Wiki 2010 Update #8
Of all species on earth, the common spider is the most patient of all...except for John Forsythe, who played the super patient dad on "Father Knows Best".
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Wiki 2010 Update #7
In most rural 1800's and early 1900's one-room schools, the students were seated by dowsing over their heads instead of alphabetically.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Wiki 2010 Update #6
Ice skaters in the Olympics who fall on their ass three different times are forbidden from the games permanently, having made a laughing stock out of the whole event.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Many states change official mottos and symbols
The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders are now The Official State Titties of Texas.
written by unknown
Wiki 2010 Update #5
Where flipping a coin to determine a choice is very old, it only became popular after being used in US football games. An earlier version in England was coined "Dwarf Flipping".
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Wiki 2010 Update #4
Although Elton John was recently actively looking for a new recording label, he remained a "Forbidden Fruit" to Apple, Inc.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Wiki 2010 Update #3
More people wer killed in 2009 by lightning than by suicide, if you discount the number of suicides people committed after being struck by 'ball lightning'.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Wiki 2010 Updates #2
If you listen carefully to Paul Simon's 'Graceland' song on his album Graceland, played backwards, you can hear Garfunkle crying for replacing him with band from South Africa.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Updates On Wiki 2010
Theodore Roosevelt had only one testicle but constantly ate bull testicles in the belief that they would help. Thus his constant reference "Bully!" whenever he thought about sex.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Beijing sand storm inspires new recipes
The giant sandstorm dousing Beijing has given restaurants new epicurean leeway. New recipes include Orange Chicken with Sand, Beijing Duck smothered in Sand & Plum Sauce.
written by C. Cranium, 20 March 2010
March Madness caused by pollen
Northern hemisphere dandelion pollen is released in mid-march based on sun / earth positions and not weather or season. Afflicted Individuals sensitive to this pollen go basketball crazy.
written by C. Cranium, 20 March 2010
Man Watches Avatar Without 3D Glasses
Discovers the film is really just a really, really long episode of The Smurfs.
written by unknown
Chinese baby Learns to Wok
Praised for his culinary skills.
written by unknown
Local Man Takes One For the Team
But the greedy bastard refuses to share the number with the others.
written by unknown
New Law Supports Gay Rights
Gay Left-handers still to be treated unfairly.
written by unknown
Olympic Sprinter Rewrites History Books
Says they were outdated and that he had plenty of time on his hands before the London 2012 to help out down at the local library.
written by unknown
Local Pussy Licked
'Tiddles the cat' was easily beaten by 'Bruno the dog' in an inter-species welterweight boxing contest at the local sports club.
written by unknown
Spa that gave Nancy Pelosi her Brazilian Wax in trouble for slander
They shouldn't have called it "cutting the crabgrass."
written by unknown
Sandra Bullock's Husband Cheating On Her
Should she beat him with her Oscar or just borrow some golf clubs from Elin?
written by unknown
Leading Democrats Vow To Go On Hunger Strike Until Health Care Reform Passes
Does this mean that they'll plug up the tube sending a constant supply of scotch to Ted Kennedy's casket?
written by unknown
Barney Frank Vows To Go On Hunger Strike Until Health Care Reform Passes
I give him two hours before he's sucking down a bag of cheeseburgers
written by unknown
Harry Reid Vows To Go On Hunger Strike Until Health Care Reform Passes
Harry, however, is calling it "fasting."
written by unknown
Barack Obama Vows To Go On Hunger Strike Until Health Care Reform Passes
The Prez will give up goat, and all of his other favorite Middle Eastern delicacies.
written by unknown
Nancy Pelosi Vows To Go On Hunger Strike Until Health Care Reform Passes
She could stand to lose a little of that fat between the ears.
written by unknown
Headed For Betty Bored Clinic!
Spoof Writer faces surgery on both wrists with crapol tunnel syndrome after sending sixty crappy snippets a day!
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Paperless Society?
A webpage for every citizen as Labour plans paperless society. "And just how does one wipe one's ass with a webpage?" asks voter.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Fair Exchange?
Cameron calls for new US-style tax on Britain's banks. Obama calls for new British-style taxes on everything else.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Squatters In Garden
Residents powerless to remove illegal immigrants from squatting in their gardens. They claim they are providing free fertilizer.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Just Not Thinking I Guess
"Yummy mummy slings 'may kill babies': Investigation launched into deaths of 14 newborns!" This was on Mail Online. I think "launched" was a poor choice of words. Also, you can't spoof it.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Fart Etiquette
Citizens told to brush up on etiquette on passing gas. The guest, not the host must set the sound, flavor.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Cat-Calling
Cat-calling men give all men a bad name? Explains why Cat Stevens changed his.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Must Be More Bouyant
Recession, increase in size of passengers hurting cruise ship builders.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Boeing Accelerates
Boeing accelerates production of 747, 777 models. Hope to get lucky!
