People Feel Left Out!
Clinton wedding is leaving some feeling left out. "Look at that face and she's getting married. Why can't that happen to me?", many ask.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Pot At VA Clinics
Medical marijuana to be OK in some VA clinics. Several vets offer to grow it for them.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Love Parade?
17 killed in mass panic at Germany's Love Parade. Hate Parade goes off without a hitch.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Straight up, No Bull!
A Holstein/Fresian cross cow has just given birth sextuplets. The calves are of five different breeds. The farmer claimsx that the AI man made a cock up in the insemination process.
written by IN SEINE, 24 July 2010
America's Got Talent Rejects (#5)
AGT Rejects Sarah Biffy, the 91-year-old woman who could not stop crying as she sang "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" in Yiddish. Sharon Osbourne said she just plain messed up the stage something awful.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 July 2010
America's Got Talent Rejects (#4)
AGT rejects The Valivindi Sisters, May and June who played "Lady of Spain" on their accordions, which they had lit on fire. Piers Morgan said that it was good, but he has seen it done before...twice.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 July 2010
America's Got Talent Rejects (#3)
AGT Rejects Chauncey Blitzheimer and his skateboard riding turtle Timmy who did real good until he fell off the skateboard and then it took him 55 minutes to get back on.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 July 2010
America's Got Talent Rejects (#2)
AGT rejects Woody and his amazing tap dancing rooster, Cuddles. Although the rooster was actually quite talented, one could see that his heart just wasn't in it.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 July 2010
America's Got Talent Rejects (#1)
AGT Rejects The Rico Twins, Vin and Min, who played tubas while wearing sock puppets on their ding dongs. Mandel said it wasn't appropriate for kids. Morgan said it wasn't appropriate for adults.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 24 July 2010
Michael Jackson's "Blanket"
Actual father of Michael Jackson's son, Blanket, now thought to be a well-known wrapper!
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
No W.N. Disease Here
Towns along the southern Mississippi have little problems with catching West Nile Virus, say physician's group. The water is so polluted it kills all the mosquitoes.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
SMA Growing Fast
America's Small Business Association says they have tripled in size over the past two years, taking in what was once big businesses & little jobs coming up growing marijuana in California.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Embryo Mix-Up
Second embryo mix-up in less than a month after Hawaiian woman gives birth to Eskimo. Clinic believes embryo hadn't quite thawed out.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Ponytail Looking Old
Old hippies in Florida community told that if they want to get the Early Bird Special at restaurant they'll have to bring a note from the Orkin man.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Just When You Think People Are Getting Smarter
'You've Been Framed' comes on the telly. Why do they do it? Why?
written by Skoob1999, 24 July 2010
Obama Nose Down Slightly
President the first president to have a bad sunburn on the underside of his tilted nose. Urged to grow a mustache.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Obama Port-O-Potties
Barack Obama orders building of 1,000,000 port-o-potties to put people back to work and place around the 50 states, so the coming homeless will still give a shit, come election time.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Population Explosion
Traces of Viagra and Levitra show up in the Mississippi River! Mayor of River Town says "No wonder we've doubled our population according to the new census."
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Flynt On Fox
Larry Flynt to star in the new FOX One AM docu-drama, "American's Most Perverted".
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
New Xerox With Extras
The Xerox Company says that their new copier, the X-7 model, will not only copy 95% of all asses on single piece of paper, but make it look smaller.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Ozzy: Freaking Freaky
Two vampires in rehab after paying a midnight visit with Ozzy Osbourne.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Mothra Winner
Mothra nominated for Nobel Peace Prize after bringing down big fire-breathing lizard.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Old Versus Young
Older drivers ARE best after hi-tech tests show they outshine younger rivals, even with that constant left turn signal always being on.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Brokeman Mountain Slurp?
David Davis belittles Coalition with 'Brokeback Mountain' slurp! That should be, "slur".
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
No Prison Parties
Humiliating slapdown for Justice Minister as Cameron orders U-turn on taxpayer funding of prison parties. Hookers complain.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Might Be In Wrong Profession
Builder choked to death after paramedic 'was too scared to treat him'.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
"For Peaceful Purposes"
Iran: Developing nuclear energy "For Peaceful Purposes", guarded by 300 soldiers, dogs, barbed wire electric fence.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Another Miracle Landing
New York police say that an unmanned drone has landed safely in the Hudson River!
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Government Recall
US Government asks company to recall all home versions of water boarding kits. "Could be misused".
