Lohan On The Move
Lindsay Lohan is going to jail for 90 days. She shed some tears but then led the police on a slow chase through clothing stores. She says she hasn't got a thing to wear for "jail".
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Kentucky Summer
Kentucky evening was beautiful this day. Sunny all day and 70 this evening. Just like Ringo.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Now We're Green Too
Although New York City has gone green and uses low-emission cabs, most passengers are now requesting low-emission cab drivers.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Az. Hangs Tough
Earlier today, the Arizona Governor unveiled her even tougher new immigration policy. Barack Obama has been ordered back to hometown in Kenya.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Raoul's Family Play Hide n Seek!
Raoul Moat's twin brother has left a trail of false leads in Northumbria and is enjoying the sun in his hometown near Under Milk Wood.
written by iscrivener, 07 July 2010
Judge in Lindsay Lohan Case Says, "No hard feelings" regarding Lohan's "f#ck u" nail polish....
...then proceeds to work Lindsay over with a strap-on during sentencing phase while screaming," Now THAT'S a hard feeling, bitch!"
written by Mr. Staypuf, 07 July 2010
Sugar's Bad For You!
San Francisco releases regulations for pot brownies. Cannot have too much sugar.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Doesn't Sound Good
Obama to Bypass Senate to Name New Medicare Czar. Says he wants an "expert on rationing!"
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
King Saves Scientist's Ass!
An old X-Ray of Larry King was found somewhere and wound up in the hands of archaeologists. But before they embarrassed themselves with their 2,000-year-old find, King came & took it.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Really Hot In New York!
It was so hot in New York City today that several teens were arrested for sticking a fork in a wino's ass in the alley and turning him over.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
LiLo Upset, Gets Help
After her jail sentence of 90 days was announced yesterday, Lindsay Lohan was upset with all the Paparazzi. At one point Hugh Grant handed her a tupperware bowl of baked beans to throw at them.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Who Can Blame Them
Astronomers now say that "earth-like" planet, with an atmosphere that could sustain life, nearly 120 trillion miles away from us out in deep space, now has a "LEAVE US ALONE!" sin on it.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
I Always Feel Ballons Afterwards
The FDA says there's no evidence that marijuana treats any disease. They don't get it. Marijuana is a disease preventative!
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Johnny Depp to release fitness DVD
Johnny Depp is to release a fitness DVD......' Pilates in the Caribbean'.
written by Stevey G., 07 July 2010
How Low Can You Go?
There's a new bar sport going around down south. It's called, "The Bimbo Limbo!"
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
No More Limbo
The Pope has officially gotten rid of limbo. "It's bad enough getting in and out of the popemobile, let alone leaning backwards under a stick!"
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Miller Faces Accusations
The Miller Brewing Company is being accused of creating a new alcoholic drink designed to appeal to underage drinkers. It's called, Vampire Piss!
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
You Trying To Kill Sea Turtles, Man?
In San Francisco this morning a man was arrested for quickly dumping a bag of marijuana. No charges over the pot. It was over the bag being plastic.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
More Newspapers To Fold
Economists say that ten more major newspapers may fold before the end of the year. Why? One held up a copy of The Post front page, "Obama Wins Presidency!"
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Baseball Player Salaries Jump Again
George Steinbrenner says that the cost of hiring baseball players has been even higher than he can afford, "especially with the recent cost jump in steroids."
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
New Heat Records Today
More heat records set. It was so hot today that Lindsay Lohan says she's looking forward to going into the cooler.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Don't Forget Us!
With all the latest benefits from coffee reported over the past few weeks, Starbucks say they should be included on Obama's Health Care Plan.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
"I Not Weird!"
According to Men's Health magazine, 1 out of 5 grown adult men still watch Saturday morning cartoons every week. "See!", says Kim of NKorea!
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
27,000 Abandoned Wells
Gulf awash in 27,000 abandoned wells. This much earth moving could trigger New Madrid Fault causing huge earthquake, Warn Experts!!! Or, maybe not.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Arizona: See!
US: NYC subway bomb plot linked to British cell. Apparently they dug out of their cell and made their way here through Mexico.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Big Spy Swap
Russian spy claims swap in works for spies in US and China. A three way trade is in the offering for 24 spies and a annoying person to be named later.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Lady Godiva (Born Again Virgin) has started talking to herself
One of my articles has over 300 &^%$g views and not even ONE STAR. What do I have to do, stand naked in Morrisons window? I've even left myself a comment coz nobody else has.I'm talking to myself now.
written by unknown
Genuis Caught On Camera
Woman disguises huge ass with the top of her pants having buckles & strap hanging down.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Threatened Terrorist Arrest
Terror arrest threat for rail passenger who took photos on train to prove overcrowding. "If we say it's not overcrowded, it's not overcrowded!"
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
BBC Faked Documentary
BBC faked housing estate documentary with scenes of prowling hoodies from an area ... three miles away. They were caught after viewers kept seeing same faces in different locations.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
There's Always A New One
Web supermarket war as Amazon launches internet grocery store. Still another way to get fat.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Spy Swap!
