Grateful But Not That Grateful
One of the female journalists freed from North Korea said she's surprised that former President Clinton has repeatedly called to check up on her. Today she got out a restraining order.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Something Just Wrong About That!
The new unemployment figures are bad. Millions of people are out of work, yet the CEO of British Petroleum not only manages to keep his job, but go yachting.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
So What ARE They Doing?
Joe Biden got out of jury duty as did Obama last year. But no word yet about getting us out of Afghanistan. Or getting the oil to stop leaking for that matter.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
They're Here More Than Obama
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln at the White House today told reporters that he has had it "Just About up to here" with the Salahis.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
West Finally Arrested
Kanye West was arrested today by security guards after grabbing the mike from the President, who was changing Generals, to inform everyone about the great video of Beyonce.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Deja View
President Clinton flew all the way to North Korea under the cover of night to rescue 2 beautiful women late last year. However, Hillary let slip today that he had used that very excuse 3 times before!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Jackson Murdered?
LaToya Jackson has claimed her brother Michael was murdered because he was "worth so much more dead than alive". "Want to buy a calendar?"
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Full Length Veil
President Obama having a hard time explaining to republicans & some democrats why he insists that Michelle start wearing a full length veil. "She's practicing for our visiting several countries soon.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Germany vill Blitzkrieg England vith Messerschmits und Mein Kampf!
Germany are taking Sunday's titanic clash deadly serious, they've invaded Holland and reached the North Sea and if it's a penalty shoot-out they will release V2 bombs disguised as Adidas balls!
written by unknown
Original Star Trek #4
Overheard at the recent "Original Star Trek" Convention in Metropolis, which allowed liquor: "Ooo I'm off ta see Mrs. Scotty oot tha hotel, Captain. She's gonna blow!"
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Original Star Trek #3
Overheard at the recent "Original Star Trek" Convention in Metropolis, which allowed liquor: "It's those tribbles, Captain! They're crawling all over my body!"
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Original Star Trek #2
Overheard at the recent "Original Star Trek" Convention in Metropolis, which allowed liquor: "Hey Drinks! Everyone set their brains on 'Stun'!"
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Original Star Trek
Overheard at the recent "Original Star Trek" Convention in Metropolis, which allowed liquor: "Where's Captain Pike?" "He's somewhere with Sulu."
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #24
Sure Signs That This Is The End: Jon Gosselin showing everyone his 12-inch whopper!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #23
Sure Signs That This Is The End: Television commercials become so low you can barely hear them.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #22
Sure Signs That This Is The End: All of a sudden every dog in the world runs under a car or building!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #21
Sure Signs That This Is The End: Rush Limbaugh leaves home, career, new wife and becomes a monk at The Abbey At Gethsemane, taking a vow of silence.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Next on Jerry Springer: Women Who Want to Date Joran van der Sloot
Since Van der Sloot has been jailed, he's gotten hundreds of marriage proposals from women all over the world. Must be his "killer" looks.
written by Charpa93, 24 June 2010
Picasso Painting: $52 Million
Picasso Blue Period work sells for $52 million. Auctioner says that's a lot of money for a white canvas with a blue dot.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #20
Sure Signs That This Is The End: Richard Simmons? Big as a house and crying his eyes out!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #19
Sure Signs That This Is The End: Warren Beatty avoiding mirrors!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #18
Sure Signs That This Is The End: Abe Vigoda, Betty White finally die. Really.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #17
Sure Signs That This Is The End: Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Britney and Paris Hilton wearing veils.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #16
Sure Signs That This Is The End: President Obama balances the budget by cutting social programs!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #15
Sure Signs That This Is The End: Cubs Sweep Yankees In Four Straight for World Series Championship!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
New General In Afghanistan
Nancy Pelosi and Al Gore look happy about Obama changing generals in mid East. Or, maybe they look angry? Puzzled?
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Government Minister Clarifies Future Plans
Lord Uppercrust Uppingham, explained: " The intentions of the government are that of calculated benevolence, with miscellaneously incorporated safeguards against generosity.
written by Inchcock, 24 June 2010
Sex Session Fatal
British man dies after sadistic sex session with 'Europe's most perverted dominatrix', Himmler's Whore!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Beskenbauer Taunts Britain
German legend Beckenbauer taunts 'stupid' England as millions gear up for another nerve-shredding clash with old enemy. "They may win but they won't be walking much", states Brit Coach.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Let Them Eat Rabbit Food, Rabbits
After the Budget, the bloodbath: Four in ten courts to close, police stations axed and "boiled cabbage Tuesdays" as part of Osborne's savage budget cuts.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Let Them Eat Cabbages
After the Budget, the bloodbath: Four in ten courts to close, police stations axed and "boiled cabbage Tuesdays" as part of Osborne's savage budget cuts.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Let Them Wear Long-Handles!
'Cold and hungry? Wear long underwear and eat vegetables': Tory MP sparks outrage with advice on how to survive Osborne's Budget cuts.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Miley's New Image
Miley Cyrus asserts her independence with new CD, sexy poses, picture of bum on cover.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
No Mickey D Toys?
Group will sue McDonald's over Happy Meal toys. McDonald's responds with "But there goes your nutrition!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
2030 New York!
NY exhibit imagines Utopian, green cities in 2030. A free range chicken in every pot, a hybrid car in every garage.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Bumblebee Endangered
Group seeks endangered listing for bumblebee. "They make great canned tuna."
