Modern Cannibals
Scientist: Discovery that modern man ate the Neanderthals not all that different when you consider who's sending who to war and who is actually fighting it.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Pro/Against 50/50
Amish community in Pennsylvania split over whether to use segways or not.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
State Dept. Warning
State Department issues danger warning to Americans overseas.
"Don't come back and tell our president what other leaders really think about him."
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Thieves Hurt By Economy Too
Identity thieves complain of low grade identities that not worth impersonating as many have already maxed out credit cards.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Obama's New Rules
President Obama reduces treatment at Guantanamo from slap on the wrist to a wagging of the finger combined with a stern look!
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Men's Brains
Scientists have finally found out what is wrong with men. The problem lies in the two halves of their brains - The left half has nothing right in it. And the right half has nothing left in it!
written by IN SEINE, 15 February 2010
Get This Shit Settled
Both shit and fan given three days in jail to cool off after police answer 911 call by fan, saying shit had deliberately hit him.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Essential shagathon?
Bavarian Illuminati = A Vital Labia Mini Run
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
No Spider Holes Here
Iran says that it is working on a special No Fly Zone, that there will be no more 'photos' of nuclear activity. Half- starved spiders seen leaving the area.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Stand-up piss poseur?
Bavarian Illuminati = Am Vain Tibial Urinal
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Moonlight corroborates
Bavarian Illuminati = A Lunar Vitamin Alibi
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Shrinks confident of new symptoms
Bavarian Illuminati = Nail A Bulimia Variant
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Another Snopes
A rival to Snopes has appeared on the internet that reveals the truth about old wives tales, etc. Snopes itself says that this new "What's Up?" is a fake.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Newly diagnosed form of cyber-psychosis?
Bavarian Illuminati = A Virtual Blini Mania
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Brave little internment
Bavarian Illuminati = A Valiant Mini Burial
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Not so enlightened about Vitamin B6 deficiency
Bavarian Illuminati = A Labial Vitamin Ruin
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Palatial by any calculation
Trafalgar Square = A Far Larger Squat
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Chinese dumpling dealt a blow
Tower of London = Floored Wonton
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Blame the San Andreas Fault for this one!
Katie Holmes = I Shake Motel
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Chelsea FC owner's alternative destinies?
Roman Abramovich = Barman/Vicar/Homo
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Keen on a whole heap of shit
Abel Rodriguez = Big Ordure Zeal
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Spoofer urged to stun the furry little bastard
Abel Rodriguez = Daze Our Gerbil
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Snacked persistently on Russian currency?
Abel Rodrigiez = I Grazed Rouble
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Like a sugared camembert cheese?
Abel Rodriguez = Our Glazed Brie
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Narcolepsy from looking at too many horrid brassieres
Abel Rpodrigiuez = Uglier Bra Doze
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Spoofer warns about beastly pride
Abel Rodriguez = Lurid Zebra Ego
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
'Get Real'
Obama: "My administration has every intention of stopping Iran acquire big nukes - small nukes are OK".
written by Tcoah, 15 February 2010
Spoofer favors American Idol diversity
Abel Rodriguez = Zebra Idol Urge
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Spoofer keen on new source of biofuels
Abel Rodriguez = Urged Zebra Oil
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Spoofer's flying instructions
Abel Rodriguez = Glide Our Zebra
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Pistols at dawn with some fetid troll?
Abel Rodriguez = Go Bizarre Duel
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Now about that sordid garden pavillion of yours......
Abel Rodriguez = Re: Lurid Gazebo
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
No hair extensions on this Spoofer, it's all his own locks
Abel Rodriguez = Zero Glue Braid
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Spoofer in favor of zit pop
Abel Rodriguez = Urged Boil Raze
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Close shave for top Spoofer
Abel Rodriguez = Beguiled Razor
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
No guessing which half of the Brangelina Dream Ticket this Spoofer likes to talk up!
