Island Practically Uninhabitable!
South Korean island hit by shelling is practically uninhabitable as shells blow 20-30-year old buried cabbage out of the ground that had been forgotten over the years!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Three Survivors From The Sea
Three Teenage boys survive 50 days adrift in South Pacific. How did they survive? "We started out with six."
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Chocolate Wars!
Hershey sues Mars over similar candy packaging. Ex-Lax says they are both full of shit!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Most Went Crazy Before Death
Study: Second-hand smoke kills 600,000 a year, second-hand farts only 6 but they died a horrible death.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Stalin The Butcher
Russia admits Stalin ordered Katyn massacre of Poles. He was our Pole Pot!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Happy! Happy! Happy!
Welcome to the happiest place in America! It's the Funny Farm in Loony Bin, Arkansas!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
I Almost Fell !
Obama gets twelve stitches after errant elbow to mouth. Michelle's mother say's it was an accident.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Found Near Crane Creek
Police in London have nicknamed another body of a decapitated murder victim 'Ichabod', until he can be formerly identified.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
President Obama needs 12 stitches on upper lip after taking a shot in the mouth while playing basketball
So, what would it take to get Mitch McConnell or John Boehner or somebody like that involved in some of these games?
written by The San Francisco Onion, 26 November 2010
"Gaia works in mysterious ways"
Harriet Harman sees bright side in economic downturn, citing reduced capacity to celebrate "Imperialist, class-dividing, Christocentric late December event."
written by Catherine the Average, 26 November 2010
Pay Per View Stunt Fails
The Times hires publisher of The Big Issue to boost sales
written by Catherine the Average, 26 November 2010
Horse-drawn wagon delivers White House Christmas tree
Douglas fir arrives at White House today in horse-drawn wagon after American economy leaves Lehighton, Pennsylvania Christmas Tree Company too broke to repair delivery truck.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 26 November 2010
Holiday food poisoning overwhelm hospitals
Hospitals across America are reporting an unprecedented surge in food poisoning cases this Thanksgiving holiday season. Epidemiologists trace the source back to turkeys tainted by Monsanto granary.
written by Skews Me, 26 November 2010
Obama/Woods Thanksgiving redux
Woods last year gets stitches from a golf club, Obama this year gets stitches from basketball. What kinda f**king turkeys are these people eating?
written by JAB, 26 November 2010
Not That There's Anything Wrong With The Name
New study shows that when you take a big bite of really cold ice cream and it goes right to your head & causes a headache, it can affect your brain. So I would avoid Golden Gaytime Cherry.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Must Not Be Important?
New Just-released Study Refutes Earlier Studies Claiming That That Particular Study... Is Now Considered.........Now I've Forgotten!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Sit And Absorb!
Internet and Facebook may be affecting body changes. Science says both our forehead and asses becoming bigger.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Al Gore Bored! Good!!
Al Gore complains that with the global economy and possible Korean War plus new royal couple planning marriage, "no one gives an rat's ass about global warming."
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
All We Are Saying, Is Give Ono A Chance!
Yoko Ono sues the United States Military for using her music and songs to torture jailed suspected terrorists. Demands royalty fees.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
There's A Lovely Spot Harold!
More Americans Plan to Delay Retirement! Most picking burial plot last few weeks before.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Signing Gorilla Beaten Up
Stupid gorilla beats up on signing gorilla who complains that "Dumbo doesn't even recognize the universal sign for 'time out'"!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Why Is Obama Afraid Of FOX?
President Obama says FOX News must black out all photographs of him. FOX says to stuff it. "We have legal rights."
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Vatican drops Glitter
Pope chooses theme song, Gary Glitters 'I'm The Leader Of The Gang' to appeal to younger members, the Vatican has dropped this for the 'Back Street Boys' down to controversy.
written by Julian Shure, 26 November 2010
Pete Rose Offers A Deal!
Baseball great Pete Rose, banned from baseball for betting, says that if Cooperstown will install him into the Baseball Hall Of Fame, he'll return all the bases he stole during his long career.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Obama Addresses Soldier Families
President Obama tells families of troops still in Iraq, "They're still on my 'To Do' list. Got a game on for now!"
