Superstions #9
While an onion cut in half and placed under the bed of a sick person will not draw off fever and poisons, it will draw many curses down on you when patient begins to be able to smell again.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Superstitutions #8
If your nose itches it does not mean that someone is coming to see you. However if you launch a huge sneeze while a drug lord is showing you some prime powder & blow $25,000 away, you're already dead.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Superstitutions #7
If a big mirror in the house falls and breaks by itself, someone in the house will not die soon. He'll die immediately if he were standing under the big mirror when it fell.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Superstitions #6
It is not unlucky to see your own face in a mirror by candlelight. Not unless your mustache catches fire!
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Superstitutions #5
To break a mirror does not necessarily mean seven years of bad luck. What if you don't want people to know that you are a vampire?
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Superstitution #4
It is not bad luck to allow milk to boil over...unless it boils over your privates while you're trying to drink some warm milk to help you get some sleep.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Superstitions #3
Amber beads, worn as a necklace, cannot protect you against illness or cure colds. Neither does amber liquid running down each side of your mouth and into your beard. But it will keep women/men away.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
False Superstition #2
Old Squirrel's Tail: An acorn placed at the window will not keep lightning out, especially if it's burned and blackened.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Just Assumed
False Superstitions: If you find that you have someone else's coat that you got off the coat rack this morning before going to work, it doesn't mean your wife has been unfaithful.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Real IRA vuvuzelas shipment foiled by Isle of Man police
A vuvuzela shipment bound for the Real IRA (RIRA) was found at Douglas (IOM) by police. Security sources are pleased. The RIRA said "We didn't want them anyway. Sure you can't say vuvuzela in Gaelic."
written by A MCRORY, 25 June 2010
Mothman Remembers His Own
Multi-Billionaire John Mothman leaves one million each to over 3,000 millionaires. "I always try to take care of my own.", he stated in a letter to each.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Obama's Nubers Keep Dropping!
President Obama's approval numbers now down to 43% among US population, 23% on the Gulf and 5% with his mother-in-law.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, Edicion Boricua
Hoy Edwin Rodríguez es el primer dirigente puertorriqueño en la historia de las Grandes Ligas. Pero no serán los primer en perder su puesto de trabajo después de una semana.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
Next World Cup Brought Forward
The next World Cup has been brought forward a year to 2013 after psychic Sylvia Browne predicted that the world will end on New Year's Day, 2014.
written by Darwin, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, BONUS !!
Wyoming: Wyoming has announced their new State motto: "Wyoming; We Don't Wish We Knew How To Quit You."
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, BONUS !
West Virginia: WV State Officials have changed the State Motto to: "Oklahoma City Has An NBA Team? WTF?"
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #50
Virginia: Virginia has changed its motto to: "Virginia, Bedpan of The Mason Dixon."
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #49
Vermont: Vermont Yankee nuclear plant officials say two new cracks have been found in a cooling tower. What a cool name, Vermont Yankee!
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #48
Washington: President Obama has stated that, after his presidency, he will continue to live in . . . What? Oh, this is for Washington state? What the f-ck ever happened in Washington State?
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #47
Wisconsin: Rapper Fat Joe has been "officially cleared" after Wisconsin police investigated an alleged sexual assault. He was later arrested for being Latino in Wisconsin, a misdemeanor.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #46
Texas: texas voted to change its State motto to: "Texas; Unless You're a Kennedy Or a Water Animal in the Gulf, You're Perfectly Safe!
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #45
South Dakota: AT&T's purchase of Alltel has cleared the way for the iPhone to be sold in S. Dakota. Coming in 2011: People in South Dakota tired of AT&T's sh-tty coverage.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #44
South Carolina: SC officials have voted to change the State motto to: "South Carolina; Just Like North Carolina, But With Less Jobs, Drinkable Water and More Meth!"
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #43
Rhode Island: 4 people were charged 4 with DUI by the Rhode Island State Police Thursday. That was Rhode Island's biggest news story of the WEEK!
