Liverpool Fan Hospitalised After Laughing at Manchester United for 6 months
Liverpool fan joins a total of 53 currently in intensive care after prolongued laughing fit epidemic blamed on Manchester United hapless manager David Moyes or 'The One Stooge'. No end in sight!
written by VWVonHagen, 15 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #342
According to Snoops: A peacocks tail is more than half it's total body length, second only to that of Kim Kardashian.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #197
According to Snoops: Most flamingos get their pink color from eating shrimp or else they may be gay.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #165
According to Snoops: Some birds use silk from spider webs to help hold them together but the best nests have a tiny bit of Crazy Glue or used bubble gum.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #132
According to Snoops: People in Papua, New Guinea speak over 700 languages. So they have worked out some hand signals. Everywhere you look--Charades!
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Dem GOP Cockraoches
Cockroaches can live weeks without a head. Then they starve to death. So let's drop that Washington DC plan.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Lady Gaga Nipped by Slow Loris at Video Shoot
"Thank goodness it wasn't a FAST loris," said the relieved singer.
written by Gail Farrelly, 15 February 2014
Man Finds Long-Lost Sibling…at Walmart
Maybe we have shopped WalMart so much we're beginning to all look alike.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Military's 'Iron Man' Suit May Be Ready to Test This Summer
Be sure that our next war is in cold climate. Those look hot to wear.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
UN envoy 'very sorry' as Syria talks break off in failure
At least you gave them time to build another nuclear missile so some things were accomplished.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Pavlov's Dong!
Here's a tip: If you will have the wife ring a bell when your Viagra wait is over, over a period of a few months, you can get off the Viagra. She can just ring the bell and off you go.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
A Severe Winter Breaks Budgets as Well as Pipes
Pipes in the south were not made for super cold weather. Create slick spots in roads, streets and crashed cars.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
The Turkey Knob Think Tank
That new Think Tank in Turkey, Tn., according to the article in the Knoxville Journal, is now studying "Why are there no ice cream sandwiches on rye or wheat. Don't you get your choice of relish?"
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
A Close Shave
After Fidel's whiskers caught on fire when he blew out candles last year, brother will have soldier stand behind him with a bucket of water.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Actually The Was One Casualty
Further evidence has come in on that plane that went down in Hudson River. Although one engine was lost to a flock of geese, the other engine flew into a guy in a lawn chair, he only casualty.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Self-Defense While Nude!
Most students of "Hung Pooh" say that it is the nastiest type of fighting they have ever ran into. Not dangerous, nasty.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
After Review, Ugandan President Will Sign Antigay Legislation
"I'm clipping their wings", says. "I give you a whole month to leave."
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Great Lakes Now Completely Frozen Over
Sen Franken and former Gov Ventura claim from afar a Tea Party conspiracy funded by Koch brothers to undermine global warming. Ice fishermen rave, citing reduced hot air blasts from both the above.
written by Trinculoman, 15 February 2014
Trying To Understand Jimmy Carter
Family and friends are concerned about former president Jimmy Carter as all he seems to be saying lately is "Let's get the old regime together".
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #185
According to Snoops: The phrase "Lame Duck" came from the Lincoln Assassination. Just before the shot, someone yelled "Mr. Lincoln Duck!" and when J. Wilkes Booth jumped on the stage he broke his leg.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #168
According to Snoops: The happiest man in the united states (1882-1970) was Herman Wilson, who was born with two penises! The happiest woman was his wife. None of his 16 male children inherited it.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #905
According to Snoops: "Boy" on the old Tarzan & Jane series was played by a girl.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #852
According to Snoops: Triskaidekaphobia is the fear of the number 13. That's why that big word is on so many elevators in between 12 & 14th floors. Whatever you do, don't stop there.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
150-Year-Old Valentine Goes on Sale For Charity in Florida
"I'm still sunky says Valentine. Course, being 150 I ain't much to look at but I still got my first set of false teeth!"
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Gas Prices Set to Rise in Coming Weeks
And we were hoping they would go back to the 1960's $.60 per gallon. Let's get fracking out there.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
USA beat Russia in penalty shoot-out
Hope it doesn't turn into a real shootout, we'd both lose!
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Calif. Water Politics Complicate Brown's Decisions
"As they say, 'I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't!' I hate politicians!"
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
5 siblings reconnect; 2 crossed paths at Wal-Mart
"It could have happened earlier if we hadn't been wearing all those weird outfits trying to get on the Facebook as WalMartians", says Roy.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Twenty-five years after Soviet exit, Taliban says U.S. will meet same fate
That's just great. You mean the United States will have our own Prez Putin Macho Man in the future?
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Syria peace talks in doubt after 6th day in Geneva
All sides stocking up on weapons during the break. Al-Qaida group asks for 2nd of 3 Time Outs.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Feds Allow Banks to Deal in Pot Business.#3
That must be the reason for all the "Free Potluck for our Great Customer Days" at all the locals.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Feds Allow Banks to Deal in Pot Business.#2
Some apparently already at banks. My teller today called me Mr. Purple and Yellow and gave me a $10 tip from cashing my check.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Feds Allow Banks to Deal in Pot Business.
So wherever you live in the United States, get really friendly with your banker.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
800-Pound Runaway Snowball Slams Into College Dorm, Knocks In Wall.
When they took it apart they found guy on skis, thanking them.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
NWS: Mid-Atlantic Storm 9th Biggest Ever Recorded.
Although one guy in Virginia says he has a record that you can hear one bigger. He sleeps by it at night and snuggles under the covers, even in July.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #712
According to Snoops: Some common lizards live as long as two and a half feet.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #906
According to Snoops: At any given moment in Russia, someone is drinking vodka!
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #604
According to Snoops: If you have a guard dog, a good idea would be to name it "Boy". One friendly burglar's shout of "Here, Boy! will lose him a leg.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #607
According to Snoops: The Great Wall of China spans 5500 miles. That's probably why President Reagan didn't ask Chinese leader to "Tear Down This Wall".
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
True Facts From Snoops #417
According to Snoops: Bird feathers are made out of the same material as human skin, fish scales, Silly Puddy.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Euthanasia In Belgium Abattoirs
Belgium is to introduce voluntary euthanasia in abattoirs. "An animal psychologist will explain to livestock what is ahead of them, and then we kill them." explained Health Minister Henri Viande.
written by Auntie Matter, 15 February 2014
Governor Brown says to East Coast, "Send us your snow!"
meanwhile, aides are checking out the cost of refrigerated railroad cars....
written by Wumf, 15 February 2014
Bessie the Bitch Wins The Voice Competition
Bessie, a Hounddog bitch, out howled the other human contestants in last night's final show of The Voice. Modest in her contractual demands after such a resounding victory, Bessie settled for a bone.
written by Trinculoman, 15 February 2014
Mysterious fireball goes cross sky
It's called the Sun, guys. I realize it's been a long winter but here comes the sun! It's all right!
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
California Officials Make Big Shark Fin Bust in SF
Shark fin said to be twenty feet tall and 30 feet at the bottom.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Colorado Pot Candy Shows Up in North Texas: Cops
CPC is out there! Colorado Pot Candy. Just in time for Valentines Day.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2014
Happy President's Day
to the half of all U.S. President's with Irish Ancestry!
written by Wumf, 15 February 2014
