There were 80 spoof news snippets published in May 2013. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer Achieves Orgasm
Ultra-Conservative Arizona Governor Jan Brewer says she achieved an orgasm last night as she was listening to Rush Limbaugh. "I really enjoyed it", Brewer stated.
written by NickFun, 16 May 2013
Iron Manifold
SAN DIEGO, CA--Five years after hearing it for the first time, Danny Orsi still has no idea that the
Black Sabbath song "Iron Man" wasn't written for the film series.
written by rvler9201, 22 May 2013
Stock Market Crashes
The NASDAQ stock market dropped nearly 8000 points in heavy trading yesterday but the only ones affected were the very wealthy as no one else had any money to begin with, according to sources.
written by NickFun, 06 May 2013
Abbreviation Conference
Ths yrs conf on Abbrs & TxtSpk will B held at G-Mex M/c. Attnd's shd arv 30mins b4 drs open 2 Nsure a gd seat.
written by IainB, 21 May 2013
The iTwins Are Cute As Can Be
A young married couple in Phoenix is being criticized for naming their twins iPad and iPod.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 May 2013
The Silver Screen President
The details are still somewhat sketchy but it looks like President Obama could be appearing in George Clooney's next action-packed motion picture Strike Force Eagle Bravo 1.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 May 2013
Just Like Peanut Butter and Jelly
Doctor's in California now say that there could be a direct correlation between the high gasoline prices and high blood pressure.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 May 2013
The GOP May Be Heading Into The Sunset
Republican strategists say the problem with the GOP is the GOP designation (Grand Old Party). So they've suggested that it be changed to GNP, (Grand New Party) in order to attract the younger voters
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 May 2013
Moyes successor named
With Moyes set to take over at United, Everton have announced his replacement, as an elderly Scot who recently announced his retirement. The fans are not happy about the appointment of Gordon Brown.
written by IainB, 10 May 2013
Season amalgamation
With the weather set to continue cold, the British Met Office have announced plans to merge Britain's seasons into two. "These will be called 'Winter'," said Michael Fish, "and 'Green Winter'."
written by IainB, 10 May 2013
Google Glasses require a warning
All wearers of Google glasses will be required to wear a badge in future that reads: "This conversation will be recorded for training purposes."
written by IainB, 23 May 2013
A Drone Plane Oops Moment
Reports are that a drone plane has mysteriously crash landed right in the middle of a famous Nevada nudist colony.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 May 2013
Britain slightly less racist than before says survey
With voters at the local elections switching from BNP to UKIP, the UK racist index dropped from 5% to 3% this week.
written by radiogagger, 02 May 2013
"The Codfather!"
A record-breaking 103lb cod has been caught in Norway. Harry Ramsden's Chip shop is hoping that the male monster fish will provide up to 200 meals. It has been mistakenly called the mother of all cod.
written by IN SEINE, 14 May 2013
The Arnold Schwarzenegger - Maria Shriver Buzz
Arnold Schwarzenegger has said that he would be willing to take Maria Shriver back just as long as once in a while she agrees to dress up as a maid.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 May 2013
Germany knocked off the top by North Korea!
Germany nearly made it to the top of the global pop pops but were narrowly beaten by North Korea to the Nr 1 spot. Merkel is to blame because she can't sing and Kim Jong Un can, can!
written by unknown
History of Cross Dressing - part 1
Cross dressing in ancient times, before the invention of gender specific clothing, mainly involved shaving off the beard. This was considered a perversion by those who liked facial hair.
written by IainB, 16 May 2013
Hey, A Girl's Gotta Eat
A secret tunnel has been discovered underneath Kirstie Alley's home that reportedly leads right to a supermarket.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 May 2013
Oprah Winfrey's Very Unusual Bathrooms
Oprah Winfrey is so rich, she has ATM's in each one of her bathrooms.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 May 2013
No longer a "Theatre of Dreams"!
For 27 years Old Trafford was "The theatre of dreams" from next season it will be a "Theatre of NightMoyes!"
written by unknown
Rooney Retires!
