There were 95 spoof news snippets published in May 2014. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
VA Bureaucrats Who Faked Vet Treatment Data Are Now Seeking Cover
VA administrators who got bonuses by false reporting while ailing vets died are using their "death funds" to find somewhere to escape from SealTeam 6 which has sortied on a search and destroy mission.
written by Trinculoman, 11 May 2014
Hillary Clinton's State Department Balked on Labelling Boko Haram as Terrorists
Secretary Clinton failed to identify the thuggish gang Boko Haram as terrorists. First personally, then internationally, she served as an enabler of activities resulting in violence against women.
written by Trinculoman, 10 May 2014
Eminent Authority Assesses Obama Administration's Lack of Accountability
"Expecting the President and his minions to take responsibility for their government's failures and incompentencies is like expecting a toddler to clean his own ass and change his diaper."M Voltaire
written by Trinculoman, 20 May 2014
Eminent Authority Says Rove's Comment on Hillary Clinton's Health Induces Snores
"Karl Rove's remarks concerning Mrs. Clinton's brain condition are about as controversial as stating that the oceans contain salt water." -- M. Voltaire
written by Trinculoman, 16 May 2014
Eminent Authority Opines on Continued Tenure of VA Secretary Shinseki
"The Secretary's continuing time in his office will be as brief as that of a fly's hiccup after taking a bite from a turd." M Voltaire
written by Trinculoman, 23 May 2014
Appointment of Special Investigative Committee on Benghazi Spurs Clintons to Action
The Clinton political tag team scrambled their Goon Hit Squad to dig up dirt on the likely Republican members of the Committee. Chairman Trey Gowdy responds by hiring Israeli Mossaud as body guards.
written by Trinculoman, 09 May 2014
Former Governor Jesse Ventura Reveals the True Location of Malaysian Flight 370
Appearing on CNN to scoop everybody else,he showed a Photoshopped pic of the plane on former President Bush's Texas ranch,then screamed that he is leading a band of "Truther" commandos to recover it.
written by Trinculoman, 11 May 2014
Defense Secretary Hagel Unavailable for Washington Duty As Personal Issues Keep Him at Home
GopherFart,Nebraska-Hagel returned home late Thursday in response to a major personal crisis. The septic tank serving his shack here backed up,producing more effluvia than even comes out of his mouth.
written by Trinculoman, 30 May 2014
For Biden's Next Trip to Ukraine, He'll Be Accompanied By Kinsmen
WashDC- The VP announced today that when he travels to Ukraine later this month, he'll be in like company. Going along with Biden on his fool's errand will be his half-brothers Larry, Moe, and Curly.
written by Trinculoman, 09 May 2014
Naming a Lake Tahoe Cove after Legendary Author Nixed
Due to protest from a Native American tribe,a proposal to name part of Lake Tahoe after Mark Twain was dropped, provoking a from-the-grave tweet by Twain: "Name the damn place Injun Joe's piss pool!"
written by Trinculoman, 20 May 2014
Attorney General Holder Sets a Timeline for Investigating VA's Deadly Machinations
WashDC- General Holder clarified today that the DOJ will begin digging into Veterans Administration malfeasance resulting in Vet deaths just as soon as Hell freezes over, evoking White House kudos.
written by Trinculoman, 16 May 2014
Eminent Authority Weighs In on Coverage of Kardasian's Upcoming Wedding
"The prevalent media attention given to preparations for Kim Kardasian's purported nuptials is of as much import finally as a flea's fart." -- M. Voltaire
written by Trinculoman, 16 May 2014
Eminent Authority Assesses Putin's Delusion of Greatness
"The Russian Chief of State Putin's belief that he is the contemporary incarnation of Peter the Great is akin to that of a slug imagining himself to be a bear." -- M. Voltaire
written by Trinculoman, 16 May 2014
VA Secretary Caught with POTUS in Open Mike Exchange
Wash-Secy Shinseki was heard commenting to Obama not to sweat those Vet deaths due to lack of treatment at VA hospitals:"Boss, they're a lot more boobs out there who will sign up."Obama:"Yeah,Ditto!"