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Ghana bans the sales of second hand knickers, "mucho bare pussies"
The Ghanaian government have banned the sales of second hand knickers and many women can't afford new ones, what a load of lovely naked "pussy"!
written by unknown
Shoper's For Dropping 'Turkey Day'!
Many say stupid Thanksgiving day ruins a great shopping weekend!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
"You'll Cause A Missed Free Throw!"
AP: The US does not want to be seen overreacting to NKorea. That's the reason Pres. Obama hasn't made on-camera statement about NKorea. Besides, he was busy playing basketball.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Too Tired For Kim
Obama spent about 90 minutes playing basketball at Ft. McNair & has returned to the White House. Kim of NKorea invites him to ping pong match.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
No Protest Songs?
New anthology with 300 Vietnam-era protest songs, closes by ripping current musicians for absence vs. Iraq & Afghan wars. "Only one with guts is Weird Al"
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Donkeys More Expensive
In Gaza, it's tuk-tuks over donkey carts, partly because fuel has become cheaper than donkey feed. Many served up as donkey fazoo!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Obama Needs To Hear From Others Than Yes-Men
Sunday Roundtable: "Obama needs to hear a voice from outside the presidential bubble. Those ears couldn't miss the disappointment of American people."
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Something Like That
Suspected U.S. missile strike kills approximately three alleged militants in northwest Pakistan or somewhere near there, intelligence(?) officials say.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Sneaked One By!
Old buddy Jerry Lewis says Dean Martin meant to sing "Mammaries Are Made Of These" on live TV years ago.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Mountain Violence?
Mountain violence before historic Ivory Coast vote. Sorry, that should be "Mounting".
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Palin Upset Over Press Blowups!
Palin attacks media over coverage of North Korea gaffe. "They knew I meant South Vietnam!"
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
US General Tours Island
US general views SKorean devastation. Former Vice President Cheney threatens to 'shoot Kim in the face'. "It would improve it considerably."
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Saudis Using Excuse To Clean House!
Saudi forces arrest 149 al-Qaida suspects, enemies of the royal family!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Russia: We Were The First
Russia opens key plant to destroy chemical weapons, keys.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Nixon Tapes On Display
Secret Nixon tapes now available at the Nixon Library in "Adults Only" room.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
WikiLeaks At It Again
US briefs allies about next WikiLeaks release, especially French, Polish jokes.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
NKorea Defiant
Defiant North Korea fires artillery warning shots into the ocean. Threatens to start a tsunami.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Black Friday Maybe Freaky Friday!
FACEBOOK posting leads to assault with frying pan, stabbing. Woman pees in aisle to slow those behind her.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Black Friday Alright
Mall food court placed on lockdown after fight, reports of gunshots, three men tear doll apart.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Have To Get It Going
Australian Firm To Sell World's First Armpit Testosterone Lotion In US! Many women say armpit farts before sex a turn-off.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
AARP Calls Simpson, Simpleton
Debt commission co-chair Alan Simpson calls seniors 'greediest generation'. "They expect the US government to send them Social Security from what they have paid in for 40 years!"
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
What A Treat We Have In The US!
Palin: My fellow Americans in all 57 states, the time has changed for come. With our country founded more than 20 centuries ago, we have much to celebrate: Obama accuses Palin of stealing HIS message.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
False Advertising?
Shoppers accuse WAL-MART of false advertising. "I'd like to wipe that smile off that little yellow spot's face", says customer!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
More WikiLeaks
US briefs UK govt about next WikiLeaks release. "Blair and Bush only dressed in skirts and tops for fundraiser."
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Koreas Near War
NKorea warns region is on brink of war. Former President Bush in Crawford, Texas: "Bring It On!!"
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Taliban Hiring More Actors
The Taliban is hiring more actors in their attempts to make fools of NATO. The Taliban is offering 70 Virgins to these actors in hopes of getting more men to take important Taliban roles.
written by UWGB-Beek, 26 November 2010
Carter Apologizes To Jews
Former President Carter officially apologizes to Jews for remark last year. "I apologize to all Jews. Now will you end embargo of peanuts?"