Abel Rodriguez = Brad Eulogizer
written by queen mudder, 15 February 2010
Fun In The Wastelands
Favorite joke of Osama bin Laden's fighters is to see a drone just outside someone's walled up cave. "Hey Aminon, Someone at the door to see you. hee hee hee"
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Nader Slipping
Friends of Ralph Nader fear for his health as he has a hard time recalling things of late, totally missing the Toyota stuck gas pedal, even when someone drove him home screaming into the phone.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
New Smart Drones
New U.S. Smart Drone knocks on front door of victim and then flies behind the house to catch him running out the back door.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Back To Square One
Leading evolutionists disappointed as idiot found wandering Mojave Desert naked and playing with himself, turns out to be the Missing Kink.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Blaine Really Good
David Blaine amazes Good Morning America by drawing chalk outline of body on sidewalk Friday and this morning, jumper was lying in it.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Vodaphone Launch World's Cheapest Phone'
Less than £10 will buy you the 'World's Cheapest Phone' from Vodaphone. However, the calls will still cost 14p/minute or 25,000 Zimbabwe dollars.
written by IN SEINE, 15 February 2010
Bill & Bed Bugs
Former President Clinton once again has had to clear out of his office for a few days because it's infested with bed bugs.
Pest Control people advise him to remove bed from his office.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Moonies
Unification Church promotes mixed marital arts to lure young men. I'm sorry, that should be, "mixed martial arts".
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Scotsman Bares all on Live TV
Police have identified a Scottish rugby fan who exposed himself on live BBC TV at the weekend as one of the McDonald clan as he had 2 1/4 pounders!
written by IN SEINE, 15 February 2010
"What The Hey?"
Somali minister survives massive bombing. Water balloons still falling from top of building.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
"I AM AN ASS" On Buttocks
Ireland's Roman Catholic bishops are holding a meeting with Pope Benedict XVI at the Vatican to discuss their response to child sex abuse scandal. "Bring the branding iron & depants the lot for me."
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Spotted Earth-Like Planet Is Earth
All theories of the universe have to be rethought as Hubble Telescope sees itself, earth, in giant shiny mirrored solar system.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Jung Is Ill Alright
Kim Jung Il of North Korea swaps enriched uranium for set of 3D glasses!
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Can You Hear Me Now?
Justice Department wanting to know where all cellphones are located out of luck. Many in city dumps and landfills as they play music of & on all day and night.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Doctors Baffled
900% UK increase in mobile phone retrieval from the anuses of celebrities and sportsmen.
written by Skoob1999, 15 February 2010
Dollar Falls Below Fictional Monetary Units
US dollar falls below the Shangri La lampoon, Atlantis alm!
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Haitian Locals Pitch In
Zombies worked hard in Haiti says American physician who flew there with a group. Those guys are strong.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Woods Sends Message
Tiger Woods finally has sent word to the PGA that he will not appear back on tour until Big Bertha know on his forehead goes down.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Cheney Approves Obama Move
Former Vice President Dick Cheney says Obama did right by sending in more troops to Afghanistan. "Another cakewalk!', says the Dickster.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Under Al Gore's Influence
President Barack Obama appoints Ralph Nader as new ambassador to Haiti.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Spring Just Around The Corner
Forget snow! Baseball players already showing up for early steroid shots.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Anyody In Washington Pay Taxes?
Apparently the plan by Washington is to help the economy by allowing congressmen to not pay taxes, as twelfth appointee turns down post.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Gang Of Porkers
Scientists studies now believe the Swine Flu was started by congress putting too much pork into bills.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Don't Care
Hard times for the economy even in the church as pastors report an average of six rat's asses in every donation plate passed.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Bloody Turnip
Congressmen set example with donating blood to the Red Cross as they bring in turnips to squeeze.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
To Appear Daily
CNN, ABC, NBC and CBS sign a new three year contract with Obama Administration!
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Courageous Grandmothers
A 60-year-old Australian grandmother beat off a shark despite loosing 3 pints of blood. At the same time a 70-year-old grandmother in Liverpool beat up a loan shark despite losing 2 pints of stout.
written by IN SEINE, 15 February 2010
Victim Pulled To Safety
Haiti victim pulled to safety pissed over hearing that the Colts lost the Super Bowl, attempts to crawl back under rubble.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Hard To Ski On Rocks
Too warm, no snow, Vancouver may cause Olympics to move to southern US.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Smokers Only The Beginning
Firms that refuse to hire smokers say fat people may be next, then political party.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Death & Taxes
Labour accused of planning 'secret 10% death tax' in new row over elderly care. "They won't know anything about it", say politicians.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Staff Cuts
One in three public sector bosses to cut staff, farts, from eating so much beans-on-toast.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
New Alcohol Warning
Alcoholic drinks to carry health warnings under plan to stop binge drinking: "Too much of this good stuff will make you puke".
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Walk Don't Crawl!
