Hung Pooh Self-Defense!
Most students of "Hung Pooh" say that it is the nastiest type self-defense. The first day you have to learn to shake it off!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
"82 Skidoo!"
Mount Everest conquered by the 82 trailer park group from near Orlando, Florida though some used golf carts!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Corn Hole Tournament #2
Corn Hole winner in Bear Wallow, Kentucky disqualified after testing positive for Preparation H.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Corn Hole Tournament
Corn Hole tournament in Bear Wallow, Kentucky ends in a riot!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Georgetown Drug Dorm
Update: 2 busted in Georgetown dorm room drug lab case; they're accused of making Dimethyltryptamine, not meth but meth easier to spell in earlier report.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Quake In Wyoming
Quake felt in NW Wyoming; AP reports landslide. Dick Cheney shake off 12th heart attack.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Israel Slams Catholic Bishops!
Israel slams 'political attacks' by Catholic bishops. "Same way many treated us in WWII."
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Chemical Weapons In Iraq
Documents show chemical weapons were found in Iraq. Of course they had already been used on Kurds in the north!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
War At WikiLeaks
CIVIL WAR AT WIKILEAKS: Staff accuse Assange of 'betrayal of principles' over Iraq files. Should be tried as a traiter.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Google Saw What You Did Last Summer
GOOGLE admits it DID take emails and passwords from computers. In other words they have millions of people to blackmail!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
They've All Been Fixed!
Traffic cops in all fifty states state that they will no longer consider a runaway Toyota as an excuse for speeding.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Enjoys Birthday At Work
Tucson, Arizona woman celebrates her 100th birthday at work. "No use going home to celebrate. They're all toes up!"
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Oldsters Warn Obama
Those on social security warn President "One more year without a raise and there will be piss running in the street!"
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
The Buggy Man?
New Spiderman foe "The Buggy Man" leads new owners to tell Stan Lee that he's not really trying.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Bill Clinton In Fifth Term
Bill Clinton begins fifth term as President/Presidential Buddy!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Obama Needs To Get On The Ball
President Obama says the nation's social security net has several holes in it already. S.S. receivers say mend it or you'll be dealing with Four Hundred & Four Million around the White House.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Art Thou Ready?
Last minute substitute for Prom date shows up in his dad's buggy. "I didn't even know whats-his-ass was Amish!"
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
But A Hero If He Died!
Immigrant vets face deportation despite service. Another fine mess Washington has gotten us into.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Venus & Mars Again
Naked Truth: Why Women Shrug Off Lousy Sex! Why a mans last words may be about wife's sweet booty.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Deep In A Hole!
Obama likely to focus on deficit in next 2 years. Also the next five presidents after him!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Helping Mother Earth Has Fringe Benefits!
Local environmentalist says picking up aluminum beer cans bring in much needed cash plus by evening, "I'm higher than a kite!"
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Employers Not Hiring While Confued On ObamaCare
Employers looking at health insurance options. "Obama has left his mess for us to clean up", states one confused spokesman. "It's all precisely vague!"
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Richards Enraged By Jagger
Keith Richards says Mick Jagger enraged him in new book. "But so does everybody else for that matter."
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Hipster Harry Reid!
Harry Reid at college: "It's time to uh kneel down and get fucky...flunky..funky!"
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Celbrate With Mass Hoovering!
Old diary discovered in attic chest brings good new to all the fans of Herbert Hoover!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Iran Brings More Restrictions
Iran restricts social sciences seen as 'Western'. The moon is made out of halal cheese!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
May Vote Green
Gay voters angry at Democrats could swing and sway the November election.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Obama Preparing For Next Month
Obama preps for reshaped post-election presidency. Plans ahead for not winning Nobel Peace Prize.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
French Arrest Person
French say they thought they had caught the missing body parts killer when they found guy with penis in his pocket. Turns out that it was attached.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Just Like Our Old Apartment
Ex-wife says dead former husband looks just like himself in cheap plywood casket!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Payback Time!