Wayne Rooney has been taking lessons from Gazza and reading George Best's biography before he starts his new career as an ex-soccer super-star alcoholic; there is nothing else after United, ask Alex!
written by unknown
Bruce Jenner Says He's Run Out of Rope
Bruce Jenner, who is married to the Kardashian matriarch Kris Jenner, has stated that he will probably be leaving her because he can no longer stand the smell of fakeness.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 May 2013
Ke$ha's Strange Beverage
Ke$ha recently made headlines when she appeared on her reality show Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life, and drank her own #1. When asked about it she said she did it to win a $45 bet.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 May 2013
For Sale: 12 Clockwork Clowns.
Used but in good condition for more information contact Sandro Rosell, The FC Barcelona Camp Nou Stadium, Avinguda Aristides Maillol, s/n
08028, Barcelona.
written by John_L, 02 May 2013
Interns Fed To Sharks on Discovery Channel
In an ill-devised attempt to copy on the success of the Weather Channel's abuse of interns for Tornado Week, The Discover Channel decided to let interns swim with sharks for Shark Week.
written by Pariah, 05 May 2013
Cameron first victim of immigration changes
British PM David Cameron is understood to have been deported under new immigration laws passed recently. Cameron's great great uncle came here illegally from Germany so Dave has to wear it for him.
written by whatinthe world, 10 May 2013
Nuclear threat
Authorities are pursuing a man who is believed to be in possession of a thermo nuclear device he constructed with material bought on internet. Police are looking (extremley large explosion is heard)
written by whatinthe world, 10 May 2013
Ferg 's role change
Sir Alex Ferguson has announced today that he will quit Manchester United to embrace a role as a female impersonator at a local strip club. His wife is well pleased he's "got a real job now."
written by whatinthe world, 11 May 2013
Surgical breakthrough
A Swedish surgeon has made history today when he attached a penis to a patient's skull. "Yes, this is the first true dickhead!" declared the doctor. Assholes are now lining up for similar teatment.
written by whatinthe world, 11 May 2013
Sherlock Actor Investigates Cast
Benedict Cumberbatch drilled the Star Trek cast and successfully deduced that his stolen peanut butter and jelly sandwich was taken by Zachary Quinto.
written by David Grant, 18 May 2013
Chelsea Flower Show lifts ban on Gnomes
William Hague finally able to attend.
written by John_L, 20 May 2013
Atos Canonised
Atos, the French company tasked with assessing Britain's disabled people has been canonised, after announcing that 30,000 previously disabled people can now walk. That's a better return than Jesus.
written by IainB, 21 May 2013
Biden on dancing show
American Vice President, Joe Biden, has announced he will compere Dancing With the Stars on ABC next year. Biden, a noted dancer around different issues, will bring a new dimension to the show. What?
written by whatinthe world, 02 May 2013
Taxi ripped off
A New York cab driver has discovered that he is owed $27 million dollars in unpaid cab fares. Only about 1 in 425 people pay him their fare and the rest quickly run. May be he should get another job?
written by whatinthe world, 02 May 2013
He's big down under you know.
Rolf Harris sex claims: Police Go To Australia...and who can blame them, it's a much better place than here and you can rely on the weather!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 02 May 2013
"Oooooh! that feels better Matron!"
Boris Johnson 'attempts' a Chocolate Souffle...after weeks of trying numerous laxitives!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 02 May 2013
Chop! Chop!
Viva Forever Spice Girls Musical is axed....pity it was not that actual Spice Girls who copped it instead!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 02 May 2013
Sooner rather than later cobber!
An indian prisoner on death row in Pakistan responsible for a string of bomb attacks, has died in hospital after being attacked by fellow inmates in a high-security jail
written by Herrdoktorfox, 02 May 2013
Bangladesh textile factory collapses; so what?
The price of human life in Bangladesh means nothing as long as global textile retailers can keep their profits up; who pays the price? Ask those lying under the factory rubble>
written by unknown
Ted Cruz Challenges Joe Biden To Gun Control Debate
Sen. Cruz noted that VP Joe Biden reportedly plans to revive a push for gun control decided to challenge the VP to a debate. However the VP declined because it was scheduled past his bedtime.
written by Heeke, 04 May 2013
over 500 victims of abuse now!
the death toll in Bangladesh has risen to over 500. Check your labels in your cheap textiles, it's not funny!
written by unknown
New Book About Incontinence Released Today
If you have bladder condition, urine for quite a relief with the new book, Just Go With The Flow, by I.P. Freeley, Urologist.
written by Pariah, 05 May 2013
"Stone me cobber!"