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Fight At Courthouse
Lady Gaga fires back in NY court at music producer, wounding a court recorder.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Old Fashioned Judge?
Court: Anna Nicole Smith gets none of oil fortune. Reason Judge gave court: She's deader than a doornail!"
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Bring Your Kid To Work Day?
After control tower worker allows kid to land planes, surgeon warned yesterday when he allowed his youngest grandchild help perform heart operation.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Shit To Shore, Come In Please!
WHO: Not sure if drug-resistant TB is worsening but fastest growing sickness is The Cruise Ship Shits!
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Dollywood Busted
Hollywood and Bollywood join arms to fight Dollywood!
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
"Came Out Of Nowhere"
Cloak of invisibility takes a step forward, causing thirteen people to trip up.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Invisibility Cloak Could Be Here
Cloak of invisibility takes a step forward. We wanted you to know since you couldn't see it.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
India Does Something Unexpected
India unexpectedly hikes rates a quarter point. "We were bored, not in the news much of late."
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Obamam Sets The Pace
Letter: Lehman accounting tricks possibly illegal, according to which people were paid off. Lehman claims same tactics used by President to buy votes for health care bill.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Mideast Talks Again!
World diplomats urge resumption of Mideast talks. Celebrate 10,000th such request.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Video Mix-Up Urges American Not To Develop Nucllear Weapons!
Obama appeals to Iranian people in Internet video mix-up. "Why should he care about our health care?", ask Iranians.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Turn About Is Fair Play
Boy Scouts sex files now evidence in Ore. lawsuit as over 1,000 scout leaders shook up about what awaits them in prison.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Came With No Warning
Bloated Lake haunts North Dakota town again, Also Flood River surprises for the 25th year in a row.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
UN Chief Has Leprosy
UN chief says Israeli settlements must be stopped as we do not recognize any promises from Abraham.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Women Honored
Women in community honored at banquet by a member of Chippendale's dancing his way out of a big cake!
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Lawers Would Get Only 75%
Judge: $575M settlement rejected for 9/11 'heroes'. "Too small for all the lawyers in health case."
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Pope Blasts Bishops
Pope blasts Irish bishops, excuses himself. "Those things slip out as you get older", says gaseous leader.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Obese teachers?
School officials against proposed physical activity bill say they had rather sit on asses all day while teaching.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
More Jihad Janes?
Homeland security warns of more Jihad Janes. Could hide explosives in false tits, springing hundreds of booby traps.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Police arrest Racial Commentator
Police: Arrest in NJ Walmart racial comment case, also for mocking obesity on ass size of customers.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Polygamist Imprisoned 75 Years
Member of Texas polygamist sect sentenced 75 years, one for each wife.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Health Care Bill Omits Obama Promises
Final health bill omits some of Obama's promises. For instance, it will only be half as good and cost three times as much. Other than that, pretty much the same.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Vatican Probe II
Pope blasts Irish bishops, orders Vatican probe. Opponents ask "Haven't these kids been probed enough?"
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Obama Video
Obama appeals to Iranian people in Internet video which President Admaninejad has placed horns on his head.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Final Final Speech!
Obama making final health care pitch to House Dems, says he will make yet another final health care pitch tomorrow.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Vatican Orders Probes
Pope blasts Irish bishops, orders Vatican probes."Didn't realize previous probes were taking place."
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Woods wood would
Tiger Woods has sensationally revealed how he manages to sleep with so many women - he has three penises.
written by MonkeyInTheBath, 20 March 2010
Who cares about apathy?
Santa Cruz, CA UCSC Campus
Apathy is an obsession at UCSC. Researchers survey the level of apathy by asking: What is your level of apathy for an issue?: mild, moderate, or extreme apathy.
written by C. Cranium, 20 March 2010
"I could do THAT" without research funding
Researchers have developed a device which distorts light making a lump of gold invisible
written by Tcoah, 20 March 2010
The San Andreas Fault Eagles
The Eagles 2010 Version: "The Shakin' And Quakin' Hotel California."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 20 March 2010
Deep Purple - The Smokin' Section Band
Deep Purple's 2010 Version: "Smoke On The Polluted Water."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 20 March 2010
Marvin Gaye's Grapevine
Marvin Gaye's 2010 Version: "I Heard It Through The Habanero Bush."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 20 March 2010
Elton John's Up, Up, and Away Song
Elton John's 2010 Version: "Viagra Rocket Man."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 20 March 2010
James Taylor's Oxymoron Song
James Taylor's 2010 Version: "Fire And Acid Rain."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 20 March 2010
Kim Delighted, The Wascal!