Man runs off neighbor who just shit in his yard because of his losing his doggy pooper scooper.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Simple Economics
Bernanke cuts out embarrassing news conferences about the economy and tells reporters to look for either white or black smoke coming from his chimney.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Actors Without Jobs
Times getting rougher as over 19,000 actors lose their jobs at WalMart, chain restaurants and service stations since the first of the year.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Limbaugh Leads
Rush Limbaugh pulls ahead of Pat Paulson and Mickey Mouse as leading 'Write In" candidate.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
She Wanted Me..I Guess
College freshman nerd tells nerds in Computer Diagnosis Class that his first date was "built like a brick flophouse!"
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Naked Cowboy In Hospital
New York City Police say Naked Cowboy brought it upon himself after wandering too close to the "Granny's Tours" bus.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
New Harry Reid Commercial
Harry Reid's macho political ads about him winning the Yellow Cup in Korean War as first to get used to cooked cabbage not a real plus for him!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Freedom Of Expression
Islamic nudist wins the right to wear a face veil at the Pensacola Nudist Colony!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
When Did He Die?
News of Grandpa Dick Woodcock's death blocked out by bad language filter.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
"Bidenism" Becoming New Slang
Vice President Joe Biden calls November elections the key over whether democrats of republicans win.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Was Moondog Really 'Far Out'?
Scientists puzzled over moon water sample having traces of feces in it.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Seeker Gets Asylum!
Asylum seeker here from Tibet taken away in a straight jacket by white-coated orderlies.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Can't Keep Animals Straight
New political cartoonist off to a bad start as he shows Obama as an elephant, Mitt Romney as donkey!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Retro Look??
Nursing Home resident objects to young people wearing nose studs on television. "That sort of thing went out with "Lowell Thomas Specials" in the 1960's."
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
GOP Hopeful
Republicans hoping they won't have to use hidden stocks of food, water, guns and ammo after the upcoming election.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
New At Mickey Dees
Mickey Dees introduces their new "Fries The Size to Die For!"
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Iraq Now Hiring
Signs of economic growth in Iraq as hundreds hired as 'Temps' to work as suicide bombers.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Man Delays Retirement
Local man puts off retirement until he can remember names of the wife and kids.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
New Idea For Laugh Track
New sit-com tries making new laugh track by visiting local mental hospital and getting them to laugh. "Ah he hee hoo whoohoo His Sticker Pecked Out! Ha hee Monkey Shit!" Say it will have to be edited.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Ten Times Worse Than Plague
President Obama chides FDA for announcing that "It's deadly, if caught" without revealing WHAT!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Ky. Town Changes Name
Small town in Kentucky changes it's name from Smithville to Peckerwood's Hideaway hoping to draw tourists.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
"GOOSE WHO???"
Drunken protologist asked to leave party at St. Petersburg Nudist Colony.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
UFO In China
China reports that UFO has landed there and let out Amelia Earhart, Judge Roy Bean and Jimmy Hoffa.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Should Have Asked Ten Years Ago
Jogger asks fat man filling up second story window to join him. Told he can't even get downstairs much less out the door.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Headlights Caught In Dear!
Highlights caught in Dear as wife tells husband not to wear buttoned nightshirt during sex.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
New Yoko Ono Hit
Fran Drescher/Yoko Ono duet best thing ever for getting rid of stray dogs w/o disturbing humans.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Hoffa found in mine: unlucky
Jimmy Hoffa, notorious American trade union leader who has not been seen in nearly 40 years, has been found in the Chilean mine recently vacated by the 33 rescued recently.He swore as Police swooped.
written by whatinthe world, 24 October 2010
Rand Paul For You-All!
Even Rand Paul's political enemies admit that he's the smartest man in Kentucky...However....
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Can't Tell People Apart!
Couple vacationing in Arkansas say they have seen all the site.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Obama Praised For Yet To Be Written Book
President Obama accepts award for his next bestselling book, "It Takes A Village Idiot".
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Bad TV Years
Today's television shows now called "dumber than mud that made up the rocks."
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Michelle Obama Objects
Michelle Obama objects to Arizona restaurants calling "open, turkey-faced sandwiches!"
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Turkey Sandwich Renamed
Turkey sandwiches in Arizona are now renamed "The Obama Special".
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
NKorea To Give Up Weapons?
North Korea says they will give up nuclear weapons for 100 top coleslaw recipes. "We're sick to death of buried cabbage."
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Kick Up Your Hills!
French chef claims that his restaurant is the only one that serves thoroughbred horse meat.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Time To Dig Deep!
