What's The Difference
Discouraged candidates discover that the number one reason people vote for a candidate is which one has the best signs on the road.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
No Irregularities This Time!
Poll worker vows no "irregularity" in poll booth this year after someone shit in it in 2008.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Big Coffee Strike!
Coffee growers in 30th day of strike. People walking around in a daze, many with no pants.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Thus Saith George Steppinpapa'smess
Political commentator says that the reason that we hold elections in November is because of all the turkeys we get just in time for Thanksgiving.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Yankee Stadium Spooky!
New Yorkers afraid to go around empty Yankee Stadium at World series time. Sat you can hear George Steinbrenner crying.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Ass Lands On Ass!
President Obama bruises ass when thrown from his beast at a fundraiser for Dem candidates, Donkey Basketball!
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
New Bieber Album Ready To Go!
"Justin Bieber, The Early Years" Music Set ready to be marketed just in time for Christmas.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Cartoon Network Commercials
The Cartoon Network agrees to withdraw all beer commercials until after 8 PM!
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Whispering Campaign
Whisper campaign going on at it's height right now just before the election. Mostly because of people with Laringitis from all the political rallies.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Halloween US is not Halloween UK!
The US are stark raving bonkers about Halloween, the UK, well, is the home of haunted pubs, hotels, houses, "the real thing" so to get the real spooky feeling, go to Transylvania, He's waiting!
written by unknown
Clinton In Guam!
Sec. of State Clinton in Guam to meet US troops. Wears special camouflaged pantsuit.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Indonesia Being Hit With Now With Lava!
Tsunami, volcano ash - now Indonesia braces for lava. "What next?", asks one islander. "Maybe I shouldn't ask!"
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
McDonalds Made Me fat!
McDonald's ordered to pay ex-employee £10,000 after he claims their food made him fat. Now no workers allowed to eat at work.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
PETA Gives OK!
NYC could ban lewd whistles and catcalls...except for birds and cats!
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Aid Dollars Disappear #2
Billions in Afghanistan aid dollars unaccounted for. Obama was going to have overseers, remember?
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Aid Dollars Unaccounted For
Billions in Afghanistan aid dollars unaccounted for. Just like those that always vanished that were sent to the PLO, until Arafat died.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Look At YOU, You Big Hunk!
Newly released files show Hitler's daily routine, beginning with one-hour session before mirror.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Mountain World!
Top of Mount Everest Gets Internet Connection! Bob Sled Rides!
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Pelosi To Retire?
Pelosi To Retire If Dems Lose House? "We hope so", say voters. "She's caused us to lose ours."
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Border Leaving!
SKorea, NKorea open fire at border. Border says he will never spend another night there.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Lots Of Strategy
Candidate claims battery after firm handshake from opponent who practiced squeezing rubber ball, show everyone what a weakling opponent would be.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Whitman Closing In
POLL: Meg Whitman Closing On Jerry Brown who has his spaceship cloaked and ready to run.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Planes Delayed In US, UK
Officials examine suspicious packages from Yemen in US, UK. Planes delayed but only powder & wire in packages. Was this a trial run?
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Barney Frank Plans New Internet Site
Barney Frank will battle Drudge news beginning in January, with The Fudge Report.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
The Halloween Lady
Kid in Halloween asks embarrassed Nancy Pelosi who's she is supposed to be. Others wondering the same.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Workers Finally Lose It
Office worker adding "In Bed" to everyone's comment around the water cooler costs him three teeth.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Mickey Mouse For Whatever
Voting poll reveals that Mick Mouse should go over the one million mark in this years elections.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Don't Get New Ford Wet
Overloaded brownies at Ford Factory leads to three inch poonami!
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
McGuire Denies Drugs
Mark McGuire now says that he did not take steroids. "Just wanted to see who my true friends and fans were!"
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
That's Not Brett Favre!
Brett Favre's wife says that nude lower half photo is not her husband. "I should know. This guy is much too big."
