Byrd Buried
Senator Byrd was laid to rest wearing one of his favorite old uniforms, a white sheet.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Mother-Of-All Oil Simmers Here!
The giant oil-skimming ship has arrived in the Gulf of Mexico and began work until thirty minutes ago, when it began to leak.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Could Be Pirates
Russian Ship once again overshoots Space Station. Space station returns fire.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Hard Time Getting Him Off
CNN has finally given the final reason that they are retiring Larry King. "He has Suspender's Disease where, if you catch it, you can never get off again."
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Depression Leads To Other Problems
Depression may raise risk of dementia and the thoughts of being a chicken, says eggsperts.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Hot In Washington
People say it was so hot in Washington DC this morning that you had to be careful not to step on any seeds from the watermelon that Lincoln was eating.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Winehouse Going To The Dogs
Amy Winehouse have bought a huge dog she has been walking around New York's Central Park area. It could belong to a friend. It has this big jacket on from Yves St. Bernard
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
She's Slipping Something Past The Buzzer
Lindsay Lohan back in the news still again. Apparently she called Triple A last night to get her car started because her house key wouldn't go in.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
All On Their Own
Britney says she is getting rid of tattoos of several of old her lover's names from her but cheeks. She states that she's pretty well worn them off and won't need to have them removed.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Hillary For Prez Again?
Hillary Clinton says she may leave as Sec. of State & run again for President. She says that she's gotten hundreds of calls saying hit the road & meet the people. Of course half have been from Bill.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Silicon building blocks found in Einstein's brain
A study released today found glial cells in Albert Einstein's brain contain silicon-based DNA. Scientists are puzzled why something deemed pure science fiction would be found in the genius' mind.
written by Skews Me, 05 July 2010
Max Really Depressed
Max, Michael Jackson's second chimp has been even more depressed lately say keepers. "All he does is hang around the monkey bars. He hasn't played with himself in weeks."
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Max Depressed
Max, Michael Jackson's second chimp has been depressed lately say keepers. "He doesn't even fling poo anymore, he sort of tosses it underhand", says keeper.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Polls Not Hurting President Obama's Golf Game
With falling poll numbers, President Obama's golf game is actually improving.
written by UWGB-Beek, 05 July 2010
Iranian planes refused fuel in Europe, so what, they fly home on their flying carpets!
Iranian passengers stranded without fuel at major European airports have been issued with flying carpets, a copy of the Koran and a stiff west-east breeze from the "Great One"!
written by unknown
Minorities protected effectively during protests against oil price hike in India
Owners of hybrid vehicles and electric cars were alloted special police protection during the nationwide protests against the rising price of oil in India. Click here for full story.
written by ronin47empire, 05 July 2010
Al Gore Has Heart Attack
Town angry with Al Gore's treatment of Tipper may quit recycling and dump everything including medical waste into a big hole that coal company left in the middle of the night without reclaiming.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Then, Six Months Later...
(Place Hollywood Celeb's Name Here) says "she and her new husband are happier than they have ever been and expect a long loving marriage."
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Madman Makes Demands from inside pet shop.
"I want a bacon sandwich, a cup of tea and some dog shit bags, or the goldfish gets boiled"!
written by armfeetandtoe, 05 July 2010
Divorce That Hadn't Happened Yet, Overthrown
Appeals Court throws out Gore divorce filing. Gore spelled his name "Bore" on original papers.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Obama Addresses Immigration
Obama Finally Addresses Immigration Issue! "Only after passing a democrat test..a democratic test."
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Alexander Graham Bell End
Alexander Graham Bell Park,Edinburgh, is to close. Among the favourite rides were the Twisty-wire thingy, Bakelite cup'n'saucer and the Ahoy there dodgem-cars. Bell is famous for work with the deaf
written by A MCRORY, 05 July 2010
Santa Injured
Santa badly injured in sandlot baseball game while sliding spikes high into third base but forgetting about third baseman, Blitzer's horns!
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Skimmer Test Delayed
Choppy seas hamper oil skimmer test. What next? Too many fish hovering around oil skimmer? Only driver has the runs? Captain goes to sleep, skims beach?
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Nothing To Worry About
MORTAR FIRE HITS U.S. EMBASSY AS JOE BIDEN TALKS OF PROGRESS.
"Just fireworks for the 4th, Sir!"
"Oh, Great!"
