New England Perfect Weather
Perfect weather sparks New England tourism rebound, unless Earl show his ass at the last minute!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
NYC Pissed Over Mosque
NY Muslim groups decry hostile atmosphere. Demand the section around Ground Zero as their own.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
So What's Going On In DC?
Hamas leader rejects talks with Israel. So does al-Qaida, Taliban, Iran, Syria, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, etc. Just the PLO, might.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Illegal Immigrant Problem To Settle Itself
Number of illegal immigrants in US now declining as more and more jobs disappear. "By the depression, they'll be 90% gone", states President.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
US Forces Still Fighting!
US forces still in fight at end of combat mission. Hence it's not the end of combat mission.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Catching Everyone By Surprise!
Labor Day weekend will see more holiday travelers, AAA says!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
A Little Late
Avoid These 5 Major Money Mistakes! Rule #1: Avoid Bernie Madoff!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Paris No Longer Wanted!
Hilton banned from Wynn resorts after Vegas arrest. "That should be punishment enough", say her lawyers.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
The Grand Old Tea Party?
Is the tea party becoming the new Grand Old Party? Most think it already has.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Freedoms Flying Away?
'Don't tread on me' flag starts disputes around the country. "The next think you know the US Government will tell us how to hold our peckers to piss."
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Another Freedom Gone?
An Arizona man is in trouble with his homeowners' association over flying the Gadsden flag, which features a coiled rattlesnake and the words "Don't Tread on Me." "What now? No freedom to fly a flag?"
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Earl Unpredictable!
Island evacuations start as Earl nears East Coast as Earl might come in Early!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Scientist Reverses Course
Noted anti-global-warming scientist reverses course, asks not to be noted!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Mideast Peace In Our Time!
Obama: Mideast peace moment 'must be seized'. Iran: But they don't exist!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Operation New Dawn
OPERATION NEW DAWN: THE IRAQ WAR GOES ON! Just ask 50,000 soldiers still there.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
No To Meeting!
HISS AT BIG SIS: Texas governor turns down meeting with Napolitano. "I'm gonna stay a burr in their saddles!"
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Militant Killed
Overpopulation Environmental Militant Killed by Police at Discovery Channel Headquarters. Well, We've reduced it by one!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
What A Coincidence?
Sarah Palin has somehow found herself in Iowa. "I was going to Florida from New York", she stated, "and I somehow found myself here."
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Lobbyists Gearing Up!
Lobbyists all set for influencing fall elections as soon as they come back after Labor Day.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
If You Leave, The Leave!
Even Democrats in Washington say that the US policy in Iraq leaves the soldiers left behind there at risk.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Iran's Macho Stand
Iran taking on the finishing touches to their nuclear facilities: "That's right, we're bad!"
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Me, I'm Retiring
Paul the Octopus predicts Not only will Brett Favre be in the NFL Hall Of Fame but the Liars Hall Of Fame, Also!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Cooner's Report
A coroner says a Central California doctor whose decomposing body was found in the chimney of her boyfriend's house died of the flu.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Obama Hurries Speech
Biggest surprise on President's speech last night? When he stated, "Gotta hurry this thing up, we leave on vacation in the morning."
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Goodbar Brilybob?
New Findings: Gingko Biloba Doesn't Improve Memory in Elderly! Most couldn't even pronounce it!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Cloning Woolly Mammoth
Japanese Scientists to Clone Woolly Mammoth for Siberian Wildlife Park, ivory tusks.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
The Good Time Girls!
Playboy announces that their next issue will feature your neighborhood goo-time girls, from all 50 states!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Convicted Money Launderer
Found guilty by jury, convicted money launderer will have new ten year job in prison doing...Guess what?
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Druglords Will Eat These Alive
AZ asks for 3,000 Nat'l Guardsmen; gets 30. "You see how much help you get from the President when you really need it", Says Governor. "We'd rather you sent FEMA"
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
History Channel Lockdown
Man armed with guns, explosives storms History Channel building. Reportedly yelling, "You're all history!"
