Proof That the Government Is Hard up!
It is now rationing Viagra to pensioners over the festive period.
Things Must Be so Bad…
… That even Tony Blair is asking for a referendum on the EU.
It's Going to Be a Very Windy Outlook
… After a bumper crop of Brussels Sprouts this Christmas. Gas suppliers are urging people to save the methane excess in jars and we will have enough gas to last a whole year!
Chicharito teaches Rooney how to drop on his knees and pray!
Before Rooney's UEFA hearing he et Chicho have been practicing praying whilst on their knees. Wayne will do anything to get his ban reduced and now he knows how to beg for mercy religiously, AMEN!
written by Jaggedone, 07 December 2011
Mafia boss found in Hitler bunker!
After 16 years on the run mafia boss Michele Z has been found in Hitler's bunker in Naples the police asked him why there, he answered, 'it was a gas'!
written by Jaggedone, 07 December 2011
Rick Perry Has Some Real Good Reasons For Skipping Trump's Debate
Rick Perry will not participate in Donald Trump's presidential debate for three reasons. One, Trump is too arrogant. Two, Trump is too sarcastic. And three...ah...three...hmmmm.
Donald Trump May Have To Eat His Debate
Donald Trump has stated that the GOP Presidential Debate he is sponsoring will go on even if Rick Santorum is the only Republican candidate who shows up.
There Are Some Pretty Tall Postal Workers Throughout America
It's kind of funny how quickly the NBA players gave in to the owners once they heard that the owners were going to hire laid off postal workers to replace the players.
Jason Aldean Picks Up Music Awards Like He Was Picking Cotton
Country boy singer Jason Aldean captured six American Country Awards including "The Best Use of A Farm Tiller" and "Singer With The Most Tattered Looking Blue Jeans."
Alec Baldwin's Thrown off Aircraft
Actor Alec Baldwin was thrown off an aircraft today for playing with an iPad. Luckily, the aircraft had not taken off.
Bigfoot or Herman?
Tourists visiting Yellowstone National Park have claimed to have sighted the legendary "Bigfoot" creature. Scientists claim otherwise that it is just Herman Cain on holidays after abandoning his run.
written by whatinthe world, 07 December 2011
Bull in a China shop
There was panic today when China announced that this years' economic growth will be only 8.5%, instead of the predicted 9%. "It is a catastrophe!" wailed one economist. "We're all going to die!"
written by MonkeyInTheBath, 07 December 2011
War with Iran a step closer
A senior US official warned if no diplomatic solution is reached over Tehran's nuclear programme it could mean war.
I hope the UK's told the US about our military cut-backs?
written by Inchcock, 07 December 2011
President Obama's 17 Days of Christmas (Vacation)
President Obama was asked why his Christmas vacation is going to take 17 days. He replied that he was going to take 18, but 17 is his lucky number.
Jesse James And Sandra Bullock Reveal Their True Feelings
Jesse James said he never liked Sandra Bullock because she was a movie star. Bullock said she never liked Jesse James because he was a scum sucking, bottom feeding, low life, whore mongering bitch.
Michele Bachmann Says Thank You To Mr. "PizzaGate"
Michele Bachmann was thrilled to hear Herman Cain say he was throwing in the towel. She stated, "Now all of Herman Cain's white blonde women will be voting for a fellow female...moi."
Mitt Romney Says "No" To Donald Trump's GOP Debate
Mitt Romney won't participate in Donald Trump's GOP Debate for 3 reasons. One, Rick Santorum is the only one who'll be there. Two, no chips and guacamole dip. And three, Trump's hair is silly as hell.
Herman Cain Decided He Wanted To Keep All Of His "Body Parts"
An unnamed, reliable source said that the real reason why Herman Cain dropped out of the GOP race was because his wife threatened to put a world of hurt on his shameless, wandering, pizza sausage.
The Minnesota Vikings May Be Heading West
The sports word on the street in L.A. is that the Minnesota Vikings may be relocating to Los Angeles and become either the Los Angeles Crips or the Los Angeles Bloods.
Webster's Political Dictionary
Nancy Pelosi (D-CA): Democratic left wing, big government tax and spend liberal, corrupt insider trading, conveniently forgets/omits things, no ethics and a political witch (spelling varies).
The Leader of the Free World is Absent
President Obama chastises the Congress for getting nothing done about retaining the payroll tax holiday & other issues. He then promptly leaves the White House for 17 days of campaigning & vacation!
Return of Taxpayer Money
Democrats invite Americans to have lunch with President Obama for a $3.00 donation. The group Taxpayers Against Government Waste has invited President Obama to lunch for a donation of $4 trillion!
Why No Jobs are Being Created
A corporation came to Baltimore MD to revitalize a piece of vacant property with a big box store. Progressives wanted a green roof, a living wage & other goodies. The store is now located elsewhere!
Message From Two Senior Citizens
LONE RANGER: President Obama says he wants to preserve Medicare as it is, but proposes to cut $500 billion to support ObamaCare. TONTO: The president talks with forked tongue!
AMERICAN PUBLIC: We want to talk to President Obama about getting involved with running the Government. WHITE HOUSE: The president is not here, even when he is here!
It's the Cover-up Stupid
LONE RANGER: What have John Edwards (Democrat) and Herman Cain (Republican) in common? TONTO: They both speak with forked tongue!
President Obama, via executive order, has mandated the EPA dump E. coli bacteria into US waterways. Since the president believes the USA is not unique, the nation must become a third world country!
New Play to Open
Kim Kardashian is to star in a new adaptation of Charles Dickens "A Tale of Two "Tities." Oops that should be "A Tale of Two "Cities."
What Did Mark Twain Say About Figures and Liars?
US unemployment rate drops from 9.1% to 8.6% in Nov. 2011. Obama administration believes stimulus methods work, but DNC hard at work dreaming up excuses for Feb. & Mar. 2012 when rate goes up again!
What Does a Cranialrectalectomy Cost?
Outgoing HHS Medicare Director says to reduce healthcare costs government regulations must be reduced. However, he is for ObamaCare, which adds 4000 new regulations per year!
Political Correctness Gone Awry
A nine year old boy called his teacher cute and has been accused of sexual harassment. The school principal recommended the death penalty as a lesson to other students!
Spontaneous Planned Demonstration
Iran expressed regret over the British embassy invasion, saying it was a spontaneous overflowing of anger during a peaceful protest by students. Her Majesty's Government replied "Bollocks!"
President Obama Appointed Football Coach at Penn State
Drilling in the Arctic Petroleum Reserve is approved. But wait should the oil pipeline be above ground or below ground? It doesn't matter the Obama administration will always find a blocking tactic.