Tweety Bird All A-twitter
Famed cartoon character Tweety Bird proudly celebrates the hatching of his son, ReTweety.
written by Sharon Diane King, 15 September 2010
Tooth Fairy Goes Upscale!
Bluetooth Fairy found tucking gifts of iPhone 4's under rich children's pillows.
written by Sharon Diane King, 15 September 2010
POPE B - LAUGH? IF ONLY
Pope Bendadick = (long think)......... nope, can't think of anything funny about the evil old bastard apart from his name.
written by marlow, 15 September 2010
2005 Empty Shelf!
2005 Heisman Trophy award to remain vacant. "No one good enough that year", says committee.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Democracy In Action?
No time to play 'games' with tax cuts, Obama says. "We agree', say GOP. "So leave them alone. People need jobs not more taxes!"
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Cloned Animals In Most Shops Soon
Clone food 'in all our shops within two years' watchdog reveals. It's either that or becoming a vegan.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Riots Will Develope
'Don't be ridiculous': Home Secretary tells police they CAN make cuts safely after riot warning. "I hope they riot around her house", states one policeman.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Move Your Troubles To Someone Else
'Inexcusable' failures left rogue technician free to go from hospital to hospital sexually assaulting women under anaesthetic. Sounds like the priest's situation.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Pope Faces Atheists!
Pope faces atheist hate campaign in UK after top German aide says: 'When you land at Heathrow you think you're in a Third World country'. "Just don't be surrounded by a lot of priests."
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Police: Naked Woman Steals Taxi
Police in Liverpool say a woman disrobed in the back seat of a taxi and demanded that the driver "take her home". When the driver failed to understand what she wanted, she stole his cab.
written by Moose, 15 September 2010
More New Taxes
WVA considers tax on food at drive-thrus, Kentucky a tax on knife trading and Tennessee a tax on playing the banjo!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Need To Cut Somewhere Else
Chicago cops plan massive protest against manpower shortages. Ask City officials if they want gang rule like the 1930's.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Consumers Screwed Again
Bank of America warns of new fees after financial reforms go in place!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
"Like Watching Paint Dry!"
General Petraeus Concedes War in Afghanistan Could Take Another 10 Years! We may as well give Russia another try against Taliban.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Unless It's Marijuana
NYC to try banning smoking in parks and beaches. Smokers want proof smoke breathed by others!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
New Boss, Same As Old Boss!
US troops continue combat missions in Iraq, despite Obama's end-of-war speech. Good thing he didn't parachute onto a warship!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Helping Fund Programs
California medical marijuana dispensary to sell pot-flavored ice cream, potsickles!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Bet It Felt Bigger!
The airport screener arrested for assaulting a coworker who taunted him about the size of his penis after his genitalia was exposed by a full-body scanner, told police that he snapped.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Government Sounding Panicky!
Gov't say banks should share FANNIE, FREDDIE costs. Banks, so you can bankrupt us also?
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Greenspan On His Way Out?
Greenspan supports raising taxes, letting Bush tax cuts expire, freeing the rabbits of Tibet!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
No One Trusting Government
POLL: Only 25% of public trusts government, up 5% over last year.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Tea Party VS Beer Conference
'Tea party' favorites score in DE, NY. 'Beer Conference' favorites gain some nominations also!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
White House Wants More Spending
White House sends spending wish list to Congress. Congress sends message "We haven't paid off the last 20 yet!"
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Payback At The Ballot Box!
Blue-collar, unemployed and seeing red. Say they're voting red state every chance they get!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
"I'm In Mexico I Reckon! UmmHmmm"
Tropical storm Karl hits Mexico's Yucatan. Kills one Doyle Hargraves!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Storm Hits Mexico
Typical storm Karl hits Mexico's Yucatan. I'm sorry. That should be "Tropical" Storm Karl!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Agree On Something!
Clinton: This is a moment that must be seized! PLO and Israeli reps together: "Gesunheit!"
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
I SAID PEACE! P-E-A-C-E!
Peace talks continued today in Jerusalem between the PLO and Israel, although it was hard to be heard over the shelling from Hezbollah and Israeli plane bombardments.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Pregnant Nun sucking a choco Flake ice cream is banned!
An advertisement depicting a pregnant Nun sucking a choccy flake has been banned, not because of the pregnant Nun, non, but because the Flake was not an Italian one, could it have been Jamaican?
written by unknown
Senate clears way for Obama's small 'package'
WASHINGTON, DC - The Senate on Tuesday advanced Obama's 'package' for small business but failed to relieve millions of companies from the fear of being 'f*cked in the ass' by the federal government.
written by Moose, 15 September 2010
Working While Being Sick
Working while sick? Study finds even doctors and old flashers do it.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Many Still Think They Came By Storks
CDC: One-third of sex ed omits birth control. "Students enjoy the fun part first", says teacher.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Tiger Land?
Study: To save tigers, protect key breeding areas Like "Tiger Girls Want Some! area in Africa.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Forced To Loan To Low Income By Gov. To Begin With!
Regulator says banks slow to buy back bad loans that government regulators forced them to loan.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
First Things First
After blast, DOT seeks tougher pipeline oversight. In order to do that, first we'll need to dig them all up!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Do You Mean Bummer?
Dems gamble by shifting fire from Bush to Boehner. Brings instant results: "Who or what's a Boehner?"
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Who's A Family?
Who's a family? New study tracks shifting US views. "Different strokes for different folks".
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Massive Fish Kill
Massive fish kill reported in Louisiana. BP says they had noticed some suicidal tendencies.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Boeing Tears Down Old Building
Boeing tearing down historic Plant 2. Captured UFO sneaked out after dark.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Stocks Unstable
Stocks waffle after mixed news coming from the Waffle House!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
New Signal Installed
Lovers Lane to get new traffic signal to warn lover's that somebody might be coming.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Cornhole Tourney Coming Up!