PALIN TO GOP: 'TIME TO DIG DEEP'! "Also, make sure you have your steel-toed boots on. We're kicking ass!"
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Mine reveals missing pilots
Seven missing aeroplane pilots who disappeared in the Bermuda Triangle in 1950 have been found safe and well in the Chilean mine vacated by the 33 rescued recently. They lived on beef jerky and gum.
written by whatinthe world, 24 October 2010
Famous Nazi discovered in mine
Notorious Nazi, Martin Bormann, has been discovered hiding in the Chilean mine vacated by the 33 rescued recently. He still wears Nazi clobber and carries a portrait of Adolf for good luck. What?!!!!!
written by whatinthe world, 24 October 2010
Time To Riot Near?
Republican candidate: Violent overthrow of govt 'on table'. "We already have three Captains of nuclear subs on our side.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Facebook: It's Only A Poof...Spoof!
FACEBOOK 'accidentally outing gay users' after joke sign "No Gays Allowed!"
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Obama Helping Reid #2
OBAMA: 'Harry doesn't move real quick'...in fact, he will be late this evening after being ran down my a 95-year-old in a wheelchair.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Reid A Throwback?
Harry Reid loss would leave Obama 'politically wounded' but, as he often says, it just might be worth it.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Obama Helping Reid
OBAMA: 'Harry doesn't move real quick'...in fact, he will be late after falling over a snail!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Court Case Turns Against Woman Victim As Usual
Questions about accuser surround sex slave case. Defense says low IQ woman kept as abused sex slave for six years had invited trouble from couple abusing her. "We all know that it's what women wear!"
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Leaked Iraq war files revealed!
Leaked Iraq war files portray weak, divided nation, Bush riding a Segway through the White House halls at night.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Delete All Nigerian Offers Now!
The art world's Bernie Madoff, and his deceptions! The spam world's Bernie Madoff, and its deceptions.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Obama Dazzles Dems!
Obama dazzles Democratic crowds by pulling Joe Biden out of a hat but is it enough?
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
G20: Some Advancement
G20 inks pact to avert trade war although real wars will continue!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
China Breaks Up Protesters
China breaks up anti-Japan protests! Wars been over for 65 years!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Western Ky. Wins First Game
Faithful fans rejoice as Hilltoppers break their 26-game losing streak after entering NCAA Division One. "Next Year Two!" chant crowd.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Could Change Your Name
WSJ: MySpace, apparently share user IDs with advertisers. Look for a full PO Box, "Spam" on computers.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Williams Still Upset Over Firing
Gone from NPR, Williams begins bigger role on Fox. Tells audience that watches NPR money raising to see his occasional "One Cent From Williams" to crawl across the screen.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
"Give So That Socialism Can Live!"
Gone from NPR, Williams begins bigger role on Fox. First up: Wasting Your Money On Telethons!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Climate Deal Possible
US envoy: Climate deal still possible in Mexico only it's worked out to be a climate of drug war instead of smog.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Barney Frank Uptight!
Tightening Senate races gives Barney Frank a thrill, as anything tightening always does.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Scared To Death?
3 Calif. beaches closed after deadly shark attack, Pelosi in bikini walking up and down beach.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Currency Tensions #2
Geithner in China for talks amid currency tensions as Washington on dollar bills now wearing dark shades.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Currency Tensions
Geithner in China for talks amid currency tensions as some dollars have nervous breakdown after hearing $13 Trillion debt!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Never Overestimate The Stupidy Of Average Voter
Tightening Senate races give pause to upbeat GOP as they didn't think Americans would fall from the continuing SOS!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Of Course It Will!
Could overhaul undermine employer health coverage? Is the Pope German?
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Diabetic Americans Increase
Number of diabetic Americans could triple by 2050. Number of warnings about diabetes, quadruple!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Jane Austen, King Had Help
Academic: Jane Austen had helping hand from editor. So did Stephen King until proofreader shot himself.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Austen Needed Help
Academic: Jane Austen had helping hand from editor, singing her books with "X My Mark"
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
T.P. Richard
Tropical Storm Richard drenches Honduran coast, prances around encouraging everyone get up and exercise!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
John Mellencamp supports Sarah Palin...