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
McDonald's Announces "Turkey On The Go" For Thanksgiving Day Shoppers
Shoppers enjoyed a Thanksgiving meal at the Food Court in the mall. Ordered "family style", the meals include "fortune cookies" called McThanks. "We want to keep the spirit alive," an official said.
written by kslaught, 26 November 2010
Top Tip:
To prevent drowning, hold breath when head is immersed in water.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 26 November 2010
Honesty Best Policy
According to Dr. Ruth, honesty is the clue to any relationship. "If you can fake that, you're pretty well in like Flint!"
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Bernard "Turkeyman" Matthews Dies
Bernard Matthews, who made his millions bringing cheap turkey to the masses, meets the Grim Reaper's Chopping Block at 80!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Bush On Horseback
Former President Bush states in his new book that Putin was a big show-off, riding on horseback in pics. "I had done that many times but before Laura could take a pic, the quarter would run out."
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Gore: My Best Feat Since Inventing Internet
Global warming has slowed down over the past 10 years, say scientists. Perhaps even the past 50 years.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Ireland In Worse Shape In Hundred Of Years
Ireland in worse shape since St Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland and into the world's law schools!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Just As Safe
NHS Study: Meat and milk from cloned animals is 'no greater safety risk' than ordinary artificially fattened producers of regular meat and milk.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Somebodies Selling Weapons!!
"Nuclear Nations" jump from eight in 2005 to 107 by 2011!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
No ObamaCare!
Shocking extent of Britain's 'postcode lottery' of NHS care revealed that patients are simply left on hospital wards rather than being looked after in stroke units. Many Mailing this to Obama.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Palin May Divorce to Support Presidential Bid
Admits confusion as to whether being married to the First Lady conflicts with her opposition to gay marriage.
written by Catherine the Average, 26 November 2010
Many Blame Beer At Bars
Passenger hauled off plane for too many bathroom breaks. Objects that pilot took three visits before take-off.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Germany Hurt By Bailouts
The escalating debt crisis on the eurozone periphery is starting to contaminate creditworthiness of Germany and the core states of monetary union. German leaders may do a beer conference of their own.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Saints Still Win!
NFL's Saints steal win over Cowboys with late touchdown. Cowboy owner breaks toe kicking booth.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
What Halftime Performance?
Black Eyed Peas to perform Super Bowl halftime. Perfect time to refill on snacks, get rid of all that beer.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Apparently It's A Clock Warning
More than 600,000 people killed by 2nd-hand smoke. Consumers advised to remove second hands from clock before they begin smoking.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Flat TV's Still Have No Programs
Sharp holiday price drops seen for flat-panel TVs, Pong games!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Obama Criticized
Critics say Obama lagging on endangered species like far-left voters.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Joint Adventure At Turin
Fiat wants Chrysler joint venture at Turin plant. Negotiations 'shrouded' in mystery.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Being Thankful For!
What liberals and conservatives can be thankful for this Thanksgiving: That we haven't thrown both of them out of office.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Carp On Shakedowns
Asian carp create nagging fear in Lake Erie towns as chemicals in water has led them to grow legs.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Just A bit At A Time Not So Painful
Portugal adopts deficit-reducing austerity plan to use over 40 year period.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Mammals Succeeded Dinosaurs
Dinosaur die-off cleared way for gigantic mammals. Two different Kirstie Alley types dug up in two different locations.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Lab Grown Instead Of Soil
Amphetamines growing drug threat in Asia: UN report. Earth-friendly natural drugs on the decline.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Passive Smoking Criticized
600,000 die each year from passive smoking: study states that more should get off their ass and go outside & walk around while smoking.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Jail Half Finished
Locally, Barren's new jail about half finished, builder says. Hopes rest is completed soon as over 50 prisoners have walked out so far.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Viking Explorers Came First?
