Need To Learn The Language
Republican Senators say that all "Do Not Enter" signs on the Mexican Border must be in English!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Joey Wins Again!
Joey Chestnut ate 54 hot dogs and his pinkie finger to win his 4th straight Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Madman Lets Police Have Hostage
I'm se and he gets sending the sick budgie out you slags! Any funny stuff, and the Canarygets clipped!!
written by armfeetandtoe, 04 July 2010
Ronaldo Bonked Bridge's Ex!
Vanessa Perroncel has revealed she is the mother of Cristiano Ronaldo's new baby boy. She has been quoted as saying she is the biggest cheat of them all!
written by iscrivener, 04 July 2010
Patient Sues Hospital
Patient sues hospital after she woke up during the operation, hearing "Nurse, you touch there and not only will a buzzer go off but her nose will light up."
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Need Steady Hand
Thirty minute infomercials taken off TV for "The Pill Slingshot" after customer has to have pill removed from up nose.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Bad Taste Left In Mouth
Post Cereal Company has announced the recall of their "Crapple Crisp" for 300% of Daily requirements for roughage.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Nothing For Us?
Habitat For Humanity being taken to court by the UFO people.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Better Give It More Time
Winds, choppy seas, people leaving to spend time on the yachts delays some oil spill cleanup.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Someone Joins Arizona
Salt Lake City government decides not to participate in boycott of Arizona businesses. Instead, will boycott California lack of morals.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
It's Finally Here!
Fireworks to Highlight July Fourth Celebrations!!"First time in a year, three hours, seven minutes and twelve seconds", says Idiot Savant.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Police Arrest Booby Trapper
Suspected Police booby trappers arrested after male officer uses false boobs to lure him in.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Knock Knock!
Anti-American Hezbollah cleric dies after close encounter with the drone kind.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Public Indeciency
Hot Dog! Ex-Champ arrested before contest with wrong kind of hot dog in his mouth.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Acme Drug Recall
Acme Pharmaceutical Company is recalling a so-far unnamed medication. The reason? So far it has no side effects, helps you lose weight and cures the problem immediately. "No money in that", says CEO!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Stones On The Road
The Rolling Stones have just began their latest tour, "Is Keith Still Moving?" Tour!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
"Them Good Old Boys/Girls Were Drinkin' Whiskey & Rye"
Justin Bieber has already put out a new rendition of an old hit, about the red-headed Russian spy: "Bye, Bye, Miss American Spy".
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Needs Something For Her Head, Also
Lindsay Lohn is still wearing her alcohol-detecting device. Over the weekend she told a reporter, "This is silly. I've never had any trouble detecting where to get booze."
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Botox Poison!
The Washington Post says the drug Botox could be the newest weapon used by terrorists. Nancy Pelosi has already summoned her lawyer to update her will.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Viagra Announcement, VIAGRA ANNOUNCEMENT!!
A new study has found that use of Viagra can double your chances of hearing loss. I SAID A NEW STUDY HAS FOUND THAT VIAGRA CAN CAUSE HEARING LOSS!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Ruling Has Had Limited Effect
The Supreme Court has ruled this year that corporations can now spend as much as they want on political candidates. Suddenly, all the whispering and secret meetings have stopped completely.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Double Talk Champs
Although it's July 4th, today is also National Double Double Talk Talk Day! This year's award goes to the BP Oil Company!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
BP: Everything Still Looking Good!
The BP officials say that the capping plan, although now bouncing, is working. The bad news: These guys are worse liars than politicians.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Thankful On The 4th
Even though the United States is in a mess financially, the oil spill, etc, we can still be thankful on the 4th of July. At least police photos of Larry King's Erotic Suspenders episode never got out.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Palin Upset
Today Sarah Palin accused famous Russian Comedian Yakov Smirnoff of flashing himself at her as she looked out the window of her house while visiting her home in Alaska.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Better To Prepare
Rush Limbaugh, expecting hard times during the Obama years, has already been storing food in his cheeks.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Obamacare Will Not Cover All
Obamacare may not cover sick deemed high-risk...anyone over 70!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Other Than That...
Health overhaul could mean one day longer ER waits, as they hand you a number, hurried diagnosis, overcrowding.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Where We're Headed
Illinois facing 'outright disaster' amid budget crisis, as Obama tried his program out there first.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Wonder Who?
Clinton Defends Byrd's KKK Ties: 'He Was Trying To Get Elected'. 'Like being gangster's friend in Chicago!"
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Eating All The Way
Coast Guard Shark Advisory for Northeast as thousands going up Atlantic coast to escape oil spill.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Oil Spill Spreads
Oil spill likely to reach Florida Keys, Miami...New Zealand.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
"Enough Baby Bombers To Go Around For Now"
Business Week: With bad economy, many choosing to be cremated, causing many funeral homes to have stiff competition.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Little Weight To Bring It Down
Fashion model travels over three hundred miles before hang glider finally lands.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Neither Bull, Nor Bear
Investors on Wall Street totally confused in trying to handle a Badger Market!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
All In Agreement
All stem cell research approved by all males in Senate and House after discovery that they can add two inches to penis.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Manuscript A Fake!