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #42
Pennsylvania: This writer just learned that PA has changed the laws to allow the concealed carry of a handgun. So, Philly, I'm coming home! Also, some stuff happened in the state. Involving guns.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #41
Oregon: Al Gore was asked about the accusation of a sexual assault in 2006 in Oregon. He said, "Oklahoma City has an NBA team??"
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #40
Oklahoma: The Oklahoma City Thunder selected Quincy Pondexter in the NBA Draft. Wait, Oklahoma City has an NBA team?? WTF??
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #39
Ohio: A 5-year-old Dayton boy used a cell phone to call 911 after his mother was shot and killed. He then ordered Domino's.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #38
North Dakota: If something happens in North Dakota, and no one is there to witness it, does it make a sound?
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #37
North Carolina: NC State Trooper resigned this week after texting "That Smokey the Bear hat looks hot on you" to a co-worker on a state-owned Blackberry. A--hole.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #36
New York: There hasn't been a resignation or indictment of a New York Governor in 244 days, a state record.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #35
New Mexico: In light of the success of Arizona's anti-Mexican laws, New Mexico has outlawed Rice, beans, Malta Goya and minimum wage jobs.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
May Start Soon As Bridge Repaired
Administration Announcement: As soon as all US bridges repaired, we will ask for a small toll at each.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Santa Claus Moves
Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus and elves leaving North Pole for the South Pole. There's too many Russian subs up there. Besides, free Viagra at the South Pole!"
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
1,000th Mag Cover!
President Obama stated today that he has just appeared on the cover of his 1,000th magazine edition, not that he's counting, mind you."
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Al Gore Announcement
Al Gore called a press conference today to admit that there is no global warming. "I gotcha! Old 'stiff & humorless' Al Gore GOTCHA!!!"
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Not A Good Start
Fans across the globe are paying tribute to singer Michael Jackson on the first anniversary of his death at the age of 50. "We're here to celebrate Michael Jackson's death", says speaker.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Vatican Protests
The Vatican has expressed shock at raids, including the "violation" of a cathedral crypt, by Belgian police investigating alleged child sex abuse. "Could have exposed nude child to cameramen."
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
No Paper Bags
Cop fired for putting paper bag on suspect's head. "But he had the hiccups" says officer.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
G-20 Lockdown
G20 LOCKDOWN: Police state in Toronto as world leaders inside reinforced building discuss being more open to the general public.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Lower Estimate This Quarter
Government lowers growth estimate for quarter, as penny candy now costs 25 cents.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Ramada Inn Fasting?
Pregnant women who fast during stay at Ramada Inn 'put babies' health at risk'. I'm sorry, that should be 'during Ramadan'.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Generation Junk Food!
The junk food generation: British children getting fatter at twice the rate of Americans. "Oh my", states American mother of 220 lb 10-year-old. "They will explode."
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Really Wanted That Watch
Couple arrested outside Walmart for 'trying to sell their baby for $25' before the Blue Light Special ran out.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Crossbow, Chainsaw Man Arrested
Man with astonishing array of weapons including crossbow and chainsaw is arrested near G20 summit in Toronto. "They are for luck. Didn't work this time, I see."
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Standing Before Judge
Lying mother jailed after making up nightclub rape claim and that "he cut off both my feet."
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Englanders?
Six reasons why we'll thrash Englanders! German press winds up ahead of clash. English supporters will answer at the games, one way or another.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Pedestrian Crossing To Nowhere
Road to nowhere: Council wastes £130,000 on pedestrian crossing that cannot be used. Area citizens say it should be taken out of their salaries.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
French Unions Strike Back!
French unions strike -- retirement age raised to 62. Many Union bosses say they will allow older worker sleep place during work hours.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
We Want Early Retirement
French unions strike -- retirement age raised to 62. Many plan to slow down work to a crawl during added years.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Taliban: We Get Another Shot!
Taliban endorses General Petraeus! Send congratulations to the President on his choice.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Now We Know
NEARLY 12,000 PAGES: The legislation would redraw how money flows through economy. Overheard: "That King guy can sure write some bullshit, can't he?"