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Fleer's Drops Candy
Fleer's Candy Company dropping their FEZ candy due to low sales.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Tune Dropped From Ad
Planned Parenthood to drop their commercial song "Mama Told Me Not To Come!" by Three Dog Night.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Biden Continues Campagning
Biden: We're done for year -- let campaigning start! Actually it's the country that's 'done for'.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Do As We 'Say" No As We Do!
Congress' Food Tab: $604,000 for Bottled Water. Special tax needed.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Landis Looking For Lucre?
Floyd Landis: 'I saw Lance Armstrong using drugs'. Whole tin of aspirin in locker!'
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
BP Drilling In Libya
BP set for deep-water drilling off Libya! Gadaffi: Bring It On!
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Obese Tax?
Germany Weighs New Tax on Obese. Britain says it might levy new taxes on "Pound For Pound" tax
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Underwear Bandit Caught
Police nab bandit who used underwear as mask, hiding in bathroom stall.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Dong Fever?
Dong Fever Showing Up In Central Florida. I'm sorry, that should be Dengue Fever!
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
VA Approving Pot?
V.A. Easing Rules for Users of Medical Marijuana. US my need one hundred new facilities.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Az. Send DC A Message
Missouri's "Show Me" State argues that Arizona cannot change their motto to "Blow Me" State!
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Obamas To Florida
AP source: Obamas to vacation on Gulf Coast, as soon as oil slick cleaned up.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Show-Me State
Missouri State offers unique geotourism degree to go along with degree in Beers Around The World!
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Equipment Failure Produced Freaks
Equipment defect leads to reanalysis of gene study. "No wonder we turned out those monsters", states one scientist.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Ancient Woman Suggests Diverse Migration
Ancient woman suggests diverse migration ...as 125-year-old wants to kick up her heels in New Orleans, Memphis!
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Maybe A Little
UK reiterates BP not involved in Lockerbie, oil release.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Ag. Official May Not Return To Job!
Ousted ag official unsure about returning to work. Wants officially apology from Obama.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Baby Turtles Released Back Into Gulf
Despite oil, baby turtles being released to Gulf after volunteers run out of wildlife to clean up.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Everyone Wondering What Will Happen
Ships, oil slick steam to safer waters as storm guns for Gulf!
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Iran's Studies Nuclear Fusion Reactor, Time Travel
Iran studies building nuclear fusion reactor. Something no one has achieved but it gets their name in the news.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Disney Chose Hawaii First
Disney gives sneak peek of new Hawaii resort. Haitian resort put on hold.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Hawaiian Disney
Disney gives sneak peek of new Hawaii resort, Minni's new mini (grass) skirt.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Things Heating Up!
Heat advisory in effect for today as November elections getting close, states battling federal government.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
White House Ass-Kicking Ran Wild!
Obama kids say that their dad even got an ass-kicking from his Mother-In-Law after one beer conference.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
In Good Company
Gen. McChrystal retires in military ceremony. "Alongside MacArthur, I'm in good company."
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Mariners Dugout Fight
Mariners' dugout fight sets new season low point as someone hid the steroids.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Ass-Kicking Own Party
Democrats wary of motivation problem with liberals. "Time for more ass-kicking", says Obama.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Pretty Rough Sentence
Army sergeant guilty of sex trafficking in Washington demoted to Private, will do toilet duty, clean grease traps in Kitchen on KP for ten years.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Obama's Daughters To Babysit
Barack Obama's daughters might be growing up in White House, but that does not mean they have to miss out on a rite of passage for US girls -- a babysitting job. First to care for: Joe Biden's mouth.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Disney At Hawaii
Disney gives sneak peek of new Hawaii resort with plenty of mice for everyone.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
$35 Computer
India unveils prototype of $35 tablet computer that you can easily carry in your...well actually on your back.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Different Plans
Obama slams GOP plan, GOP warns of tax hikes by Obama, Both working hard to screw you.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Having Problems With Aim
NKorea vows nuclear response to US-SKorea drills, but not sure exactly where nuclear response would hit.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Cameron's speech analysed
..skeleton in our cupboard. A simpleton when first starting, I detonated my self into action, with come to next...
Guess what? Four Eton's mentioned!
written by Inchcock, 24 July 2010
Price Jump!
Saudis, Kuwait blame latest oil jump on the rising cost of barrels.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
Not Very Encouraging
Operation: French Foreign Legion gets underway in Afghanistan.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
"Take Over For Me Nurse!"
Surgeons have been banned from texting while doing brain surgery.
written by Bureau, 24 July 2010
