Tattooed woman 'told to put bag over head by Jobcentre staff'
Damned kinky these dole queue bandits I say
written by queen mudder, 24 September 2010
Schools 'axing rugby in favour of yoghurt'
Er, maybe 'yoga' on second thoughts...
written by queen mudder, 24 September 2010
Independent experts to examine David Kelly 'lies'
Good way to waste another five million quid I guess.
written by queen mudder, 24 September 2010
Patronising leaflet tells council staff to save money by selling sex
And why not in these recession hit times?
written by queen mudder, 24 September 2010
'Worst ever' internet paedophile jailed say cops
Oh yeah, what about that bastard on Bebo last week, say angry bloggers.
written by queen mudder, 24 September 2010
Attack on Britain from Irish terror groups a 'strong possibility' says Theresa May
Nah, it's always been Mrs Thatcher's relatives say UK cops!
written by queen mudder, 24 September 2010
ABBA revival, they turn Nazi, Mamma Pia!
ABBA have decided to don their jackboots, tight pants and leathers to do a brand new ABBA Nazi spectacle, Bjorn & Benny can't wait, as for the girls, no way, they're already in Cabaret!
written by unknown
Shooting siege barrister was fair game, says police marksman
Chaps down the Station would have ribbed him to pieces for offering a gun amnesty instead...
written by queen mudder, 24 September 2010
City boss threatened to throw financier out of window
Well, that's one way of dealing with balance sheet bad news!
written by queen mudder, 24 September 2010
Roman Abramovich digs a £20m hole under Chelsea's Stamford Bridge
Would have been cheaper to give the money away!
written by queen mudder, 24 September 2010
Crowd-pleaser Vince Cable risks being urination target, says Alistair Darling
OK, maybe a bit of an exaggeration from the original story, but whaddahell, eh?
written by queen mudder, 24 September 2010
Elderly forced to stand at bus stop because TfL thought the seat generates orgasms
Can't have the oldies tossing off in public, I suppose.
written by queen mudder, 24 September 2010
Stolen Bees Uncovered Through Sting Operation
Said one FBI agent, "It felt so great getting these criminals off the street...afterward, I had such a buzz".
written by Nik Voelz, 24 September 2010
New stand-up comedian wows UN
"Ah'm a dinner jacket" cracks Iranian President
written by pinxit, 24 September 2010
C-SPAN to Launch Two Comedy Networks - C-SPIN and C-SPUN
WASHINGTON, DC - Landel Hobbs, Chairman of C-SPAN, announced today that the company would be launching two comedy channels, C-SPIN and C-SPUN.
written by Moose, 24 September 2010
Latest "pussy" rage hits UK, spraying it pink!
The UK has been hit by the latest "pussy" rage and everybody who has one is spraying it in a different colour, most popular is pink and even Gays who love their pussies? are doing it???????
written by unknown
Elmo Caught Upskirting Katy Perry on Sesame Street
HOLLYWOOD, CA - After the Katy Perry video was pulled from Sesame St., it was discovered that Elmo had secretly upskirted Katy with his cell-phone during the taping and uploaded the video to YouToob.
written by Moose, 24 September 2010
Democrats Throw Barney Frank Under the Anti-Gay Bus
In an effort to regain traction in the upcoming midterm elections, Congressional Democrats threw Congressman Barney Frank under the Anti-Gay Bus, driven by Republican Senator Saxby Chambliss.
written by Moose, 24 September 2010
Celebrity peacocks like Russell Brand and Pete Wentz fuel a rise in the use of manscara and guyliner.
Cosmetic house hits back with powdermuff and clitstick.
written by Thibarine, 24 September 2010
Commonwealth Games cancelled
In breaking news, the Commonwealth Games in Delhi, India, have been cancelled and shifted to the backyard of Mr and Mrs Wil Huddart of Lambing Grove, Sussex. The Huddarts have only nine days to ready.
written by whatinthe world, 24 September 2010
David Beckham's lawyers launch worldwide hunt for hooker in hiding.
Interpol are starting at the X Factor mansion.
written by Thibarine, 24 September 2010
Police seize 23 million euro from Vatican bank in suspected laundering scam.
It costs a lot of money to keep those robes white, says Pope's aide.
written by Thibarine, 24 September 2010
Montana woman sees off a black bear by lobbing a courgette at its head.
Her log cabin currently surrounded by hungry grizzlies desperate for upmarket vegetables.
written by Thibarine, 24 September 2010
"Swinging" French housewife rushed to hospital after visiting nudist resort at Cap d'Agde
Blood tests revealed she had a nut allergy.
written by Thibarine, 24 September 2010
Athletes need not worry about terrorism or dengue fever at Commonwealth Games village, claim organisers in Delhi.
They should concentrate on the exposed wires lying in puddles of water instead.
written by Thibarine, 24 September 2010
The preparation for health cuts continues.
An NHS leaflet recommends taking thirty winks every afternoon.
written by matthatt, 24 September 2010
73% of Emperors of Ethiopia were Haile Selassie.
20% were Fairly Selassie. 7% weren't Selassie at all.
written by matthatt, 24 September 2010
Tears contain cancer cure
Sufferers advised to go home and cry.
written by Mercy Me, 24 September 2010
New 16-blade razor
New innovation ideal for today's faceless society
written by Mercy Me, 24 September 2010
Pen Pal Union Upholds E-mail Ban
The PP Union has signed a deal to use Post-Its for their twitter pen pal activities.
written by Guy Bellefonte, 24 September 2010
Come, Grow in God's Word and Love. Unless...
"Growing in God's word and love," says a sign outside a Lutheran church in (Insert name of pious, Republicany city here.) "Unless you're a dirty faggot. Then, you know, taste hellfire. Mazel-tov."
written by anthonyrosania, 24 September 2010
Aldi Vs. Lidi In North America?
Aldi Vs. Lidi In North America? Doubt it. Aldi is the grocery store that smells like old bananas and pee, where Central Americans wait for day-labor work, and no one's heard of Lidi. Shop Rite Wins!
written by anthonyrosania, 24 September 2010
