Happy Birthday to Susan Boyle
After an up and down year, here we are April 1st. It's Miss Boyle's birthday as well. She is in Japan for a massive concert tonight.
Congratulations and well done Susan, we are so proud of you.
written by Nae mair crap, 31 March 2010
Hillary Donates Bill's Balls to Clinton Museum
Obama signs extradition order to retrieve Bill Clinton's balls from Monica Lewinski to rightful owner. Hillary will donate them to the Clinton Library and Mobile home Park, Arkansas lot 69.
written by Cuff, 31 March 2010
PeDegree Drops Deodorant #12
The PeDegree Company has decided that it would drop its latest entry into the roll-on deodorant market, "Sulfer, So Good!" after low sales.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
PeDegree Drops Deodorant #11
The PeDegree Company has decided that it would drop its latest entry into the roll-on deodorant market, "Fat Fergie's Favorite" after low sales.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
PeDegree Drops Deodorant #10
The PeDegree Company has decided that it would drop its latest entry into the roll-on deodorant market, "Who Died?" after low sales.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
PeDegree Drops Deodorant #9
The PeDegree Company has decided that it would drop its latest entry into the roll-on deodorant market, "Farts When You Wave" after low sales.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
PeDegree Drops Deodorant #8
The PeDegree Company has decided that it would drop its latest entry into the roll-on deodorant market, "Vivacious Venus Vomit" after low sales.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
PeDegree Drops Deodorant #7
The PeDegree Company has decided that it would drop its latest entry into the roll-on deodorant market, "Who's Frying Bacon?" after low sales.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
PeDegree Drops Deodorant #6
The PeDegree Company has decided that it would drop its latest entry into the roll-on deodorant market, "Body By Fisher" after low sales.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
PeDegree Drops Deodorant #5
The PeDegree Company has decided that it would drop its latest entry into the roll-on deodorant market, "The Cheese Cutter" after low sales.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
PeDegree Drops Deodorant #4
The PeDegree Company has decided that it would drop its latest entry into the roll-on deodorant market, "Eggs de la Rottend" after low sales.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
PeDegree Drops Deodorant #3
The PeDegree Company has decided that it would drop its latest entry into the roll-on deodorant market, "Camilla's Compost" after low sales.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
PeDegree Drops Deodorant #2
The PeDegree Company has decided that it would drop its latest entry into the roll-on deodorant market, "Poo Poo Powder" after low sales.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
PeDegree Drops Deodorant
The PeDegree Company has decided that it would drop its latest entry into the roll-on deodorant market, "Cleopatra's Chocolate" after low sales.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Church
Church Member: "I didn't see you in church last Sunday."
Elder: "I don't doubt it. I took up the collection."
written by Spicewood, 31 March 2010
The Law
Judge: "Can't this case be settled out of court?"
Prisoner: "Sure, sure; that's what we were trying to do, your honor, when the police interfered."
written by Spicewood, 31 March 2010
Stupid Question
She: "And what would you be now if it weren't for my money?"
He: "A bachelor."
written by Spicewood, 31 March 2010
Maybe/Maybe Not!
President Obama says that major cigarette companies may have to "cough up" millions of dollars to help new health care plan. Company lawyers say they already have, to get you elected. "Need proof?"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
The Floor
"Did your watch stop when it dropped on the floor?" asked one man of his friend.
"Sure," was the answer. "Did you think it would go through?"
written by Spicewood, 31 March 2010
Clear Enough For You?
Vice President Joe Biden: "The United States has no plans to wipe out the nuclear weapons in Iran...today."
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Lewinsky Never Quite Escapes Headlines
That big pile of trash that was covered over on the Clinton's land in Arkansas was nearly 1,000 life-sized Monica Lewinski dolls that Hillary bought up in 1999, says reporter that dug out the truth.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Time off
"Can I have the afternoon off to see a man about a job for my wife?"
"You'll be back in the morning, I suppose?"
"Yes, if she doesn't get it."
written by Spicewood, 31 March 2010
Too Late?
