Locust plague threatens Australia's Dame Kiri Te Kanawa
Sure is getting personal for the fabled mezzo-soprano!
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
World's largest mining group calls for massive kangaroo cull in Australia
Er, make that 'carbon tax'!
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
US scientist 'sold nuclear secrets' about Vuvuzela
Unfortunately the entire op bombed at the World Cup in South Africa.
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Former Marxist gorilla may be Brazil's first woman president.
A but hairy, like, - the real pity's in the commie ideology though...
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Nick Clegg: Britain to spend £500m to fight malaria
Hunkers down and writes a stonking great big cheque to Cheryl Cole!
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Naomi Campbell: I was a doormat at war crimes trial
Everybody knows a blood diamond is a gal's best friend!
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
New 'iPhone app' to zap Jewish settlements in West Bank
International Space Station laser beam is trained on those pesky Palestinian bashers!
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Benjamin Netanyahu pushes for referendum on kosher ice cream
Cheapskate imports rumored to be from cloned halal bovine mammaries - yuck!
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Russia's witches and wizards face ad ban to protect Vlad The Impaler Putin
Fears they might hex his 2012 presidential chances!
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
David Irving claims Poland should be 'grateful' for his Nazi crap
The Holocaust denier says it helps Poland forget about its very own National Fascists Party (say no more...)
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
New fossil treasures discovered in California?
Nah, it's just Zsa Zsa Gabor and Nancy Reagan!
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Australian beach bans umbrellas and digging holes
And no more burying used condoms in endangered rock pools either!
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
ran blames America as military parade bombs
Back to those dumb missals again!
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Karzai takes manic depression pills says Woodward
Woodward takes cocaine, Karzai hit back!~
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
A garden fit for the Prince of Wales
Unexpected seizure strikes Charles as he talks to the rhododendrons again
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Aggressive and timid drivers blamed over jams
Polite drivers always get away with honey!
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Train company under fire over removing lavatories
Should have let the poor passengers finish doing their crap first...
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Cyclists and motorists do not want to share hookers, report finds
Er, maybe that should read 'road'?
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Scottish ministers given a year to snort university coke crisis
I blame the cuts says Glasgow crack dealer Hamish McSeptum!
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Saunders family watched video of barrister being shot dead
Neighbors said tonight that's pushing a macabre taste in DVDs out a bit too far for their liking...
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Jacques Chirac indicted for embezzlement
Bookies go even money a fatal coronary will halt the trial and elevate the old bastard to the Legion d'Honneur
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
British Isles 'worst place to live in Europe' says EU poll
Hell, at least we ain't got that wackjob Obama running things...
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
MI6 'used bodily fluids as invisible ink'
Unfortunately it took several years to find out the source of their supplies had actually been vasectomised many years previous!
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Horny dinosaur discovered!
Scientists at the British Museum have called him Wayne Rooney.
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Did Moses really part the Red Sea?
Kinda, but pre-global warming it was only ever a six inch puddle prone to drought...
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Germany bonkers for British cheese!
Health ministry blames Mad Cow Disease for soured lactate...
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Fallon named Tory Party deputy chairman
"WTF this mean?" says puzzled Frankie Dettori...
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Russia rules out supplying missals to Iran
"Get your own goddam prayer books, heathen!" Putin tells startled Ahmadinejad
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Beckham sues over NY prostitute claims
blames cheapskate Rooney-type copycat slappers for trying to cash in on the act.
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Vince Cable says bankers are all 'spivs and gamblers'
...announces retirement as an MP and joins board of Goldman Sax!
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Furious Obama 'wrote own Afghan exit strategy'
"God doesn't throw dice," Taleban elders have replied.
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Spoof Writer Comments On Vajazzling
Skoob said - Looks very nice and all that, but it still smells like a shit-house door made out of fish boxes.
written by Skoob1999, 22 September 2010
India cancel Commonwealth games, Rats & Cockroaches!
India has conceded defeat and cancelled the CW Games, but has come up with an alternative: Rat Races and the Cockroach C-Ol-Y-mpics. Participants are already training within the athletes complex!
written by unknown
Moses didn't part the waves in the Red Sea!
Millions of global believers in God and Moses (Jews too) are committing hari kari, scientists have proven it wasn't him who parted the waves it was the wind, their lives have been forever drowned !
written by unknown
F**king War of Words Breaks Out in God-Damned White House
A new book by legendary Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward paints Richard Holbrooke as "the most egotistical bastard I've ever met.", according to Vice President Joe Biden.
written by Moose, 22 September 2010
George Bush stars in next season of Glee
Apparently, producers were looking for someone who'd been out of touch with the world for the past ten years.
written by masterchev, 22 September 2010
5 minute drugs test 'tells kids if their parents use cocaine'
Boot's the other foot as hundreds of youngsters drawn to high-tech blackmail!
written by queen mudder, 22 September 2010
Senate votes to replace "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."
New policy: "Shut Up, Who Cares?"
written by Scoop Pynchon, 22 September 2010
Bruno Mars arrested for cocaine possession.
Ironically, he was listening to Freddy Mercury while driving his Saturn.
written by Scoop Pynchon, 22 September 2010
James Carville on the Tea Party movement: "It's a movement all right."
"You know what I'm talking about."
written by Scoop Pynchon, 22 September 2010
Christine O'Donnell: "I dabbled into rational thought."
"Back in college...I had thoughts of expressing sexual desires, helping the less fortunate, that sort of thing. It's not for me."
written by Scoop Pynchon, 22 September 2010
Ben Bernanke at UFC 121
Bernanke: "I'm prepared to provide additional accommodation if necessary - whatever it takes. If it means putting a ground and pound attack on Brock Lesnar, hey, I'll do that too. He's got my belt."
written by John Cavanagh, 22 September 2010
Moyes develops new tactics following defeat to Brentford
"I think this proves that we need all the help we can get. I think I'll set up an 8-1-1 formation."
written by masterchev, 22 September 2010
GPS sends citizen "out of this world".
A Redding resident has told of a strange experience when her in-vehicle GPS navigation system lead her to the planet Venus. "I couldn't believe it" she said "I ended up on this weird planet." Sure!!
written by whatinthe world, 22 September 2010
Right-Winged Fairies
Senate Republicans blow it for gay soldiers hoping to see an end to "don't ask, don't tell" policy as Democrats fall 4 votes shy of 60 needed to break GOP filibuster. Filibusters are so gay.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 22 September 2010