Moscow 'offers former Russian colonel and nuclear expert to U.S. in Cold War-style spy swap to bring Anna Chapman home'. She is to see Putin, immediately!
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Drunk Lady Crashes Liquor Store
Lady crashes into liquor store twice. After second time, police admit she was drunk.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Swing Voters Avoiding Obama
Swing voters shun Democrats. Admit that Al Gore never really was much of a swinger.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Amongs Fouled His Own Balls
Baseball fan 'lucky to be alive' after falling 30 feet trying to catch a foul ball.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Pole- dancing club forced to close.
The owner of a proposed pole-dancing club in Dudley was forced to abandon his plans, when he could not find sufficient Polish dancers.
written by Stevey G., 07 July 2010
Both Relying On Theories
'Climategate' scientists mostly cleared. Still no major evidence on global warming either way.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Levi Johnston Blames Clinton for the Lies He said about the Pallins
Levi Johnston blames Bill Clinton for the lies he said about the Pallins. He also denies seeking more media attention, but did ask for a 15 Minutes of Fame do over.
written by UWGB-Beek, 07 July 2010
New lead on location of Raoul Moat.
Police are now working on a new lead that 'Raoul Moat' is not the fugitive's name, but an anagram of his whereabouts.
written by Stevey G., 07 July 2010
My name is RONALD, claims Raoul Moat
Claims made that Moat's anger stems from the fact that his father could not spell 'Ronald' when registering his birth.
written by Stevey G., 07 July 2010
Classifieds - Fire Guard
For sale 1 fire guard, never sleeps, he won't let anybody near your fire. Unwanted relative, hence £45
written by IainB, 07 July 2010
A Chicken Joke
A Taxpayer voting for Barack Obama is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders.
written by Spicewood, 07 July 2010
More UFO Data To Be Released
ET, phone Brussels: EU calls for opening UFO data. Aliens Object!
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Now They're Against Alternative Energy
A national environmental group says three of its members who blocked the entrance to a western Maine wind power construction site have been arrested. "No way of pleasing these people", says officer.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Activast Sentenced
Japan court convicts NZ anti-whaling activist. Sent to ten years of swabbing decks.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Kill The Messenger?
Toyota adding more time to new vehicle development in order to decreased demand. Fire those finding mistakes.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
World Markets Down!
World stock markets fall despite Wall Street gains. Refuse to allow Americans to set the pace, especially the French!
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Another Stamp Raise
Stamp prices going up again - 46-cent rate asked. Anothe million people switches to pay online.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Another Advisory Council Employed
Obama naming 35 to advisory council on imports, three more Czars.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Be Seeing You Soon!
Lindsay Lohan may sue court officer who wiggled eyebrows at her at yesterday's hearing. Told that was the jailer.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Kagan Great Fundraiser
At Harvard Law, Kagan was fundraiser in chief. Should help bail out of Supreme Court debts, say supporters, as every government agency needs someone to clear out debt.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
More Gov. Hirings
Obama naming 18 to advisory council on exports. Government hirings now 95% of total in past year.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
"Here Comes Your 19th Nervous Breakdown"
Manson follower once again denied parole, for 19th time!
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
It's That Special Time Of Year
Ole! Running of the bulls begins in Spain, 27 hurt, 204 dead the first day.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
BP Checking With Partners
BP's Hayward flies to Mideast to meet 'partners' in Iran, Syria.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Solar Flares Throwing Off Targets?
NATO airstrike accidentally hits the airport from where it took off!
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
More Military Dances
Dance fever sweeping through Israeli military. President Obama learns to do the Hora during Netanyahu.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
"Hey, I Cracked A Tooth!"
McDonald's fryer cook double fries everything on last day before entering Dentist schooling.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
FEMA: N.O. Settlements More Than Half Through
Deadline to file for FEMA funds Monday! Attention all residence of New Orleans!
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Lohan: What's Jail?
Lohan's future on hold until jail, rehab are done. May wear rainbow wig in protest.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Spy Versus Spy
Russia seeks spy swap for agents in U.S: lawyer. Al Gore: "Don't trade that redhead!"
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Israel: We're Not Leaving, Ever
Analysis: A critical US-Israel issue is left open. "Israel has a right to exist, but where?"
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Linger Vetoes Bill
Hawaii Governor Lingle vetoes civil-unions bill. Is Lingle single?
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
New Chief Instead of Czar
Obama bypassing Senate for new Medicare Chief, "Medicine Man, Running Bear".