...and he wants his "Cougar" back.
written by matthatt, 24 October 2010
WikiLeaks Exaggerated #5
Leaked Iraq war files portray weak, divided nation. First piles of unveiled virgins before Rumsfeld.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
WikiLeaks Exxagerated #4
Leaked Iraq war files portray weak, divided nation. Naked piles of captured men with Barney Franks in the middle.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
WikiLeaks Exxagerated? #3
Leaked Iraq war files portray weak, divided nation. Tony Blair ruling from Saddam's chair, asking virgin to peal him a grape.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
WikiLeaks Adds On To Findings #2
Leaked Iraq war files portray weak, divided nation. President Bush being cried around in sedan chair.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
WikiLeaks Adds On To Findings
Leaked Iraq war files portray weak, divided nation..weak minded Saddam Hussein.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Entertainment Industry Job Figures Soar
Surge in number of bingo callers and club warm up acts following ad campaign to 'Go Compere.'
written by Herr Riballs, 24 October 2010
Blackpool Donkey Death
Man charged with animal cruelty after hearing Renault ad plea to 'shake that ass'.
written by Herr Riballs, 24 October 2010
Tribune Company's Second Attempt Out of Chapter 11
Tribune Company's second attempt out of Chapter 11 is to actually care about the news, and give consumers a product they want.
written by UWGB-Beek, 24 October 2010
Where's Spiderman, Stan Lee?
Shit hits the fan as the Doomsday Clock stolen by Doctor Doom!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Huge Watch List!
WikeLeaks reveals that there are now over 10 million people on the CIA watch list as possible terrorists. "We can't watch everybody", says spokesman.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Code Of Silence Broken!
Airlines breaks "Code of Silence" and admit that they don't really need full body scans!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
But Good Try
Office worker says that a nap clears the mind to think better. Fired anyway.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Bring On The Water Boards
New survey says that 2 out of ten admit they cheat on their taxes. Other eight admit nothing.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Butt Poorly Tuned!
Latest yearly physical of George W. Bush say that he's sound as a fiddle.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Death Valley Flooding Only Temporary
Tsunami warning for the hikers in Grand Canyon as seven inches of rain fall up the Colorado River!
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Three? Yeah. I See Two Napoleons
Three more mental patients escape on day trip to help gather turnips from the funny farm to store in the looney bin.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Yeah, There Are Six Of Them!
Escaped mental patients say they have arrived here at the city zoo and come in peace, even Napoleon.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Online Research Mind Stimulating
Doing Online Search stimulates aging brain more than reading a ook..except when reading crap like this.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Both Good But Not Together
Environmentalist Ralph Nader warns against mixing new wind energy with natural methane fuels.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Another Tribe In Brazil
Newly discovered tribe in Brazil forest ask about Larry King.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
It Was A Quick Freeze
Melting glacier beginning to reveal cave man and woman having sex.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
Attention WalMart shoppers!
Super Duper WalMart set to built at ground zero with daily specials broadcast loud enough over super speakers for mosque to hear.
written by Bureau, 24 October 2010
So What Else is New?
WikiLeaks is reporting that various militant Iraqi Islamic factions tortured and killed each other during the Iraq war. Additionally, Iran provided weapons to Iraqi Islamic militias!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 October 2010
The Wedding is Off
Ms. Fannie Mae and Mr. Freddie Mac were to marry, until they both found out each was a homosexual!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 October 2010
New State Revenue Source
States have found that legalized gambling does not bring in enough revenue to support public education. Legalized prostitution is being considered to fund children's education programs!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 October 2010
Left Wing Liberal Hypocrisy
Tax & spend Democratic left liberal state governments are employing speed cameras, raising taxes on alcohol & legalizing marijuana for your health. Actually, it's for obtaining more taxpayer money!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 October 2010
Democratic Reelection Politics
Loud popping sounds were heard emanating from House Speaker Pelosi's office. Not a celebration, but US House Democrats, who want to be reelected removing their lips from the speaker's anatomy.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 October 2010
President Obama Says Yes We Can
Yes we can continue my misguided Obamacare, terrible deficit/fiscal mismanagement, over regulation, overtaxing & lax illegal immigration enforcement policies, so the USA is France in several years.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 October 2010
Future News
Former single term President Barack Obama elected dog catcher in Chicago IL, 20 years after leaving the Oval Office!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 24 October 2010