written by Trinculoman, 23 May 2014
Eminent Authority Opines on Obama's Memorial Day Address
"Having Obama give an address honoring fallen Veterans is like having a vole squeek while caissons roll past carrying slain warriors to Valhalla on a rutted road." M Voltaire
written by Trinculoman, 26 May 2014
Scamatology To Build "Ideal Org" in Ukraine
In exciting world news, it was announced that the Church of Scamatology will build one of their Ideal Orgs(commonly called "Ideal Morgues" because of their relative emptiness)in the unstable Ukraine.
written by Al N., 08 May 2014
Church of Scamatology Using Super-Powers to Hold Back Spring
Scamatology's Diminutive Despot announced that the Church would be using its powers to hold back Spring until further notice. Once proper fealty is given to the church, Spring will return.
written by Al N., 08 May 2014
Obama National Security Crew Reveals Name of Afghanistan CIA Station Chief
Inept National Security Obama team lapsed inadvertently into "full transparency" over the weekend by releasing the name of the CIA Afghan Station Chief to the press. Score another one for the bozos!
written by Trinculoman, 28 May 2014
Transvestites without bears banned from gay bars in Vienna!
Tranvestites must wear beards if they wish to enter the gay world in Vienna, if they attempt to enter a gay bar shaven they will be rejected because it is too feminine!
written by unknown
Gillette have been banned by Austrian men
Shaving experts, Gillette, are not welcome in Austria after a Tranny with a beard won a shit song contest, Austrian men are now demanding that every male must come out and wear a beard in solidarity!
written by unknown
Hitler moustache is now OUT!
The popular Hitler moustache is now OUT in Austria and been replaced by a super Tranny supporting a full beard. Austrian men have at last found their feminine side and Hitler turned in his grave!
written by unknown
The New $100 banknote.
The new $100 US banknote is to feature the Rothchild coat of arms.
written by Auntie Matter, 16 May 2014
Eminent Authority Opines on a Malady of American Culture
The obsession with celebrity is a cancerous tumor that has rendered terminal American culture. M Voltaire
written by Trinculoman, 20 May 2014
Levi's CEO Advises Not Washing Jeans
He also recommends wearing a clothespin on your nose at all times.
written by Gail Farrelly, 24 May 2014
Redskins Becoming Featherheads
Responding to continuing criticism of racial insensitivity, Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder has announced the franchise will be changing its nickname to the Featherheads
written by Cool Papa Bell, 01 May 2014
George Bush Jr. releases Biography.
George Bush Jr. is to release his new biography with foreword by Tony Blair. It is called "Bull and Drones".
written by Auntie Matter, 02 May 2014
Black is black apparently
A chimney sweep from Sheffield has been banned from particpating in a charity marathon because he is too black. "This would give him an unfair advantage" said the chief organiser. Run that by me again
written by whatinthe world, 03 May 2014
Tom Daly refuses to dive
Tom Daly has refused to dive in the UK Championships in Workington, because it is a hard water area.
written by IainB, 07 May 2014
Beards are in in Austria!
Unshaven tranis are the new Viennese delight!
written by unknown
New Wave rolls across Europe; the gay, bearded, transvestite look!
A new fashion has hit Europe and many men are now dressing up as women and growing beards, the fashion started in Vienna after Mozart was depicted in an evening dress with his wig stuck on his chin!
written by unknown
van Gaal is Double Dutch!
Louis van Gaal is Double Dutch, the Man Utd choice to replace Moyes has told the English press to stuff themselves already proving that he is insane enough to take the job!
written by unknown
Martin and Forsyth in Scotland squad
Coldplay singer and uncoupled husband of Gwyneth Paltrow has been named in Gordon Strachan's Scotland side to face Nigeria on the 28th May alongside 86 year old entertainer Sir Bruce Forsyth.
written by John_L, 12 May 2014
Hodgson names England team.