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Another Tough Year
YEAR 9: Petraeus in Afghanistan warns of tough mission for ninth year in a row.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
We're At It Again
The Dow Jones Averages is repeating a pattern that appeared just before markets fell during the Great Depression, Daryl Guppy, at Guppytraders.com, told CNBC Monday. "Leaking money like an oil well!"
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
BP find the end of a rainbow after their environmental disaster!
BP love their Gulf disaster and are now entertaining potential multi-billion investements from the middle east and Asia, any disaster is a good disaster and BP certainly handled this one superbly!
written by unknown
110 Degrees At Yankee Stadium
Thermometer at Yankee Stadium hit 110 as third baseman really in the hot corner today.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Teachers Being Laid Off!
Teachers' Union Shuns Obama Aides at Convention! "Go tell you boss not to expect any November votes from here", says spokesperson.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
We're Out!
Documents show that Fish & Wildlife Service went along with conclusion that deepwater oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico posed no significant risk to wildlife. Dummies in DC, BP & F&WF! Strike Three!
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Had A Crush On Manager
Two Sumo wrestlers recently suspended accused of lap-dancing manager to death.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Sumo Figures Barred
Sumo Figures Barred in Japan for Gambling! "They were betting on who could become the fattest", says investigator.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
China Chief Polluter
Experts worry that as China's 1.3 billion people clamor for more cars and creature comforts, international efforts to limit global warming could be doomed. "We'll drive you nuts", state leader.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
No Ones Reads History Anymore
Pakistan Army Finds Taliban Tough to Root Out! Russia found that out, 30 years ago!
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Revolution Getting Closer?
Once-Dominant Party in Mexico Seems Resurgent, The Citizen Revolutionary Party, to wipe out drug gangs in final war.
Arizona to the other 49 states, "Better wake up!"
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Government Warning
U.S Government warn consumers that those latest e-mails from Nigeria offering to teach you haw to levitate for only $5,000 are bogus.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Hollywood Funeral Director
Retired funeral director in Hollywood reveals that Don Knotts (Barney Fife) only had two toes left on his right foot from accidentally firing pistol while in holder.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Big Celebation
Former molester celibates tenth year of being chemically castrated.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Plan Fails Again
Locally, "Just one more little bitty chocolate from the box" plan goes out the window.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Weather Update
WMRU: Weather update! Hail the size of dog balls have been reported near the Animal Hospital north of the town!
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Greece are saved!
Greece has been saved from bankruptcy as Prince Philip is donating his stuffed bear collection to their cause; so far it has raised 1.2 billion in fur alone.
written by IainB, 05 July 2010
Nick Griffin Meets the Queen
Nick Griffin, leader of the BNP is to meet Queen Elizabeth II. He said: "I admire the Germans."
written by IainB, 05 July 2010
G-20 Conference Finally Over
At G-20 Conference, several nations vow to promote global role on Global Warming. Al Gore shows up in sackcloth & ashes!
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
New Penis Study
Scientists checking into penis problems of older Americans say that things are really looking up!.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Healthy Sports Snack
The Surgeon General has determined that "Sugar-dried prunes" are a safe snack during running events. "Could even make you run faster."
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Obama Numbers Shrink Again
President Obama's approval numbers now down to 41% among US population, 25% at home due to kid wanting to go to Disney World over July 4th weekend.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
General Patraeus Gives Spech On Geneal Realities
General Petraeus might agree to troop pull-out date but will not disclose date for bombing Iran nuclear facilities.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Hamas Has 'Neat" Summer Camp!
Rival Hamas, UN summer camps still competing over children. Hamas has advantage as they illustrate on dummy how to severe a head.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Debt Clock Jumps Ahead
Although Doomsday Clock still three minutes until midnight, National Debt Clock now ten minutes after.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Sumo Wrestling Plotted
Scandal: Japanese Sumo Wrestling Matches have plots that are written out in advance. Mostly just get in there and push and grunt. Easy money, all you can eat.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
New Weight Study
Estimate: Nearly one billion now overweight, nearly 250 million obese, thirteen beyond description.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
But Most On Computers
Nielsen study: Average American home has four TV's, 250 TV channels, one book, 2 magazines, one of which is a TV Guide.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Sounds Like It's Fixed
Roman Polanski hearing coming up. Looks good for Polanski as prosecutors in the case are force to wear Groucho Marx masks and whirling beanies.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Poland Releases UFO Files
Poland now releases all it's UFO files. Classifieds under "Polish-Sausage Shaped Objects' the largest. Most 'Bigfoots' turned out to be ordinary average men & women.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Russia Claims Icebergs
Russia claims that icebergs close to North Pole belong to them. Could be handy if there's a worldwide water shortage.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Compare Against US, Britain Recent Releases
Leaders on Titan say they may open up all their UFO accounts this coming week.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Shut Up!
