Used Birthday Money
A five-year-old in Kansas has been proudly showing off his birthday money purchases of a new toy truck, box of soldiers and 1,000 shares of General Motors.
Methane On Moon?
A large deposit of methane has been found on the moon indicating that the cow didn't jump quite high enough.
Pope On Internet Humor Site
Pope Benedict XVI begins writing for the internet humor site, The Spoof, under the pseudonym of "P. Mobile Pappy".
Drug Sales Down
The sales of pharmaceuticals are even going down according to Pharmacists. They blame people not being able to afford drugs and food both plus many getting drugs free from our drinking water.
MLB Survey Of Players
In a survey of Major League Baseball players, they say that almost every steroid user on their teams are a pain in the ass.
Strippers Appear Before Committee
Las Vegas strippers appeared before the government bailout committee Friday saying they didn't really want anything but that they figured were all pretty well bored stiff by now.
Plane In River Again
Captain Sullenberger apologizes after landing his second plane in the Hudson River. "It just gives you such a sudden rush", stated the hero Captain.
Next In Line For Bailout
Waterboard manufacturers say they are next in line to seek bailout miney from congressional committee.
Latest Bin Laden Video
The latest video from Osama bin Laden advices Americans to set clock ahead one hour this weekend. Hi to cousin Alib in Riyadh, "How's it hanging?"
More Elbow Grease Needed?
The U.S. Army says they are cracking down on overweight recruits after second tank driver in two weeks gets belly stuck in entrance.
Britains Prince Harry once again apologizes for using racist remarks, asks which occasion reporters are referring to.
Obama To End This
President Barack Obama says he is putting an end to the government's "Same old, same ole, redundency, duplication, excessive wordiness".
Kung Fu Panda Wins Best Documentary
Kung Fu Panda has taken the North Eastern Canadian Film Festival by storm, winning "Best Documentary." In related news, the newly appointed Panda Taekwondo instructor killed several students today.
written by Wastro, 07 March 2009
Sanjay Gupta Refuses Job
Dr. Sanjay Gupta is taking his name out of the running for the U.S. Surgeon General's job. Yes, he's paid his taxes but he doesn't want to be connected to the former weird S.G., Chicken Everett Coop.
Another Pod Explodes
"UFO Today" reports that the tenth straight pod has exploded in yet another attempt to replace Woody Allen.
Iron Man Attacked
Iron Man has not been seen in months since arch-enemy, Icebox Man, released over 10,000 refrigerator magnets at his secret location.
Contact With Syria Encouraging
A senior US envoy involved in the first high-level contact between the US and Syria since 2005 has said the talks were "very constructive". "We both said "Howdy" in our own languages, it's a start."
Mad Cow Spreading
The Spanish government late Friday confirmed the country's fifth fatality from the human variant of mad cow disease, a woman who died after attacking a bullfighter there.
"Animal House Day Over"
"The Animal House party days are over for U.S. banks", stated John Kerry Friday, speaking from a five star luxury hotel in Las Vegas, Arizona while meeting with fellow democrat leaders.
According to an AP report, some of Obama's recovery plans are sowing unease among his own party. "Especially the part about Hugo Chevaz becoming Co-Vice President", stated Rep. Charles Rangel.
Jimmy Carter Switches
Freedom Bank of Georgia has been seized by regulators as the recession persists & pushed more borrowers behind on home payments, forcing Jimmy Carter to switch to building Poor House For Humanity.
Hot To Trot Teachers
Two Utah teachers are accused of sexually assaulting the same 13-year-old student, after personal conversations to the exchange of sexual text messages about size & sex were found, authorities said.
The Next Celebrity Boxing Match
Amy Winehouse has been charged with assaulting a party guest. Meanwhile the Fox Network is trying to sign her and Chris Brown to participate in a celebrity boxing match.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 March 2009
Britain Needs Some Clowns
Britain is reporting that they are having a shortage of circus clowns. No problem we can send over three of 'em, Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 07 March 2009
Marquess of Glastonbury busted for illegal dog walking
In breaking news, yes fresh as a new born baby, the Marquess of Glastonbury has been fined 100 pounds for walking her Irish setter in a designated national reserve. Take that you middle class twits!
written by whatinthe world, 07 March 2009
Mandelson fails to turn up for work
Business secretary, Lord Michael Mandelson has failed to turn up for work today claiming that; "he is a little off colour, but may be back at work on Monday."
written by IN SEINE, 07 March 2009
New FDA Warning
In a new report on the nation's health, the FDA has warned against smoking while talking on the telephone. Receiver could develop ear cancer.
All Indenity Thiefs Released
The Federal Bureau of Investigation say they are dropping all charges against identity thefts on advice of President and Congress as they are the only one spending money to help economy recover.
South & Midwestern States Withdraw
In response to President Obama's plan for the government to take over talk-radio, the southern and mid-western states have withdrawn from the union, creating Rushballistan.
Some Signs Of Growth
The world economic growth is at it's worst in sixty years. Meanwhile, the western world's belly and ass growth is at it's best in recorded history.
ExxonMobileStill Doing Pretty Well
ExxonMobil has reported record earnings of $45 billion during 2008. They also announced that they have just purchased GM, Chrysler, Citi Bank, Bank of America and Alaska.
Not Enough Stimulation
All the Republicans in the House have voted against the President's latest stimulus plan because "it doesn't include us", plus a few Democrats, "Washington DC Madame gone".
Iraqi Mental Health Report
An Iraqi mental health study shows that there's a desperate need for more care, especially among the new leaders.
Just Put In On The Table Whle I'm Out Of The Room, Be Generous
The IRS's decision this week to quit using debt collection agencies & turn collections over to a Brooklyn Family has already caused several Washington political leaders to cough up their tax money.
Mandelson's Dry Cleaner 'Unphased' by Green Custard
Peter Mandelson's dry cleaner has told reporters that getting green custard out of his suit will be 'no problem'. Peter's one of our regulars - his suit gets spattered most Saturday nights.
written by Mrs Kensington, 07 March 2009