Sun Getting To Bin Laden
In a new video, Osama bin Laden says he has decided to send 300,000 more suicide bombers into Afghanistan.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Oprah Winfrey Vows to Never Diet Again
An unidentified source was quoted as saying "sure, she's been sucked in so many times by so-called diet experts, she should be a size -1 by now."
written by Charpa93, 13 May 2010
Simon Cowell Threatens to Leave Idol if Casey James Wins
When reminded that he has already announced he won't be back next season, Cowell instead threatened to beat the reporter for reminding him of his diminished influence.
written by Charpa93, 13 May 2010
Worse Of 2009
Poll: The worse thing that happened to average man in 2009? "Wives messing up your hair & wanting you to bite their neck during sex."
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
"Simon Cowell Upset
Simon Cowell upset because the "Year of the Rat" won't return until 2020!
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
"Here Comes Captain Eunuch!"
Man sues airport for scanner revealing his tiny weiner.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Cyrus At 16
Miley Cyrus film shows up showing her twisting her butt against 45-year old producer. "He's gay! That's the part I thought he would most appreciate!"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
There Goes Arkansas
Arizona's new law also bans any "related married couples" from southern U.S.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Prince Charles To Do Commercials?
Britain has requested that Burger King change their "King" in commercials there as he acts too much like Prince Charles and viewers might get the wrong idea.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
No More Trans Fats
McDonald's has announced that it is completely free of trans fats altogether! The announcement came after completing a deal with the National Hog Farmer's Association.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Local Man thinks his friends believe he is a Muslim
"My friends are always telling me I'm shite, but I'm presuming they meant 'shi-ite'", he said.
written by unknown
Local Caveman Invents Wheel
He is still waiting for his friend Kevin to invent Roads.
written by unknown
Local Explosives Expert Blows up Wife
Local man Barry Nubbins - a trained dynamite user - got married to his inflatable doll.
written by unknown
Local Scientist invents Mind Reading Machine
It's called 'The Wife'.
written by unknown
Lonesome Glove
One hand was warm and dexterous while the other was bare, cold and stiff. One glove was free in the wind while the other was bothered by fever and painful stretch.
written by C. Cranium, 13 May 2010
British Beaches Improved
Good news for 'staycationers': Britain's beaches are three times cleaner than a decade ago. "You can actually see the sand in spots", says returning visitor.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Too Crowded!
Thousands of pupils being taught in 'illegal' large classes, as average pupil's weight up 25 pounds over that two years ago.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudist's Movie #35
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "The Gold Bush!"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudist's Movie #34
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "A Sweet Thing Named Desire"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudist's Movies #33
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "Bun Crazy!"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Afghan poppies have been ruined by a fungus called Taliban dandruff!
Taliban accuse the US for ruining their poppy harvest claiming a fungus had been planted. Actually the Taliban are to blame, during harvest they removed their turbans and the dandruff did the rest!
written by unknown
Top Nudist's Movies #32
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "The Asphalt Jiggle"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Could Also Ride Bike Without Hands!
Shopkeeper bars 17-year-old cyclist from buying puncture repair kit 'in case he sniffs the glue'. "Certainly couldn't smell it over the stink in here", he tells owner.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Sounds Like Seinfeld Episode
New Yorker has miniature Eiffel Tower removed from rectum THREE years after incident. "You get past 550 pounds, you have to do something", he tells reporters.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
The Pope prays too Fatima for forgiveness and get's a cold shoulder!
Fatima in Portugal refused to show the Pope that the Almighty forgives his "naughty paedo Priests" her cheeks stayed dry, in fact she smiled and told him to politely F**k O*f in perfect Latin!
written by unknown
Double Trouble
'I forgot I was in a double decker': Bus driver tears off roof going under low bridge. Passengers on second deck may sue!"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Lethal With Chair
Pictured: Have-a-go-hero batters gun-wielding robber with a chair. "We always watch the "Jerry Springer Show" he admits.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Lottery Winner Behind Bars
Behind bars: The unemployed lottery winner who scooped £164,000, then claimed £21,700 in benefits. Gets three month sentence, fined £164,000.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Amazing But True!
One in seven schoolchildren don't speak English as a first language. Most of them in China!