The six-month-old baby who learned to walk before he could crawl, now juggling toys while riding unicycle.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
With A Snarl
Gordon Brown urged to press on with 'masochism' strategy despite 'excruciating' TV interview, calling most reporters "Punk".
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Terror Threat
Mid-Atlantic terror scare forces BA jet to return to Heathrow after circling New York Airport. Passengers unhappy.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Shut Up!!
Met Office warns Britain to brace itself for more heavy snow, burned to the ground.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Golf Game Over
Some dude named Dustin Johnson survives to win at Pebble Beach. Meanwhile Tiger nowhere about.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Sick Of Swine Flu News
CDC: Swine flu made 57 million Americans ill, 24 million from being sick of hearing about it.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Anit-Whaler Boards Japanese Boat
Whaling protester secretly boards Japanese boat, corks the ends of harpoons.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
49 Of 50 States Have Snow
49 states dusted with snow; Hawaii's the holdout. Weather Channel pays Hillary to go there.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Just Some Premiums Increasing
A rate hike for the few, until it's you! But insurance company says it's only increasing rates at houses near flood, landslide, wildfire, earthquake, tsunami, flooding area.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
In Hospital!
Toyota studies electronics again, trip undecided for Toyota president after car crashes at 110MPH.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Crowd Furnished With Rotten Tomatoes
Administration 'flexible' on 9/11 trial venue. Could hold it at Yankee Stadium to allow for crowds.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Brees Breezing Along
Brees leads major New Orleans Carnival parade. Peyton Manning forced to carry Chinese dragon's tail at end of parade.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Always A Kid Crying There
Police: Man stabs, kills estranged wife at Walmart. Claims constant crying kids drove him temporarily insane.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Real Trouble Now
Suspected US missile strike kills the last three whooping cranes!
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Vice Presidents Disagree
Biden and Cheney spar over anti-terrorism policies, color of curtains in Obama's bedroom at White House, Ne Orleans Super Bowl win, number of angels on the head of a pin.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
"She Taught Me To Shoot"
Cheney mum on supporting Palin in next election. "I support her all the way", says former VP's 110-year-old mum.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
East Edges West
Record crowd sees East edge West in All-Star game. East now to meet Globetrotters in Championship.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Out Of Balance
Kevin Smith oversized? ejected from flight. "Would tilt plane to one side unless he sat in the aisle", says company rep.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Smith Turned Away
Kevin Smith oversized? ejected from flight. Ass too big to get through door on plane.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Nothing's Changed
Clinton: Iran is becoming a military dictatorship. Cheney: What do you mean, 'Becoming'?
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Kia Cars to Be Recalled
Car manufacturer,Kia, have recalled over 2 million cars amidst fears that something will go wrong. Nothing is wrong, BUT it is highly unusual behaviour for the car.
written by IN SEINE, 15 February 2010
The French Team Coach Is Very Upset
The coach of the French Olympics team is highly upset because someone forgot all of their country's white flags.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 February 2010
Australian Ice Hockey Player Sent Home
One of the members of the Australian Olympic ice hockey team was disqualified because he refused to get rid of his pet kangaroo.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 February 2010
The Kenyan's Ain't Comin'
The government of Kenya announced that the reason that they will not be sending an Olympic team to Vancouver is due to the fact that too many of the team members have recently been bitten by lions.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 February 2010
Those Nutty Brazilians
The Brazilian Olympics team was severely reprimanded when it was learned that some of the players were selling counterfeit Brazil Nuts.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 February 2010
The Interesting German Female Ice Skater's Pubic Region
Germany's Olympic figure skater who shaved her pubic region to resemble a swastika was told to shave it immediately or be suspended.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 February 2010
"Pssssst, Wanna Buy Some Chop Sticks?"
One of the Chinese Olympic team members was suspended for 48 hours due to reports that he was price gouging. He reportedly sold some chop sticks to some Canadian fans for $22 per pair.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 February 2010
Where Are The Costa Ricans?
The Costa Rican Olympic team will not be participating in the Winter Olympics in Vancouver because of the dreaded Banana Seed Flu which has reached epidemic proportions back in Costa Rica.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 February 2010
"Is That A Burger I Smell?"
The coach of the team Indian Olympics team has suspended two players after he caught them eating hamburgers in the bathroom.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 February 2010
The Olympic Colombian Team Member's White Powder
Police in Vancouver stated that the suspicious white-looking sugar powder found in the suitcase of one of Columbia's snowboarders was actually sugar and not cocaine as authorities first believed.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 February 2010
The Virgin Islands: It's Just A Name Right?