.........books day trip to Brazil!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 12 May 2014
King Louis and Giggsy in a 'joint venture'
Ryan Giggs met King Louis van Gaal over a joint (venture) or two in Holland today and Giggsy left the hotel as a high as a kyte after being given the job as senior back-stabber for the coming season!
written by unknown
Godzilla holding out for better contract before signing on for sequel
More to follow...
written by Patrick Parkinson, 15 May 2014
CNN in secret talks with hijackers to make flight go missing
"Anything to improve ratings" says CEO of CNN.
written by Moe Nightwalker, 15 May 2014
Hero hamster saves child from diamondback attack.
Cute, chubby little pet that gnawed rattler off snake's tail to save kid, now to be sued by PETA for cruelty...
written by Frank Michaels, 15 May 2014
Against Europe
Britain seems to be set on sending more politicians to Europe who don't want to be there because nobody wants to live next door to them in this country.
written by j.w., 20 May 2014
Accommodation
My garden shed is now on the market. Room for a bed if the fork and spade are placed carefully. £300,000.
written by j.w., 21 May 2014
Chinese Official Defends Spying on American Businesses
"Monkey see, monkey do," he said.
written by Gail Farrelly, 22 May 2014
Michael Sam traded to Packers
In an incredibly ironic twist, openly gay football player, Michael Sam, was traded by the St. Louis Rams to the Greenbay Packers.
written by Moose, 23 May 2014
David Moyes sounded out about Lib Dem job.
While Nick Clegg maintains that he won't resign there are rumors that some senior Lib Dems have been sounding out former Man U manager as a replacement.
written by John_L, 26 May 2014
French police raid Calais
Asylum seekers in Calais hoping to reach England and mega benefits have been raided by French police, put in straight jackets and shipped off to loony bins; UKIP ordered the attack!
written by unknown
UKIP bomb Romania
Lancaster bombers have been spotted over Romania, The Romanian airforce were caught with their pants down because their wives were too busy making elastic bands in Birmingham!
written by unknown
UKIP leader accepts the fact he's a top wanker!
After making huge strides in the European elections, the UKIP leader has officially declared that he's a top wanker now just like Cameron and Clegg!
written by unknown
Merkel wlecomes UKIP into Europe!
Angie Merkel has welcomed UKIP into Europe with open arms because now other Europeans can call Brits Nazis instead of pointing the finger every time a Rumanian is refused asyl in Germany!
written by unknown
Polish, Indian and Pakistan, etc, immigrants rush to join Customs!
Members of other ethnic minorities living in the UK have been rushing to join the Customs Authorities because they don't like Rumanians/Bulgarians either and refuse to share a piece of the cake!
written by unknown
Gossip: Man United sign 5000 new players!
Man United are signing 5000 new players according to the gossip columns; well they certainly need them!
written by unknown
Fishing for PMs
An amateur fisherman has landed the catch of his life. Yes he caught former Prime Minister Tony Bair while fishing on rocks at Torquay. "Wow a live one that breed!" said the man excitedly. Ho hum.
written by whatinthe world, 15 May 2014
Obama changes name again...
... from 'Global Warming' to 'Mobile Warning'. South Alabama mobilizes for BLM storm attack from the Gulf of Mexico.
written by Frank Michaels, 16 May 2014
Agoraphobia sufferer beats fear after 48 years.
Unfortunately on her first trip out Nigel Farage canvasing in the street, suffered a sever relaps and is now locked in the coal cellar.
written by John_L, 01 May 2014
Pardew Butts Out
Alan Pardew has admitted he is fighting for his job. I suppose it's better than fighting David Myler.
written by Backandtotheleft, 01 May 2014
Malaysian Plane found: Yep, it crashed!