Lost Hemingway manuscript "The Old Man & The Sheep" that somehow showed up in Nigeria is a fake say experts.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
PR addict Jordan buried, no married, no I was right first time!
Refer to above.
written by A MCRORY, 04 July 2010
Fourth Of July Explosion!
Spontaneous human combustion of punk on the Subway messy but brings spontaneous applause!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Young Whippersnapper!
75-year old at the Nursing Home asks dad for the keys for the three-wheeler, wrecks it again.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Online Casino Accusations
Online Casino called to report to congressional hearing after being accused of fixing mouse.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Purdue Plant OK!
Purdue chicken processing plant say there has been out reports of chicken flu or sickness of any kind among chickens there. However, there has been a lot of depression.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Madman Takes Hostage In Pet Shop!
"Come any closer! And the Stick Insect loses a leg!!
written by armfeetandtoe, 04 July 2010
Gary Glitter becomes a "born again sheep - shagger"!
Gary Glitter has changed his life and become a "born again sheep-shagger"! Relief for little girls but heavy competition for Leeds Utd fans!
written by unknown
Cows With Wings
Cows with wings may be just around the corner. Better wear a hat. I'm sorry, that should be "cars" with wings. Wear a helmet!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Oil When The Saints, Go Marching In!
Tourists flocking to New Orleans, despite spill fears. "Best rates in years", says one!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Some People Are Touchy
Lindsay Lohan: I was punched by a waitress! And all I did was make fun of her make-up and size of her ass."
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
I Can't Break 90
Golfer shoots under 80 with no arms. Well, that did it. No more golf for me.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Bison Recalled
66,000 pounds of bison meat recalled after two arrowheads found in meat by health inspectors,
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Afghan War At Critical Stage
General Petraeus: Afghan war has reached 'critical moment' for the tenth time!"
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
New Virus
New vomiting and diarrhea virus hits the South. "It certainly hits south", say most victims!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Feelin' Grumpy!
Genration Groovy to hit seventy in just two more years!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
More Jobs Leaving
Lay's corn chips say they will be making their chips in China in the near future.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Fooled Again
Yet another Lost Amazon tribe discovered with GPS guidance system.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Not Very Positive
Captured on tape: BP CEO "Stick a fork in our ass and turn us over.!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
We Heard It First!
Old Wive's Tales Group in huge fight over weekend with Urban Legend Group.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
"You Had Her Last Year!"
Fantasy wife-swapping cards the latest pastime for radical Mormon group.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Who Do To Who?
Birth of identical cousins causes a big brawl within New Jersey family.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
After Two Day Fight
Military Coup brings in new leader of illegal immigrants here in America.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Poles Smarter Than Nixon
New Nixon Tapes: Nixon, Billy Graham making Polish jokes, as "brilliant" President kept all these tapes.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Give In 50/50
U.S. Air Force agrees that photo of UFO is real but doubt that the UFO itself is real.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Glitch Not Due To Sun Flare
The glitch in many computers yesterday turns out to be a snafu, not a sun flare as previously reported.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Cargo Vessel Misses Again
Cargo vessel spins out of control past space station. "I knew we should have not put vodka aboard", says Russian Scientist.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Nuke Accident
Blaze inside nuclear power station takes firemen seven hours to bring under control. At least three now have superpowers.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
No Takers Thus Far
BBC stars could take a 15% pay cut, says Sir Terry Wogan. Then challenges every government worker to do the same.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Cameron's Austere Budget Cuts
Cameron is ready to approve the biggest public-spending cuts in the history of the developed world in a dramatic bid to cut Britain's soaring national debt. Two years of Beans On Toast will help!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Quite A Combination
NY contest blends US love of hot dogs, competition, Heimlich maneuver.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Finally Facing The Truth
Lebanon's top Shiite cleric Fadlallah dies at 75. His last words? "What, no virgins?"
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Poles New President
Poles pick president in final round of voting although no one is very far ahead in the polls.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Ploes Still Picking President
Poles pick president in final round of voting. Looks like the winner may be the one with the longest name that you must fart in the middle to get the pronounce it correctly.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Poles Pick President
Poles pick president in final round of voting . Looks like it may be the unpronounceable one.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Clinton Promotes Openess?
Clinton, on top secret foreign trip, promotes more open societies.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Shoe Fight
Biden seeks thaw between Iraqi political rivals. Stands tall amid dozens of shoes being thrown.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Scared Their Socks Off!