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Heating, Oil
East Coast states brace for yet another scorcher, hoping it ends before the oil slick comes.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Solar Flares Shake Solar Plane
Solar plane sets out on historic flight. Solar flares has it jumping like crazy.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Solar Plane Out
Solar plane sets out on historic flight. Hopes to land before sunset.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
More Good News
AP IMPACT: Gulf awash in 27,000 abandoned wells. Could easily trigger earthquake and Tsunami.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
High Pay At White House
Who gets paid what in the Obama White House? Surprisingly, one of the best paid is Mrs. Robinson, Michelle's mother, to keep her mouth shut.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Mullahs Comeback Foreseen
Dance fever sweeping through Israeli military. First the US, now Israel, maybe the Dancing Mullahs will make a comeback.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
No Help From Washington
Feds vs. state again in suit against Arizona law. If Feds did their jobs, states wouldn't have to.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Oil Slicks Galore
This time it's oil trouble for Lake Pontchartrain. Is the Mississippi next?
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
One Reason We're Disliked
NATO airstrike accidentally kills 5 Afghan troops, for the tenth day in a row. Some planning suggested here.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
BOJO worried by gay asylum seekers ruling
London Mayor, Boris Johnson said of the Supreme Court ruling that gay asylum seekers won't be sent back to homophobic countries, "Ye Gods! There'll be a huge swelling through Britain's back doors."
written by A MCRORY, 07 July 2010
Gordon Brown's Aide
Reporter Inchcock, met with G Brown's aide today, to find some snippets about him, but G Brown came into the room as he was about to reveal them. The aide said, not to worry, I'll spell it out to you!
written by Inchcock, 07 July 2010
Gordon Brown at Academy
It's been reported that Gordon Brown is now attending the Mental Science Academy. When asked "What is he studying?", his aide said "Nothing, they are studying him!"
written by Inchcock, 07 July 2010
Lindsay Lohan Nominated for Daytime Emmy
Lindsay Lohan nominated for a Daytime Emmy for her performance at her pre-sentencing of a piece entitled, "I just wanted to say that as far as I knew I was being in compliant with, um, my program."
written by anthonyrosania, 07 July 2010
Lindsay Lohan Going to Jail!
Lindsay Lohan will be spending a lot of time with women who will take advantage of her, try to get her to do drugs and possess contraband. And, after her going away party, she's going to jail.
written by anthonyrosania, 07 July 2010
Wall Street Reform is Working
Even though Wall Street reform is not law yet, it has achieved campaign finance reform. The Democratic fundraisers are not receiving any money from bankers, financiers and hedge fund brokers.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 July 2010
Kabobs Welcome
Immigrants to America have brought perogies, bagels & kielbasa with them. Some new immigrants are bringing kabobs & advocating terrorism. Only kabobs will be allowed through the golden door!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 July 2010
HASA Thanks NASA
The Hamas Space Agency (HASA) thanked the NASA administrator for his "feel good" words of support. HASA promised to put a homicide bomber on the moon in 10 years.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 July 2010
Elvis has left the Building
Police are currently investigating the theft of a seven foot-high statue of Elvis from the roof of a diner located in Maryland!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 July 2010
Attorney General Files Lawsuit
AG Eric Holder expected to retire to a villa in Acapulco Mexico if the DOJ lawsuit against Arizona is successful. If the lawsuit is lost the AG will be indicted in Arizona for impersonating a lawman!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 July 2010
Working in the Dark Anyway
Republicans propose a bill mandating burqa-style veils for all Democratic far left liberals. Democrats can't see what they are doing, don't know where they are going and are bankrupting the USA!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 July 2010
Presidential Lexicon
The Obama administration is dysfunctional. Not surprisingly, the word Obama in Hawaiian means: over his head; befuddled; arrogant; mystified; and at a loss.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 July 2010
Illiteracy Spreading in Government
Congress showed it didn't know how to read when health care was voted on. Now the DOJ lawyers don't know how to read civil rights indictments. In Nov. Americans will read Democrats the "riot act."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 07 July 2010
Lohan To Jail?
Lindsay Lohan got sentenced to 90 days in jail on her 7th appearance...to be served withing the next few weeks. Maybe by then she can come up with a new nickname. LiLo might not do so well there.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Even Thirty Would Tie!
Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to serve 90 days in jail. If she actually serves half of those, she sets a new L.A. record for the longest time a celebrity has ever spent in jail.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Fireworks Mishap
Fireworks mishap scares spectators as 50-foot crater left where fireman had just ran out. No one injured badly but all six have tinnitus, learning to read lips.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Clinton Still Overseas
Clinton arrives in Georgia...on the Midnight Train!
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Blimp Watches Seashore
Blimp to help track oil slick as 450-pound man sets out across the Gulf State beaches.
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Lady Gaga Complains
Track star can race again -- as a woman. "Shouldn't be allowed", says Lady Gaga!
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Biden Speaks Out!
Biden makes bold prediction! "Cubs to finally win the series this year!"
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
BP Optimistic
Oil cleanup official optimistic! "We might just survive this mess!"
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
Sawyer Apologizes To Kids
Diane Sawyer apologizes for misspoken "Big Bird" dying last week. "It was Senator Byrd" children."
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
LiLo In Court For 7th Time
Lindsay Lohan in court. Judge: "I think I have a headache. Maybe you can be back next Tuesday! 90 days!"
written by Bureau, 07 July 2010
