Granny With Twins!
That grandmother that gave birth to twins a few years ago will have an article in People. One thing that was unusual was that during the birth of the twins, the doctor passed out twice.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Gore Slowly Cracking!
Former VP Al Gore got into a shouting match and finally a tussle with a professor who told Gore there is no Global Warming! "The only catastrophe in our future would be if you made another movie!"
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
In The Middle Of A Tour
On the Simpsons. Bart Simpson's voice is done by a woman named Nancy Cartwright. Today, she was offered $1,000,000 a year to sing for Dustin Bieber, should his voice suddenly change.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Astronauts Pissed
A panel investigating NASA found "a heavy use of alcohol by astronauts before launches." "If I'm going to have to drink my own piss, I prefer the Heinlein-flavored piss", claims one.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
BP Mad at Oil Leak
BP not happy with way oil just keeps coming out of broken well. They claim cutting corners really does hurt the bottom line.
written by UWGB-Beek, 06 July 2010
Dick Bollocks Fanny
Retired Radio chef Fanny Craddock was very upset today after being severely reprimanded by TV chef Richard Focks, at the Cheshire County Show.
written by The Medium Cheese, 06 July 2010
McGuire: Sit On It!
Mark McGuire says that he is glad that he came out & told everyone that he used steroids. "Before, while sitting in front of a congressional committee, I felt like I was on pins & needles."
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Bob Dole: Bob Dole Is Embarrased
After hearing about a 92-year-old man having become a father, former Senator Elizabeth Dole stated that her husband Bob is ten years younger and she still has to get the lid off the Cialis bottle.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Biden Aid Arrested
VP Biden aide arrested for carrying cocaine. When told Biden answered, "Cocaine? I told him Novocaine. You know, to help grow back my hair!"
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Jobs In DC
President Obama says there are still jobs in DC. "I know of 25 vacancies over in the reinforced building, opening my mail."
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Biden Likes Kagan
Vice President Biden told an overseas audience today he thought Elana Kagan would be an excellent judge on the Supreme Court in replacing Simon Cowell, who's retiring.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Obama: Other Nations Got Nukes Too
President says he wants to discuss the illegal immigrant issue next but first he wants the American people to know that we have a bad oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
No One Hurt
No one was hurt in taxi's wreckless incident yesterday says the New York Times.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Like The Climate Better
Bad sign as Fed Chairman Bernanke sells everything he has and packs up for Canada, then resigns.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Scientists discover new species in the hidden depths of the Atlantic.
Scientists discover new species in the hidden depths of the Atlantic. They plan to name it Skoob as it reminds them of one of their favourite Spoof writers.
written by unknown
More Bullshit Piles Up
NASA's 'foremost' mission is now to improve relations with Muslim world!
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Obama Coverup Exposed
The Dem chairman of Veterans Affairs lambasted the Obama admin. over its handling of an incident at a St. Louis VA center in which more than 1,800 veterans were told they may have been exposed to HIV.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Pay As You Play
Retailers Launch Their Own Stimulus Packages; Offer Loans to Shoppers. Hookers and escort services follow suit.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
No More MoHawks!
Iran Launches Holy War on Haircuts, High Heels and Hounds Humping in public!
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
The Great Obama Depression!
"The President claims to know how to create jobs. He claims jobs have been created. But so far the score is Great Obama Depression 2.2 million lost jobs, Obama 0": Wayne Pruitt.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Yep, Always Bigger Here!
Tar balls in Texas..."The biggest tar balls ever recorded", beams Mayor of beach town.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Heat Wave Strikes US!
UPDATE: NYC ties record at 101 degrees.....Boston hits 100..
Duluth hits 45. Al Gore Smiling for first time in weeks!
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Scientists discover new species in the hidden depths of the Atlantic.