Iran hit by 6.2 magnitude earthquake.....how would they ever know....it could be an annual stoning festival?
written by Herrdoktorfox, 11 May 2013
Charles' bravure on show
In a bold move, HRH Prince Charles has agreed to substitute the royal flag flying atop Buckingham Palace with himself in a PR exercise unequalled in history. He will be in a harness the complete time
written by whatinthe world, 14 May 2013
"What, no flamin' Cornetto's!"
Marks & Spencers poaches Spaniard for key womanswear post....Juan Sheet told reporters he was pleased to leave the towels behind!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 14 May 2013
David Cameron Defects To The Liberal Democrats
'I am sick of dogmatic, inflexible, self-serving, right wing views in the Conservative party that are out of touch with the electorate and reality,' he told reporters. 'I agree with Nick.'
written by Swan Morrison, 14 May 2013
"You can tell by the way I'm outta work...but its alright!"
HSBC warns 14,000 more job cuts likely....soon they'll be turning job centres into night clubs due to record memberships.
written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 May 2013
King of the bungle?
Safari guide filmed charging towards elephant, obviously Irish.
written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 May 2013
Gone but not forgotten.
Brad Pitt 'Emotional' about Angelina Jolie's Mastectomy...as are we all cobber...as are we all!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 15 May 2013
Oh, to be in England...now that summer is here!
Snow in May: White stuff hits parts of UK.....meanwhile, the brown stuff continues to hit everywhere else!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 16 May 2013
Hitler's love child
A Latvian bus driver has confessed to being the love child of Adolf Hitler and Marlene Dietrich. "Ya, I'm the one and only" he cried. The man has been detained in a psychiatric facility for some time.
written by whatinthe world, 16 May 2013
Poets to be deported
Budding poets are to be rounded up and excised from the general population in a PR move by the British government. "Yes, they will be shipped to South Georgia" said a spokesperson for David Cameron.
written by whatinthe world, 16 May 2013
News to hand
Mr Nigel Crackenthorpe of Lentle Lane Wandsworth has finally worked out how to enter his two bedroom home. He unlocked the front door and walked in. He now will work out how to get out again. Serious.
written by whatinthe world, 16 May 2013
Retirement 'Harmful To Health' Says The Institute For Economic Affairs (IEA)
'Also, poverty is healthy, but voting UKIP causes fatal illnesses,' said Mark Littlewood, IEA Director. 'The IEA is independent,' he added, 'we never manipulate public opinion to government agendas.'
written by Swan Morrison, 16 May 2013
Tories Apologise To Mental Health Organisations Over Use Of Stigmatising Language
'Our activists should not be described as "mad, swivel-eyed loons",' said a spokesman, 'but rather as people with severe mental health problems who experience ocular complications.'
written by Swan Morrison, 19 May 2013
Mobile phones reunited with 'tele'
As from next year, mobile phones will have to be referred as mobile telephones in all advertising and documentation due to an EU ruling. This follows the decision to reassign the word wireless to radios.
written by Simon Cockle, 21 May 2013
Hurricane hits Warsaw and kills nobody!
Hurricane Erskine hit Warsaw over the weekend and the only casualty was a naked couple seen copulating on their balcony blowing and sucking in the wind!
written by unknown
Cameron relived by Terrorist attack
It means that the news of his capitulation on Corporation Tax after Google threaten to pull their £4.5m donation from the Tories.
written by John_L, 23 May 2013
Dont Forget to #Hashtag
DES MOINES-Students at the University of Des Moines are developing a new technology to let you search old spoken conversations, so don't forget to hashtag anything you say!
