Remember The 800!
American Airlines recalling 800 employees! "As I recall, most of those people were good workers", states on general manager as owners wax nostalgic.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Firefighters Let Home Burn
Firefighters let home burn to ground because owner hadn't paid $75 fee. Look for firehouse to go up in flames at any time.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
American Navies!
New York Times says that economy so bad many may travel to China and work on the railroads and open laundromats.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Against Healthcare
POLL: Dislike of healthcare law crosses party lines, 1 in 4 Democrat Party want repeal. 3 in 4 want to party.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Robber In Obama Mask!
Man in Obama mask robs store. Tells owner, "May as well. He's robbing the rest of the country."
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Swift Road Truckers?
Trucks Encircle ABC, CBS, NBC, Challenge 'Liberal' Media to 'Tell The Truth'! Drivers look 'tired'.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
No Shit!
A pilot project run by Centrica in a plant at Didcot sewage works, Oxfordshire, is the first in Britain to produce renewable gas from sewage for households to use. The Royal family will produce extra.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
That's All We Need
MOVED UP: Obama to embark on 10-day Asia trip two days after mid-terms. Several warn him about hiking near North Korean border.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Michelle: Don't Become Frustrated
MICHELLE TO DEMS: Don't let 'frustration' keep you from voting. Reply: "Oh we will vote alright. This mess gotta end."
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
I'd Like To See Him Try
Vice President Joe Biden has told Democrats at a Minnesota fundraiser that he'll "strangle" members of the GOP who complain about the federal budget, especially Schwarzenegger!
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Drug War Continues
Texas Gov. Perry has asked Mexico's president to call him within 48 hours to say body of an American reportedly shot to death on lake has been recovered. "Lake full of drug war victims", he replies
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Another UFO In China
An airport in Baotou, Inner Mongolia, was forced to shut to prevent passenger jets crashing into a UFO, according to reports. "It was shaped like fortune cookie!"
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Beware Of Greeks Bearing 'Bear'
Greek debt and deficit figures 'to shoot up'. "Greeks always were a pain in the ass", states French President Sarkozy.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Obama A Jackass?
Limbaugh Calls President Obama a 'Jackass'. "Well, he's a democrat, isn't he? Plus, check out the ears!"
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Stuff It!
New Yorkers' Income Falls for 1st Time in 70 Years. Meanwhile at the White House, there will be no turkey pardoned this year!
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Sachs Alive!
GOLDMAN SACHS: Economy 'fair-to-middling bad' to 'very bad' to 'I don't want to live anymore' over next 6 months.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Record Food Stamps
Food Stamp Recipients at Record 41.8 Million Americans as President Obama pulls another turkey out of his hat.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Weightlifting Fan Arrested
Weightlifting fan arrested following allegations that he was overhead saying he was looking forward to seeing a good, clean, healthy snatch.
written by Herr Riballs, 06 October 2010
So, I'm Older!
Cuban Leader Fidel Castro admits during speech that he used Rogaine and implants to help grow back beard.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Castro's Three-Hour Speech Had Intervals
Fidel Castro's latest speech to Cuba included three long farts and singing the national anthem fourteen times.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Real Bugs Attacking Computers
For the first time, computers are crashing from real bug! Bedbugs short out hundreds a week.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Like "Opium Dens?"
Medical pot getting so expensive for patients so "Pot Rooms" opening up where everyone can breathe room full of smoke.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Middle Class Stops Spending
Middle Class Slams Brakes on Spending! "We're Christmas shopping at the 'Everything A Dollar' Stores!"
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Washington Was A Peach
George Washington is best known as a general & statesman, but a group of experts was more interested in the President's other talent: making peach brandy after planting peach trees to replace cherry.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
More Like Prune Island
Environmentalists fret about Plum Island's future. "We're plum scared shitless!", say older residents.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Dip Drop Doodle!
Stocks dip, Treasury yields drop after jobs data do the dipsy doodle!
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
"Could Be!"
South Korea: North Korea's nuclear threat 'dangerous'. "Of course, Kim's a pretty level-headed guy", says UN rep.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Fight For Congress
Fight for Congress could last past Election Day as several candidates taking self-defense classes.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Tea Party Favors
Tea partiers discover the benefits of organization, people sending you lots of money!
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Recession, Though Over In 2009, Hitting Many
Food a top concern for nursing home residents according to poll. Also, the same for many of those not in nursing homes.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Three Docs Win!
Trio wins Nobel for key chemical tool. This year's winners were Doctors Howard, Doctor Fine & Doctor Howard.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Hungary Needing Help
EU to Hungary: Don't let toxic sludge hit Danube. Hungary to EU: Then get your ass over here.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Mystery Skeleton Found
Mystery skeleton found at ancient Cypriot site makes experts conclude that people there have been dying for many years.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Famed Chimp Dies
Last puff: South African famed smoking chimp dies of old age after thirteen lung transplants.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
France Warns Britain Of Terrorist Attack
France warns of high terror risk in Britain. "Certainly they cannot imagine coming here!", states official.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Crooked Judge In Atlanta
FBI: Stripper, drugs, guns and Atlanta judge don't mix! Matlock ordered to step down until investigation completed.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Dems, Amish Shunned
AP-GfK Poll: Working-class whites shun Democrats, Amish in limos.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Drug-Resisiant Skin Disease
A drug-resistant skin disease that has afflicted sports teams, prisons and military units is now proving a persistent pest among fishermen and their families on a Maine island, home of Lobster Boy!