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
No One Reads Them Anyway
NEARLY 12,000 PAGES: The legislation would redraw how money flows through economy. "They'll never spot or big raise in all that", overheard.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Another Whopper Bill
NEARLY 12,000 PAGES: The legislation would redraw how money flows through economy. "We've hit the jackpot with huge bills no one will read", says congress.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
NASCAR Expands Income
Tennessee promoting new moonshine-NASCAR trail. Tourists invited to see early Moonshine stills, runners that lead to NASCAR, people with one tooth & mullet.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
'Eclipse' Stars Hold Rally
'Eclipse' stars take in fandemonium at LA premiere. Is a live stage play next?
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Santa Told To Drop Toys, Also
Group will sue McDonald's over Happy Meal toys. Santa Claus coming up, as fat belly brings wrong message.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Crackerjack Next?
Group will sue McDonald's over Happy Meal toys. Cracker Jacks could be next.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Group To Sue McDonalds
Group will sue McDonald's over Happy Meal toys. "So what else do we have to do?", states bored group leader.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
New SALT Talks
Small fraction of Americans meet salt guidelines. Imported vegetables have no taste otherwise, say consumers.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Many Shipwrecks Yet Undiscovered
Lake Michigan shipwreck found after 112 years. Gore marriage shipwreck discovered after only 40.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
More Businesses Closings
No Gulf seafood, no po-boys; owner shuts La. cafe. "I'll finish the liquor off, myself."
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Magic Carpets Spotted
Iran (Persia) will now deliver "supplies" to PLO on magic carpets. Israeli Air Force on alert.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
BP Shares Down Again
BP shares down sharply in London, Pensacola Beach, Panama Beach, La. wetlands.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Mortgages Low For Now
Mortgage rates at lowest point since mid-1950s. People with money to buy, lowest since 1930's.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Shipwreck Discovered
Lake Michigan shipwreck found after 112 years. Divers give up hope as "tapping" turns out to be water movement against metal.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Mothers & Daughters Gather
Lake Michigan shipwreck found after 112 years. "No survivors!"
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
And The Beat Goes On!
Stymied by GOP, Democrats at loss on jobs agenda. GOP: Ninety percent of "jobs" would come from the government.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Nuturing A Global Recovery
Leaders differ on how to nurture a global recovery. Pin hopes on Hubble finding another earth-like planet to loan us some money.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Harrahs Threatens To Display Crazy Horse's Pigtails
Mich. museum's Little Bighorn flag for sale in NYC.Most others are displayed in Indian Casinos elsewhere.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Pieces Of His Story
Mich. museum's Little Bighorn flag, several of Custer's golden locks, for sale in NYC.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
US Childlessness Rate Up
US childlessness is up, but racial paps narrowing. I'm sorry, that should be "gaps".
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Busy Hurricane Season
Hurricane Darby has strengthened to a Category 2 storm in the Pacific off Mexico's coast. Hurricane BP developing near Gulf.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Porn Sites XXX
Porn sites closer to .xxx Web address. It's news, even though we know no Spoof writer would ever wish to visit.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Mortgage Lowest In 50 Years
Mortgage rates at lowest point since mid-1950s. "We Like Ike" posters up at banks everywhere.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Martgage Rates Drop
Mortgage rates at lowest point since mid-1950s. Workers average wage down to that of mid-1940s.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Carbs Recalled
Over 2 million carbs recalled amid safety concerns over once popular Adkins Diet.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Shipwreck Found
Lake Michigan shipwreck found after 112 years. "We finally found her", says 134-year-old diver.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Asian Carp Ad #2
Single Asian carp, age two, found 6 miles from Lake Michigan. On the way towards Canada. Would welcome traveling partner to share expenses, food.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Asian Carp Ad
Single Asian carp found 6 miles from Lake Michigan. Willing to travel farther north if female prefers living there.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Asian Carp In Great Lakes
Single Asian carp found 6 miles from Lake Michigan. Looking for domestic carp who don't mind a nibble after sex.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Fish Toxins
Report: Toxins found in whales bode ill for humans. "We eat fish so we're eating toxins too."