Latest report: The 'point of no return' on global is fast approaching, we must...never mind.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Yes/No To Newt
Several republicans say they would like for Newt Gingrich to run for President in 2012 but others say no, because of his past. So it's true: Sometimes you feel like a Newt, sometimes you don't."
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Ventura's New Cause!
Former Minnesota Governor, Jesse Ventura heads up a new group that wants to outlaw "The Atomic Drop"!
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Gore Didn't Blow Election
Al Gore, the environmentalist, says that he did not blow the 2000 presidential election to George Bush. "That honor goes to Ms. Monica Lewinsky!"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Honoring China
In honor of our new friendship with The People's Republic of China for lending us all that money, the new twenty dollar bill will have a Panda on the front.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Springer In For Trebek
Jerry Springer will be hosting Jeopardy for a few weeks as Alex Trebek takes some time off for a minor operation. The only difference in the show? Somebody gets hit by a chair after Final Jeopardy.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Welsh Assembly Government - in cold soup this time
Scientists predict that WAG will trigger next ice age.
written by Tcoah, 31 March 2010
Wayne Rooney's ankle knocks R***Y M****N spoofs off of Nr1 and causes a scandal!
A certain GAY Latino pop singer has been grabbing all of the headlines here at the Spoof and then Scouser Roon does his ankle, now nobody wants El Gayo anymore just Wayne's dodgy ankle, thank DIOS!
written by unknown
Belgium has BALLS and bans Burka's in public at last!
Tiny Belgium has more "Cohones" than it's European negihbours and has banned the awful Burka from being worn in public. Ayatollah Khomeni from heaven issued a FATWAH on the country!
written by unknown
Local Man Shaves His Ass For Charity
Local Man Barry Nibbles has shaved the hair from his pet donkey Norbert in aid of the Donkey Sanctuary.
Last year he shaved his bottom for the Girl Guide Fund.
written by unknown
Local Woman Cleans Her Husband's Shaft
Local Woman Petulia Nibbles has vacuumed and painted the inside of her husband Barry's homemade mineshaft.
"My Barry's a filthy fucker", she said.
written by unknown
Local Man Fills His Wife's Hole With Hot, Sticky Cream
Local Man Barry Nibbles has eventually got around to repairing that gaping hole in the roof of his wife's car.
"I used cream", he said, "hot, sticky D.I.Y cream".
written by unknown
Who Do I See Around Here About:
#16 Getting the damned cat back into the bag.
written by Charpa93, 31 March 2010
"We're Getting Closer!"
Scientists celebrate briefly as "The Missing Dink" discovered by a Professor Bobbitt.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
"Making Us All Look Bad"
VP Joe Biden proposes that the US government take over the weather reports. "Somebody needs to do something about that, besides talk."
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Health and Safety Gone Mad!
A JCB and 4 men will be needed to remove an old mattress. The job would take 4 weeks but they need to hurry as JCB no longer produced diggers and if it broke down then no spares will be available.
written by IN SEINE, 31 March 2010
Decomposed by Rimsky Korsakov?
Clash of the Titans = Chest Filth Sonata
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
I blame pointless DIY!
Clash of the Titans = Soft Sealant Hitch
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Father Christmas's into kinky silk
Clash of the Titans = Santa Cloth Fetish
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Good haul for a quickie angling expedition
Clash of the Titans = Tenth Coastal Fish
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Stole a dirty weekend in hell
Clash of the Titans = Satanic Hols Theft
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Final Four High Hoops
The High Hopes Fish & Chips chain of El Cerritos, CA has announced their High Hoops Fresh Flounder Fish Fry & French Fries for just $6.99 during the NCAA Final Four tournament.
written by C. Cranium, 31 March 2010
Grubby Dishdasha business
Clash of the Titans = The Ol' Caftans Shit
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton Movie #57
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "Car Trek: The Wrath Of Don Juan"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton Movie #56
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "American Beatty"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton Movie #55
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "Baths Of Glory"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton Movie #54
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "The Great Dick Ater"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton #53
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "Once Upon A Mime In America"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton Movie #52
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "Back To The Moocher"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Planchettes told him to betray the Boss
Judas Iscariot = Drastic Ouijas
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Footballer Sol Campbell got stung ny religious artefacts
Dead Sea Scrolls = Sol Scalded Arse
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Blame the Atkins Diet for this one
Deas Sea scrolls = Salad Creed Loss
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
From the Sacred Soda Fountain?