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Medevdev Visits
White House points to success as Medvedev visits, bringing great Russian vodka. No more Beer Conferences for awhile.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
New School Rules
Mass. school district under fire for condom policy. After 21 pregnancies, male students must wear condoms at all times!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
We Were Too Busy
Cap back after robot nudge stalls oil collection, BP payouts.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
That WWII Kiss!
WWII nurse in iconic Times Square kissing photo dies of Mononucleosis.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
New Afghanistan Leader
McChrystal out; Petraeus picked for Afghanistan but McChrystal promised first shot at Iran.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Nkoreans Usual Ass*****
North Korea threatens more punishment for American forced to laugh at cartoons for days.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Not Much Headway
AP check: Shoddy disposal work mars oil cleanup as truck loads of picked up oil from beach in Pensacola dumped on Panama Beach & Vice Versa!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Rat Tests #3
Fear-eliminating Drug Works in Rats. Also, in politicians.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Have We Met?
Have we met before? Women and gay men most apt to know. heterosexuals usually were never looking at her face.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
French Strike
French strike over plans to raise retirement age. Authorities: For each month you strike, a month will be added to retirement age!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Rat Tests #2
Fear-eliminating Drug Works in Rats! The last recorded message on recorder after bodies found.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Rat Testing
Fear-eliminating Drug Works in Rats, reports scientists as he flees building.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
"Here's How It's Gonna Be!"
White House points to success as Medvedev visits to lecture Obama, Biden.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Ehhibit Seen Through Rose Colored Glasses
NY exhibit imagines utopian, green cities in 2030. People throwing roses up and down 42nd street.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Bin Laden Hunter Home
Bin Laden hunter arrives back in Colorado. Hates capture and Release Policy in Afghanistan.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
"The Sky Is Apalling!"
Mass. school district under fire for condom policy as many blowing them up with helium and floating them across town.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
The Ocean Is Mad
Robot nudge foils Gulf oil collection for a day. Lightning strikes two other rigs. White whale attacks another.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Queen Pays Visit
Queen makes first visit to Wimbledon in 33 years. "Knew it was around here somewhere."
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
"Do You Have Prince Al"..Click!
Monaco's Prince Albert bids adieu to the can, bachelorhood!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Certainly Needs Help
Shades of Blagojevich come through in FBI tapes. One has him talking to demons and former president Nixon, Marley's ghost.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Practice Makes Perfect
Kagan: From a mock Supreme Court to the real thing. After a month of practice, now to face the real thing.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Crab Recall?
Over 2 million crabs recalled amid safety concerns. Sorry, that should have been "cribs".
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Spill Hurts Obama
Spill hurts Obama rating as storm season starts. "Stormy Weather" being sung by Limbaugh.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
That Famous Kiss
WWII Irish nurse in iconic Times Square kissing photo kisses the Blarney Stone at 83.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
He's A Natural
McChrystal out; Petraeus picked for Afghanistan. McChrystal to do commercials for McDonalds, Krystal.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Kim "As Is" Also
$75M mansion near Orlando selling 'as is'. Kim of North Korea asks if any of the Duck family lived there?
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Shoddy Disposal Work
AP check: Shoddy disposal work mars oil cleanup. "Workers ask what different can it make? Millions of gallons still on the way."
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Obama Changing Generals, Nicknames
Relief greets Obama pick for new war commander. From General Betrayus, to General Prayforus in different administrations.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Vuvuzela blamed for BP Oil Leak
BP Chief Executive Tony Hayward has sensationally blamed a Vuvuzela for the Gulf Of Mexico disaster. The claim comes after John Terry was cleared of any involvement just hours before.
written by JackLenny, 24 June 2010
Facebook make changes to Relationship Status
Facebook is to replace the relationship status 'Single' with the phrase 'Ridin Solo' in August.
written by JackLenny, 24 June 2010
Hacker's Hack
Hackers have broken into you e-mails with your girlfriend. We don't remember you ever playing for the Yankees.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
One Werewolf Was Gay
Taylor Lautner says that one of the werewolves in Twilight was gay. "If you listen closely to the howls, you'll hear a bowsy, wowsy!"
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Youth Day In Haiti
Yesterday was "Youth Day" in Haiti so all the kids had their work hours for Nike cut to 15!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Arizona Illegal Immigrant Law
Now that Arizona has passed it's strict new immigration bill, the first week they caught a total of 350 illegals coming in and seized all four vans.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
New Point Man
BP names new point man on disaster! He will go by the name of Mr. Oil Spill.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
General McChrystal Out!
General McChrystal meets with Obama as possible replacements lined up to be the next to resign.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Defending Gay Rights
Clinton pledge to defend gay rights critized by gays on the left!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #14
The number one song for the past six months is Randy Newman's "Let's Drop The Big One Now!"
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #13
Pabst Beer cans now have Red Ribbons on each can!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #12
The President interrupts the Super Bowl in overtime to announce that there's really nothing for you to worry about"...but won't say about what!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #11
The winner of the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize? North Korea's Own Kim!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #10
Cockroaches begin to come out in the daytime..and laugh at you.
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #9
"Suddenly, Alex Hawkin's voice begins sounding like Andy Griffith."
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
Sure Signs That This Is The End #8
France declares all-out war on Liechtenstein....and wins!
written by Bureau, 24 June 2010