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Bush Book Released
Former President George W. Bush puts out his new book, "They Brought It On!".
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Jimmy Carter #4
Aging jimmy Carter recalls funny tricks his brother "Barney Carter" used to pull. Also, creating his own brand of "Barney Beer".
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Jimmy Carter #3
Former President Jimmy Carter is having trouble as he releases his latest book, "The Liberal Bell".
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Carter Having Age-Related Problems
Former President Jimmy Carter is having aging problems as he releases his latest book, "Twice I Assaulted Iran Over Hostages, Personally".
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Carter Having Trouble
Former President Jimmy Carter is having trouble as he releases his latest book, "Eating Peanuts & Hung Like An Elephant".
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Extending Daylight Recommended
Extending daylight could boost health, help planet, help store sales.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
President Ignoring Arizona On Purpose"
Arizona beheading raises fears of drug violence as Governor says she'll 'be headed' to Washington to give the President an earful.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Big Bill Dies
Big Bill Arbuthsnot, who played a horse in over 200 old westerns, dies at 101.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Halliburton Again
Critical test not done on cement before blowout. Halliburton forgot sand in mixture.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Economy Up Slightly
Economy grows at slightly faster pace in Q3. Up .01% over Q2.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Meek To Continue
Dem. Meek denies he'll quit 3-way Fla. Senate race no matter what Bill Clinton advises.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
NFL Crackdown
Rumor is that the NFL is going to crack down on hard hits during an NFL game. That's like outlawing Mullets at NASCAR events!
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
US Economy Needs Laxative
U.S. economy grows at sluggish 2 percent pace in third quarter, as expected...unfortunately.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Making Himself Presentable
Newly released files show Hitler's daily routine. Like giving his mustache 100 strokes.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Anna Nicole Smith Gets Little Rest
Jury convicts Anna Nicole Smith's psychiatrist, boyfriend of stupidity!
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Smoking gun:
'Gawker' paid cash for bogus sex smear on Christine O'Donnell as politics reaches new low!
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
More NKorea/SKorea Conflict
SKorea: NKorea opens fire at border. Both countries upset that headlines do not spell out their whole names.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Up For Crabs
BUCHANAN: The country is up for crabs...I'm sorry, that should be grabs!
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Obese Employee Wins Lawsuit
Judge: McDonald's must pay obese employee $17.5K. Two-seated customers ask, "What about us?"
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Topless Volcanos Hot!!
Russia's Kamchatka volcanoes calm after eruptions and blowing tops completely off!
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Scientists Study Oil Spiil
Scientists to see if oil spill hurt deep sea life. To see if there IS still any deep sea life!
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Time For A Real Change
Tea partiers could face tough going in Capitol. "We hope so", say determined leaders.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Here's A Momento
Arizona beheading raises fears of drug violence. Governor may send head to Obama for aiding illegal immigrants to enter their state.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Offer They Can't Refuse
African Govts Urged to Invest in Social Protection! Don't want to wake up with elephant's head in their beds.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
One in every crowd
Paul the brilliant but enigmatic octupus has passed recently and people generally want to express his impact on their lives. All except Jeremy Clarkson who wants to eagerly eat the mighty mollusc.
written by whatinthe world, 29 October 2010
Early Photo #7
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Blackened Ben Franklin had just came in after lightning, kite & key discovery.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
World's Fastest Supercomputer
China boasts world's fastest supercomputer. Can now outrun world's fastest train.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Everest Summit Wired #3
Everest summit wired up with Internet, photograph with Yeti family.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Everest Set For Internet #2
Everest summit wired up with Internet, message therapy.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Everest Set For Internet
Everest summit wired up with Internet, use of hot tubs.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Concrete Block Recall #2
Makers of concrete blocks recall over ten million blocks. Over 500,000 from under old cars in Arkansas alone.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Concrete Block Recall
Makers of concrete blocks recall over ten million blocks to be removed from basements of buildings.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
UN Bildiversity Deal Made
UN summit poised to seal biodiversity deal. Better start cleaning up around the house!
