95% of People that Think Obama is Muslim Can't Program Their TV Remote
The survey that pointed out 18% of Americans believe President Obama is Muslim didn't mention that 95% of those 18% can't program their own TV remote. It shows how simple things baffle Americans.
written by UWGB-Beek, 28 September 2010
Jimmy Carter Blames O'Donnell for Emergency Visit to Hospital
"That witch put a curse on me," Jimmy Carter said of Christine O'Donnell, "because of my comments I made about her on The Daily Show." The curse landed Carter in the Hospital today.
written by UWGB-Beek, 28 September 2010
When is a Hooker not a Hooker, ask Becks!
Becks never had sex with that Hooker, Irma, (he wishes he did though) and the question arises when is a Hooker not a Hooker? ASK BECKS, he knows!
written by unknown
Dogs are out, crocs are in, but never let them get hungry!
Crocs are mans best friend, it's been proven by a Costa Rican nutter kissing and cuddling his croc, only one problem, never let them get hungry (well, you can always feed em your dog!)
written by unknown
Atheists and agnostics 'know more about religion than anyone else'
Apart from the Serious & Disorganised Crime Agency!
written by queen mudder, 28 September 2010
Woman with 2 heads becomes lollypop lady
A woman with 2 heads has been appointed as a lollypop lady in Chortum-cum-Hardy. A police spokesman said she was ideal for the job because she could look both ways without turning her head.
written by Xavier, 28 September 2010
Who wants to be a Millionaire Sponsorship
Apple Computers will be sponsoring the next series of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. The life lines will now be "50/50", "Ask the Audience" and "iPhone a friend".
written by IainB, 28 September 2010
Phones allowed in GCSEs
Students taking GCSEs next summer will be allowed to use mobiles in their exams. This is so they can phone a friend if they get stuck. They can also ask the rest of the hall, and go 50-50.
written by IainB, 28 September 2010
Korean X-Factor, and the winner is.....
... the son of the previous winner, again!
written by matthatt, 28 September 2010
Classifieds: Air Bubbles
For sale, one sheet of 36 air bubbles, suitable for most spirit levels. Perfect for the new apprentice on a building site. Various sizes, £10, or best offer.
written by IainB, 28 September 2010
Horoscopes - Aquarius - October
Colour: Apple White
Car: VW Polo
Try to avoid writing between the 14th and the 22nd. The first week will see travellers move into your garden. Take the opportunity to get your drive repaved.
written by IainB, 28 September 2010
Specification Writer's Conference
Opening times of this year's conference can be found in appendix C of the invitational leaflet. Please use the entrances marked in the diagram on page 17.
written by IainB, 28 September 2010
The Spoof! Sues The Onion Over Infringement
Have you mention there's yet another spoofing news site, called The Onion? Well, the people at The Spoof! has sued the newspaper company over allegedly copying what they're doing right now: spoofing.
written by Boogster Su, 28 September 2010
UN Appoints Alien Ambassador
This UN appointment is a response to President Obama being abducted by aliens for over a year, replaced by an impersonator. Explains why the US economy/job creation was ignored for health care reform!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 September 2010
Bubble Headed Idea
New study conducted by Democratic liberal left wing loony scientists indicates the world is a dangerous place. President Obama asks Congress for $100 billion to "bubble wrap" every American citizen!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 September 2010
What Else is New
Washington DC Zoning Board serves a cease and desist order on President Obama. There are 12 million illegal immigrants living in the White House basement on food provided from Michelle's garden!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 September 2010
Obama is playing Election Year Politics
Obama still has no interest in the US economy & creating jobs, only playing to his rabid environmentalist base. Deep water oil drillers in the gulf are shut down & now the shallow water drillers too!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 September 2010
Obama the Hypocrite
Obama will submit a bill requiring all online communications services be technically equipped to comply with a wiretap order. This is the same Obama who railed against Bush for warrantless wiretaps!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 September 2010
Obama Needs to Stop Irresponsible Spending
Obama says "Republicans want to extend all of George W. Bush's income tax cuts permanently at a cost of some $4 trillion over 10 years." Does the American public look like the Democratic Party's ATM?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 September 2010
Obama to Tax Businesses that Outsource Jobs
In an attempt to keep jobs in the USA, the Obama administration wants to tax them to stay home. Has anyone in this arrogant elitist administration ever had a real job or run a business, of course not!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 September 2010
Extremist Group
A new political fringe group claims more government spending, taxing and regulating will cure the US economy and create jobs. Wait, this group already exists and is called the Democratic Party!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 September 2010
DNC Advice to Democratic Candidates
Avoid words: TARP, stimulus, health care, illegal immigrants, gays/lesbians, taxes, spending, regulation, racial politics, politically correct, wealth redistribution, bribery & parliamentary tricks.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 September 2010
More, More Foot-in-Mouth Disease
Sen. Kerry (D-MA) blamed clueless voters with short attention spans for uphill battles beleaguered Democrats face against Republicans across the nation. This arrogant elitist wanted to be president!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 September 2010
Not Enough to do in Washington DC
NTSB scientists worry about tired drivers causing a tiny number of accidents. New cars will be equipped with a device that attaches to a driver's butt, providing a 6000 volt shock every 30 minutes!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 September 2010
Name to be Changed
Fox News Channel to change its name to the Lawsuit News Channel. Many sponsors appear to be trial lawyers wanting to sue drug companies, medical equipment makers or anybody with deep pockets!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 September 2010
