Attention Span Lengthens
Most in US agree that they only lost their attention span twice in the 1.26 Milliseconds the earthquake cost time on earth, so we're improving.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Wasted 1.26 Milliseconds
Experts claim that you could have gotten things over with during the lost 1.26 Milliseconds of the Chile earthquake, like say you have listened to Yanni.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Opportunity Lost
Authorities say that during the 1.26 Milliseconds we lost during Chile earthquake, everyone could have gotten a good start on making some instant pudding.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Everything Costs
Treasury Secretary says that the 1.26 Milliseconds we lost during Chili earthquake cost the U.S. to go another 2.9 billion dollars in debt.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
News From Iran
Huge mushroom cloud over Iran said to be freak storm by religious leaders.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Obama Mad
President says "No more Mr. Nice Guy" with Republicans. "I'm taking my pants off."
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Fat Woman Helps Police
Police help woman who was hired as a "mule' to carry cocaine into the US to obtain a new identity, after she ruins the whole load with a big fart. Before leaving, she gave names and identified pics.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #18
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including dressing up as a woman and using Jenny Tull.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Internet introduce a new "PORN" domain, The Spoof has applied too!
The internet is to introduce a brand new exclusive "Porn Domain" and The Spoof has already claimed a site on it called: www.thespoofguidetotheultimateejaculationexperience.CUM!
written by unknown
Skoob1999 come back
Skoob dude,
Get with it. Take an antidepressant. Go on vacation. Come back as Skoob2099.
written by C. Cranium, 09 March 2010
Giant Panda still not interested in sex
Giant Panda Gu Gu still not in mood for sex but may 'knock one out' sometime this evening say chinese zoo officials.
written by John Kerruish, 09 March 2010
Show your gun at Starbuck's , receive a free latte'
"Upholding the 2nd amendment is something we can all be proud of!" Said Starbuck's spokesmouth Darrell Steemer yesterday.
written by Wumf, 09 March 2010
Hillary near to discovering cause of devastating earthquakes says Obama
"What humanitarian crisis will she solve next? This most mightiest of International women?" Said the president in press conference remarks.
written by Wumf, 09 March 2010
Giant target hung on Yosemite's Half Dome to honor right to carry guns
"They paid their admission fees, now why not have a little sporting fun and plink at the biggest gosh darn target in America!" said Park Superintendent Sanjay Omar Guptamos
written by Wumf, 09 March 2010
World as we know it woudn't exist without Hillary, says Obama
"On International Woman's Day, I want to repeat that we owe our progress, nay, our very civilization to this woman that I pretended to scorn two years ago", the President said in remarks today.
written by Wumf, 09 March 2010
Women responsible for 99 1/2% of births says Obama
Other half percent "probably aliens",President remarks during International Women's Day ceremonies.
written by Wumf, 09 March 2010
Insurance Rates Speed Ahead
Insurance rates up more than 30% in some areas, 98% for Toyotas!
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Obama gives Hillary Clinton credit
The Secretary of State's Visa credit line had just been terminated.
written by Wumf, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #17
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Jack Cass.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #16
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Chris Peacock.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Intl. Women's Day: Obama honors women's role in America's growth
Without birth, U.S. would be lesser country says President.
written by Wumf, 09 March 2010
NASCAR Electronics
A Toyota Camry won the NASCAR race in Atlanta over the weekend with the winner taking 49 victory laps until it ran out of gas.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #15
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Yuri Yankov.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Why Rio Win
Insiders report the the reason that Rio de Janeiro won the site of the 2016 Olympics over Chicago is due to the fact that the athletes there will go topless.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #14
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Willy B. Hardigan.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #13
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Wayne Kerr.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #12
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Noah Knowles.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Larry King Explains Mystery
Strange circumstances this morning when an ancient mummy from Egypt unwrapped & it looks like Larry King's twin brother! However King says it's actually his cousin, Impotet King.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #11
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Mike Hock Hertz.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #10
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Max E. Padd
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #9
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including disguised as Big Moe Lester.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Hoping For More Tourists
Treasury Secretary says he hopes there will be more tourist visiting the US this year. US economy helped by their purchasing cheaper products now that the dollar is worth 25 cents.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
New Home Security Warning
Home Security terrorist warning says we should especially be careful at airports, bus stations, subways, hotels, trains, motels, sporting events and, apparently, your Aunt Hilda during the summer.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #8
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Barry A Bone.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #7
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Phillip D. Pansy.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #6
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Ivan Yankin.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #5
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Little Nat Sass.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #4
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Phil Mike Crotch.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #3
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Doug Hole!
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Jackson Alias #2
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Ben Down.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Michael Jackson Drug Alias
Reports are that Michael Jackson used 59 different aliases to obtain prescription drugs, including Tad Moore Please.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
New Orient Express
200mph 'New Orient Express' could get passengers from London to Beijing in TWO days. ONE day if built by Toyota, but no stops in between.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Bali Bomber Shot, What!
