Store's Secret Code Revealed
A Spoof tip if you ever try to pilfer a few things at an "Everything For A Buck" store: Watch out for the code name "Price Check On Check-out #3!" That's a signal. Quickly turn around & replace them.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Social Security Scheme
Guinness certifies that the Social Security system was the biggest Ponzi scheme ever recorded.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
That Would Be Awful!
Sentaor Al Franken warns GOP Congress would bring 'truly dangerous agenda' like three-month long oil spills, constantly gone on vacations while debt, joblessness soar!
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Biden Doing "Helluva Job!"
After Maine and Gulf Coast vacations, Obamas schedule 5-days in Spain to precede 10-day vacation on Martha's Vineyard.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
SBA: Losing Many Businesses Daily
Majority of Small Business Sector Facing Tax Rate Hike Under Obama Plan. "We'll either have to close or lay off workers if taxes upped for big business bailouts."
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
As A "Nest Egg"
GOLDMAN reveals where bailout cash went -- overseas banks! "We simply can't trust the ones here", says spokesman.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Stem Cell Promises
New stem cell research reveals that it is possible to live 1,000 years and still never be out of debt.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
China's Total Blackout
Chinese Ambassador at the United Nations says that they have cracked down completely on media at home. "But haven't figured out how to tell them."
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
First Of It's Kind
Japanese amaze world with new robot that can fart. Has built in laugh track.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Better Tell Kids, Grandchildren Now
United States debt growing by millions every minute. Have you told your kids about this? Be sure there are no sharp objects about.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
That's All Right Then
Military in China identifies UFO from two weeks ago that closed down airport. Apparently it was the Tooth Fairy who had a busy night.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Yankees Lose Two
Alex Rodriguez hit by pitch on hand, may be out for a few days, Steinbrenner for the rest of the season.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Unusual Weather Ahead
Meteorologists say Fall weather could bring Oil Storms along the Gulf Coast, Mud storms around election time in November.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Energizer Bunny Suffers Health Problems
After a highly charged health check, the Energizer Bunny has been diagnosed as being doubly-incontinent - the rabbit just keeps going and going and going and going, a doctor said today.
written by IN SEINE, 26 July 2010
Teacher Pleads Guilty
Woman teacher at private boys' school charged with "Having sexual activity with a pupil without being able to be transferred elsewhere by the Pope".
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Yep, Same Old Bush
Interviewing ex-President George Bush after being invited to a barbecue, Bush was asked what he was doing to keep busy. "Oh, bysickling, cutting bushes, writing my boudoirs."
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Same Old Bush!
After informing former president George W. Bush on the latest that the oil capping could cause an eruption elsewhere on the ocean floor, agents hear "Bring It On!"
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
The Majority of Internet Users Will Not Pay for Online Content
According to KPMG, 81% of UK users will not pay for online content. I wonder why? Maybe it's because the remaining 19% are MPs and they can easily claim it on their expenses!
written by IN SEINE, 26 July 2010
Explains The Locals Whine When Frustrated
Cave drawing found in Wookey Hole, believed to be made by Wookeys!
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Will End Leaks
BP blunderer's golden goodbye: Hayward exits with £10m pension pot as he's replaced by English Goal Keeper at the World Cup.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Fattest Woman Dies
Britain's fattest woman dies of heart attack after junk food binge in hospital bed. "Probably, we shouldn't have brought those to her."
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
That's A Wonderment
Bear Wallow, Ky. "Think Tank" writes that "You drive on a parkway & park on a driveway", that's as nutty as linking up certain letters to become words, then link up words, to become letters. Amazing!
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Taylor Swift sues acne medication for making her breasts disappear
I wanted them to take care of my big zits, not my little tits!
written by unknown
Mother Of Ten Charged With Neglect
A mother of ten kids in Riverside, California has been charged with neglect by her husband, who claims she's been neglecting his wanger. "Lately she acts like she's afraid of the thing."
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Same Effect As Extreme Cold
Hot weather shrinks size of German fries, sausages. Wives demand more air conditioners.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
That Explains A Lot!
Obama to appear on ABC's 'The View' on Thursday, on Good Morning America on Wednesday and on several local news networks for county fairs etc. Biden running country.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
FDA Approses Larger Penis Pills
FDA approves larger doses of Viagra, Levitra for those more gifted in that area.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Never Do That!
In midst of river cleanup, supporters are divided as some stop to change horses.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Wind Up Downstream
In midst of Mississippi river cleanup, supporters are divided over going upstream, downstream. Split up. Then down streamers accuse other half of tossing bloated things into river.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
BNP leader banned from Buckingham Palace!
Nick Griffin has been banned from the palace by the Queen because his fancy dress outfit didn't fit, jackboots, brown uniform and a neat moustache are only to be worn by Prince Harry and not Nick!
written by unknown
Japan Exports Up!
Japan's exports rise for seventh straight month as karaoke catches on with the Chinese.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Euro Markets Flat
European markets flatline after stress test results. Many blame being on treadmill too long.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Obama A Downer
Obama's message to voters: Things could be worse. Wait until you see the next 18 months!