North Korea dedicates it's new nuclear facilities, The Bugs Bunny Project in honor of it's leader.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Simon & Gar, Not Up To Par
Simon & Garfunkle will do a new studio version update of their old, old hit, "Like An Enlarged Prostate Trying To Make Water".
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
"When I'm 67"
Not to be outdone, 67-year-old Sir Paul McCartney has re-released one of his old favorites, "Let It Pee"
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Old Song From Old Movie
B.J. Thomas has re-released his hit from 'Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid', "Fake Mops Keep Falling Off My Head".
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Melanie Does Two!
Melanie, who also redid "Longhandles In The Rain", decides to update her other big hit, "(You Got A)Brand New Knee".
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Sir Elton John, Concerning The John
Sir Elton John to redo one of his golden oldies, "Bennie Can't Shit!"
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
The BeeGees, Take Two
The last two BeeGees are releasing some of their old favorites, including "How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?"
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Edwin Starr Tries Again
Edwin Starr, a one-hit wonder, redoes old hit song "Genital Warts! -What Are They Good For? Absolutely Nothing!
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Simon & Gar, Not up To Par
Simon & Garfunkle will do a studio version update of the old, old hit, "Like An Enlarged Prostate Trying To Make Water".
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
More Transparency Needed
Stalkers, peeping toms demand more transparency in the Obama administration.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
FOX Sharpest Attack Yet
FOXNews, in it's sharpest attack yet on Obama, launched more than a dozen pointy-toed high-heels at his speech in DC.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
No One Expects The Obese Police
Obama's new Obese Police say there are pockets of trainee camps scattered all over the US South, Midwest!
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Camry Gives Up Awards
The Toyota Camry has to hand in Awards for most stolen car over a 5-year period. Most believe now that they took off on their own.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Circus In DC
After seeing all the open bribes and payoffs to people and companies, American public say there's no way we can run out of crude.
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Not Seen Since 2001 Letterman Show
"The Dancing Mullahs" to try and make a comeback on "Dancing With The Stars".
written by Bureau, 20 March 2010
Internal Revenue Service (IRS) to Change Name
The IRS has asked Congress to change its name to the Internal Rectal Service as they may be involved in health care reform. They already are a pain in the ass to the American people!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 March 2010
Another OSHA Warning Label
OSHA has mandated that well endowed women's upper body clothing must have warning labels that read "Do Not Touch" or "Handle With Care."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 March 2010
New OSHA Warning Label
OSHA has mandated that men's pants front openings must have a warning label that reads "Danger Guided Muscle Inside."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 March 2010
OSHA Warning Label
OSHA has mandated that condom's must have a warning label that reads "May Contain Pinholes."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 March 2010
Congressional Action
Congress has followed up on the EPA's toxicity concerns about pet flea and tick sprays causing minor injuries. An amendment to the health care reform bill recommends spraying the EPA!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 March 2010
EPA Warning Labels on Flea and Tick Medication
Woof, Woof, Meow, Meow! Translation: the vast majority of us pets are safe incurring only mild or minor injuries, but the EPA needs rabies shots or tranquilizers!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 March 2010
EPA doesn't have enough to do, needs to screw up new areas
EPA gets a few complaints about flea & tick sprays. ASPCA said only a few thousand dogs & cats are mildly injured by these sprays each year and there are over 150 million pet dogs & cats in the USA.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 March 2010
EPA Building Site Selection
The EPA has selected a building site for a training facility for another agency, without an environmental impact statement! A wetland, an endangered insect & contaminated ground water have been found!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 March 2010
President Obama and Governor Sarah Palin Agree
15,000 EPA employees will be moving to Alaska to increase the states job's base and income. Each EPA employee will be responsible for the protection of 10 Polar Bears in the wild, year round.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 March 2010
Watch my Ass
The America people believe House Speaker Pelosi is an arrogant Democratic liberal pompous ass! When the speaker leaves office she is donating her ass to the Smithsonian Institution.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 March 2010
Vegans Disappear
After 50 years, the last vegan has disappeared, caused by eating only vegetables and Tofu. A new generation of carnivorous Meatgans has reappeared and has started eating cows, chickens and sheep.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 March 2010
Water Power
Withholding water from farmers in the Central Valley of CA was to protect a fish! Somehow water magically became available when the local Congressmen agreed to support the health care reform bill.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 March 2010