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudist's Movie #31
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "Rebel Without Geegaws"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nustist's Movie #30
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "Don With The Grin"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudist's Movie #29
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "Invasion Of The Body Lechers"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudist's Movie #28
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "Ben Hur, Done That"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudist's Movie #27
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "Twelve Angry Eunuchs"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudist's Movie #26
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "Sweet Tails Of Success"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Fell For It Hard
Sorry darling, I've dented the Aston Martin: Party girl lands on £130,000 supercar after 12ft fall from window! "I always knew that it was the car that you had fallen for, says fiancee.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Meteorologists proclaim new weather on the horizon
Refuse to reveal which one!
written by Tcoah, 13 May 2010
Girl Admits Lie
Girl, 8, tells court she lied about being raped by ten-year-old boys. "It was a giraffe at the zoo."
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Survey says cold weather reduces on-street crime
Weather forecasters told by Obama to dress up cold weather in heavy socks.
written by Tcoah, 13 May 2010
It Was Awful! Let Me Tell You Again!
House of Fraser assistant 'repeatedly stabbed by colleague' in front of horrified shoppers, who stopped to watch.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Parking Permit Denied
Woman with false leg 'not disabled enough' for special parking permit (after having one for 25 years). Told by local policeman to "Hop it!"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Facebook Abduction?
Friends of London woman who disappeared without a trace say she had recently met an alien on facebook. "She's probably on another planet by now", states best friend.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Economic Plans Expensive
Coalition economic plans will ADD £10bn to deficit say opponents, nearly as bad as ours.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
China Admits Space Program Going to the Dogs
Chinese Astronaut Yang Liwei listed his food menu as braised chicken, steamed fish and dog meat from Huajiang county. Thought eating cat was uncivilized.
written by emccorm, 13 May 2010
Cameron Kid in Hospital
After moving into Number 10, one of David Cameron's children has been taken to hospital.
He swallowed a large marble from Gordon's bedside cabinet.
written by Coops, 13 May 2010
CIA Poisoning Afghan Puppies
CORRECTION: Should read: CIA Poisoning Afghan Poppies
written by emccorm, 13 May 2010
Woman Finds Needle in Haystack
No word yet on whether or not she'll find that piece of string.
written by Charpa93, 13 May 2010
Large Man With Small Penis Accused of Assault
Obviously the man was incapable of either walking softly or carrying a big stick.
written by Charpa93, 13 May 2010
Dirty Police Tactics
Bangkok protests claim that police have deliberately banged them on the cock.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
China Apologizes Over Execution
"Murdered" Chinese man reappears after 10 years. "Feel much better now, thank you."
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
No One Cancelling!
In a great surprise, the number one reason Americans want to visit Europe this summer is to see the ash from the volcano.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Seinfeld To Help Nashville
Seinfeld joins country celebs in aiding Nashville. "You guys have been providing me with humor material for my whole career. It's time I gave some back."
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
NBC Desperate?
Fans who share their passion for NBC shows online could earn the network's appreciation - and prizes - in return. "Watch our programs, win a suit!"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
FDA Asks That Docs Speak Up!
FDA urges docs to report misleading drug ads. Many plan to close extra day a week to catch up on their reading.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
BP Unregulated?
Emerging oil rig evidence shows lack of regulation duct tape.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Lot Of Buffalo
Obama to talk small-business agenda in Buffalo. "He speaks 'Buffalo' fluently", states Biden.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Good Marks?
Poll: Good marks for Obama on spill, creating few jobs, cutting space program, raises taxes. Poll 5% plus/minus village idiots.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
In Your Face!
Israelis: No halt to east Jerusalem construction. "Ignore our President on another visit Mr. Obama!"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
New Claims Down
New claims for unemployment insurance inch down as many have drawn all they can or simply given up.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Clear As Mud
Kohl's 1Q net income rises on higher revenue. That's how it works. If revenue was lower, it would be down.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Oil Spill Permit!
Stupak: How did oil spill companies get permits? "We got a permit to spill oil three months ago", replies BP's CEO. Shouldn't your name be "STUPID"?
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Glad We Got That Straight
Emerging oil rig evidence shows lack of stopping it from escaping into the Gulf.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
"You Lie" Guy Next?
9 indicted on charges of accessing Obama records. Obama now referred to as "The Teflon President".
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
There's Your Answer!
Does Washing Lettuce Get Rid of Bacteria? Does voting in new people in Washington ever get rid of all the bullshit?