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Toxins In Whales
Report: Toxins found in whales bode ill for humans, especially for Japanese whalers, customers.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Michael Remembered
Fans in NY, LA, elsewhere remember Michael Jackson. "He was that great-dancing white kid, right?"
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
MJ Remembered
Fans in NY, LA, elsewhere remember Michael Jackson. "I had forgotten, until I saw that pic", state several.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Evidence Washing Ashore
More evidence of Gulf oil spill washes ashore, including cap that's supposed to be catching the oil.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
More Gulf Spill Evidence
More evidence of Gulf oil spill washes ashore as 50 sharks biting and snapping at rescuers.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Another Gov. Takeover
House, Senate lawmakers finalize deal on bank takeovers..bill!
"Be sure and hide in in a 2500-page report."
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Sports World Turned on Its Ear
After the marathon match between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut, tennis now replaces chess as the most boring sport in the World.
written by Charpa93, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #10
Delaware: Some thing happened in the news in Delaware, but the 14 people that live there hardly noticed.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #34
Tennessee: The Memphis Grizzlies have taken guard Dominique Jones with the 25th pick of the NBA draft. They will still suck.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #33
New Jersey: Governor Christie was arrested for embezzling State property, after he ate an entire school's free lunch program.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #32
New Hampshire : Nothing happened here. Nothing at all, actually. Just. . . Nothing.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #31
Nevada: he Killed Th Funny; Las Vegas votes to deport Carrot Top after being indicted for Criminally Negligent Comedycide. .
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #30
Nebraska: Residents in Fremont voted Monday to banish illegal immigrants from jobs and rental homes. They will also pray to a head of lettuce, and stone suspected witches,
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #29
Montana: A Billings man won $15 Million in the Powerball lottery. He now can afford to buy the whole f-cking state.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #28
Missouri: Governor Jay Nixon signed legislation Thursday allowing the purchase of laptops for state workers. Problem: No one in Missouri knows what they are..
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #27
Mississippi: Tar from the BP Gulf oil leak reached Mississipps beaches yesterday. They were charged $5.00 each for a day pass.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #26
Minnesota: The Timberwolves traded Ryan Gomes and Luke Babbitt to Memphis for a sack of magic beans.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #25
Michigan: The unemployment rate hit 25.6% in Detroit in August, its lowest number in 6 years.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #24
Massachusetts: A final vote has nixed plans for the John F. Kennedy, Jr. Memorial Airport, for obvious reasons.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #23
Massachusetts: A final vote has nixed plans for the John F. Kennedy, Jr. Memorial Airport, for obvious reasons.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #22
Maryland: Lawmakers have voted to change the name of the state to Engomanalahano, Cherokee for "Hicks and Felons north of Virginia"
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #21
Maine: 3 people were brutally shot and stabbed in a home in remote northern Maine Thursday. No one noticed for 11 months.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #20
Louisiana: With the BP Oil leak, God proves once again that he HATES Louisiana.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #19
Kentucky: The University of Kentucky lost two players to west-coast teams in the NBA Draft, bringing the total of talented athletes in the state to 5.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #18
Kansas: Lawmakers have voted to change the name of the state to "Missouri Lite."
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #17
Iowa: The state voted to avoid use of "Build America Bonds", citing a lack of desire to improve the state.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #16
Indiana: Authorities say three men have stolen more than $200k from ATMs in central Indiana, which is tough with a $300 limit on withdrawals.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #15
Illinois: In light of governor Blagojevich's actions, Lawmakers have actually put Obama's senate seat on eBay as a "Buy It Now" item.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #14
Idaho: Education authorities withdrew the Charter for an Idaho school that used of the Bible as a historical text. Why give context to "In God we trust"?
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #13
Hawaii: The state's Supreme Court upheld a restraining order disallowing anyone from referring to a lower back, er . . . "money shot" as a "Map Of Hawaii."
