Lester Piggott to appear in Chilcot Inquiry
Evidence to be heard under Starters Orders and will examine the mystery death of a Saudi Security Minister whose horses dropped dead in Baghdad in 2003.
written by queen mudder, 21 January 2010
Obama Ups & Downs
The cable news networks are talking about how much Obama's approval ratings have dropped, but not his nose.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
FBI Pissed
The FBI pissed over the Salahis that testified before the Homeland Security committee yesterday were fake.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Brown To The Rescue
"What can Brown do for you?" The new Senator from Massachusetts can help keep your grandkids in debt all their lives.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Rebenesque
Kirstie Alley says that she is not obese but Rubenesque. Most agree that she looks like she's eaten too many reuben sandwiches, alright.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Some Are Hiring
Democrat majority in Washington take courage from several new jobs available until they hear it's at the unemployment office.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Conan Going Into Politics
Fired NBC Tonight Show host Conan O'Brien has announced that he will be entering politics. He has registered as a candidate for President of Finland.
written by Nailer, 21 January 2010
Frenchman Shutsdown Airport
At JFK airport a rear body scan of a French passenger, Beldar Conehead, were deemed "out of compliance" by the TSA. Security checks are shut down until further notice.
written by Nailer, 21 January 2010
But It Worked, 100%
FDA Approves second chewable contraceptive. First caused breath to smell too much like babyshit.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Japanese Aid To Haiti
Japan will be sending troops to help Haiti things settle after. "We want to help but prefer to use Surprise!"
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Aeroplane in Near Miss Incident
Today an aeroplane missed hitting the White House by 30,000ft a spokesman said after the incident "Phew that was close".
written by fatboy, 21 January 2010
Bush Response To Investigators
Former president George Bush says that not only has he lost all his briefs, all his boxers are dirty.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Punch & Judy
Public execution ordered by Judge Judy thrown out by the Supreme Court, who threw out flogging last year.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Exotic Pets
Study reports that tigers more popular than cats and dogs as a pet, especially those that play golf.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Man Awoken From Deep Sleep
A man from New York was awoken by the sound of an alarm clock this morning. Scientists on the scene said that he had been in a deep sleep for nearly seven hours.
written by fatboy, 21 January 2010
Maybe Nuclear
Former president George W. Bush claims that Iran would never go nucklar under his watch, and he's right.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Nuclear Iran
Iran Leader says Iran's nuclear program entirely peaceful. "Will even make our enemies more peaceful."
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Wet Weather On The Way
The met office has said the next band of rain to sweep across the country will be wet.
written by fatboy, 21 January 2010
Goldman Sachs Profits Soar on Lower Pay for Its Own
Unfortunately the "lower pay" is only for ticket totallisters, clerks and janitors. Executives get higher pay.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 21 January 2010
Officer Lurky Demoted
Israeli intelligence about no changes in Turkey found to be false. "All we knew was that Turkey was murky", says Chief Officer, Abe Lurky.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
A Better Product
Lots of head scratching going on at Sergeant's Flea studies in Pittsburgh.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Ruled 6-3
US Supreme Court declares Conservatives have 'Knee-Jerk" reactions as much as Liberals.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Era Extended Indefinitely
Study: New video sports games may extent the life of mankind's "Couch Potato Era"
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Look Your Best
Orlando, Florida nudist colony arguing over openly gray male and female there.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Just Make Some $100,000 Bills
Obama mad at the Treasury because they are getting farther behind on printing money we US needs to spend.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Experts Say No!
Health Experts say that North Beach Diet can mess you up. "Filling up with sand,jellyfish remains can be dangerous."
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Like, To Get Someone's Attention
The US Military say they are making 10 million drones for peaceful purposes only.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Likes Little Boys
Vatican trying to shut up priest who is going around confessing that he likes little boys and flogging himself.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Real Obama Appears
President Obama says that war with freedom-haters who call themselves freedom-fighters and the wind blew his speech notes away. "We all's agin their kind!"
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Crook Apologizes
Crook apologizes to victims in court room, saying that, truth be known, stealing their fine items was the highest form of flattery.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Has That 'Mark' on Her
Former president Bill Clinton has the ass at fellow democrats after overhearing a discussion about Chelsea being 'marked' by a bimbo at birth.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
No Short Cuts
Jersey man who tries to skip higher education, hard work by pulling one big bank heist winds up cleaning up prison yard for a buck an hour.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
New High Reached
After a recent spate of lows a high was reached today.
written by fatboy, 21 January 2010
"Arbeit Macht Frei" is returned, Michelle Obama thought it was a kinky "TURN OFF"!