Bali bomber 'shot dead, right through the head, gave him an earth bed, all to be said' by the world famous rhyming police in Indonesia.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Already Receive 'Insure'
Plan to force dog owners to pay £500 to insure their pet 'will penalise responsible owners'. "We give our two 'Insure' twice a week", say several owners.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Politically Correct Anthem Dropped
Canada drops plans for politically correct anthem. Females, French, Moose and Lumberjacks object!
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Armstrong In S. Africa
Lance Armstrong arrives in South Africa on his mission to pedal around the world.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Lil Wayne Locked Up
Lil Wayne begins 1-year jail term in NYC gun case. "It's a good thing he's small", states officer. "Or he'd never have fitted into that gun case.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Toyota Disputes Claim
Toyota disputes critic who blames electronics. "He's sneaking around doing something to our perfectly safe cars."
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Experience Big Kirstie Alley In Your TV Room!
Sony to start selling 3-D TVs in June. Say even though there's still not anything on, at least it will look different.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Sage Grass Endangered?
Energy groups relieved sage grass won't be listed on endangered species list. Sorry, that should be "sage grouse".
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Not Another Gore
Al Gore's cousin, Billy Bob Gore, claims that it's Global Humidity that causing earthquakes.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
The Hungmobile
China passenger car sales up 55 pct in February. New Chinese "Hungmobile" catching the eyes of older American males.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
US No Longer Able To Help?
Greek PM not looking for aid in meeting with Obama as dollars just not worth all that much anymore.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Like A Truck "Runaway Lane"
Prius with stuck accelerator glides to safe stop in farmer's pond. Interstates may hire thousands to dig stopping-ponds throughout the country.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Big Wedding Plans
Washington weddings begin for same-sects couples as Rev. Moon paying a visit.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Just Next Month
Russia sees new nuclear arms treaty to be completed and begin to be ignored by April.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Dems Dismissing Foes Of Welfare Bill
Gibbs brushes off resigned congressman's complaint. "Neither him nor any of the others being against the health care bill know what they are talking about." Asks ten more to resign.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Unemployment Benefits
Senate to take up unemployment insurance extension through the next ten years. Say that it's a sign there will not be a quick recovery.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Need Nuclear Energy
Israel, Syria, Monica, Vatican City announce nuclear energy ambitions.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Cyber-Bulling Increasing
Cyber-bullying cases put heat on Google, Facebook. Both told to get their asses in gear or government will deal with them after class.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Old Shipwrecks Discovered
Centuries-old shipwrecks discovered in Baltic Sea. Several believed to have been sunk by huge white whale whose skeleton found also.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Life Underground
Buried alive: Half of Earth's life may lie below land, sea. Morlocks say they want to be left alone, may resurface after nuclear war.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Feds & Frogs?
Feds: Calif. man ran student visa frog ring...I'm sorry, that should be 'student fraud ring'.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
New Health Care To Reduce Numbers Of Old People?
2 of oldest people in US die: in NH 114, Michigan 113. Republicans accuse Obama policies.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
The Troit Lions
Detroit wants to save itself by shrinking. May change name to simply. "Troit".
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Hundreds Of Unknown Shipwrecks?
Gas pipeline probe uncovers shipwrecks in Baltic Sea. "Looks like another 'Bermuda Triangle'," says one captain.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Oxygen Levels Lower
Growing low-oxygen zones in oceans worry scientists as porpoises complain about getting "the bends" if they surface too fast.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Different Response
Class-action lawsuits could cost Toyota $3B-plus. Police now say speeders use stuck gas pedal, electronics as excuse when pulled over. Respond that, if true, they couldn't pull over!
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Cowell hires actress to play fiance on Leno
Last night Simon Cowell appeared on The Jay Leno show. He hired an out of work actress to play the part of his fiance. She was wearing a HUGE ring which Simon had bought from Honest Ed's in Toronto.
written by unknown
Name that Tune and Band
Q Lyric snipit:
"I was floatin' in the ocean
greased with suntan lotion"
A llufnoopS 'nivoL yb cisuM dnaB guJ
written by C. Cranium, 09 March 2010
America's Future: In Good Hands?
Experts say students more likely to cheat after Sarah Palin caught with notes scribbled on palms of hands. On the bright side, at least she can read and write. Oops! I totally meant to say "they."
written by The San Francisco Onion, 09 March 2010
Brad Paisley Hits the Stage
Country singer Brad Paisley falls on his guitar after tripping during a performance. A good sport, he invites fans to post footage of the fall on EweTube, then performs an encore set in falsetto.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 09 March 2010
Palin's New Book
Sarah Palin's new "Going Rogue" is a bestseller. When you look it up on Amazon, it says that purchasers of this book also bought, "Mad Magazine, The Top 200 Covers".
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Now It's The Men
Jon Gosselin in new Men's Swimsuit Edition of Playguy Magazine. He's wearing painted on swimming trunks with painted on penis.
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
Warnings Posted!
Warnings on back of trucks and buses now ask that "IF YOU ARE DRIVING A TOYOTA, YOU ARE TOO CLOSE"
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
New CIA Warning!
The CIA has issued a warning that the FBI are a bunch of jerks!
written by Bureau, 09 March 2010