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #12
Georgia : Georgia Tech Forward Derrick Favors was selecting #3 in the NBA Draft, meaning that he will be on a sh-tty team in a sh-tty state.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #11
Florida: Oil from the BP Gulf leak reached the shore in Pensacola today. Fortunately, Pensacola is such a sh-thole no one noticed.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #9
Delaware: Some thing happened in the news in Delaware, but the 14 people that live there hardly noticed.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #8
Delaware: Some thing happened in the news in Delaware, but the 14 people that live there hardly noticed.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #7
Connecticut: Heavy storms ravaged Hartford Friday, wiping the city out entirely. This effectively doubled the value of the rest of the state.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #6
Colorado: Rockies pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka lives up to his "Dice-K" nickname by sickening an entire stadium full of ticketholders, just like Andrew Dice Clay.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #5
California: Governor Jean Claude Van Damme stated that he will "kick the sh-t" out of the budget deficit. The Budget resoundingly beat him. As did Californians.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #4
Arkansas: Officials won't let a little thing like ruining the Earth's breathable air stop them from erecting a $1.7 billion, 600-megawatt coal burning plant in Little Rock.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #3
Arizona: Residents in Phoenix ask government officials to address their growing concern about the heat as dozens of pets spontaneously burst into flames.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #2
Alaska: Sarah Palin's controversial hunting practice takes the next logical step: She is now killing Polar bears with Apache gunships.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
News From Our Fifty States, #1
Alabama: Residents in Jugbang County decide to paint their houses, effectively tripling their value.
written by anthonyrosania, 25 June 2010
Serena Williams Won't Be Playing Before the Queen
Although several reasons have been given, the real reason Serena has been switched from Centre Court is because the Queen is fearful that her fans may bring those dreadful vuvuzelas to cheer her on.
written by Charpa93, 25 June 2010
Longest Tennis Match Finally Over
A huge break came when an over-zealous French fan brought his vuvuzela to the match to cheer on Nicolas Mahut, clinching a win for John Isner.
written by Charpa93, 25 June 2010
Quentin Tarantino Scores with Sequel
He's just wrapping up filming of his next big sequel "From Dusk Till Dawn: Wimbledon"
written by Charpa93, 25 June 2010
Al Gore Under Investigation For Sexual Attack Against Woman Who Gave Him A Massage
Al responds "at least I didn't kill my affair like Ted Kennedy did."
written by unknown
Al Gore Under Investigation For Sexual Attack Against Woman Who Gave Him A Massage
Laurie David upset that the former Vice President "cheated on me with another other woman."
written by unknown
Al Gore Under Investigation For Sexual Attack Against Woman Who Gave Him A Massage
Gore seeks legal advice from Kobe Bryant.
written by unknown
Al Gore Under Investigation For Sexual Attack Against Woman Who Gave Him A Massage
Former Vice President responds "I thought that what happens in Portland, stays in Portland!"
written by unknown
Al Gore Under Investigation For Sexual Attack Against Woman Who Gave Him A Massage
Did he ask for a Lewinsky too?
written by unknown
Al Gore Under Investigation For Sexual Attack Against Woman Who Gave Him A Massage
Pittsburgh Steelers Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger glad that the attention is finally off him.
written by unknown
Al Gore Under Investigation For Sexual Attack Against Woman Who Gave Him A Massage
Police call his alibi "An Inconvenient Half-Truth."
written by unknown
Al Gore Under Investigation For Sexual Attack Against Woman Who Gave Him A Massage
The former Vice President says that he was just trying to get "room service."
written by unknown
Al Gore Under Investigation For Sexual Attack Against Woman Who Gave Him A Massage
No word on whether he tried to get her to "smoke a cigar."
written by unknown
Al Gore Under Investigation For Sexual Attack Against Woman Who Gave Him A Massage
Did her remember to tipper?
written by unknown
Reverse Psychological Warfare: US donates Nukes to Iran Reason#5
American propagandists have had a hard time over the last few decades playing up their wars against pre-bombed poor countries as a "brave campaign". Finally, a country with real weapons. Click Here.
