Dementia Risk Higher In Smokers
Huge Rise in Dementia Risk for Midlife Smokers! 'Actually, we couldn't have had too many smarts to take it up to begin with', says one.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Danno Leaves Life's Stage
Actor who played Danno on 'Hawaii Five-O' in in Da'boneyard-o!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Gays Take Longer To Vote!
Poll workers say that gays take longer to vote since they refuse to vote a straight Democrat or Republican ticket.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Obama Tripping Off To India
Economics to override politics during Obama's visit to India as many tell President "Bring our jobs back!"
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Best State For retirement!
The 10 Best States For Retirement! Number One: Completely smashed, because you'll never be able to retire!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Great Goggling Going 'Gain
Gabby geeks gather to giggle over gadgets and gamer goodies!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
It's That Old BUSH Again!
Dems say employment worse because many do not want to work for worthless dollars that BUSH printed.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
French: Lot Of Garbage!
French officials say there has been no major strike there, that the whole thing was a lot of garbage!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Madoff Still A Favorite
Prison authorities say that many people still want to invest with Bernie Madoff. "Most of us made money!", says one caller.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
That's A Downer!
Economy experts say that the Forbes 500 probably the next to go belly up!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Two More Volcanos Blow!
Russia's Kamchatka volcanoes spew giant ash clouds. With so many volcano eruptions this year, will they bring on global cooling?
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Burke & Hare Bears
Russia's hungry bears dig up graves for food. Stuffed Burke & Hare Bears may be hit of Holiday Season!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Granny Got His Gooner!
A feisty 88-year-old Kentucky woman said she must have had perfect aim when she fought off an intruder by kicking him. "I got him in the gooner. Hope they swell till they pop!"
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Paul Funeral Planned
Paul, the late soccer psychic octopus, to be buried at sea!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Paul Knew Too Much!
World Cup soccer's psychic octopus dies! Rahm's opponent in Chicago 'drops out'. What did Paul know & what really happened to the psychicpus?
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
GM Pensions Cut?
General Motors says it will cut $11B in debt, pension obligations in order not to layoff anymore workers. Pensioners eying strikers in France!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Bugs Take Manhattan, Then They'll Take Berlin!
Bedbugs Try to Take Over the World, Spotted at UN building in NYC. Cockroach wants nukes fired right away!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Taxpayors Gave Teachers Plastic Surgery
Taxpayers covered $9 million in cosmetic surgery for NY teachers and they're all still ugly as a mud fence!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Dems Elected The Wrong Person
Bill Clinton's 'retribution tour' against Barack Obama. Clinton especially thanking those who voted for his wife against Obama.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Politicians Hire PIs To Look For Own Dirt
Politicians use PIs to unearth their own skeletons. "If they can't find any, my opponent won't", says anonymous politician.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Rahm Victorious #2
RAHM VICTORIOUS: Top Opponent Suddenly Drops Out Of Mayor's Race As Kneecaps No Longer Able To Support Him!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Rahm's Opponent Suddenly Drops Out!
RAHM VICTORIOUS: Top Opponent Suddenly Drops Out Of Mayor's Race in Chicago as he was made an offer he couldn't refuse.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Washington DC Blamed For Economic Mess!
POLL: 65% Would Vote to Replace Entire Congress, 55% would change the President, VP and the Senate!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
President Dude, My Man!
Should Jon Stewart Have Called President Obama 'Dude?' Poll shows 55% would have called him left off the 'e'.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
New Bush Book
BOOK: Bush Originally Thought Military Shot Down PA Plane On 9/11. It wasn't until later that he learned what heroes aboard the plane had done.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Traffic Jam Nostalgia!
Another long car jam in China brings a tear to those here in California as they remember when people had jobs and those things happened here.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Unknown Grope
A previous unknown grope takes credit for the NYC Subway attacks this morning.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Oxford Warns Of Fees Funding Gap
"We suggested Next or River Island, but if we don't sort it soon, it'll be bloody Gap Kids and Baby Gap," said source.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 28 October 2010
Six Water Companies Miss Leak Targets
Due to spelling error: have been growing sprouts, cabbages, beans and peas.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 28 October 2010
Fresh BBC Strikes Announced
"Yeah, the old ones were getting a bit stale," says union spokesman.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 28 October 2010
Judges Getting Tough
Benefits cheat who stole £50,000 escapes jail - and is given 106 YEARS to pay back the money. "I might get a little behind the first 25 years", he tells judge. Judge adds on another 44 years!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
No Apple Bobbing?
