Mel No Sale
Fosters Beer cancels all it's planned commercials with Mel Gibson. "Not sure what would come out of his mouth!"
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
He'll Be Back!
Astronomers Discover Monster Star! California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is missing.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Thank You Sir!
Don't report shoplifters if they've stolen goods worth less than £20, police tell retailers. Man runs out showing bag of stuff he's stolen that just rang up lower that £20!
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Fruit VS ESAD
EU spends £12m employing 200 researchers to conclude fruit is good for you but eating shit will cause you to die.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Helps Many Family Budgets
Study: Marijuana Prices to go down the pot if legalized.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Pot In The Mail
Mich. Woman Surprised To Find Marijuana In Mail. "Just what I needed and they came and took it away. I'll never tell Alma Simpson anything again, the blabbermouth."
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
We're Used To 95-Year-Olds
Senators uncertain Elana Kagan is senile enough for the Supreme Court, but approve her anyway.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
He's In The Hall
President Obama orders daughters to quit talking about "Uncle Abe". "Freaks me out!"
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Hillary Thought They Knew
Hillary Clinton says that she & her daughter are all right now & that it was simply hysteria that brought on the shooting spree and the dead squirrel. General comment from reporters" "Say what?"
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Taht "Second" Back!
One second of our lifetime taken away in 2008 restored by congress so that they may spent one more second in their political offices!
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
High Unemployment
Long term unemployment beginning to hit record high and that doesn't include all the Democrats losing their jobs in November.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
50% Cheney Approval
Poll: 50% now say that Dick Cheney was not a bad vice president. "Since we never know what any of them do, I guess we vote 50% for all of them", says spokesperson.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Don't Know, Don't Tell
President Obama says banks cannot use excuse of 'don't know, don't tell' if they are or are not in good shape.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Us Too Big To Fail!
After three-day conference of leaders in China over US loans, they have determined that the US is too big to fail. "our own money might become worthless."
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
"We've Had It!" You're Hired!"
With approval ratings of 11% and the US more in debt everyday, the "Doomsayers" seem to be the only ones hiring right now!
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
They Looked Hard
Blagojevich states that he had an internal investigation of himself and that they had found nothing wrong.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Latest On South Park!
VA man who threatened 'SOUTH PARK' creators arrested on federal terrorism charge...Kenny Dies!
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Reid Cracking
Harry Reid: Auto Bailout Probably Saved FORD (?). Ford didn't ask for nor get a bailout.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Oil Lying Low!
Gulf skimmer boats having trouble finding any oil: US official. "We may have to send in subs."
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Cutting The Sh*t Out Of The Budget!
Budget Cuts Force City To Stop Buying Toilet Paper..."Bring Your Own Toilet Paper To Work Day now all five days.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Few More Months To Go
PACK YOUR BAGS: CONGRESS CONFIDENCE AT 11%! Could be down to 5% by November.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Ready If Needed
Gunbattles paralyze Mexican city across from Texas. Sheriff rounds up the posse in preparation.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Jobless Benefits Extended Again
House approves additional jobless benefits through 2020 or whenever the money press breaks down.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Still More Depression On The Way
Tropical depression races toward BP's leaky well, US depression.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Williams Quits Sponging Up Oil
Robin Williams tells BP Oil that he's tired after two months of soaking up oil spill. "Get some other hairy-ass from Hollywood for awhile."
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Lindsay Lohan Upset About Prison Introduction
"When I got here, they gave me a full body cavity search. I kept asking them to do it again and telling them where it felt good, but they ignored me!"
written by unknown
Couple really Pissed!
Couple sue former owners of £1.7m home for not telling them about road being built next to their hot tub, refrigerator, beds.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Icy Crap From The Sky
Huge chunk of icy crap falls thousands of feet from plane and smashes couple flat. I'm sorry, that should "couple's flat".
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Could Be Right!
Crook frogmarched to police station completely naked with 'THIEF' sign around his neck and "Small Penis" sign hanging from scrotum sues employer for £90,000 for 'being humiliated'
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
A Garden Party
Buckingham Palace bars BNP leader Nick Griffin just hours before he was due to attend garden party. "There was Mr. Hughes in Dylan' shoes".
