Earthquakes Felt Around Austin
As Austin prepares for summer, earthquakes are felt all around the Hill Country each time Governor Perry thinks.
written by Ellie James, 30 May 2011
Piers Morgan For Arsenal
Piers Morgan to arsenal? Word in the footballing world is that Arsene Wenger will be buying Piers Morgan. He will be filling the viod left by Wilshere who will be leave for united this summer!!!!!!!!
written by suki kindo, 30 May 2011
Libya: "Western Boots On Ground"
Planeloads of cowboy boots dropped on 'Daffy's compound after bombs failed to get him.
written by Hawking's Chair, 30 May 2011
Lionel Messi's mum streaks naked across Wembley pitch!
Messi's mum is not just an ordinary mum, she wants to be with Lionel everywhere and to show the world where he comes from, her womb! So she streaked naked across the Wembley pitch to prove it, AAGH!
written by unknown
Al Qaeda attack Europe with a cucumber!
Al Qaeda have started their revenge attcks on the US and Europe with a wicked attcak of cucumbers laced with the E-Coli bug! Their next target are UK turnips made in Spain, OLÉ"!
written by unknown
Easy way to attract new football fans...
Just give those overpaid spoilt brats a rugby ball to play with instead of a football. The resulting comedy will be more than enough payback for these sulky primadonnas. The mind boggles. Bring it on!
written by attilathehungry, 30 May 2011
How to tell a horse from a cow (beta)...
A) Climb aboard B) If the animal merely bolts with you clinging on for dear life, it's a horse C) If however the animal smells like the cathouse at the Zoo it's a lion and you're in a world of hurt...
written by attilathehungry, 30 May 2011
GM Recalls ALL Chevy Volts!
Owners blame electrical faults named "The Matthews Effect." Everytime they start it up they get a 'tingly feeling up their leg". Voice activated Obama speech 'to buckle up' likely the cause says GM
written by unknown
US Postal System...Broke Again!
Fiscal watchdogs blame big part of problem on backing cycle team and "that big DOPE" Lance Armstrong" to the tune of $8M a year. May now try to collect 'Postage Due' claiming tiny testicular Fraud!
written by unknown
Obama's Pledge to Missouri has Caveat!
A fortnight after disaster Obama arrives and pledges to 'rebuild city better than before; as soon as we check to see if any money left after Egypt, Tunisia, Libya,
Iraq, and repairs to MY limo!"
written by unknown
Indy Rookie Crashes 900' from Victory!
JR Hiderbrand says he had a panic attack entering the last turn thinking about drinking milk in victory circle. "I'm lactose intolerant," he said sickly, after
finishing 2nd in wrecked car!
written by unknown
Princess Eugenie Emerges from Club 'all wet!"
Complains since she lost her 'minders' she has trouble 'holding her liquor' as she's forced to hold her own glass and has trouble locating her mouth. Vows to use funnel on "Drink & Sink' nights!
written by unknown
Kim Jong il's New Cookbook Hits Yahoo!
"1001 ways to prepare Dirt." Introduction describes N. Korean leader as
'gritty, tough," and newest weight loss guru. 5* from Jane Fonda.
written by unknown
Third World Countries Celebrate 'Arab Spring!"
" Fountain" of money attributed to 'Allah,' ritual human sacrifices continue in his honour as Idiot Infidels duped again!
written by unknown
New Defense for Football Stars Presented!
Never known for their IQ or financial acumen, boys claimed they were duped into making deposits into what they thought were 'sperm banks' guaranteed to preserve their legacy during retirement.
written by unknown
EU Wants Own Standing Armed Forces!
Proposes control of EU border immigration in order to speed up multiculturalism. Proposes DSK as 'Rear Admiral', Barreness Ashton for
Leftenant of French Affairs, Sally Burcow as UFO coordinator.
written by unknown
FIFA Now Declared Transparent and Free of Influence!
Seth Batter celebrates re election with 'tokens of appreciation' to Football Board of Inquiry including new 'retirement packages' which can't be disclosed.
written by unknown
Cameron & Obama 'out of the closet!'
Pictures of the pair shown roasting weenies on a stick at cook out to raise money for Africa declared "Homophobic AND Racist by Naomi Campbell! Also sues company selling 'white pistachio nuts!"
written by unknown
US Navy Names New Ship in Honour of JFK!
