Ted Williams
I demand an update...even if I didn't get his name right.
Where is he? How is he? Is that what is know by 15 mins. of fame? Then I demand MORE!
written by unknown
Egypt Revolt Spreads
Egypt revolt becomes global case study as zombies in Haiti demand more BRAINS!
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Abusive Priest Abused
Pennsylvania priest defends self on radio in sex abuse case. Tarred and feathered by mob as soon as he leaves the building.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Paul McCartney Admits He's Quite Vain
Genius and all round nice guy and most popular Beatle still alive,Sir Paul('I'm older than 64 now')McCartney has finally admitted he is quite vain.
'I've still got all me own hair you know.'he said.
written by Mr Goster, 19 February 2011
Bieber's Balls Drop
Pop Phenomenon Justin Bieber today won £10 when he got three numbers on the National Lottery.
'It all counts' said Bieber.
written by Mr Goster, 19 February 2011
Scientists Building Largest Antimatter Trap Ever
Scientists say they are using a variation on the theory that it can trick it into believing that it matters.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
US Vetoes Resolution
US vetoes UN resolution on Israeli settlements. Also, resolution to move all of Israel to Florida.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Unconstitutional to Force Enrollments
Feds ask Florida judge to clarify meaning of health care ruling. "I voted against it", he tells them.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Obama Backs Union Uproar!
However, the Tea Party say they support the Confederacy. Will they vote to succeed from the Union?
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Real Name is Woodrick?
Indiana considers Marijuana Legalization. Isn't Woody Harrelson from Indiana or was that the character "Woody" on Cheers?
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Then Who Will Pay?
Obama wants to charge Canadians for crossing the US border. Canadians reply:"Wait until dollar is devalued."
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Trees Need Protection
Gritting icy roads 'kills thousands of trees each year by starving them of moisture'. Though protesters admit it saved a few dozen lives.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Ahmadinejad Denounces Obama
Ahmadinejad: Obama can't spell his own name. Uses other insults concerning "hole in the ground".
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Mexican Exports Down
Income drops dramatically in Mexico when Charlie Sheen in rehab.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Elderly, Handicapped Not Able to Protest
REPORT: Average city teacher compensation tops $100,000. Average social security checks $8,000. Guess who got a raise the past two years?
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
States Ignored Warnings
States ignored warnings on unemployment insurance for thirty years, just like everything else. Ask for bailouts from broke federal government.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
G-20 Confessions
G-20 reach compromise deal on imbalances. At least ten admit that they are imbalanced.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Troops to Pull Out of Wisconsin
Wisconsin Governor orders state troopers to bring Democrats to Capitol. "Use handcuffs and leg irons. Boy is this fun or what?"
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Spud Protesters
Idaho offical target of threats over education reform plan, when to plant your potatoes.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Slip of the Tongue
Pa. judge guilty of racketeering in kickback case. Regrets calling it "That Kickback Case" to reporters last year.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Looks a Lot Like 32nd #2
Seventy-Second Al-Qaida No. 2 issues video after Egypt upheaval.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Meanwhile US Going Tits Up!
Obama promotes jobs by way of education, rebuilding of transit system. As usual, completely vague on details.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
House'Passes Tough Bill
House passes sweeping domestic cuts, bloody turd on military weapons cuts.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Signs of the Times
School bus ads concern officials, especially the "Drink Coors Beer" on those in Denver.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Royal Bad Taste
UK royal wedding draws tasteless merchandise like Royal wedding night condoms, Lennon-Yoko nude pics with William & Kate's heads.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
TV Reporter Speaks Out
TV reporter speaks about speech problem at Grammys. "Came right after interview with Bob Dylan."
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Palin Expose
Aide planning tell-all about time with Palin. Move applauded by Democrats, 90% of Republicans.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Gays Gain Status
New Facebook status options applauded by gay users. No more "Jason is looking for a relationship". Now it's "Jason is looking for a big one."
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Solar Flares Rougher in the North
Massive solar flares last week apparently destroyed 90% of Eskimo homes.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
US Mulls Response To Hi-Jackings
Pirates hijack 4 Americans; US mulls responses, hot cider toddy.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Prez To Get Psychiatric Help on Mother-In-Law in His Own Home
Report: Congressman urged to get psychiatric help. House says that President Obama or whoever he really is, will be next.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Dust Bunny Law Passed By House
House passes sweeping cuts to domestic programs. Also, vacuuming will only be allowed once every two weeks or fines will follow.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
House Passes Sweeping Cuts
House passes sweeping cuts to domestic programs. "Stay-at-home" moms no longer can call that a job. However, there are no stay-at-home moms so that one was wasted. Also the one on sweeping.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Speaking Two Languages #2
Speaking 2 languages may delay getting Alzheimer's. "Great", say teens. "That means we're going to be fine. LOL.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Speaking Two Languages
Latest: Speaking 2 languages may delay getting Alzheimer's. However, at least one has to be a real language.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
More Protests
Protesters laid off from the Viagra and Levitra factories say they too are standing firm.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Must Be Some Cuts For US to Pay Bills
House passes sweeping cuts to domestic programs. "It's either that or declare bankruptcy", states one Representative.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Protesters Standing Firm
Bahrain, Libya, Yemen, Wisconsin pull back military; protesters stand firm.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
Fresh Roadkill
A Hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute, and that doubles during sexual arousal which sadly causes it to explode! Next time you see one splattered on the road, you know it at least died happy.
written by Mr Goster, 19 February 2011
Kids, Don't Try This At Home
Transport worker Laurie Driver paid the ultimate penalty when he tried to sneeze with his eyes open and his head blew off!
'It's very sad really,' said his wife.
written by Mr Goster, 19 February 2011
Memory Like A Sieve
Poor Goldfish,not only do they get stuffed in a little bowlwith a terrible view,but they also only have a 3 second memory span...'We need a loaf...I'll have a cup of tea please.'
written by Mr Goster, 19 February 2011
That's Tremendous
Only 4 words in the English language end in OUS.Horrendous,Stupendous,Hazardous and Tremendous.Isn't that Fabulous!
written by Mr Goster, 19 February 2011
Fixed Odds SPL Fixtures
5/3/11
D'dee Utd v Ab'deen
Home Evens
Away 2/1
Match Off Betting closed
written by grimbo, 19 February 2011
Tea Party To Counter-Attack
Idaho offical target of threats over education reform plan as Egypt and Bahrain come to America.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
I Gotta Steal Mine!
Lindsay tells Entertainment Yipee that that airhead idiot Paris hilton gets all the publicity for doing nothing.
written by Bureau, 19 February 2011
UK P.M. Adds Cat to Ministry.
UK PM David Cameron has defended a decision to bring a rescued tabby into the coalition ministry, saying "Hopefully, this will eliminate any rats in the ranks and separate the mice from the men".
written by Baz Barry, 19 February 2011
Get this
When does two wrongs make a right? "Never" according to Brian Chupplestick of Stoke Road Wolverhampton. "Just not plausible in my view and I should know because I'm important." Bollocks, Brian.
written by whatinthe world, 19 February 2011