Moments after the relatives were told to go home from the Beijing hotel Tuesday, the Malaysian government came forth with new evidence saying that the plane had crashed and suck it.
written by Poethepoet, 01 May 2014
Bohemian Grove
Jimmy Savile is expected to make an appearance at this years Satanic orgy at Bohemian Grove, a BBC spokesman has said.
written by Auntie Matter, 02 May 2014
Blair and Nigel
Ex British PM, Tony Blair, has admitted he had an affair with Nigel Farage of the UKIP. "Nigel was most hospitable and he complimented me on my bottom" declared Blair. Farage refused to say anything.
written by whatinthe world, 03 May 2014
Madness befits ex PM
In a fit of pique, former British Prime Minister, Tony Blair has detonated an IED under the Houses of Parliament in order to let them know how mad he is at the rumour mongering amongst Labour pollies
written by whatinthe world, 03 May 2014
Gerry Adams 'Questioned For 17 Hours A Day'
.......tells reporters, "I'm feckin' determined to win this years Mastermind with my specialist subject, 'The IRA's Greatest Hits'!"
written by Herrdoktorfox, 04 May 2014
Good evening Colonel
Fun loving admirers of index binders have crammed the streets of Wolverhampton for the bi-annual index binder parade where boring, non descript people try to invent a form of excitement. Yeah, right!
written by whatinthe world, 06 May 2014
World Cup change
The FIFA World Cup, due to commence shortly, has been shifted from Brazil to the small island of St Helena in the south Atlantic. "We'll do a better job of it" said the island's governor. For sure.
written by whatinthe world, 06 May 2014
Flour joke
Recently a man driving a vehicle collided with a van carrying a supply of flour. The vehicle driver absconded before authorities got to query him. Public are asked to look for abominable snowman.
written by whatinthe world, 07 May 2014
Flood therapy
A therapist in Brighton has ceased using flood therapy when one client with chrometophobia walked away a very rich man.
written by IainB, 07 May 2014
Operation Yew Tree - latest arrests
Roger De Coursey and Matthew Corbett have been arrested as part of the celebrity sex offenders campaign, operation Yew Tree because they've been sticking their hands up bear arses.
written by IainB, 07 May 2014
A Benghazi Minute
I sat down (Benghazi) to watch (Benghazi) FOX (Benghazi) News and was sitting (Benghazi) for about two (Benghazi) minutes before I saw still another (Benghazi) story about--you guessed it--Benghazi.
written by Matt Birkenhauer, 08 May 2014
Donald Sterling condemns North Korea's Obama 'monkey' insult
LA Clippers owner, Donald Sterling has condemned descriptions in North Korean state media of President Obama as a "crossbreed" and a "wicked black monkey".
written by Moose, 09 May 2014
Ravel's Opera Discovered
An opera by Ravel called 'The Nightmare' has been found about Sam Allardyce being sacked by West Ham to become manager of Queen's Park Rangers just after Ravel has signed a contract to play for QPR.
written by j.w., 10 May 2014
Eurovision fix?
Conchita was always going to win Eurovision, they're biased towards transvestites; even their website was Eurovision.tv
written by IainB, 10 May 2014
Boko Haram asked to change their name
Terry Reid of Procol Harum has asked Nigerian terrorist group Boko Haram to change their name. "When it's said with a Nigerian accent," he said, "it sounds too much like the band and it's confusing."
written by IainB, 13 May 2014
"Kardashians Take Over Crimea" TV series cancelled due to insensitivity accusations
More soon...
written by Patrick Parkinson, 15 May 2014
"Evil" Sat Nav leads innocent drivers to grizzly death
More soon...
written by Patrick Parkinson, 15 May 2014
Final Hobbit film's end credits to be turned into HBO mini-series
More soon...
written by Patrick Parkinson, 15 May 2014
VA Chief Breaks Down at Senate Hearing
VA head Eric Shinseki broke down and cried as he offered remarks at Vet Affairs Senate hearing this morning. Plaintively wailing "I can't take it anymore," Shinseki was led away by his aide-de-camp.
written by Joaquin Closet, 15 May 2014
Pentagon planning for Zombie Apocalypse...
To save the world, anything walking, speaking, thinking or eating anything at all... will be killed on site.
