Gorilla Contradicts Stone!
Signing gorilla finally admits that he had a part of the Kennedy assassination, by throwing shit at those with cameras. Oliver Stone was wrong.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
This Is Nobel Material
President Obama on saving money and trees. "If you're already getting a shower anyway, why waste toilet paper to wipe?"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Fish Scare Themselves
A new study found that fish are scared of their own reflections, much like Amy Winehouse.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Ben Ladin: Conditions Less Than Satisfactory
Osama Ben Ladin makes surprise visit to Gitmo. Gives the place the white glove inspection, shakes his head and is gone before anyone notified.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
For Your Ears Only
An unknown source has told something really bad on someone who has asked not to be identified who is currently living at an undisclosed location. But keep it to yourself.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Queen Resigns
Queen Elizabeth resigns to spend more time with some other family. "Fergy broke the camel's back", says one family member.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
I'm Sorry, BeePee
Many parents now say there are sorry they named their kids "BeePee". Well, actually, just this writer."
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
BP Now To Introduce "Plan Z"
After exhausting all efforts to plug the Gulf Coast oil spill, BP's book of backup emergency protocol reads, "If plan Z fails, there are no more letters in the alphabet. Have fun."
written by Nik Voelz, 29 May 2010
Dennis Hopper's Wife Says Actor "Not all that sick." Hopper's Corpse Begs To Differ..
Dennis Hopper's estranged wife filed documents last week, claiming the actor is not as infirmed as he claims. Hopper responded today by dying. Husband 1, Wife 0. Death was credited with an assist.
written by anthonyrosania, 29 May 2010
Putin On The Ritz
Sarah Palin says that she is tired of Vladimir Putin walking around his house naked. "He knows I can see him from here. 'I' know that that thing he's wearing isn't real!"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Goldbergs On Main Busted!
The FBI say that they have found bags of cocaine in some tuxedos. Will carry out a formal investigation.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
"Oh, Mimi Here Is Pregnant , Will You Include That?"
This will be the first census to add in artificial life mates. Over 20,000 Reality Dolls have been counted so far.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Any Barbed Wire?
German construction company hired to build the wall between the US and Mexico.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Wal-Mart Cuts Prices
Wal-Mart is counting on $1 ketchup bottles, sub-$4 cases of Coke and wider aisles for big ass customers to get its low-price mojo back.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Grim Warning Issued
Top Israeli scientist, Noah Scapeman, issues grim warning on Climate Change!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
More Outlawed Songs #12
More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "Bridge Over Tar-Balled Water"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
More Outlawed Songs #11
More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "Because Refine, I Walk The Grime"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
More Outlawed Songs #10
More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "People Get Ready, There Are Tar Balls A-Comin'"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
More Outlawed Songs #9
More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "Dipsticks In Love"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
More Outlawed Songs #8
More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "Talking About My Oil Frustration"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
More Outlawed Songs #7
More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "An Oil Change Is Gonna Come"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
More Outlawed Songs #6
More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "Hey Crude!"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Three Dangers
Chinese takeaways 'far more likely' to give you food poisoning than a kebab but bad blood pudding the worst.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Landed Wrong
Training injury cost me chance of having baby, claims gymnast who busted his balls!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
All Those Tire Marks Should Warn Them, Say Police
Britain's most lucrative speed that suddenly drops MPH limit to half, trap nails nearly 1,000 drivers in just 10 DAYS (bringing in £54,000).
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Had A Nip Before The Flight?
Passenger who woke to find herself alone on plane sues airline for false imprisonment, the heebie jeebies, snakes.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Forgive Me, Saint Stool!
Drink-drive priest misses, mass after being locked up by police, confesses to toilet which he appeared to think was a saint.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Trail Stopped
Murder trial almost collapses after juror 'passes her phone number to police officer'. Judge stops trial, confiscates telephone number, demands to see juror in his office.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
More Outlawed Songs #5
More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "I See A Seashore & I Want It Painted Black!"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
More Outlawed Songs #4
More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "Goodness Gracious Great Balls Of Tar!"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
More Outlawed Songs #3
More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "Don't Be Crude".
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
More Outlawed Songs #2
More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including all songs by "Derrick & The Dominoes"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Local Dyslexic School Children Told To WANK to School
"I was surprised at the kids enthusiasm to obey the rules until I discovered the error", said their teacher.
written by unknown
Local Dyslexic Goes Hill WANKING
"I was wondering why my gay neighbour was so eager to come along with me on the trip", said Jimmy Jimjam.
written by unknown
Local Newspaper Covers Bent Copper
The small piece of copper piping was described as 'crooked', and was discovered beneath a tattered copy of yesterdays News of The World sports section pullout.
written by unknown
More Outlawed Songs
More songs have been outlawed on the Gulf Oil Coast beaches, including "When You Fish Upon Some Tar!"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Local Cows Say They Don't Mind Alien Abductions
"It's a lot of fun and gets us out of the fields for a while", they mooed.