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Calif. Citizens Upset
Calif. town's council likely to see angry public, sneak out back door one at a time.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Gulf Citizens Suspicious
Oil cleanup brings strangers, tension to towns already set to blame someone for misery. No oil leak jokes heard for past 30 days.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Rock Around The Clock
Settlers, Palestinians clash with rocks in village. PLO accuses Israeli Army of supplying settlers with bigger rocks.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
ID Theft Protection
Do Identity-Theft Protection Services Work? Confusion ranks as two different people who claimed to lead the investigation, claiming opposite views.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Med Device Hurts
Medical device problems hurt 70,000+ kids annually. They are called "braces".
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
"Take My Cigar...Please!"
Raul Castro prepares Cuban Revolution Day speech. Will try to reach brother Fidel's 8 hours by talking slow, placing a joke here and there.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
American Petroleum?
Could American take over Britain's BP? Yes, if we can fine them enough over oil spill, clean-up.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
A Part Of Life
Medical device problems hurt 70,000+ kids annually but usually behave themselves better after episodes.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Big Bangers Ask For Help
Big Bang investigators want new atom smasher, good-looking women
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Plastic Boat Arrives
Boat made of plastic bottles arrives in Sydney. "It's Sydney or the Bottles" becomes a new catch phrase among seafarers.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Khmenr Rouge Leader Jailed
Senior Khmer Rouge cadre jailed for mass murder and torture and giving the Khmer Rouge a bad name.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Horoscopes - Gemini - August
Stone: Staffordshire
Vegetable: Courgette
Mid-August sees Mars enter Uranus, a trip to the hospital is forecast in order to remove it. Avoid using semi-colons at the end of the month.
written by IainB, 26 July 2010
ID Mix-Up
ID mixup: Family planning funeral now hopeful. "I'm doing much better", says 'dead' woman.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Obama Wants More Time, Money
Obama's message to voters: Things could be even worse! Give me more time.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Not So Positive
Obama's message to voters: Things could be even worse! "Yes It Will!"
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Could Be Worse
Obama's message to voters: Things could be even worse! "Yes It Can!"
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Special On Evening News
Do Identity-Theft Protection Services Work? Thirteen Geraldo Rivera's say No!
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Smelled Funny
Procter & Gamble recalls 2 Iams cat food lots after reports of cats using cans for litter box.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Cat Food recall
Procter & Gamble recalls 2 Iams cat food lots. May be some baby food but will wait until they see if any reported sick.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
War Of Words
US holds drills off Korea as Pyongyang talks war. Kim hurls insults: SKoreans, Americans cannot even sing karaoke.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
May Be Let Go Then
BP says 'no final decision' on replacing Hayward. "Let's wait a little longer and see if entire Gulf is ruined."
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Oil's well that ends well
If Blackwater Petrol severs ties with Tony Hayward, healthy retirement package expected to leak roughly $100 per hour into wealthy exec's bank account - won't be capped until 2030!
written by The San Francisco Onion, 26 July 2010
An eye for an eye?
Man who stabbed another man in eye with pen at comic book fair arrested for "assault with a deadly weapon." Officers snatch up Script-O's, launch full-blown attack on arrested man's paperwork.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 26 July 2010
Example: Al Gore
Our Future Is Already in the Hands of Robots. I'll have one Living Doll please.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Glad To Hear It!
Report: Regular workouts don't decrease death risk if you're also a couch potato. So why work out?
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Asks For Who Vote!
Gingrich to decide on White House run after election, claims his heart has grown three times it's former size.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Pakistan Spy Service
Military documents reflect deep suspicions among U.S. officials that Pakistan's spy service has for years guided the Afghan insurgency. Obama sends troops after NYC cab drivers.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Monkeys In His Pants
Man Nabbed With 18 Monkeys in His Pants! Sorry, I can't improve on this one. Look it up.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Getting A Little Dingy
Reid Has a 'Serious Problem' in Senate Race. Hates the nickname "Dingy Harry".
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
No Pies On Plane
Stressed Out Airplane Passengers Turn Rude! Pies now listed among those things not allowed. "Sure as the world there'd be a pie fight", says Air Marshall.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite
Bloodsucking Bed Bugs Creep Back in. People are starting to blame all the vampire movies.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Only The Name Changes
Post-Traumatic Stress in the Army on the Rise. That's was called "Shell-Shock" to all you older vets out there.
written by Bureau, 26 July 2010
Try the new Twinkies diet
The diet is easy. Day 1 -- all you can eat Twinkies, nothing else. Day 2 -- fast all day, unlimited water. Day 3 -- repeat 1. Day 4 through 7 -- fast, unlimited water. Guaranteed to lose 10#.
written by C. Cranium, 26 July 2010
Play Keno on your grocery receipt
Utah has added Grocery Store Keno to the State Lottery Games. The check out clerk asks if you would like a Keno ticket in amount of your change. Say yes, and you receive an automated Keno card.
written by C. Cranium, 26 July 2010
Goats as greens keepers
Hellyard Golf Course, Milk River, Alberta. The pros at Hellyard have fired their greens keeper, actually he's at college, and now have a goat grazing and fertilizing the greens/tees process.
written by C. Cranium, 26 July 2010