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
History Channel Attack
Man armed with guns, explosives storms History Channel building apparently looking for Hitler!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
University Challenge: apology
The kebabs eaten by Ellis Ian and Mrs Fields while viewing the show were a Jamie Oliver recipe, not Nigella Lawson as stated.
EIF apologises for any distress this error may have caused.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 01 September 2010
Secon-Hand Munchies
Study concludes that some kids are obese from eating munchies after breathing parents second-hand marijuana smoke.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Taliban Recall Ordered
National recall of all Taliban canned products is announced. Could contain opium.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Tony Blair an alcoholic, it's official!
Tony blair has admitted what we all already know he's a "piss artist" and doesn't regret a thing especially thumping the shit out of Iraq and his loving relationship with George Bush!
written by unknown
Can't Believe Anything We Say
Congressional investigators are questioning lawmakers for possibly misspending government funds meant to pay for overseas travel, according to people familiar with the matter, not us at TheSpoof.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
GM Down 25%
Government Motors Sales Fall 25% as Economy Crimps Buyers..as does everything else the government takes part in.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Nightmare On Iraqi Street
Tony Blair says he did not foresee Iraq 'nightmare'. How about the Soviet Union 'Nightmare' in Afghanistan?
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Had To Balance It Out!
Study: CEOs who axed the most employees in businesses also made the most cash.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
That's One Big Egg, Mama!
Federal agents descend on egg farms for 2nd time. This time, at least all the buzzard eggs had been removed.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Sleep Depraved?
Sleep-Depraved Teens May Pay a Hefty Price! I'm sorry, that should be "Sleep-Deprived".
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Where's The Windmills
Not a light bulb's worth of solar electricity has been produced on the millions of acres set aside for it. Not 1 project to build new solar farms has even started. DC Windbags only talk about it!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Many Still In Iraq
Troops, families glad to hear end to Iraq combat but ask that the 50,000 soldiers still in Iraq know that, and to leave.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Yumpin' Yemeni!
Lawyer: Yemeni suspect denies any terror link. "It was all a misunderstanding!"
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Where Will Their Pay Come From?
Private sector sheds 10,000 jobs in August, over 37,000 in July. Government is the only ones hiring, it seems.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Tried For Treason?
Sweden reopens WikiLeaks founder rape investigation. WikiLeaks on shit list now for years.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Midwest Recession Fears
Midwest survey suggests major recession fears, real number of unemployed counting those who have given up, at 15-20%!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
You Have Convinced Me!
Noted anti-global-warming scientist reverses course after finding all five tires, including, melted.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Israelis Will Get Quick Call
Israel now has a warning system that will calculate where a rocket will hit and send a message to residents' phones. "You're in the target area, DUCK!!"
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Key To A Happy Marriage
A recent poll shows that the more ups and downs a marriage has the longer it lasts. So the key to a good marriage is having lots of ups & downs.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Clemens Condemned At Hearing
Congressmen interviewing Roger Clemens about steroids say that he lied earlier during another hearing before them. And, if it's one thing they can't stand, it's a liar!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Obama In New Orleans
President Obama in New Orleans Monday for the fifth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. "FEMA is on the way!"
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Juror Talks About Trial!
Facebook post gets Detroit-area juror in hot water. "I think I'll ignore all the evidence just to be different."
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Farming Emeralds?
NC farm produces emerald shaped into massive gem! Whole county switches from soybeans to treasure digging.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Says He's 100% Sure, Maybe
Noted anti-global-warming scientist reverses course. Says he's now anti-anti-global-warming, but could change mind again.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
"Long Range Indeed!"
Obama opens long-shot talks on Mideast peace. Term 'long range' describes nuclear missiles perfectly.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
War In Iraq Continues
Obama: US combat in Iraq over, 'time to turn page'. 50,000 troops say "That's what HE thinks!"
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Women On Top!
Workplace Salaries: At Last, Women on Top in places other than brothels.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Supreme Court Bound!