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Little-Known Language
Undocumented language found hidden in northeast India. Only three people seem to understand it and two say the third got it wrong.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Ukranian lion tamer attacked, he forgot to feed them!
A Ukranian Lion tamer has been attacked by his lions and the "shocking" film was sent via U Tube around the world.
The lion tamer admitted a cardinal mistake, he forgot to feed them, DEADLY!
written by unknown
Charlie (RIP) the chain smoking chimp proves it's good for you!
Charlie, a South African chain smoking chimp has died at the sensational chimp old age of 52 (roughly 250 human years?) proving that non-smokers are just a bunch of spoil-sporting sad apes!
written by unknown
Cameron to release Sequel to Avatar
Davey C. set to release Avatar II. Location of Middlesborough set to double as the primitive dwellings. Cameron: "No scene changes required. It's perfect for the film!"
written by masterchev, 06 October 2010
Tiger Woods 11 to feature massive revamp
Game set to feature USA actually winning the Ryder Cup rather than losing it to the Europeans.
written by masterchev, 06 October 2010
Rio Tinto/BHP Billiton plans to merge Oz iron ore ops face collapse,
They just don't dig it, after all, it seems.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 06 October 2010
Afghanistan War Enters Tenth Year, 2124th Overall
It's go-for-broke time on 9th anniversary of war in Afghanistan. "Let's just level the mountains and move on", says military leader.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Pipeline Crisis
Natural gas pipeline crisis plans kept from public, gas companies. "OK, so we've lost the records? They been down there 40-60 years!", says Energy Department spokesman.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
NATO Tankers Attacked
25 NATO fuel tankers attacked in Pakistan..27 NATO tankers..thirty two Tankers..Many tankers attacked in Pakistan.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Actually Spending On Politics
Dollars pour into campaigns for and against San Jose ballot measures. This is such a rare thing!
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Meg The Spender
Meg Whitman has already spent nearly $140,000 on run for Governor. "That's a whole .0000000000001 of our national debt", say opponent.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Everyone's Feeling Better
PG&E does an about face, will provide detailed maps of gas pipelines to Bay Area fire departments. "Just as soon as we can find them ourselves."
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Whitman's Sampler
Meg Whitman's key question: Can a political novice run California? "No way", says Governor Schwarzenegger!
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
World's Biggest Johnson!
Johnson & Johnson buying Crucell for $2.41 billion. Plan to change name to Johnson, Johnson & Johnson!
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Dang Militants Up To No Good Again!
Militants attack two Western targets, especially the women. I'm sorry, that should be 'in Yemen'!
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Plum Fooled Over That Happening
Environmentalists fret about Plum Island's future. "Horses hooves now have second tail", say health authorities. "Also, one or two residents."
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Never Expected Such A Thing
Environmentalists fret about Plum Island's future after chemical experiments. "Cows have come down with a new disease somehow", says health authorities.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Cho Leaves The Show
Margaret Cho sheds a tear as she leaves 'Dancing'. Also, a carefully aimed foot up the ass of a certain judge.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Nobel Winners #2
2 Japanese, American share chemistry Nobel Prize. Wife assists husband with his as he is now in a partial liquid stage.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
New Nobel Winners
2 Japanese, American share chemistry Nobel Prize. American the first to win while high as a kite.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Legal Pot Not Drawing Funds
Pot legalization measure fails to draw big money. However, those who oppose making it legal bringing in millions from illegal drug suppliers.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
No Use Worrying
Natural gas pipeline crisis plans kept from public even after explosion in California earlier. "We don't want the people to worry about when their homes may blow to bits", says concerned official."
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Like The Hands
Hands-only CPR saves more lives in cardiac arrests. But males and some females have already been reprimanded for faking it.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Sludge Clean-Up Improving
Crews struggle to clear toxic Hungary sludge flood...but clean-up being improved by the extra arm & two-fingered hand.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Hands Only CPR Best
Hands-only CPR saves more lives in cardiac arrests. However, beware of too much-hands only as there can be lawsuits later.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Toxic Sludge
Crews struggle to clear toxic Hungary sludge flood. Six-foot minnow caught in Danube near-by.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Better Than One?
Crews struggle to clear toxic Hungary sludge flood. Several already beginning to grow a second head.
written by Bureau, 06 October 2010
Alan! You're fired!
After getting sponsored by Pepsi Max, the new series of the Apprentice has had to remove all traces of Sugar.
written by IainB, 06 October 2010
Northern Foods To Cut 500 Jobs
Said Union official: "Bastards! Bet Southern Foods aren't slashing jobs! It's regionalism - north vs south - all over."
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 06 October 2010
Australia Faces Locust Plague of "Biblical Proportions."
"Let my people go!" says Ozzie Jewish leader
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 06 October 2010
Soliel Moon Frye Dresses as Punky Brewster For Twitter Fans...
Soliel Moon Frye Dresses as Punky Brewster For Twitter Fans, One Million fanboys Ejaculate Simultaneously. (Google it.)
written by anthonyrosania, 06 October 2010
QB Michael Vick says on a radio show that he will miss 1-2 weeks of action...
QB Michael Vick says on a radio show that he will miss 1-2 weeks of action. Pencil in losses to San Francisco and Atlanta.
written by anthonyrosania, 06 October 2010