Socks fall as jobs report adds to economic fears. Sorry, that should be 'stocks'.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Little Too Close
Man charged in boat crash near Statue of Liberty, apparently trying to read the message!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Foreign Help Now Acceptable
Hopes ride on giant oil skimmer in Gulf of Mexico . Wonder why it wasn't sent for two months ago.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Should Have Known
Ecuadoreans, DEA seize drug-smuggling submarine. "It drew our attention by being painted yellow."
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Pope Praises Pope
Pope praises life of 13th-century pontiff who quit. No neat pope mobile back in those days.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
That Should Really Help
Stocks fall as President refusing to release jobs report adds to economic fears.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Biden Seeks Thaw
Biden seeks thaw between Iraqi political rivals. Holds talks with all 50 leaders.
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Sounds Familiar
Petraeus: 'We are in this to win' in Afghanistan...Year Nine!
written by Bureau, 04 July 2010
Aliens abducted Rooney, Messi, Kaka and Ronaldo!
It's obvious why our footy superstars did not appear at the World Cup, they were abducted by aliens, had some grey matter removed (not much to take) and sent back looking and playing like Zombies!
written by unknown
Wombles sue Wimbledon because Serena is boring!
The Wombles are sueing Wimbledon because when Serena wins and wins they keep falling asleep and cannot do their work, clearing up the rubbish (Union Jack flags) left by dispondent Andy Murray fans!
written by unknown
Iphone is not used correctly.
Man tries to make call on iPhone.Apple explains that iPhone is only to be used to play Rock Band and to impress chicks.
written by anthonyrosania, 04 July 2010
Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.
Officials say that dry conditions, along with the hot air delivered by politicians, join to make the borough ripe for forest fires. Says Governor: "Let that sh-thole burn! Now, where's my lunch?
written by anthonyrosania, 04 July 2010
Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.
Stationed at Gettyburg, freezing our 18th century asses off! "No, don't bring extra shoes," Washington said. Thanks for nothing!
written by anthonyrosania, 04 July 2010
Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.
I hate Ben Franklin. "Oh, look at me, girls! I flew a kite with a key on it."
written by anthonyrosania, 04 July 2010
Rare! Facebook updates from Revolutionary War.
Yay!!! The Tories planned to take over Philadelphia by attacking near 5th and Market, but sh-tty parking has prevented it.
written by anthonyrosania, 04 July 2010
Beautiful Garden State News: Summit.
Summit leads NJ in a-holes! According to the 2010 census, 45,235 a-holes live there, and they all drive blue Volvos and screw up traffic on route 22.
written by anthonyrosania, 04 July 2010
Beautiful Garden State News: Roselle
Roselle Borough residents will be celebrating the fact that Roselle was the first to be lighted by electric lights. Whoo-hoo. A lightbulb festival. God, Roselle sucks.
written by anthonyrosania, 04 July 2010
Ann "Trigger Face" Coulter Plans on Having Liposuction
Ann "Trigger Face" Coulter plans on having liposuction. She says doctors plan on going into her stomach and removing two pounds of oats, barley, and hay.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 July 2010
The Amazing Secret About Joan Rivers G-Spot
Joan Rivers admitted to Larry King that her G-Spot fell off 17 years ago.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 July 2010
Barbara Walters Conducts Her First Nude Interview
Barbara Walters has agreed to interview Heidi Montag, who has had 38 plastic surgeries, while both womem are completely nude.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 July 2010
Chris Brown's Tears Were of The Fake Variety
Chris Brown admits that the tears he shed on the BET Awards Show were in fact fake. He did say that the evil laugh, however, was very real.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 July 2010
LeAnn Rimes, Madonna, and Amy Winehouse To Record An Album
LeAnn Rimes, Madonna, and Amy Winehouse are going to be recording an album. The album is tentatively titled, Three Friggin' Bitches From Hell.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 July 2010
We Were Soldiers
Funny how I just compared Patraeus to Mel Gibson in the movie. Maybe I should of sang Bury me now in the cold cold ground !Ill make my stand on this cold cold ground and then blow angels out my Arse !
written by mancalledhorsemanure, 04 July 2010
Mad Max
Well Mel Gibson has come a long way from the "Thunder - Drome," with Tina Turner on his new N-word " Norwegian, " Remember Night Rider in the Sky the next time you get stopped for DUI MaxMel?
written by mancalledhorsemanure, 04 July 2010
The N-Word
If Mel Gibson can make up for anti semetic words with "Norwegian'" then why can't Kramer make up at the Apollo with " NUTS," or " Nigerian ? "
written by mancalledhorsemanure, 04 July 2010
Hernia ?
With this Hernia I have that looks bigger than my pecker and when a girl knees me in the groin I call it a Her Knee A how would she like if it if I screwed her back with the same Hernia she gave me ?
written by mancalledhorsemanure, 04 July 2010
Norwegian ?
I can see how Mel Gibson would use " Norwegian," as an N-word where I myself would of used " NUTS ! "
written by mancalledhorsemanure, 04 July 2010
