Hungarian President Beaten To Death By All Male Mob For Criticizing Internet Porn
Hungary's President was killed by a mob, angry over rumors that he thought internet porn "unbecoming." He has been replaced with a dictator and all of his political allies shot.
written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
Surgeon General Issues Warning About "Having It Done Up Your Butt"
America's top doctor warned citizens off taking "even a medium one" in the rear.
"It hurts, causes fissures and tearing,makes you walk funny for days. Taking it up the butt is not cool," he said.
written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
German Reichstag Torched
The Reichstag building in Berlin burnt to the ground yesterday. The building was filled with MP's, all of whom were killed. A dictatorship has been declared and the entire intellectual class shot.
written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
Palermo, Sicily Sacked By Muslim Hordes
Over 250,000 self identified "Saracen" crusaders sacked Palermo yesterday. The group is moving now up the Italian peninsula, leaving piles of corpses in its wake. 85,000 have been reported beheaded.
written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
American Troops Burn Australian Capital
American servicemen on leave burned the Australian capital of Canberra to the ground yesterday. The Navy apologized and vowed to investigate the incident. 42,500 are thought to have burned to death.
written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
Tortoise Ejaculates
San Diego Zoo officials said "Wilbur", a tortoise that mounted an unnamed female tortoise in November, finally began ejaculating Monday morning.
"He should be done in a month," said a spokesman.
written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
Mike Huckabee Blown In Burger King Parking Lot
Reporters accompanying Republican Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee caught him being blown in an Iowa woman's car Monday. Huckabee said he was a sinner and God would forgive both of them.
written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
Hillary Clinton Thrown From Campaign Van Touring Iowa
Staffers sick of Hillary Clinton nodding threw her from her campaign van as it sped down an Iowa highway at 85 mph. The former first lady was gravely injured and is expected to die within the week.
written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
FDA Approves Magnum Condoms For Two Dicks
The FDA announced today that Magnum Condoms can be advertised as effective birth control for "double barreling".
"The rubbers can accommodate two average dongs," a spokeswoman said.
written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
Tea Party Caucus Renounces Constitution
The Tea Party Caucus will no longer protest unconstitutonal legislation.
"We can enslave your first born and cite the commerce or necessary and proper clause," said John Bohner.
written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
Obama Calls Black TV Executive a 'Gawd-Dammed Frigging Pussy'
After Byron Allen unloaded on President Barack Obama, calling him a 'White President In Black Face', Obama fired back, calling the black TV executive a "Gawd-Dammed Frigging Pussy".
written by Moose, 26 May 2015