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Nick Griffin banned from Palace Party
Nick Griffin, leader of the BNP, was today banned from attending a party at Buckingham Palace said a Palace spokesman due to the fact the he is, "a bit of a cunt."
written by The Jonner, 22 July 2010
San Diego Comic-Con Underway
Fans swarm San Diego as Comic-Con gets under way as laughing snorts heard a far as three blocks away.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Fans Swarm Comic-Con
Fans swarm San Diego as Comic-Con gets under way. Sales of pimple creams up 1000 percent.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Bad As FEMA?
EPA takes new look at gas drilling, water issues, after 50,000 deep well drillings.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Tyson Denies It!
AP Exclusive: Turkey ill-prepared for earthquake as most would die in large buildings. However, this does not include wild turkeys.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Now That That Has Ben Cleared Up!
Kyrgyz police detain ex-president's brother or half brother on his mother's side but in previous marriage, now determined to be illegal outside country.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
You Heard It Here First!
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie settle privacy claim in private, whatever it was.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Newly Discovered Biggest Star
"It's burning itself off with such intensity that it shines at nearly 10 million times the luminosity of the sun, say scientists. "Could interfere with TV reception or burn us to a crisp."
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Biggest Star Discovered
Scientists find most massive star ever discovered. The "Mother Of All Stars" missed for many years.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Exercises Threaten Region
NKorea warns US exercises threaten region. "Yours, not ours."
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Gibson Tapes, Jokes Circulate
Where Gibson tapes circulate online, jokes follow. Apparently this has never happened before.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Prooves 300 Different Interpretations!
Archaeologists make new find near Stonehenge. Get ready for the nuts to be turned loose.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Ecology Surrenders
Pipeline leaks in Alaska's oldest oil field. Three more in China and two in Saudi Arabia.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Just Raised Regular Price To Hybrids
Ford will offer hybrid at same price as gas model at as low as $35-40,000.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Action In The Gulf
Storm developing near Gulf could damage oil well further, sent ashore hundreds of dead jellyfish to roam the area.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Attack Of The Giant Dead Jellyfish
Large dead jellyfish stings beachgoers in NH. Followed people off the beach and caught some on the street nearby.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Dead Jellyfish Attacks
Large dead jellyfish stings beachgoers in NH. Dead jellyfish went from person to person.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
More Bullying
Workplace Bullying: New York Bill Targets Abusive Bosses, especially among pimps, employees.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Workplace Bullying
Workplace Bullying: New York Bill Targets Abusive Bosses, especially the Mafia.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Jobless Benefits Needed Another Ten Years?
Additional jobless benefits hinge on House vote, number of voters in November considered.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Debt Cancelled
IMF cancels $268 million Haiti debt. Haiti promises to sacrifice 100 chickens for good luck.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
More Excuses?
Ships ready to leave leaky well as storm brews, possible earthquake, volcano.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
New Az. Law
May-December marriages made illegal in Arizona, except for illegal aliens. "They can do what they want..somewhere else!"
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Plane Lands On Her
Flight hits severe turbulence over Kansas; 30 injured, including one fatality, the wicked witch of the West.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Scum Of The Earth
Cops: Burglar used crucifix to pry open church poor boxes for widows and orphans, ran over three dogs and knocked an old lady off her walker pulling out.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
No More Booty Builders
The Postlogs Cereal Company say that there "Booty Builders" cereal is being cut because of too much fiber.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Melts Pulls Pullfingers
Melts Candy Company say they will not be making anymore Pullfinger Candy Bars.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Brain Surgery
A lady in a Houston, Texas hospital claims that she woke up during her operation just in time to hear, "Watch, I touch he brain here an her right foot shoots out! Oops! Sorry Nurse."
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
Chewing Away
President Obama is now up to four packs of nicotine gum a day.
Cameron, Netanyahu say his breath smells like shit.
written by Bureau, 22 July 2010
