2012 GOP race looks open and unpredictable
2012 GOP policy looks closed and predictable.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 September 2010
Her "brand" of music videos
Russell Brand arrested for attacking paparazzi. Katy Perry: "If you put a lens up my skirt, my fiance will do his job & protect me." Perry's next music video will be shot upskirt with a similar lens.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 September 2010
Knocked the stuffing out of him
Mike Pence top conservative pick for president at Values Voter Summit in Washington (24%), over Mike Huckabee (22%), and Mitt Romney (13%). New straw poll to be conducted from Romney's remains.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 September 2010
Succor vs. soccer
Roma, gypsy organisations in letter to French President Sarkozy: "The poor people you have expelled don't snort coke or watch 'pornographie exotique,' and they almost never drink South African wine!"
written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 September 2010
NYC resident: "You gonna finish that?"
President Barack Obama will join 140 Heads of State and Government at a lavish dinner in the most expensive city in America before they attend a U.N. General Assembly summit to discuss poverty.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 September 2010
The mechanics of a win
Republicans should have expected Christine O'Donnell to get the checkered flag in Delaware Senate race when a statewide poll revealed she was the candidate most voters would trust to change their oil.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 September 2010
Double, double, toil and trouble
Christine O'Donnell uses previous witchcraft experience to conjure up Republican nomination for Senate - normally they don't allow candidates who struggle with tuition bills and shop at Wallmart.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 September 2010
Sir Alan Sugar to go to fancy-dress party as "Dog The Bounty Hunter"
Sir Alan,creator of The Apprentice and the worst PCs in "use" today said "It was that or John Culshaw"
written by Nick Ers, 18 September 2010
"He's a real jerk off."
Delaware's Tea Party-backed Republican anti-masturbation candidate for Senate Christine O'Donnell explains why she won't be joining Bill Maher for an interview on RealTime.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 September 2010
Martin Luther, Jr.
Delaware Tea Party Senate nominee Christine O'Donnell (R) cancels plans to appear on Sunday morning talk shows so she can go to church, attend after-church picnic, post 95 theses on Senate door.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 September 2010
Jarvis Cocker explains delay in new Pulp material.
Pulp frontman Jarvis Cocker tweeted the reason for the delay in new material was due to the fact that he fell down a grid in the street near his house in North London.
written by Nick Ers, 18 September 2010
PETA confirms actual name.
Animal "rights" gobshites yesterday confirmed their acronym actually means Please Eat These Animals.
written by Nick Ers, 18 September 2010
Army announces "Intelligent Bullets" refuse to be fired.
The British Army,which has deployed so-called "Smart Bullets" in Afghanistan,are frustrated by them refusing to fire.The bullets said "We're pacifists"
written by Nick Ers, 18 September 2010
Blowing a wad on a trip to the US
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to attend yet another UN General Assembly meeting in NYC. Insiders say he likes the Times Square peep show token arcade, where he secretly watches gay porn.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 September 2010
Breaking new ground in US-Iran relations
Iran frees American hiker Sarah Shourd, detained since July 2009. Arrival in the United States after hike home expected in December 2011.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 September 2010
At a loss for words
During rambling Iowa speech that lasted 33 minutes, Sarah Palin fails to announce candidacy for presidency. Video footage reveals notes on Palin's palm smeared by handshakes before speech.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 18 September 2010
Prince Philip rejects Pope's advances
Prince Philip has exchanged internet interests. In a Brief interlude of the Popes schedule Prince Philip believed in corporal punishment the Pope is for more tactile approach.
written by stantheman, 18 September 2010
Tales of a Ex PM
Attention
Tony Blair has been seen loitering around the Houses of Parliament looking for a interview so far no one has recognised him
written by stantheman, 18 September 2010
Top Gear Pope-iness
Pope to drive BBC Top Gear's "Reasonably Priced Car"
written by Nick Ers, 18 September 2010
Al Gore Acquires Klingon Weapon Technology
NASHVILLE, TN - Al Gore has acquired Klingon Disruptor technology that he plans to use in his fight against global-warming" skeptics.
written by Moose, 18 September 2010
ABC News Makes Drastic Cuts - Will Anyone Notice?
NEW YORK, NY - Before ABC News President David Westin officially stepped down, he announced that they are laying off the entire staff and will replace them with CGI-animations and images.
written by Moose, 18 September 2010
Pope asked by a mens magazine which grooming products he uses.
....candy and Jesus juice
written by matthatt, 18 September 2010
Study Concludes Media Outlets Need More Fact Checkers
Media outlets respond: "What's a fact checker?"
written by manbrad, 18 September 2010