Scientists discover new species in the hidden depths of the Atlantic. They plan to name it Skoob as it reminds them of one of their favourite Spoof writers.
written by unknown
Lady Godiva passes entrance exam
I'm pleased to announce that I succesfully passed the entrance exam and am now playing Anagrams with the others.
My thanks go to my teacher. I won't give his name as he is already big-headed enough.
written by unknown
Lady Godiva Screw Up
Today, writer, Lady Godiva screwed up good and proper on the Discussion whilst TRYING to play the Anagram game.
She has now had the rules explained and is on her knees begging to be allowed to play.
written by unknown
George Michael arrested again and again and again!
He's done it again, George Michael just loves being arrested, his obvious ultimate desire is to be thrown into the slammer where he can do something he's really good at, be cum a "Prison Bitch" WHAM!
written by unknown
Strict Haircut Laws
Iranian men get guidance for modest haircuts. Could get up to three years in prison for Beatles cut, executed for a mullet.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Hot Up East
Triple-digits temps expected on East Coast, one-finger salutes over small disagreements.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
George Michael Wrecks
George Michael arrested in London after car crash. Rushed to hospital over bruised pinkie complaints.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Not Enough Photos
Mo. tourism officials seeking photos of the state. Reminds them that Missouri is the "Show Me" state.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
It Can Be Rough
'Bachelor' split shows ugly side of public splits, like getting kneed in the nuts while shopping at the mall.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Not Even A Courtesy Flush
Hillary Clinton criticizes Russia's Putin for occupying the only bathroom at meeting place for half and hour.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Classifieds - Birth to Five car seat
Would suit new parents. Comes with roof rack attachment. Unwanted gift, I don't have kids or a car and I'm 86 you know. £12.82, buyer must also know origami.
written by IainB, 06 July 2010
Classifieds - Sharp NiCam VCR
Buyer collects. Wear chain-mail gloves - this thing has sliced through half a dozen cassettes already! £30.
written by IainB, 06 July 2010
Classifieds - De Longhi Cough eMaker
Produces seven kinds of cough on your computer, from deep and throaty to polite. Unwanted wedding present as I drink tea, hence £10.
written by IainB, 06 July 2010
Pig to run for Parliament
Betty, the self confessed news junkie has elected to run as MP for Eastbourne in the next election. She said ''if you look at Stephen Lloyd (Lib Dem), it's living proof that ANYONE can be elected''.
written by Magic Fingers 1966, 06 July 2010
Classifieds - 1973 Ford Cortina Windscreen
Buy this 1973 Ford Cortina Windscreen for a mere £50 and get a rusted shell with a view out of Medlock Canal thrown in free! (Buyer collects)
written by IainB, 06 July 2010
Classifieds - Peerage
For sale, one peerage to the Isle of Wight. No longer required. Serious offers only, please. C/o Lord Isle of Wight, Isle of Wight.
written by IainB, 06 July 2010
US Could Get Black Eye
Hurricane could be forming off the Gulf Coast. It would be the first with a black eye in the center.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Castro Chuckles Over TV Reports
The CIA discovers a plot by Cuba to send oil waves headed towards Gulf Coast!
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Could Hurt World's Atmosphere!
Conservationists protest Malaysia coal with traces of arsenic plant plan.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Dropped a "Zero"
Dutch agency admits mistake in UN climate report. "More like 'Global Warming over next 1,000 years'."
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Plenty Of Criticism Around
Clinton criticizes Russia for occupying Georgia. Russia criticizes US for occupying Iraq.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
No Cooked Vermin
Pamplona's Panned Vermin party begins. I'm sorry, that should be "Pamplona's San Fermin party begins!
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Libraries In Malls?
Libraries focus on convenience with mall locations. Bookstores fight back by renting latest bestsellers, free cups of coffee.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Anti-Taliban Songs Begin
Afghan indie band rocks Kabul in post-Taliban era, featuring hit, "No Tali Beating Tails Around Here!"
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Message Wasn't Clear, Hacked?