Dead sea Scrolls = Sell Sacred Soda
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
The rubber, blow-up type I reckon
Dead Sea Scrolls = Caressed As Doll
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Probably 35 Wisteria Lane, Qumran
Dead Sea Scrolls = Local Addresses
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
They know they're heading for the pot!
Vagina Monologues = Iguanas' Oven Gloom
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Only featured in this month's Cosmo
Vagina Monologues = No Vogue Magnolias
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
S&M hookers' trade organization outlook bleak
Vagina Monologues = Savage Union Gloom
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Like assessing a meerkat only less furry
Vagina Monologues = Valuing A Mongoose
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Incarcerated by poison
Vagina Monologues = A Venomous Gaoling
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Wrote 'KY' all over Mrs Beckham's moisturiser
Peaches Geldof = Deface Posh Gel
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Oh, I dunno, shocking pink doesn't suit him either!
Willie Carson = Worse In Lilac
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Rubbing the villain up the wrong way
Kieran Fallon = Irk Anal Felon
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Obsessed with a smooth, soft skin
Keiran Fallon = Lanolin Freak
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
His nickname at the Melbourne Cup
Kieran Fallon = Infernal Kola
written by queen mudder, 31 March 2010
Accusations of misspent youth
Quote from "Bad Government": "In its first 10 years of existence the Welsh Assembly Government has spent Westminster/English money like a child flush with toys wanting more toys."
written by Tcoah, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton Movie #51
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "Saving Ryan's Privates
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton #50
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "The Silence Of The Lambskins"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hoilton Movie #49
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "12 Horny Men"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Women Too Thin-Skinned?
Women are too thin-skinned to work on BBC's Radio 4 Today programme, says male editor in tears.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
In moves to spunk up the economy
Obama asks Toyota to take over manufacturing of condoms. "We need new demand to create jobs - lots of unexpected babies spur the economy."
written by Tcoah, 31 March 2010
Toyota predicts surge in pregnancies
Toyota Inc. demand "satisfaction'. In moves to pacify shareholders Toyota has plans to move spread their spuds through acquisitions in personal items market.
written by Tcoah, 31 March 2010
Children Do Scarface!
Say hello to my little friend: Children put on stage version of Scarface... using popcorn as cocaine and replacing swear words with 'fudge' and 'packer'.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Belgium Open Minded
Belgium set to become first European country to ban the burkha, bra!
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Receives 11th Telegram
Eleventh telegram from the Queen as oldest woman in Europe celebrates 114th birthday. "Doesn't her Majesty not have anything better to do?', she asks.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Bad Eyesight
Millions of women suffering bad eyesight because they 'don't want glasses to ruin their looks', especially from walking into glass doors.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Rednecks & Peckerheads
Australia PM's fury as comedian Robin Williams labels Aussies 'English rednecks'. Later apologizes, says he meant 'English Peckerheads'
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Exploding gas/petrol prices fuel hoarding scams
Predicted to rise so fast that on-line day traders will switch to storing car/truck fuel in their 'home office'.
written by Tcoah, 31 March 2010
Give Them A Bad Name
Police refuse to name cannibalistic murderers on the run 'because of their RIGHT to privacy'
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
British Students Spring Break
Five thousand British students spark outrage with drunken spring break in Spanish seaside resort of El Loco Wacko!
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Easter Blizzard
Easter getaway hit by blizzards and gale-force winds as snow storms cut power to thousands of homes. Easter Bunny's eggs frozen, may lose cotton tail.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
CDC Confirms Viris Again
CDC confirms Norovirus on 3rd straight SC cruise. More toilets being added!