#DesMoines #Search #Tech
written by Erik North, 23 May 2013
Barack Obama Resigns as USA president
Last night,the president of the United States of America Barack Obama resigned for unknown reason's according to CNN News.His replacement might be actor Morgan Freeman or NBA star Kobe Bryant.
written by LORD HESKEY, 24 May 2013
Park keeper mauled by tiger in new terror attack
First a soldier, then a plane - now al-Queda have utilised Sumatran tigers to spread fear and panic in the UK. Authorities are putting everyone in the country on alert about threats from everything.
written by Simon Cockle, 25 May 2013
'Self-harm' is the new rock and roll
Professor Rimming-Spree of the University of Sixties-New Town says that cutting oneself with glass and razor blades is 'pretty cool' and 'cutting edge'.
written by raouldukecommando, 25 May 2013
'The disabled are a waste of f*cking space'
A new study suggests that some the large number of spaces reserved for the Disabled could be used as breeding grounds for rare birds.
written by raouldukecommando, 25 May 2013
'Rape should be an Olympic sport'
The harvesting of the cash-crop, Rape, that requires great skill and strength, might become a recognised sport by 2016.
written by raouldukecommando, 25 May 2013
'The Queen is a c*nt'
The film director Stephen Frears says his film 'The Queen' was his most difficult film to make.
written by raouldukecommando, 25 May 2013
Chr*s Moyles 'sodomised my handbag'
Former Radio 1 DJ Moyles has been charged with gross indecency with a handbag after an incident in the Reading branch of Miss Selfridge earlier this week.
written by raouldukecommando, 25 May 2013
Sex without butterflies is 'the best ever'
Having sex without butterflies around you is, experts say, awesome.
written by raouldukecommando, 25 May 2013
Lesula monkeys from the Congo suffer from blue balls
Male lesula monkeys, which have been discovered in the Congo, have bald, brilliant blue testicles and butt. Not only is it painful for them to run, but the natives also hunt them for bush meat.
written by Lyndon, 26 May 2013
Bynes dives for bong
Amanda Bynes fell from her cell window looking for her bong. Bynes thought she was at home and leaped from window screaming "I'm Amanda Bynes, that's my bong"! She fell 3 stories a spokesman said.
written by lazorrazor, 26 May 2013
Cameron lays blame on Tasmania
British PM, David Cameron has no doubt who to blame for the upsurge of terrorist activity. "The state of Tasmania is singly to blame for the recent incidents occurring here and elsewhere" he said.
written by whatinthe world, 28 May 2013
Why Church numbers are down
Nine out of every eleven people consider that the state of Tasmania is responsible for the decline in numbers of people attending church each Sunday. An outrage unequalled in world history for sure.
written by whatinthe world, 28 May 2013
Tasmania in trouble again
Police were called to a domestic dispute and were surprised to find that the victim blamed the state of Tasmania for the escalation of events. More investigations are continuing into this situation.
written by whatinthe world, 28 May 2013
Mayor points finger at Tasmania
The Mayor of Stratford believes more people would visit his city if only the state of Tasmania would leave them alone. "It is criminal what they do" he said after a brief town meeting this morning.
written by whatinthe world, 28 May 2013
Dentists irate
Dentists across the country are adamant that declining dental conditions are attributable to one source only: Tasmania. They say that the rogue state must stop immediately or else face trouble.
written by whatinthe world, 28 May 2013
"I want it!"
Loopy loo London Mayor Boris Johnson 'desperate' to become PM....desperate being the operative word...!!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 30 May 2013
Jack the Ripper is 'Greatest Ever Briton'
Jack the Ripper has been voted Britain's greatest ever inhabitant by readers of Jack the Ripper Monthly.
written by raouldukecommando, 25 May 2013
Crucifixion of Jesus 'was a prank that went wrong'
Biblical scholars and historians have cited documentary evidence to suggest that Jesus' death was simply 'fooling around' with some centurions that got out of hand after too many beers.
written by raouldukecommando, 25 May 2013
Suicide now a capital offence in Utah
Suicide now carries a penalty of death by lethal injection in Utah. The suicide victim is brought back to life in the normal way, then killed again as a punishment.
written by raouldukecommando, 25 May 2013
The 'N-word' is now the most used word in the English language
Linguists at the University of Chappaquiddick have calculated that the 'N-word' is used somewhere in the US at least 140,000 times per second in a variety of contexts, but mostly by academics.
written by raouldukecommando, 25 May 2013