President Obama: Criticism of the way I handle oil slick, questioning why I received a Nobel Prize emboldens our enemies.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
See How You Like It!
Having had enough, Native American tribes sue to have burial ground in Central Park.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Cat Out Of The Bag
President Obama's Mother-In-Law selling momentoes on eBay of Obama's babyhood in Kenya after finding hidden cache.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Not A Bad Limp
'Twilight' falls sharply but limps in to the sound of $161M.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Obama Holiday Extension
Obama celebrates July 4th at White House barbecue. Plans to spend next two days aboard BP CEO's yacht!
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Rest & Relax
Obama celebrates July 4th at White House barbecue, cherry bomb in mother-in-law's cake.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
We'll Win It This Time
Petraeus takes over Afghan fight, vows 'to win' it. Just like four years ago.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
First Malls, Airports, Now Cities All Look Alike
Different no more, suburban life is turning serious as every area just outside center of a city beginning to all look alike.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Can't Eat Oil, Money
UN food agency: Niger now an 'emergency operation' Weird weather could eventually bring in most nations.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Kangaro Court Gives US Citizen 8 years
Chinese court sentences US geologist to 8 years. After torture, he agrees to every crime in past two years.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Need For Modern Earp Family
Mexico's drug war heats up near Arizona border. Several US guards request burial at near-by Boot Hill should they get hit.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Border Wars Spread
Mexico's drug war heats up near Arizona border as bullets being ducked all the way to Tuscon.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Toyotas Becoming Edsels
Troubled Toyota recalls about 92,000 cars in Japan. Many more later in the US, this time over new engine problems..which they still deny but will fix just to keep sales going.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Hit At Home This Time
Troubled Toyota recalls about 92,000 cars in Japan. Seems the cars suddenly speed up on their own.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
BP Clean-Up Costs
BP costs for oil spill response pass $3 billion. "That's only a drop in the bucket", Obama tells them.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.
We're just about to invade a Canadian town called Sandwich. Hope we invade the towns of Free Hookers and Inexpensive Whiskey next!
written by anthonyrosania, 05 July 2010
Beautiful Garden State News: Burlington City
Burlington City: The City continues to be divided; the north side continues to be a Section 8 mecca, while the south side is inhabited by people in million dollar homes to afraid to walk the streets.
written by anthonyrosania, 05 July 2010
Beautiful Garden State News: Burlington Township
Burlington: Senator Diane Allen celebrates what brought her to politics: "It's been 25 years since WCAU decided I was too fat to be a news anchor, because my head wouldn't fit on screen.
written by anthonyrosania, 05 July 2010
Indian General Strike to be Held in Shifts
July 5th Indian General Strike to be Held in Shifts @ ITES Hubs of Bangalore, NCR, Mumbai to ensure all services are affected. Click here for full story
written by ronin47empire, 05 July 2010
NickFun Returns With Snippet
After swearing to never write for The Spoof again, Spoof writer NickFun posted an impromptu snippet on the site this afternoon. "I just want to express appreciation to" -- damned, I'm out of space.
written by NickFun, 05 July 2010
Seattle rain threatens holiday fireworks
Public donations may have saved this year's Seattle July 4 fireworks, but heavy rains may put a damper on tonight's Lake Union festivities.
written by Skews Me, 05 July 2010
I Think I'd Move!
Some people who live along the Gulf Coast now finding sea water in their car's oil.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Did My Best
Former president George W. Bush says that he had no idea the wetlands he agreed to protect might need to be protected from oily sea water.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
You're All Strange To Us!
Hermaphrodites split on the question of same-sex marriages.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Just A Few Days
President Obama says that he might have to shut down the internet at any time for maintenance.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Students To Get Help
Before break, U.S. Senate agreed to do something about US student's math scores. The final vote was 85-22.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Dollar Falls Again
The dollar falls once again. This time against Bernie Madoff's IOU's.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Par-Ty! Par-Ty!
Going into this year's fall elections, most Hollywood stars expected to vote along party lines.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Simple Debate Goes Bad
Los Angeles gangland debate turns ugly. "Trouble is always where you least expect it", complains police officer.
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
Masseuse Gored
Masseuse who accused Al Gore of sexual attack resigns over the scandal. "I'll never live down being that close to old Frankenstein."
written by Bureau, 05 July 2010