The Infamous Auschwitz sign has thankfully been returned. Obama, a fanatic Nazi relic collector had it hanging over his four poster bed but Michelle couldn't "get it on" anymore, Israel are relieved!
written by unknown
20MPH Zones Unnecessary
20mph zones are unnecessary and will only cut speeds by two miles an hour, say police. "The big speed bumps every ten feet do the job."
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
French Comapnies Being Forced
French companies forced to reserve 40% of bedroom posts for women! I'm sorry, that should have been, 'boardroom' posts.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Perfectly Healthy
90% of Britons who think they have a food allergy are actually healthy, say researchers...just as long as they avoid certain foods.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Who Gains To Lose?
Obese patients being made to eat MORE to get weight-loss surgery on the NHS. "Another 75 pounds and I'll be there", states one patient.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Violent Anyway
Labour to cut millions from budgets designed to tackle drink and drug-related violence as these people tend to get violent on Horlicks.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Obama Babble
Barack Obama goes to war on the banks: President launches crackdown on excessive risk, but still demands that they loan money to those who cannot pay it back.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Tiger hides in Woods
A tiger is hiding in the woods after it escaped from a zoo in Germany. No its not the Tiger you thought.
written by SPECTRUM, 21 January 2010
Brown and Yemen
Direct Flights to Britain from Yemen are to be barred in a security crackdown but Gordon Brown meanwhile wants as many Yemen as possible as he tries to klingon to power.
written by SPECTRUM, 21 January 2010
Simon Cowell prefers X Box
Simon Cowell prefers the computer games consule X Box to the wii games consule which is the preference of little people.
written by SPECTRUM, 21 January 2010
Out Of Frying Pan
Haiti earthquake: U.S. army prepares Guantanamo Bay for waves of refugees.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Get Your Turds
Buy one, get one free... next week: Tesco launch new deal in bid to cut waste with big turd sale.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Tiger At Rehab Center
Photos purport to show Woods at rehab center, talking up secretary.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
No Jackie Kennedy
Michelle Obama surprises White House tourists. Forgets pants.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Sitting Deadly
Experts: Sitting too much could be deadly, especially if co-worker letting killer farts.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
NY Times Charge Web Readers
New York Times to ask Web readers to pay up in '11. Most say they will switch to The Post.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Brown To Senate
Brown heads to Washington after upset Senate win. Asks for Kennedy's seat to be narrowed. "This is a bed!"
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Eliminate Competition
Gutter-minded New Jersey bowling manager charged after rival lanes burn.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
China Starts Own
China: Google case not linked to ties with US. May start their own, "Barney Google" after purchasing cartoon copyright.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Dem Jobs Needed
Democrats see Mass. message: Jobs, jobs, jobs, after blowing recent election.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Radical Bank Changes Coming
AP source: Obama seeks bigger banking restrictions. No longer will pens be chained to tables.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
One Of These Days
Pakistani army: No new offensive for 6-72 months. Should be ready by then.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
McCain Drops A Hint
McCain says he hopes health care bill is dead and buried ten feet under and rotting. "On the other hand, we need something."
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
On TNN
Old George Hatfield-McCoy all set to referee 'Family Feud' as host.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
O'Brien Makes Choice
NBC: O'Brien reaches 'Tonight' exit deal. "Let's see, $100,000 to stay, $3 million to leave. I'm leaving."
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Edwards Confesses
Edwards says he's father of Rielle Hunter's child...to the last person on earth who hadn't heard.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Complete Change To Peaceful
Study: Terrorists can be turned away from violence, usually right after bomb goes off.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
More Weather On The Way
Southern California braces for 4th day of rain, wind and weather! Well, actually 10 billionth day for weather.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Geek Games
Size of Brain Region Affects Video Game Performance. Playing too much will cause forehead to expand.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Zeroes Matter
Key numbers as you complete your taxes. Owe $1,000, do not pay $10. Refund $10, do not write in $1,000.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Bible Citations Removed
NZ army to remove Bible citations from armaments. Sub message "Don't worry, Be happy, Shoot people".