Tens of thousands march in Shit cleric's fun trail, despite stepping in it. I'm sorry, that should have been Shiite Cleric's funeral.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Another Rate Increase
Post office plans to announce new rate increase. First time since six months ago.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Ban On Weils, Smells Coming?
French parliament debates ban on burqa-style veils. Asked by citizens to also ban smells.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
French Banning Veils?
French parliament debates ban on burqa-style veils, except in case of the very ugliest.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Nine Of Those From Government
AP Analysis: Economic stress is easing more slowly as new jobs coming in at ten a month.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
More Prep Time!
Delaying School Start Times Benefits Teens! Gives teachers time to meditate, hit the alcohol and pills.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
US Going Balls Up!
Tar balls in Texas mean oil hits all 5 Gulf states. May now be headed up East Coast or up Mississippi River.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
"The Royal Wanger" Pub
Art from Diana's family homes to go on the block. Princess Diane's work of "The Naked Prince Charles" expected to bring high bids from Pubs.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Art Out On The Block
Art from Diana's family homes to go on the block. People out there on the street picking through them.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
May Be Waterboarded
More than 100 headstones toppled at Mass. church. Local witch blamed.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Throw Them All Out
Feingold faces unexpectedly tough race as practically all incumbents after past two years of screw-ups!
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Spies Don't Want To Leave
Spies Like Us: The Russians' Unremarkable Lives! Some liked it here so much they became double agents.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
See Where He "Was"
Air Force develops a new class of long-range hypersonic missile of complete accuracy. May place "Osama Bin Laden" on GPS system and launch away!
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Got Your Name On It, Mr. Dictator
U.S. military can hit target anywhere in the world in a matter of minutes. That used to be a sci-fi, but it's becoming reality as the Air Force develops a new class of long-range hypersonic missiles.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
CIA & Pakistan Spies
CIA and Pakistan locked in aggressive spy battles. Good thing that we're on the same side.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Cash Your Check At Sam's Club
Sam's Club will offer small business loans at only 9% as WalMart begins new phase of "Company Store".
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Queen To Visit
Queen Elizabeth plans brief visit to NYC, ground zero, be patted on arm again by Michelle Obama.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Groups threatening to protest during the Pope's official visit to Scotland and England have been warned...
The groups in question have headed the warnings and are sorry if they upset anyone
written by matthatt, 06 July 2010
Obama Trying To Correct Mistakes Before Elections
Obama and Netanyahu to hold fence-mending talks. Netanyahu says fence remains, to go to other subjects.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
The Giant Skimmer Blues
Stormy Weather May Dock Giant Oil Skimmer if it HAD been started, which it hadn't.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Or Yanni!
Libraries being located at malls for convenience having problems hearing Barry Manilow in background all day.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Toyota Knew Problems, Risked Lives
Toyota knew about Lexus problem 2 years ago. Toyota beginning to sound like BP Oil.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Milk For Free!
Libraries focus on convenience with mall locations. Not too popular with bookstores.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
"You Better Run!"
Band penalized for copied riff in 'Down Under' hit as "Men At Work" stole old copyrighted music.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Holiday Revenge
Heat blankets US as workers return after holiday. Over 25,000 call in sick...mostly from too-much food, hangovers.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Americans Pay For Fourth Of July Celebrations
Heat blankets US as workers return after holiday. Over 10,000 call-ins at work, too burned to come in today.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
First Health Overhaul Begins
First health overhaul provisions start to kick in as lines outside emergency rooms begin to form.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Tars & Stripes Weekend
Tar balls in Texas mean oil hits all 5 Gulf states. Total damage could make Katrina look like a whirlwind.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Tar Balls In Texas
Tar balls in Texas mean oil hits all 5 Gulf states. State song changed to "The Black Rose Of Texas"
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Obama searches for info on Israels Prime Minister
He even looked on the Net 'n' yahoo!