Cornhole tourney to help at-risk kids. Police watching the crowds for priests.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Does Anyone Give A Used Food Product?
Fashion Week 2010: Is white the new black? Is square the new round? Is tomato the new to-matt-to?
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
A Real Turd!
Al-Qaeda No. 2 criticizes Pakistani government in new tape. "Why should we listen to #2", says Pakistan? "He's a real turd."
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Who's That Helping Iraqi Troops?
US-Iraqi raid on Fallujah kills 7 two weeks after President Obama's announcement that all combat troops have left Iraq.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Not Off To A Good Start
Militants launched mortar shells into Israel and Israeli jets bombed targets in Gaza on Wednesday, just as Israeli and Palestinian leaders held peace talks in Jerusalem!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Triple Agent?
Famed civil rights photographer doubled as FBI informant, tripled by informing Martin Luther King.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Oh Well, We Enjoyed Our Six Months Off
States cutting benefits for public-sector retirees. Private companies doing the same. Many retirees returning to work raising unemployment rates.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
They're Following Earl
Hurricanes Igor, Julia, Karl all making waves but probably going nowhere.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Got A Tea Party & Everything
BP's Hayward to testify to UK lawmakers on spill. "The colonists are acting up."
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Palin Pumping Politicians
Another strong primary night for Palin-backed politicians! "Now who's the loser?"
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Lady Gaga Gets 'Deli Order' Tweet From Senate Leader Harry Reid
In addition to setting the fashion world on fire with her meat dress , Lady Gaga also got some serious deli business done.
written by Moose, 15 September 2010
Fish & Chips Tastier Than Chips & Fish
Similar results found for toast on beans.
written by Mercy Me, 15 September 2010
A Sweet One #4
Scientists complete cacao genome mapping. Imagine, hundreds of candy bars with no calories!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
A Sweet One #3
Scientists complete cacao genome mapping. New candy bars that don't cause pimples just over the horizon?
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
A Sweet One #2
Scientists complete cacao genome mapping. See the possibility of 1,000 chocolate bar variations!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
A Sweet One!
Scientists complete cacao genome mapping. Mars bars more fun that Mars planet.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Woman Like Chill Guys
Why Women Prefer 'Chill' Guys! "They're saving it up for the bedroom."
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Sarkozy's office hits back!
Sarkozy's office hits back at criticism on Gypsies: "WillYOU provide a home for them?"
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Afghan Protests Continue
Afghan police fire to clear Quran-burning protest. Protesters say they got nothing else to do. "We'll quit once we have jobs."
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Cell Phone Tracking Device #3
Have Cell Phones Become Personal Tracking Devices? "Hello! I wouldn't do that if I were you."
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Cell Phone Tracking Devices #2
Have Cell Phones Become Personal Tracking Devices? "Hello! We know what you did last summer!"
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Cell Phone Tracking Devices.
Have Cell Phones Become Personal Tracking Devices? "Hello, this is your Uncle Sam!"
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Max Sentence Urged #2
US seeks max sentence for ex-Guatemalan soldier, now catching chickens in Arkansas. "What can be a worse punishment than this?", he asks.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Max Sentence Urged
US seeks max sentence for ex-Guatemalan soldier, now catching chickens in Arkansas.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
It's Time To Change Again
Christine O'Donnell: 'We're in this to win big''Time for a change..another change!'
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Obama Instructs Students #4
Obama tells students to work hard, dream big, always keep your nose in the air!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Obama Instructs Students #3
Obama tells students to work hard, dream big, vote for me in 2012!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Obama Instructs Students #2
Obama tells students to work hard, dream big, pray to Ali three times a day.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Obams Instructs Students
Obama tells students to work hard, dream big. Say "Yes We Can!" at morning, noon and night.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Who's A Family
Who's a family? New study tracks shifting US views. Grinch says we're all the same, us Whos.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Who's A Family?
Who's a family? New study tracks shifting US views. Appeal to native Americans to sort us out.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
BP Sounding Like Iran Leader
Massive fish kill reported in Louisiana. BP says they're not there.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
History Changing Daily
Ernest Withers, Famed civil rights photographer doubled as FBI informant. Benedict Arnold spied for US during Revolutionary War. Daniel Boon missed that 'bar' that he wrote about on the tree.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
We Shall Return The Favor
States cutting benefits for public-sector retirees. Public sector retirees promise wide voting against state officials.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Obama For The UN?
Obama widely approval outside US, widely disapproval in the US.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
GOP Focus On Economy
As Congress returns, GOP to focus on economy as someone has to be.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Divited We Fall?
House Dems deeply divided over Obama tax cut plan. GOP deeply divided over Tea Party. America deeply divided!
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Big night For Tea Party
Mad Hatter wins big. Message: Everyone's tired of same old lamb dressed as mutton.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
Big night For Tea Party
Big night for tea party: O'Donnell wins Delaware. Dormouse upsets favorite.
written by Bureau, 15 September 2010
George Michael goes to prison at last!
George Michael has been sentenced to prison and he just can't wait.
"A holiday in the sun," he said and all of those lovely hairy bums in the shower, YAHOO!
written by unknown
After His Cloths Come Out Of Dryer, Man Finds Money
He was later arrested for money laundering.
written by Nik Voelz, 15 September 2010
American Economy 2.0 Update Ready For Download
Now you can have a much improved functioning American economy. This software update will address all of the problems users encountered in the first edition..Oh wait...no...it's still a little glichy.
written by Nik Voelz, 15 September 2010