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
China, Japan Summit
China, Japan begin repairing ties after taking off shoes at Asian summit.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Old Photos Change History #7
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Doc Holliday was a dentist. Apparently he was a proctologist.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Timing Is Right
Experts say that being so close to Halloween, many more dead people are expected to vote this year.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Votes For Sale
Many local areas in the US get millions for local projects just before election.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Old Photos Discovered #6
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Custer did not make last stand but was shot in the back by 37 arrows while trying to flee.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Crist Considered Quiting
Meek: Crist suggested quitting Fla. Senate race but others say it was Bill Clinton.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
TV Loves Political Ads
Sick of campaign ad avalanche? TV stations aren't. Monday night will be all ads night on all four networks.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
TV Networks Love Political Ads
Sick of campaign ad avalanche? TV stations aren't even though everyone mutes them.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
New Photo Evidence #5
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Most American Indians were bare-naked and had long schlongs which made settlers jealous.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
New Phot Discovery #4
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Nero actually was playing with himself while Rome burned.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
New Photo Evidence #3
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Washington actually crossed Shit Creek and caught Germans mercenaries relieving themselves in the water.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Earlier Photos Found #2
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Washington actually cut down thorn tree and was bare-assed whipped by scarred for life father.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Earlier Photos Found!
Very early photographic images of humans discovered. Napoleon kept hand in pants, not coat!
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Supercomputer!
China boasts world's fastest supercomputer. Can write a spoof before you can think of it.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Two Perfectly Suited Together
Critical test not done on cement before blowout. Halliburton and BP make perfect partners it seems.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Toyota's Crooked Deals
Toyota secretly bought problem cars, lawsuit says. Bought them back from customers so no faults on sudden speeding up could be found.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Spin Meter #2
SPIN METER: Despite claims, bailouts not over yet. Even though it costs $2M per crated job last time.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
Spin Meter
SPIN METER: Despite claims, bailouts not over yet. Even though they haven't helped bring many jobs.
written by Bureau, 29 October 2010
UK Government no longer concerned with al-Qa'ida threat..
The British public scares the crap out of them though.
written by matthatt, 29 October 2010
Burger King set to open in Indonesia
They've got one in Pompei. Why not build one near another natural disaster site?
written by masterchev, 29 October 2010
Satirical Writer visits Pompei: thoughts.
"Once you see one ruin, you've seen them all"
"I'll show them a decent ruin. I call her my ex"
"Very realistic. Including the security cameras"
written by masterchev, 29 October 2010
Indonesia Going Through "Shit Time"
Volcanoes. Earthquakes. And now Paul the Octopus being denied a decent funeral there. It's all getting a bit too much.
written by masterchev, 29 October 2010
France still striking
Shame they couldn't do that in the world cup.
written by masterchev, 29 October 2010
UK gives aids to Africa
1,000,000 office "secretaries" to be sent following budget cuts.
written by masterchev, 29 October 2010
Strauss Warns England To Be Ready For War
"To secure peace is to prepare for cricket," he said.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 29 October 2010
Heated discussion on "permissive society"
In short,some praise it and some old fogies loathe it. Oh well. One man's meat is another man's girlfriend.
written by Mike Gatspy, 29 October 2010
Lord Lucan was an octupus
Paul the Octupus, it can now be revealed, was in fact missing British man Lord Lucan, who had a very extreme reaction to plastic surgery nearly 40 years ago. He became so reclusive he took to water.
written by whatinthe world, 29 October 2010
Octupus's dead legacy
Paul the Octupus, who died recently, has left a vast estate to his heirs including 200,000 clams, 43500 mussels and 122 sea horses. Unfortunately they're all dead. Paul, you ungrateful bastard. Ahhh!!
written by whatinthe world, 29 October 2010