Film at 11.
written by Frank Michaels, 15 May 2014
Sparks and Mensa new clothing
Sparks and Mensa's new clothing range, cardigans that are worn only on the back, called Bacadis, have been recalled when it was found having five of them makes the owner fall over.
written by IainB, 16 May 2014
Little Rat Becomes PM
A little rat has won the the vote of prime minister! He'll take office on Monday. He's promised more cheese, cables (not Vince) and spinny wheels. Everyone must also have their tails inspected monthly
written by Matt Brown, 16 May 2014
Nigel Farage sends Google a Forget Me Request
The UKIP leader hopes that if the search engine stops pointing to all the racists things he's said in the past he might just be able to fool some more people into voting for him.
written by John_L, 17 May 2014
Latest Polls Show Most People Think Polls Are Stupid.
Recent surveys have found that most people believe surveys are a stupid waste of time, and the few people who thought otherwise turned out to be really stupid.
written by Kirby Hancock, 18 May 2014
Hammer Blow
Manager at West Ham is now likely to be Moyes or Rednapp as Allardyce finds blowing 0-0 bubbles in East London is winning him few friends.
written by j.w., 20 May 2014
Quentin Tarantino Publishes Autobiography.
"It's Okay to Murder People" he calls it. Foreword by Charles Manson, illustrated by George Bush. Published by Lucifer Press. Buy one, get one free.
written by Auntie Matter, 20 May 2014
Mayor Ford Denies All
This morning, in his first public press conference since his release from rehab, Toronto mayor Rob Ford told reporters: "I have never denied denying my failure to admit to being in denial."
written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 31 May 2014
Mayor Ford Denies All
This morning, in his first public press conference since his release from rehab, Toronto mayor Rob Ford told reporters: "I have never denied denying my failure to admit to being in denial."
written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 21 May 2014
Elections could be Void
The Government is proposing that any election that does not get a 50% turnout should be invalid.
written by j.w., 22 May 2014
News just in
A Bolton man has admitted he ate his brother-in-law's fine dining chair. Saying "I ate it with shallotts done in a wonderful garlic sauce", the man refused to apologise because he's non repentant.
written by whatinthe world, 23 May 2014
More news...
Persons describing themselves as "wickedly boring" have converged on the town Huddersfield in an attempt to drive the local populace to tedium. So far two thousand seven hundred people have succumbed.
written by whatinthe world, 23 May 2014
Rapper Flo Rida to Wed
Last night, rapper Flo Rida announced his engagement to his long time companion, hip-hop queen I da Ho. Though the couple has yet to set a wedding date, they plan to spend their honeymoon in Dahomey.
written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 24 May 2014
Scientist and skeleton
A scientist has discovered a dinosaur skeleton under his bed. He was surprised at first until he realised he built the thing when he was twelve years of age. Ha, even scientists fool themselves.
written by whatinthe world, 26 May 2014
Spork Named National Eating Utensil
Spork named national eating utensil by Congress. The bill was introduced by Bill "Colonel" Sanders of Maine, the largest spork-producing state. President Obama is expected to sign the bill.
written by Catchthisdrift, 27 May 2014
Minogue sisters arrested over attempted bribery
The Minogue sisters, Dannii and Kylie, have been arrested over charges of attempted bribery of a disabled citizen.
It is alleged the pair attempted to bribe a disabled person with flowers.
written by erikals1, 28 May 2014
Mice and men
A Church of England rector, David Althorpe, has been kidnapped by a gang of field mice. The calculating rodents are asking for a ransom of 300 kilos of Edam cheese and 400 kilos of Swiss cheese. Oh!!
written by whatinthe world, 29 May 2014
King Kong Files Monster Lawsuit..
... demands new movie or a slice of the royalties from Godzilla.
Judge faints when grabbed up by big ape and kissed.
written by Frank Michaels, 30 May 2014
Obamacare saves first life!
Convicted murderer on death-row in Texas was able to have kidney transplant thanks to the ACA.
written by Frank Michaels, 30 May 2014
Tree says inflammatory thing
Simon Sycamore has been branded a snob today after declaring that he was the greatest tree in the land. He was well advised to remember his roots the next time he decided to open his big trunkhole.
written by Matt Brown, 30 May 2014
I put a spell on you.
Asda's England flag looks like a KKK costume....Tesco retaliate with BOGOF deal on fiery crosses, Sainsburys offer carrier bags with eye holes and the Co-Op merely closes early!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 30 May 2014