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Professional Help Sought
People: Jesse James seeks professional help. Seen out looking on street corners during night.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Bar None
Study: Chocolate could reduce heart risk according to scientists at Hershey Inc.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Yahoo Hacked
Journalists in China say Yahoo accounts hacked! Plan more hacking today.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Moe & Larry Talking To Him
'Nyet' to $1 million? Math genius may reject award. Also "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk! Woo woo woo!"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Canyon Almost Full!
Rising water forces evacuations over the Grand Canyon. "It's the hardest rain I've ever seen", states local.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Viagra Inventor Given Standing Ovation!
The inventors of Post-it notes & the technologies that led to Viagra, video games, modern scuba diving equipment and GPS technology are among the 16 new members of the National Inventors Hall of Fame.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Died Of Cold?
What, or who, killed the last mammoths? Probably the cold, say experts, as some weren't woolie enough.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Came Very Close
FAA, NTSB investigate near mid-air near-miss over SF. Actually, it was a near hit instead of a near miss.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Police To Investigate
DC officials investigate after 9 shot, 4 dead. "It's the least we can do", says police captain.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Fleeing Into Prison
Man fleeing Ohio police jumps fence - into prison. Gets welcome from guards, barb wire.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Flip A Coin
Atom smasher will help reveal 'the beginning' or 'the beginning of the end'.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Unemloyment Better
Is any work better than no work? Not for unemployment benefits. "Not when you can draw for 2 years while sitting on your ass!
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Oil Drilling To Begin
Obama to allow oil drilling off Virginia coast. "Yes Virginia, there IS oil off your coast.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton Movie #48
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "Pump Fiction"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton Movie #47
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "The Goodfeather"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton Movie #46
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "A Few Good Battalions of Men"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
English Heritage unveils blue plaque at secret agent's home
We could tell you where it is, but then we'd have to shoot you ...
written by neilwatson, 31 March 2010
Academic Claims That Women Invented Beer
A leading academic has claimed that women invented beer. Meanwhile, Al Gore is up in arms because he claims that he invented beer as well as most things.
written by IN SEINE, 31 March 2010
Who Do I See Around Here About:
#10 Getting a legible copy of the riot act?
written by Charpa93, 31 March 2010
Who Do I See Around Here About:
#9 Getting my knick knack paddy whacked?
written by Charpa93, 31 March 2010
Blockhead
The recruit complained to the sergeant that he'd gotten a splinter in his finger.
"You should have more sense," was the harsh comment, "than to scratch your head."
written by Spicewood, 31 March 2010
Finally Off TV!
Several sugary cereals agree to quit advertising on cartoon shows. Instead, will have dancing characters hired at stores.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
State Taxpayers Aroused
Some states are going to great lengths to raise revenue, due to Medicaid cuts caused by the wet dream of "Obamacare," via imposing taxes on orgasms!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 March 2010
History Explained by Opinion
In the 20th century, alien astronauts were deemed the causes of all current & historical events. In the 21st century, all current & historical events are traced by environmentalists to climate change!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 March 2010
New Tax on Passing Water
Whacko environmentalists strike again! State taxpayers are faced with a tax on storm water runoff. Homeowner groups say "now we have to pay a "rain tax" to watch water run down our drain pipes!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 March 2010
French Haute Cuisine
Gertrude, you will never guess who I saw eating at Ben's Chili Bowl in Washington DC?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 31 March 2010
Time Of The Month
Harvard Professor that stated that men were superior to women in math & later apologized, often breaks down and cries at home, according to wife.
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Afghanistan War Going Well
President Obama says that things in Afghanistan are going nicely with the Taliban. "We've already busted their social security system. They're heavily in debt to China.""
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton Movie #45
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "Cigarface!"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton Movie #44
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "Witness For The Prostitution"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton Movie #43
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "Into The Wild & Wooly"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton Movie #42
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "The Loin King"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton Movie #41
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "Fatpoon!"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
Paris Hilton Movie #40
After her former personal hot video, Paris Hilton decides to personally star in updated version of "Bent Her"
written by Bureau, 31 March 2010