Officials said a 'high velocity impact with an apple' had the potential to cause serious eye injury while unclean water could lead to infection or blindness. Admit this hasn't happened before.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
China After Bernanke #2
China Urges Bernanke: Stop Printing Dollars! "Oh no, cheap dollars for your cheapo products!"
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
China After Bernanke
China Urges Bernanke: Stop Printing Dollars! Apparently Bernanke can't hear over presses going full steam!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Ads Turning More Negative!
Poll: Political Ads Turn More Negative. "My opponent makes Bernie Madoff look like a saint!"
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Dem Explains Obama Remark
RI Dem Qualifies Telling Obama to 'Shove It'. "Only after some Ky-Jelly, of course."
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Obama Speaks Bush!
Obama Echoes Bush's Katrina Gaffe: (On Economy) "Larry Summers did a heck of a job!"
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Nation Can't Afford More Debt?
Boehner: 'No Compromise' on Stopping Obamacare! We need to destroy it before it destroys us.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Election Day Near
Election day nears. California may legalize pot. Detroit to legalize throwing things at football players.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Last Second Decision
Election Day is less than a week away. Ralph Nader says he may yet form a third party. Told that Presidential election two years away. "Then I'm not too late?"
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
From Tank To "Tank"
North Carolina Marine commander relieved of duty over charges of speeding and drunken driving in tank.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Narrowing It Down
Portrait of LA mummy emerges: Woman whose body found in car held 2 master's degrees, once worked for LA schools, Owned two cats and hated pickles.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Gore A Bore!
Gore leaves car idling for one hour during speech; Opts for Swedish government jet over public transportation. Throws gum wrapper on grass.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Obama No Fun
Obama cracks few jokes in 'Daily Show' interview. Won't quit campaigning.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Mohammed Top British Name
Mohammed is the most popular name for newborn boys -- in England! Second is Skoob.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
NJ Guv Kills Tunnel
NJ governor cites dollars, cents in killing tunnel. "Too much to dig up right now!"
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Spies Everywhere
SPY AWAY: Feds end GOOGLE probe; Data breach investigation dropped by FTC. Guy who was peeking into your bedroom window has been released.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
German Economy Improving
German Unemployment Dips to 18-Year Low. Why isn't that happening in the US?
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Keith Richards is immortal, that's a fact!
Keith richards has divulged his secrets about his near immortality, he said in his new book "no f*****g sex, plenty of booze, drugs and rock and roll man!" The book carries a health warning!
written by unknown
Swift Advises Kids
Taylor Swift tells kids: Read for a better life so you can learn others.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Vertical Farms!
'Vertical Farm' envisions tall future for farming but rough one for tractor sales.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Carey Pregnant!
Mariah Carey announces she's pregnant! "If not, I sure am fat!"
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Candidates Use Kids!
Candidates use children to make final pitch. Holding family pets as last resort.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Nissan Recall This Time!
Nissan reveals glitch and issues its third largest recall ever. That makes 50% of all cars made in the past 10 years.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Either Went Busted Or Moved
Rich Americans feel better off vs year-ago: Merrill. "Of course there are only 10% left."
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Obama Publicity Getting Out Of Hand
Obama makes Historic appearance on 'The History Channel'. "Shows him kicking Hitler's ass all over Europe."
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
GOP Changed By Tea Party
The party crashers: Behind the new Republican revival. "It's not going to be the same old thing when Tea Party arrives!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Puting On The Blitz!
Heavy makeup, dark eyes prompt Putin speculation as he claims it's from visiting volcano eruptions!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
BBC journalists and Fire brigade to stage strikes on November 5.
Lots of people will die, but we wont get to hear about it.
written by matthatt, 28 October 2010
Russia Erupts
Two volcanoes erupt at the same time in Russia. The worst ones since Krushchev's shoe-banging episode at the UN in the 1960's!