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
A Little Salt
Salt reduction could save 92,000 U.S. lives a year, according to leaders attending next SALT Talks. Sailors should have even less if seas rough.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Dogs Show The Way
Experts: Sitting too much could be deadly. Right after you read this, get up and walk around your chair three times, like a dog.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Dems Change Plans
Democrats begin discussing smaller health bill. Everyone will get coupons for dollars off on pills and doctor visits.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
President Barack Obama blames Bush 'one more time'
record is wearing out
written by Tcoah, 21 January 2010
Jobs!!
Obama gets voters' message: It's jobs, jobs, jobs, my new health care plan, jobs. Well, mostly gets it.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Football star Peter Crouch to promote mars bars
Football star Peter Crouch is to be the new face of the Mars Bar in a series of television advertisements meanwhile Dog The Bounty Hunter is being approached to promote Bounty Bars.
written by SPECTRUM, 21 January 2010
President Barack Obama has admitted that he had lost touch with the American people
because he was too absorbed watching ABC's "LOST".
written by Tcoah, 21 January 2010
"Harvard scientist creates 'intergalactic tube map of Milky Way'"
Totally true, sadly.
written by Tcoah, 21 January 2010
Prince William is 'down-under'
in secret mission to greet alien entourage that landed 'down under'
written by Tcoah, 21 January 2010
Gordon Brown Sent For Psychiatric Tests
a 'different' Gordon Brown. Sorry.
written by Tcoah, 21 January 2010
"Starbucks triples profits to $240m"
turns out that the latest batch of tourist extra-terrestials have developed a taste for Starbucks coffee.
written by Tcoah, 21 January 2010
"Lower unemployment figures" for the UK
turns out the UN compiled them based on 'global warming data'.
written by Tcoah, 21 January 2010
Gordon Brown's 'government'
Borrowed so much money last month that forests are complaining, "Enough Already".
written by Tcoah, 21 January 2010
O'Bomba Arrested for DUI ; Tossed Into Drunk Tank
First it was "Marcia Coakley", then "soul searching" then "soul food for dinner" followed by ten tankards of Shlitz Malt Liquor Bull to wash it all away.
It will all be over soon, Mr. President
written by Richard DagNabbit, 21 January 2010
New O'Bomba Jobs Stimulus Plan Puts Free Pizzas in Every Home
"A Pizza a day keeps the Depression away" is the new O'Bomba song as six million coupons for free Domino's Pizzas are "in the mail" to spur new jobs as pizza cooks at Dominoes Pizza Stores nationwide.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 21 January 2010
Where to Get the Ultimate Truth?
Its between the lines of the stories in the Spoof!
written by Richard DagNabbit, 21 January 2010
Soloution to Having a Mortgage in a Changing World
Walk.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 21 January 2010
Nancy Pelois Takes Tip from Heidi Montag
Heading in for complete overhaul.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 21 January 2010
WH Party Crahsers Wrankle Congress as They are Allowed In Again With No I.D.
The Secret Service Agents in Charge of White House Security stated "We know them, they are regulars now."
written by Richard DagNabbit, 21 January 2010
Cable Released by Oakland Raiders
Finds new coaching job in Prison League.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 21 January 2010
White House Raises White Flag
Insurance and Banking Generals promise humane treatment of O'Bomba family during the former President's trial for "Crimes Against Banker Immunity"
written by Richard DagNabbit, 21 January 2010
O'Bomba Wants Greater Limits on Banks
Both elected houses say "so what?"
written by Richard DagNabbit, 21 January 2010
Pope Summons Irish Bishops Over Sex Abuse Reports
Says if the nonsense continues, he will order use of a male chastity belt & have daily "under the robe" inspections
written by Richard DagNabbit, 21 January 2010
US. Moves to Halt "Invasion of the Snakes"
Hmmm.. Must be about keeping lobbyists out of the White House.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 21 January 2010
Newstand Refuses Hustler
Larry Flynt threatens to publish nude pictures of himself.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Talk Radio
Rush Limbaugh told his radio audience on Tuesday that the ACLU are without a Clu.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
French Workers Slaving Away
Higher fuel and food prices causing French workers to work up to 30 hours per week.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Next Iron Man
Iron Man teams up with The Fist to temporarily take over the earth until attack from space defended in 'Iron Fist'!
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
Distracting
It is now illegal in Kentucky as well as Tennessee and Mississippi to light a fart while driving or front seat passenger.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
"For The Little Lady?"
Study finds that more men are shopping at Victoria's Secret for items they themselves use.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2010
