Punked By Bigfoot!
Captured Bigfoot in Canada admits that they are the ones spooking us with the UFO's. They're actually the last of once flourishing earth Wookies.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Simply Amazing! What Next?
New online chat rooms possible in 2011 where you actually hear the person's voice right there in your own home. Also rings to let you know your new friend is calling you.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Unmentionable Congress Gets $20,000 More
Congress apparently voted itself a $20,000 raise right before recess we hear this morning. "For most of us, it was for severance pay", states one who asked that his name not be mentioned.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Best Chicken Wings In The US
Buffalo, New York has the best chicken wings in the nation according to a new food guide. Who would have thought?
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Saudi Swimmer Drowns at Arab Games
A female swimmer in the 200 yard breast stroke drowned today at the Arab Games when her Burka became waterlogged and she sank.
written by Xavier, 07 October 2010
Half Inflated Sex Dolls Made Illegal
A new law bans people from having half inflated rubber sex dolls. A Government spokesman said the law was to stop paedophiles have half inflated, half-size sex dolls.
written by Xavier, 07 October 2010
Aleksandr Orlov Didn't Die Sniffing Widdicome's Knickers
Aleksandr Orlov is alive! We understand that it was a look-alike meerkat who succombed to the stench of the Widdicome whities which we described in an earlier report.
written by Xavier, 07 October 2010
Copycat Crime
First it was a pussy that was thrown in a wheelie bin, now someone's cock has been thrown in one. The two incidents are not connected.
written by IN SEINE, 07 October 2010
A New Commonwealth Games Stroke
12 British swimmers took part in what is called "The NEW Delhi Belly Flop"
written by IN SEINE, 07 October 2010
Obama Family Vacations!
Those Obama family vacations are #21 on the list of nation's costliest expensive for 2010. Right behind Congress and Senate vacations.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Wouldn't Take Long
Some parents say they WOULD pick vegetables if migrants were sent home. Typical remark: "I'd pick all the veggies my kids would eat."
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
We've Been There, Heard That
According to poll, 75% of voters may not vote next month. Both Democrats and Republicans refuse to swallow that old chestnut.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
US Prez Jealous!
Israel gives notice that they will not give up houses on the West Bank. "President Obama simply jealous of our being able to sell houses here", says Netanyahu.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Deutsche U Boat surfaces on the Northern Canal, UK, is this WWIII?
A German U boat surfaced on the Northern Canal, UK today and gave many unemployed, very pissed anglers a heart attack, they thought WWIII had started, damn Krauts!
written by unknown
"Two Will Do!"
Don't expect us to pay benefits for unlimited babies, says minister - big families won't be supported on welfare as "Two Will Do" policy set to begin.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
The Bedbug Astoria
Bedbugs Strike at WALDORF ASTORIA. Keep customers up all night. Makes their salad taste different.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Indian Minister Mrs. Dikshit thinks New Zealand is "crap"!
Delhi minister Mrs Dikshit branded New Zealand a bunch of racists and full of "crap" and they agreed. The Maoris didn't and have bombarded Indian take-aways with buckets of real dickshit!
written by unknown
Micky D's Workers Screwed Again
MCDONALD'S, 29 other firms get ObamaCare waivers. Wally World may be next. That's a lot of voters, Mr. President.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Condoms Clog Drains
Condoms clog Commonwealth Games village drains fittingly as Games pretty much screwed up!
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Two-Faced Politicians
Blumenthal, McMahon two-face off in second debate. Sorry, that should be 'to face off'.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
GM Recalls 4,000 Cadillacs
Government Motors recalls 4,000 Cadillac SRXs over power steering as steering wheel sometimes comes off in your hands which 'might possibly create a problem.'
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Pay The Piper
Everyone hates the deficit - but likes the spending. Love the alcohol but hate the hangovers.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Gang Apprehended
Gang that held up Universal Bank in Trenton, New Jersey tracked down after one of them loses his theft ring.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Physician Caught Doctoring
Physician in Little Rock, Arkansas accused of doctoring his patient's medical records to double his money.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Oprah Outed
MICHELLE Obama NAMED 'WORLD'S MOST POWERFUL WOMAN'! Oprah Winfrey tickled to death over event...or so she says while breaking a tooth.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Other Countries Still Using Deep-Sea Drilling
Cuba, Bahamas push ahead with offshore oil plans while the US still sits on the barbwire fence.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Less Pay For The Shoppers
Tax-Table Delays May Dent Paychecks just in time for holiday spending. Meanwhile congress still took vacation...many hope for good in November.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Global Ignorance
Scientists found that a decline in the Sun's activity did not lead as expected to a cooling of the Earth, a surprise finding that has contributed still more egg on their face.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Hurricane Predictions Blown!
FORECASTERS BLOW IT For Third Straight year: Despite dire predictions, hurricane season remains benign for USA. Weather Channel go back into reruns.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Fear Only Fear Itself
Greenspan: FEAR undermines America's recovery. That and Obama spending 13 trillion dollars.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Sludge On Drudge
The Drudge Report claims that the Sludge Report from Hungary isn't telling the whole truth.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Ricci Hides Nurse?
Christina Ricci hides her nurse in Broadway debut. I'm sorry, that should be her 'nerves'.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Drug Sales To Increase
Data firm sees 2011 drug sales rising 5-7 percent, alcohol over 10 percent due to bad economy.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Ban On Sugary Drinks
NY seeks to ban sugary drinks from food stamp buys. Meantime, low attendance casinos say that they are welcome there.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Facebook Improvements
Facebook offers new way to sort friends, copy info, hound unpopular teens to death.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
"Yeah, They Hit A Tree!"