written by matthatt, 06 July 2010
Prisoners in Harrison County Jail, Indiana required to eat chicken and peas
Harrison County Jail in Indiana, fed up with complaints and requests from prisoners, have decided it will be mandatory for all prisoners to eat chicken and peas, even if they are vegetarian.
written by rpm1978, 06 July 2010
Another Cruise Comes Back To Port
The Quaker Cereal Company has decided to drop their low-selling "Bay Sick 4" after recent experiences by people on Cruises.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Sued Over Penis Ring Antics
A patient who says he was still awake during surgery says he plans to sue the hospital. "I'll never forget waking up and they were laughing at my nose ring being placed on my penis."
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Losing Their Ass Economically
The thirty minute infomercial for The De-Assifier has been pulled from the are once word got around that customers were losing their ass buying this thing.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Mutating Fast
Plague-infected squirrel shuts Los Alamos camping ground. Blames three-month affair with rabbit.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Lohan's New Line
Lindsay Lohan is posing nude to promote her 6126 clothing line. Be sure and not see them at your favorite boutique.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Nude Rugby!
Naked New Zealand rugby union team to take on nude Welshmen before official test match. Will be watching the ball, balls closely!
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Nude Drunk Worker
Cops investigating break-in at Texas business find nude, drunk worker instead. "It must have taken us two hours to find her clothes, but we finally spotted them over the back of the chair she was in."
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Obama Stumping
Obama to stumble...stump for Carnahan in Missouri. Other Dems sy No Thanks!
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Isle Of Wight Police Alert--Urgent!
Have you seen the this man? He is the man that we were looking for, before, but now he has changed his identity. We still dont know what he looks like. But please let us know if you recognise him.
written by armfeetandtoe, 06 July 2010
NFL Coaches In Afghanistan
4 NFL coaches visit troops in Afghanistan. Illustrate use of the old Statue of Liberty Play to fool Taliban.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Isle Of Wight Police Alert!
Have you seen this man? If you have, please post a message on this site. We dont know what he looks like, but we do know he is here, somewhere. If you know what he looks like, please let us know.
written by armfeetandtoe, 06 July 2010
More Biden Liden
Vice President Biden sees Iraq success for Obama, even though he and Obama fought involvement tooth and nail.
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Biden Liden
Vice President Biden urges Iraqi blocs to settle electoral disputes. "Just look at how easy it was for us to solve in 2000 presidential race."
written by Bureau, 06 July 2010
Advertising Junk Mail
Do you get junk mail about products you didn't know existed, didn't know you needed or didn't know you have not been using all of your life?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 July 2010
Bleeding Heart Democratic Liberals
Far left liberals gave Taliban/Muslim homicide bombers milk & cookies.
Taliban/Muslim homicide bombers drink milk & eat cookies!
Far left liberals blown up by Taliban/Muslim homicide bombers.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 July 2010
Hide the Money under the Mattress
President Obama plans to raise the income tax rate to 100% on those American taxpayers actually paying taxes. Even so, the CBO estimates a $1 trillion deficit because of all the new spending.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 July 2010
Power to the People
Power companies are selling surge protectors in case of frequent power outages to protect sensitive electronics. Shouldn't power companies just make sure there is no frequent interruption of power?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 July 2010
Press Secretary Gibbs Leaving White House
Press Secretary Gibbs has received a patent for his Bullshit Generating Machine and is forming his own manufacturing company. The organic farming industry has shown great interest in the device!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 July 2010
Wall Street Reform Legislation
Dodd/Frank Wall Street Reform Bill is to future banking crises as France's Maginot Line was to the German invasion of 1940. Pres. Obama & Congress are building fortifications to fight the last war!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 July 2010
Obama Awards $2 Billion for November's Election (Oops, Solar Energy)
Two years ago President Obama promised solar power generation facilities would be built in California. Rabid environmentalists still fight to save bugs & block construction at some sites!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 06 July 2010