The Virgin Islands has stated that the reason they did not send a team to Vancouver is because four years ago when they participated in in Turin, a lot of the fans made fun of the name Virgin Islands.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 15 February 2010
Minnie Driver turns up at childrens play centre in Glasgow
Minnie driver turned up at a childrens play centre in Glasgow.
No it was not a car driver it was the actress Minnie Driver
who is currently filming in Glasgow and she turned up with her son
written by SPECTRUM, 15 February 2010
'Like water off a ducks back'
Obama launches diplomatic offensive against Iran.
written by Tcoah, 15 February 2010
Scientists discover how to look smarter
In a groundbreaking new study, scientists have discovered that sitting in laboratories surrounded by science stuff making noises and flashing lights makes them look smarter
written by Daniel Bristol, 15 February 2010
Olympian Places 36th, Awarded Cardboard Medal
Olympian at the Winter Games placed 36th and was awarded a cardboard medal. Noted the athlete, "Well it's not as nice as the laminated cardboard medal that the 35th finisher got, but I'm still happy."
written by Nik Voelz, 15 February 2010
Lead Again
Lead in older toys alter the brains of baby boys making them "more feminine", say US researchers, after study of why balls haven't dropped into scrotum.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Gas Prices Up Again
The price of greenhouse gases continue to climb monthly.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Cash Your Gourdes?
The Haitian gourde has fallen to that of the American dollar!
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Nothing To Worry Over
Barnanke says economy is fine. "But, could you advance me a few bucks till payday?"
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Women Doing Laundry Given Advice
Environmentalists advise women to save water by washing their husband's clothes at a running brook, employing a flat rock. Feminist groups turn green!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 February 2010
Thomas Jefferson Smiled
Senator Obama's 66,882,232 Democrats had more voting power than Republican Senator McCain's 58,343,671 voters? We will never know if a smiling Thomas Jefferson agreed or disagreed with the decision.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 February 2010
Taxpayer Funding
Have you ever noticed that every so called public service group that gets taxpayer funding tells Congress their special interest legislation doesn't go far enough and is underfunded!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 February 2010
President Obama Passes Physical Examination
President Obama passed his yearly physical examination with flying colors. The only thing the president was told to watch was the ACORNs on his feet!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 February 2010
VP Biden's Statements Defended by Democrats
A Democratic Party spokesman said that VP Biden's statements should not be called moronic, but more-off-ic!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 February 2010
The Water's Edge
Politics is supposed to stop at the water's edge, relative to US foreign policy & homeland security. Fools in Washington DC think this means swimming naked in the reflecting Pool on the National Mall!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 February 2010
Supply and Demand
Using tax money to stimulate small business's to hire people when there is no increase in demand for a product or service is like GM selling cars for less than the manufacturing cost!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 February 2010
Mention Obesity
Have you ever noticed that when US obesity is mentioned the rabid Vegans, Tofu lovers, anti-meat people, food police and food fascists come out of the woodwork!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 February 2010
Couch Liberals a New Threat
Couch liberals identified as a bigger health risk to the USA economy than couch potatoes. Coach potatoes are full of potato chips, whereas couch liberals are full of spending other people's tax money.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 15 February 2010
Kids Kept Forgetting Burial Spot
Mattel says final holiday sales stats in and their new "Bury Me Jacko Dolls" did not sell well at all!
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Cheney Excited
Yellowstone facing overpopulation of snowmobilers to have their first muzzle loaders and bow & arrow seasons. "I got MY license", says former VP Cheney.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Big Breakthrough
Breakthrough in penis enlargement technology. Doctors warn American wives to prepare for the wurst.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Boomers Getting More Bold
Either you cut our taxes 50% or we vote every single one of you out of office and move in all boomers!
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
"Double Speak"
Obama (prior to election): "We will do things different from the Bush Administration"
Biden (Today): "We are doing the exact same thing as the Bush Administration"
written by Tcoah, 15 February 2010
We Have Backup!
US warns Iran that if it doesn't stop developing nuclear weapons, we will use our "Coalition of the Extremely Reluctant" to attack them.
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
Good News Finally
United States invents small nuclear weapon that will fit on an unmanned drone, for peaceful purposes. (Attack Us & We Release 1,000 Of These Babies!)
written by Bureau, 15 February 2010