Russian spacecraft damaged during transportation according to shade tree rocket mechanic.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Hangnail Patients Disagree
Scientists see new never-before seen bugs, frogs in Papua New Guinea. However, group on medical marijuana in California say they're pretty common in their homes there. Just hard to get hold of.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
New Noble Prize Winner
Mario Vargas Llosa wins Nobel literature prize, once again edging out our Skoob.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Food Stamp Crackdown #2
NY seeks to ban sugary drinks from food stamp buys. Also sweet pickles.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Food Stamp Crackdown!
NY seeks to ban sugary drinks from food stamp buys. Also use of legal tender for prostitutes.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Economy Has Ups & Downs
Suburbs take hit as US poverty climbs in downturn over uphill battle for those at the bottom of the scale.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
After Campaigns, Plans A Vacation
Obama to campaign in Maryland, Illinois! Michelle's mother apparently still running White House!
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Will Be Strictly Enforced
NY seeks to ban sugary drinks from food stamp buys but OK's purchases of unsweetened drinks, sugar.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Anti-Bully Laws Needed!
New Mexico senator calls for anti-bully law after suicide. He suddenly appears in a midst at Senate Building during a conference.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Tech Brings Stress
Poll: Technology connects students, brings stress. "Much harder to pass math exam when you've just received a call that your girlfriend is pregnant", says one.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Two New Languages Discovered
Undocumented language found hidden in India. Another on old episodes of "Taxi" TV show with actor Andy Kaufman.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Tougher On Immigration
U.S. deports record number of illegal immigrants in 2010. Thus far the numbers are over 100.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Eating Everything In It's Path
Hungry red sludge spill has reached Danube: MTI. I'm sorry, that should be Hungary!
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Talks Not Serious?
Palestinian sees no serious talks with Netanyahu. Israeli leader asked not to bring whoopee cushions, seltzer bottle by Sec of State Clinton.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
NATO Apologizes
NATO eyes Pakistan supply resumption after apology after accidentally killing hundreds of civilians. "Our bad", states UN Secretary.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Sick Swimmers
Warmup pool blamed for sick swimmers at Commonwealth Games.
Also, leeches.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Coleman's Death An Accident
Police have confirmed that "Diff'rent Strokes" actor Gary Coleman's death has been ruled an accident.Thus ruining all the wild stories planned by the tabloids.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Yoga Not Christian?
Southern Baptist leader on yoga: Not Christianity. The same goes for Christmas trees for that matter.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Hopeful This Time
AP sources: All hopeful Mideast talks can go on and on and on and on.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Too Many Chiefs?
Taliban commander, 7 others killed in NATO attack. That's the 208th Commander this year.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Tornadoes In Arizona
4 tornadoes tear across N. Arizona, damage homes! Blame placed on illegal immigrants.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Just Discovered Indian Language
Undocumented language found hidden in India. "Never heard it before man hit thumb with hammer", states male at near-by village.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
New India Language Discovered
Undocumented language found hidden in India. "We don't know if we're being cursed or praised", stated visiting scientist.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
World's Longest Tunnel
Swiss inch toward world's longest train tunnel. "This Tunnel of Love would allow old husbands with Viagra time to make love!", says foreman.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Sludge Reaches Danube
Hungary: Toxic red sludge has reached the Danube River. "All we can say is lookout below!", says Hungarian authority! The Waltz has turned into a Turkey Trot!"
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Afghanistan Reconciliation?
U.S. backs Afghan reconciliation, no comment on talks. Hope that 50 warring groups will unite against us so we can leave.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Food Stamp Party?
Gingrich brands Democrats 'party of food stamps'. Heart shrinks to two times as small once again.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Bieber To Host Show
Justin Bieber To Host MTV's New Punk'd. Bieber just noses out Leonard Cohen.
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Unemployment Extension Rally
Unemployment Extension and Tier 5 Update: 30 Million Unemployed Voters Fight for Extension of benefits Until Retirement!
written by Bureau, 07 October 2010
Public Safety
Police in several major US cities announce plans to disband their homicide & robbery details. Manpower is now available full time to pursue people who use cell phones & text while driving automobiles!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 October 2010
Unexplained Bali, India, Somalia, Uganda, Iraq and Afghanistan Attacks
Former President Clinton said solving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict would take away much of the motivation for terrorism around the world. He's been smoking marijuana again and inhaling this time!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 October 2010
NASA to Launch Environmentalist Rocket to Mars
A manned Mars expedition in 2011 will take a large number of environmentalists. USA industry can then build power plants, transmission lines, roads & railroads without having to go to court!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 October 2010
How to Reduce Spending and Pork
Obama, Pelosi & Reid have too much debt from overspending! Do your Congressmen have $1 trillion or $2 trillion even $3 trillion in deficits? Let TeaParty.Com help, by kicking their ass out of office!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 October 2010
Foot-in-Mouth Disease Strikes VP Biden Again
VP Biden tells Ohio crowd "If I hear one more Republican tell me about balancing the budget, I am going to strangle them." Knowing and doing are two different things Mr. Vice President!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 October 2010
Working Spouse
President Obama had to send the First Lady out to work, to speak at a Democratic Party rally. The White House budget is a little short this month by $3 trillion!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 October 2010
New Scary Movie
Michael Moore is planning a remake of the 1957 movie The Abominable Snowman (Hammer Film Productions, UK). The new horror film is to be called the Obamable Snow-Job Man, set in Washington DC!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 October 2010