The Viking explorer, Leif Erickson may well have been the first European to reach the Americas, but it is a certain Genoan sailor who gets all the glory. Both drawn in by lights of Indian casinos.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Three Great Rescues!
Teenagers adrift in Pacific for 50 days reach land. 17 rare sea turtles rescued off Cape Cod, Mass. Man who dropped by for cup of coffee at mall rescued from mad shoppers.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
SC Man Arrested
SC man accused of threatening to shoot president. He says he's upset with man he voted for.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
US May Open One Soon
Russia opens key plant to destroy chemical weapons. Estimate ten years to finish job.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Bombing Stopped
Pakistan police say bombing plot in capital foiled. First success in five years.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Rangel Punishment Thursday
Punishment phase for Rangel set for Thursday. Will be drawn (by artist) and quartered (Fined 50 cents).
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Europe Debt Hurts Market
Europe's debt crisis weighs on markets again plus helps to hide that of the US!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
First Book Out On Royal Couple!
First Kate and Wills book published; more in store soon. First one has 1500 photos of the couple standing by microphone.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
As Nkorean Threats Increase
Japan election sure to show opposition to US base. They sure picked a good time for it.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
New Drug Tunnel
Sophisticated drug tunnel found in San Diego. Police needed map of discovered underground maze!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
NKorea Usual Nutjobs At It
NKorea warns region is on brink of war. Japan say their Kamikazes ready to take to the air!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Mammals Still Huge
Dinosaur die-off cleared way for gigantic mammals like you see in today's WalMart!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Mall Too Full To Leave?
US shoppers crowd malls all night long. Many still there at 6:30 this morning.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Ready To Lap The Kiddies
US shoppers crowd malls all night long. Today, Santa Claus arrives wearing adult diapers.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Rat Mauls Rottweiler
Obesity Epidemic Threatens Fido, Fluffy, New York City Rats Too!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Animals Too Fat Also
Obesity Epidemic Threatens Fido, Fluffy, Too. Example, 150-pound cat featured in the World Weekly News!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Russia To Destroy/Sell Chemical Weapons
Russia has inaugurated a plant designed to destroy the country's largest stockpile of chemical weapons or at least those they cannot sell to Iran, Syria, NKorea.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Shop Till You Drop!
US shoppers crowd malls all night long. Need to spend it while we can!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Shop All Night
US shoppers crowd malls all night long after holding back the last few years.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Brink Of War
NKorea warns region is on brink of war. As Kim Sr. instructs his son on being the same pile of crap as he has been.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Region Brink Of War
NKorea warns region is on brink of war...and has been for 50 years!
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Head Size
A new survey over men's preference for the size and shape of women's faces has determined that all men like a little head.
written by IainB, 26 November 2010
'Global Warming Liberalist Hogwash' says poorly educated Right-Winger
NEW YORK - A right winger has yet again attacked Global Warming as communist plot, like 'soccer', even though he failed to pass high school.
written by Inhopeless, 26 November 2010
Black ice Blamed for black out on black Friday
Retiree Mel Black in a black Mini to buy blackberries got a black eye after blacking out on black ice, and hitting a pole on the Blackhorse Pike. "Blackie, our black lab is OK," said his wife Blanche.
written by JAB, 26 November 2010
Pacquaio Knockout
Manny Pacquaio scores a knockout both in the boxing ring and in the Philippine Congress!
written by foodallyoucan, 26 November 2010
Martha Stewart Loses it On Thanksgiving Guest
Said the celebrity about one of her guests, "She was just horrendous. First, she swilled her wine like a drunken sailor, and then she ate her dessert with her salad fork. How gauche.
written by Charpa93, 26 November 2010
Kim Jung & Son
WIRE: North Korean leader and son, a chip off the old blockhead, visited artillery site before shelling.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
China, Russia Quit Dollar
CHINA, RUSSIA QUIT DOLLAR! United States should quit buying their products! Where's the Tea Party?
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
Slow The Spread of Heretics
Pope Benedict XVI has recommended that all none Catholics wear condoms.
written by Bureau, 26 November 2010
