kardashian, not Jenner--is "allergic to silicone."
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
You Can Tell It's Mattel: They Swell!
To keep up with the times, Mattel has introduced Transgender Ken. When his left arm is twisted, he grows boobs. "He can get as big as a 36C." Barbie says. "I'm jealous, because I'm only a 32B."
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
Boobs or Butts? Porn researchers know your preferred fetish
According to researchers, Internet users in the East prefer boobs, while Western Webheads would rather ogle butts. Penile preferences were not included in the study, as they're regarded as "too gay."
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
Nollywood's biggest boobs
"My boobs are Nollywood's biggest," Mitchell Ozakpol boasts. "Weighing in at a whopping 33 pounds of silicone, they give me more bounce to the ounce than any other female celebrity in Nigeria."
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
Cops seek wanker
Because he's "open" about his pastime (masturbating in public), NYPD are looking for a "well-endowed male black." "He'd be OK if he'd use a little circumcision--uh, circumspection," cops say.
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
Cops wah wah re: wanton wanker
Because he's "open" about his pastime (masturbating in public), NYPD are looking for a "well-endowed male black." "He'd be OK if he'd use a little circumcision--uh, circumspection," cops say.
written by Gee Pee, 10 October 2015
American Political Dictionary
The American People Think/Believe/Want: A phrase a politician employs when he or she is delusional enough to think that he or she speaks for 318 million people.
written by Matt Birkenhauer, 11 October 2015
Ayn Rand's Golden Rule
Love thyself above all else.
They neighbor? He can go to hell.
written by Matt Birkenhauer, 11 October 2015
Ebola Sculpture for BBC World Service
A monument to Ebola is to be erected outside the BBC headquarters in London. Called "Persistence" it will be designed by Freemason Damien Hirst and built by Harland and Wolff Belfast.
written by Auntie Matter, 15 October 2015
Vilification of Sex Outlawed
Washington. Public vilification of the sex act has been banned Congress. Fifteen thousand stand-up comedians out of a job.
written by Auntie Matter, 16 October 2015
Hook-Noses, Towel-Heads Clash Over Ancient Holy Site
Oh, wait! Is this supposed to be a NEWS section? Well, this hardly qualifies. Let me go see if the situation has changed any in the last forty years....Nope, still the same old shit!
written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 17 October 2015
Jesus to Release Hot New Mixtape
Jesus Christ, son of God, is expected to release $atan $ucks, his debut mixtape, on Friday. This highly anticipated work is in response to Lucifer's diss track, Jesus Has Long Hair and Wears a Dress.
written by Joe Ogburn, 18 October 2015
EPA Formally Declares Humans are Danger to Environment
The United States EPA announced today that humans threaten public health and the environment.
written by Moose, 20 October 2015
Dead Astronauts on Mars
Nasa's Curiosity Rover has found dead astronauts on Mars. Fifteen bodies in total. An Australian tourist is thought to be among them.
written by Auntie Matter, 22 October 2015
Exclusive - Gaz and Charlotte hate their lives, Trapped
The Geordie Shore pair can't even remember if they're bucking any more and just want the drink-spew-cry cycle to end.
"I was nice looking when this started" puked Charlotte through her hair, crying
written by Seymour Didez, 22 October 2015
Hurricane Patricia Disappoints Cable News Networks
NOA forecasters say Hurricane Patricia has crossed into Mexico and has caused little damage, dashing the hopes of cable news networks.
written by Moose, 25 October 2015