written by ronin47empire, 25 June 2010
Provincetown, Mass. Schools To Provide Free Condoms To First Graders
Catholic Priests happy because now altar boys can provide their own.
written by unknown
Provincetown, Mass. Schools To Provide Free Condoms To First Graders
I guess this is to combat the rampant spread of venereal disease from kids who sit on the same teeter-totter.
written by unknown
Provincetown, Mass. Schools To Provide Free Condoms To First Graders
What's a mother to do if she finds a French Tickler in with her daughter's Barbie Dolls?
written by unknown
Provincetown, Mass. Schools To Provide Free Condoms To First Graders
Will they come in junior and toddler sizes?
written by unknown
Provincetown, Mass. Schools To Provide Free Condoms To First Graders
I'll bet the bubble gum flavor become the most popular with the pre-teens.
written by unknown
Provincetown, Mass. Schools To Provide Free Condoms To First Graders
Is there a mandatory three day waiting period for children in day care?
written by unknown
Nostril Man Denied Entrance
Nostril Man turned away from the Justice League of America because of superpower being, "Able to breathe normally in a outdoor shithouse" doesn't suit. "Just wait, I'll fix their lunchboxes!"
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Passenger Pigeon Boy: "Quit Clubbing Dodo Man In The Head!"
DC Comic's "Dodo Man" ends with seventh issue after he discovers he is extinct.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Twice!!
College basketball player from Georgetown will be red-shirted this season after records show that he failed Pre-School!
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
New NCAA Rules
The University of Louisville has been forced to eliminate "Paternity Suits 101" for basketball students from the curriculum.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Original Star Trek #10
Overheard at the recent "Original Star Trek" Convention in Metropolis, which allowed liquor: "Saaaaaay! Somebody Jim Beam me up!"
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Original Star Trek #9
Overheard at the recent "Original Star Trek" Convention in Metropolis, which allowed liquor: OK! OK! Forget the mind meld. The good stuff under the Captain's chair."
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Original Star Trek #8
Overheard at the recent "Original Star Trek" Convention in Metropolis, which allowed liquor: "Sure there waz a wino on tha scar trick. Bring me another 2-Buck Chuck!"
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Original Star Trek #7
Overheard at the recent "Original Star Trek" Convention in Metropolis, which allowed liquor: Where's Sulu? "Now he's in the closet with Chekov."
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Original Star Trek #6
Overheard at the recent "Original Star Trek" Convention in Metropolis, which allowed liquor: "Can't find the hic! car. Who turned on the cloaking device?"
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Original Star Trek #5
Overheard at the recent "Original Star Trek" Convention in Metropolis, which allowed liquor: Ohhhhh Uhura! Come over here-a!"
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Judge Judges Al
A judge who is in charge of the Tipper/Al Gore case says that Al Gore is full of shit on global warming. "There's a small chance that he's right but in either case, he's still full of shit!"
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
The Unmitigated Gall
Couple not the only uninvited guests at White House party back several moths ago. As one photo developed by visitor shows Abe Lincoln being escorted out as a possible terrorist.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Clergy Again?
Belgian police raided the HQ of the Belgian Catholic Church during an investigation into child sex abuse claims. The Pope says if guilty, he will move them so they won't bother kids these anymore.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #30
Sure Signs That This Is The End: Fat women on every street corner, singing their fat asses off!
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #29
Sure Signs That This Is The End: Your new best friend? Your wife's mother!
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #28
Sure Signs That This Is The End: Queen Elizabeth lights a fart. "We are hee hee amused. Oh, look human, Charles."
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #27
Sure Signs That This Is The End: Tiger Woods admits he's down to only two women a day.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #26
Sure Signs That This Is The End: Former Vic President Dick Cheney hasn't had a heart attack in three weeks.
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #25
Sure Signs That This Is The End: "Nancy Pelosi suddenly able to not only smile but also lift one eyebrow."
written by Bureau, 25 June 2010