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
BBC journalists also to stage strike on November 5 in a row over pensions.
So, will there be no one at work, anywhere that night?
written by matthatt, 28 October 2010
West Ham Shock
West Ham United have decided to only play in Cup Games for the rest of the season.
written by j.w., 28 October 2010
Paul the Octopus's Dying Words
"Prepare to fire the..INK!"
written by SpaceElevator, 28 October 2010
Obama Everywhere #6
Obama makes historic appearance on the mound at World Series. Helps coach make decision to call in reliever.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Summit Making Progress
Hopes for treaty rise at UN biodiversity summit that would pay poor countries not to eat rare animals.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
M16: Spies Needed Now More Than Ever
MI6 chief says spying crucial to stop Iran nuclear drive. Any real-life James Bond, please step forward."
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
No Designated Driver Needed
Driverless vans could really help bars attenders as it could take drive everyone home safely.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Giants' Fan Recalls the Shaky '89 World Series
"Earthquake jarred us into a lower deck, better view. However, those in the best seats wound up on the playing field."
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Driverless Van Travels Bridge To Nowhere
Driverless vans end 8,000-mile test drive to China. Should help countries save on fuel.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Serves Him Right
Heavy makeup, dark eyes prompt Putin speculation as Putin has been giving Russia a black eye for some time.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Somebody Making Sense?
Saudi prince backs moving planned NYC mosque. "It would be a constant image of hatred for many Americans."
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Tuition To Jump Again
College tuition costs climbing again this fall. Will selling drugs on the side be enough to cover them?
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Protesters Getting Tired
French protest again on pensions but fatigue weighs. More 'Lie-Ins" expected.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Hippy Movement Back?
Foreclosure activity up across most US metro areas. Many considering sharing homes with other families.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Where Are People Going?
Foreclosure activity up across most US metro areas. From every 4th house to every 3rd house.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Are texting and Facebook worse than TV?
Are texting and Facebook worse for teens than TV? Certainly. They couldn't carry TV around 24 hours a day.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Are texting and Facebook worse Than TV?
Are texting and Facebook worse for teens than TV? Only if the teens usually talk to their TVs.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Obama Everywhere #4
Obama makes historic appearance on "Dancing With The Stars". Can't explain why.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Obama Everywhere #3
President to show up on NFL Pre-Game shows Sunday. Show his ignorance about football as well as politics.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Obama Everywhere #2
Obama makes historic appearance on 'Sesame Street'. Hopes to show how he can help Dem political puppets.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
They're Voting Against YOU!
Obama makes historic appearance on 'Daily Show'. Some DEM candidates ask him to go away.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Obama Everywhere
Obama makes historic appearance on 'Daily Show' but every time anyone sees and hears him, his approval ratings drop.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Early Images Of Humans
Very early photographic images of humans discovered., many of them on French postcards.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
Economy Still On The Ropes
AP survey: Painfully slow economic gains into 2011 hoped for but no guarantees.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
US Marine Pulls Out of Afghan Hound
'He shouldn't have been in there in the first place' says Bang Ki-Moon.
written by pinxit, 28 October 2010
Paul has last laugh
"See I told you Paul was dead" claimed ex Beatle Paul McCartney after hearing news that the mighty mollusc from the FIFA World Cup had expired. "Listen to our songs next time" he added ruefully.
written by whatinthe world, 28 October 2010
Paul pulls off a trick
Paul the Octupus has been found alive and well in the waters
off Miami, Florida. Apparently his faked death was an insurance scam and the mighty mollusc is absolutely rolling in cash.Well,well,well.
written by whatinthe world, 28 October 2010
Paul is not dead
In breaking news, Paul the Octupus has been spotted alive in waters off Ibisa, near Spain. He was in the company of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton. Apparently, Paul was freed by grateful Spanish fans.
written by whatinthe world, 28 October 2010
Hotel Guests Leaving
Hotel guests check out early where Charlie was screaming most of the night. Word is now out that the bed bugs really bite hard there.
written by Bureau, 28 October 2010