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Armored Vehicles Being Used
Thailand will use armored vehicles to seal protest. Arizona will use armored vehicles to seal off Mexico, California.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Gas Platform Sinks
Offshore natural gas platform sinks off Venezuela. "Hugo Chavez needs to lose that gut before visiting any more platforms", states foreman.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Going Postal Again
Mail carriers who collected 52K pounds during regional food drive say one has cracked up and threatens to eat it.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
FEMA Awaits
FEMA says they are simply awaiting the word before heading for gulf disaster while finishing up on Oklahoma bombing.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
But FEMA Prepares For Gulf
Obama declares flood disaster. Still waiting on that oil spill thingy.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Kids Paint Themselves Also
Warhol self-portrait sells for record $32.5 million. Inspires other artists to begin painting themselves from mirrors.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Man Blaming Arizona Doesn't Work
California man sentenced to 10 years for investment scam. Blames Arizona.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
LA Vs Arizona
Los Angeles to boycott Arizona over immigration law. Arizona threatens to sit off dynamite at border hoping to stir earthquake and slide California into ocean.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Tornado Toll The Same
Wednesday's toll from the tornado that missed Indiana still at zero.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
More Regulations The Answer?
Emerging oil rig evidence shows lack of regulation. President names new Frogman Czar.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Best To Be Sure
Does Washing Lettuce Get Rid of Bacteria? Most authorities now recommend running them in the dish washer.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
A Politician With Guts? Unheard of!
Arizona governor signs bill targeting ethnic studies, sends more border guards to Mexican, Californian borders.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Guv Signs Bill Against Illegal Immigration
Arizona governor signs bill targeting ethnic studies, lowers her pants and moons California.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Armstrong Critical Of Obungler.
Neil Armstrong: Obama's New Space Plan 'Piss Poor Effort'. "Where has he been the last 40 years?"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Poll Only Asked One Party
Poll: Good marks for Obama on spill, deserves some kind od award for waiting 21 days and still not doing anything about it.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Forecloses Delayed
Foreclosures down 2 percent from last year! "It's a modern miracle", say Democrats up for re-election in the fall.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Hugh Hefner, alias The Viagra Kid
Hugh Hefner, who is 84, said that if all of the Viagra pills he has taken were laid end-to-end they would reach from the tip of his pecker to the moon.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 May 2010
Paris Hilton's New Home Is In Quite a Neighborhood
Paris Hilton got a hell of a deal on a 10,000 sq. ft. home she purchased on eBay. She paid $7 for it. When asked where it is located she replied, "It's next to Eyjafjallajokull whatever that is."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 May 2010
The Forgotten Actor Formerly Known As Billy Bob Thornton
The nearly totally forgotten Billy Bob Thornton has signed to star in the film 'OctoMom Gets Knocked Up Again.' The highly versatile Thornton will be portraying Nadya Suleman.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 May 2010
The Con Artist Formerly Known As Mr. Bernie Madoff
In the Bad News/Good News Department: The bad news is that the prison inmates have turned Bernie Madoff into a bitch. The good news is that 'she' was recently elected Queen of Cell Block F.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 May 2010
Charles Barkley Reveals Who His White Soul Mate Is
Charles Barkley, TNT sports commentator, says that he now weighs exactly as much as his white soul mate Kirstie Alley who weighs 409 pounds.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 13 May 2010
David Cameron's favourite joke
When asked tonight, "What is your favourite joke?" David Cameron answered:
"Nick Clegg."
written by unknown
NASA Running Short
NASA reports that it doesn't have enough money to keep count of all the asteroids or large meteorites. Asks Willie Nelson if he can get all the Stars out for a big fundraiser for the real "Earth Day".
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Change In Docs
Under President Obama's new health care plan, Spin Doctors will make three times the amount of regular doctors.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudist's Movie #25
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "Baths Of Glory"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudist's Movie #24
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "The Plight Of The Runter"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudist's Movie #23
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "Woman Holiday"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudist Movie #22
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "The Big Pete"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudist Movie #21
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "On The Hotter Front"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudist Movies #20
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "Swinging In The Rain"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudists Movies #19
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "Some Rise"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Top Nudist Movies #18
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "Bad Day At Black Cock"
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
Customers Leaving
General Mills which showed a good year in sales last year as many people began eating cereal three times a day due to bad economy, now losing money as the same people have switched to store brands.
written by Bureau, 13 May 2010