Feds file new Arizona immigration lawsuit, this time to protect illegal workers.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Won't Last Long In Prison
A former Texas football player & petty street dealer who rose to become one of Mexico's most savage assassins says he personally knew the country's top drug lords & shipped cocaine. It's over now.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Judge Rules Against Voters
Florida voters can't strip down Obama health-care bill, judge rules. "Then we'll refuse to pay. See if they can lock up 10 million people", say opponents.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Health Care Strike Coming?
Florida voters can't strip down Obama health-care bill, judge rules. Many now say they won't pay.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Major Tea-Party Win!
Sen. Murkowski's defeat marks major tea party win, according to Dormouse!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Blair says fox-hunting ban was a mistake
at the time they were convinced foxes had WMDs
written by matthatt, 01 September 2010
Juror In Hot Water
Facebook post gets Detroit-area juror in hot water. "And so, Dear Abbey, what do you recommend that I vote?"
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
You Need Exercise
Exercise cuts genetic obesity risk by 40 percent: study. However, laziness also in same families!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
What's Up Doc?
Cops: Kentucky doctor gets stuck in chimney, dies. Apparently he was practicing playing Santa for grandchildren in December.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Huge Emerald Found In Corn Field
An emerald so large it's being compared with the crown jewels of Russian empress Catherine the Great was pulled from a pit near corn rows at a NC farm. People slipping in for night digs being ran off.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Can't Make Up His Mind?
Noted anti-global-warming scientist reverses course on global warming. But now claims it's the global humidity.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Long-Shot Talks Begin On Middle-East
Obama opens long-shot talks on Mideast peace. Meanwhile the short shots are continuing.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Glad We Could Help!
US enters final phase of Iraq war, the leaving of the people to defend themselves in civil war!
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Earl Heading Towards NC!
NC vacation island to be cleared as Earl nears, maybe all of east Carolina if Earl gets it into his head to frighten some of the good old boys in the region.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Obesity is not avoidable for all...
... fat bastards can't outrun it.
written by matthatt, 01 September 2010
It's Not Mine!
"People follow me around planting cocaine on me", claims Paris Hilton.
written by Bureau, 01 September 2010
Heavy Drinkers Live Longer?
People abstaining from alcohol have a higher mortality than heavy drinkers. J Smith (550 lbs) had 1 oz of Rye a day, passed away at 47. J Jones (150 lbs) had 1 qt of Rye a day, passed away at 97.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 September 2010
Bug Found in NYC Building
A 30 ton bedbug crawled out of the site where a Mosque is to be built at "Ground Zero." Mayor Bloomberg called for calm, asking Christians, Jews & Muslims to come together bearing spray cans of Raid!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 September 2010
You Have Rights to Compensation
Have you or a loved one been infected with Obamaitis, through no fault of your own? Call the legislative offices of Boehner and McConnell at 1-800-GOP-VOTE for a free consultation about compensation.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 September 2010
Time Tables
House Speaker Pelosi wants to get our troops out of Afghanistan by July 2011. The American public wants to get Speaker Pelosi out of the US House by January 2011.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 September 2010
Hurricane Season
Hurricane Biden reported to have stalled off of Cuba because of a foot-in-mouth obstruction. Sorry that is, Hurricane Biden has stalled off of Cuba because of turbulence in the eye.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 September 2010
A Job Well Done
A major thrust of President Obama's speech from the Oval Office and at Ft. Bliss TX was to honor the service of U.S. troops and civilian workers in Iraq. Hoorah!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 September 2010
The New Iraqi Government
Presidential Press Secretary Gibbs said President Obama hopes that any new Iraqi government will model itself after his administration. A loud "oh shit we blew it" was heard from former VP Cheney!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 September 2010
Secretary of Obama's Defense
Presidential Press Secretary Gibbs says he cannot foresee a circumstance where the US would have to send combat troops back to Iraq. A loud "oh shit who is this bozo" was heard from former VP Cheney!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 September 2010
Political Golf
President Obama, while on vacation, driving his golf cart was told by the Secret Service to take a right at the club house. The president replied "you mean my other left!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 September 2010
Executive Suite
Fortune 500 company CEO's agree that if President Obama were part of their management team, he would be part of the first wave of junior executive layoffs during the current recession!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 01 September 2010
