Ted Nugent Is a Gay Pirate
His threatening remarks led to a Secret Service visit, but Ted Nugent claims, "I threatened the President? Are you kidding me? Why don't you just say that I'm a gay pirate?"
Happy now?
written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 February 2013
Choking on the Truth
BATMAN: Telling lies made Marco Rubio so nervous he needed a drink of water.
ROBIN: Holy frijoles, Batman! For the Spanish version of that same speech, he took a shot of tequila with salt and lime!
written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 February 2013
Run for the Border Gets Easier
Lindsay Lohan says she will open a "high-end Mexican restaurant" in Lower Manhattan - same great menu, prices, late-nite hours as Taco-bell, but with a drive-thru lane big enough for her limousine.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 February 2013
No Weight Behind Her Argument
Pres. Obama says executive orders necessary considering gravity of global warming situation. Michele Bachmann declares laws of physics unconstitutional, dismisses both gravity and global warming.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 February 2013
Bucking the Trend
LONE RANGER: Marco Rubio says government can't control weather.
TONTO: Him right. Oil company control government and consumer, so oil company control weather. That why Tonto ride horse, Kemo Sabe!
written by The San Francisco Onion, 13 February 2013