written by unknown
Fergie Seeking Funds
Shamed Fergie is seeking bigger divorce payout from Andrew. "If not, your royal drawers will be on eBay!"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Lord Prezza Accepts Title
Lord Prezza gives up class war: But I'm only taking a peerage to turn Pauline into a an honest woman, I mean Lady, he says.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Turns Down "Hair Of The Dog" For Hangover
Kitten survives wash and spin in a washing machine but does sudden flips at any time.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Celtics Back In Finals
Celtics back in NBA finals for 3rd time in 2 seasons, says math graduate from U. of Louisville.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Once There Were Twice As Many
Motorists warned to beware of moose on move as tens of millions of endangered listed animals move further north.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Hanging In There
Man crosses English Channel with helium balloons, after high winds hits amusement park.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
NY Beach Tops
NY's Southampton beach tops Dr. Beach's 10 best sans oil slicks.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Violent Video A Learning Tool?
Violent video games touted as learning tool, especially for those who wish to grow up robbing banks and shooting policemen.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Ancient 'Ardi' Not Related To Man?
Questions raised about 'Ardi' as man's ancestor. Larry King says that he only remembers an 'Andi' from that region.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Not Man's Ancester?
Questions raised about 'Ardi' as man's ancestor as many argue that "Ardi" is a woman's name.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
GPS System Lost?
Delta 4 rocket that blasted off on GPS mission not showing up on radar.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Sea Otter Dies
Sea otter that survived '89 spill dies in Seattle of "Tar Ball Lung".
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Alaska Sues Feds
Alaska sues feds over predator control. Point out examples of babies and dingos in Australia.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Obama Asks Americans To Celebrate
Obama asks Americans to observe Memorial Day. "Remember when we all had enough money to vacation in another country? Well, actually, we still do."
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
"Tar Balls!" Becoming Top Curse Words On The Gulf!
Tar balls and promises: Obama visits Gulf Coast between ninth and tenth hole on near-by golf course.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
DOJ, Arizona Officials Meet
DOJ, Arizona officials meet over immigration law as Arizona asks to see DOJ birth certificates first.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Not A Bad Idea
For vacationers, it's another scaled-back summer as many families exchange houses in different states for two weeks.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Suicide Nutter
Hundreds without power in Jefferson County, Kentucky as squirrels declare jihad.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Oakland Pot Tax
Oakland to license, tax indoor marijuana growers. All the other US states and cities: "You can do that?"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Eubanks Has "Leno's Chin"
Bandleader Kevin Eubanks ends 18 years with Leno after finally catching "Leno's Chin" disease.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Could Be Lawsuits Against Fla. Banks
3 Fla. banks, 1 each in Nev., Calif. shut down. California bank over finances, 3 in Florida over oil slicks causing customers to bust their asses.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Alcohol Tag!
Lindsay Lohan wants a Chanel alcohol tag. She also wants a little nip between bracelet & tag.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
The Oil Blob Of Horrors
22-mile oil plume under Gulf nears rich waters demands to be fed "or else"!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Van Susteren #2
Fox host Van Susteren asks blog readers to gauge her, if she is smarter than a fifth grader.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Van Susteren Tests
Fox host Van Susteren asks blog readers to gauge her, whether she "has enough smarts".
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
China Apologizes
China offers SKorea condolences for ship sinking. "Selling Kim weapons instead of leaded cartoon toys."
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Will 'Top Kill' Stop Leak Or Kill More Fish?
Americans wait to learn if top kill will stop oil although "Top Kill" isn't a very acceptable name at the present.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Wearing A Robe
Cher tells Entertainment Today that she is going to have to "drag my ass back to that cosmetic surgeon."
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Campy Crusader
Holy Toledo, Batman Camp closes just beyond Toledo city limits!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Have To Make Do!
Mail order bride arrives at Alaskan outback in the wrong color, size and sex.
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
400 Years On The Job
Haitian Zombie celebrates 400 years at New England CPA Firm, Williams, Edwards & Brains!
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Costco Beer #31
Costco now brewing it's own beer. For great savings on a beer that's drinkable, try their new "Bass Pale Scale"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Costco Beer #30
Costco now brewing it's own beer. For great savings on a beer that's drinkable, try their new "Milwaukee's Jest"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Costco Beer #29
Costco now brewing it's own beer. For great savings on a beer that's drinkable, try their new "Goat 45"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Costco Beer #28
Costco now brewing it's own beer. For great savings on a beer that's drinkable, try their new "Urkel's 92"
written by Bureau, 29 May 2010
Rand Paul Asked if He's Ever Used KY-Jelly
His reply was "Sure, lots of times. Jelly from Kentucky, in my opinion, is some of the best dang jelly in the country."
written by Charpa93, 29 May 2010