The new solar powered submarine the' USS Marylyn Monroe' was launched in typical Kennedy Fashion: a bottle of champaign, some whispered words, and a stiff push before it slid below the surface!
written by unknown
Pop Star to Sue Candy Company over Chocolate Nut Bar!
Infuriated Natasha Mugabe, formerly Ian McSwine of Wales complained, after the company compared it's product to her:"This is an outrage...I ain't got me nuts no more! Bastards!"
written by unknown
Giuliani Teams with Trump
Former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani and real estate mogul Donald Trump are developing a political puppet show together... "Trump and Rudy"
written by Michael Balton, 30 May 2011
FIFA and...oh yeah..all that!
Whilst International eyes remain focussed on the controversies surrounding FIFA, it has been revealed that there are also various wars, injustices and humanitarian crises going on around the globe.
written by The Big C O Jones, 30 May 2011
Fiddling UK MPs to be prosecuted
Unfortunately this will involve the cost of building two new prisons to house the perpetrators!
written by Inchcock, 30 May 2011
Nottingham Man locked up for his own safety
Nick Myend, (unemployed) was arrested today after claiming he saw two police constables on foot, patrolling his street in a Nottingham suburb.
He is to be referred for phycologist reports.
written by Inchcock, 30 May 2011
Democrats Target New Group of Voters
There are only about 1.2% Gays in the US population, but there are 10% Outer-Slobovian illegal immigrants in the US population. Expect Democrat's to find new friends!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 May 2011
US History 101
President Obama is running the US Government via Executive Branch regulations/orders, vice Congressional legislation. Didn't the 13 colonies have a similar situation with Britain's King George III?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 May 2011
It Happened in Las Vegas
Las Vegas NV man apprehended running an illegal "cat-house." He was boarding cats in a residential neighborhood without a license! (Expected something else didn't you?)
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 May 2011
Environmentalists Plan to Sell Tires?
Rabid environmentalists want to return to glass bottles, vice plastic bottles for drinks. Not a good idea, as when your car tires crunch broken glass!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 May 2011
Consider This
Senior citizens remember that as kids there were no public "Porta-Johns," only dirty gas stations. This suggests that grown-ups then didn't need the facilities or grown-ups today are full-of-it!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 May 2011
Officer Don't Touch My Coffee Holder
Have distracted driving offenses become the equivalent of education's "zero tolerance" programs for automobile drivers? Are drivers going to be strip searched or deprived of plastic butter knives!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 May 2011
Ask a Taxpayer
Community organizers say budget deficits and the national debt don't matter. When your organization is on the state and federal government's dole, it sure does matter to a taxpayer
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 May 2011
Will Congress Please Stand Up
The Obama administration is alienating the American people by pushing far left liberal policies that result in reckless spending, increased taxation, unnecessary regulation & economic destruction!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 May 2011
Government Intrusion Left and Right
ObamaCare's mandate that Americans purchase health insurance & SD's abortion law violating women's rights is government intrusion of the left & right, respectively. Both laws are unconstitutional!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 May 2011
The Old Math
Representative Ron Paul (R-TX) needs to review his arithmetic, if he thinks selling all the USA's gold in Fort Knox will help reduce the national debt by much!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 May 2011
New Business Model
Some health insurance companies appear to be spending money on advertising that suggests people eat healthier foods. But, they nickel and dime their policy holders when it comes to paying claims!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 May 2011
Born to Early
Ogden Nash said "The lowest form of animal life is a punster." Mr. Nash never met any rabid environmentalists!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 May 2011
Remember When?
Engineers used to design/construct bridges, roads, power plants and other infrastructure projects in reasonable time periods and costs. Today, all bets are off as the USA has rabid environmentalists!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 May 2011
Political DNA
Biologists isolate Democratic liberal big spender Congresspersons DNA. The researchers expected to find a double helix, but found a double dollar sign!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 May 2011
Emperor Obama I
Since meeting Queen Elizabeth II during his European trip, King Obama I has elevated himself to Emperor Obama I. Expect more regulations by fiat from the White House that bypasses Congress!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 30 May 2011
