Teacher Collapses when driving - Boys save Bus
A teacher collapsed, when driving a school party home from a rugby match. The teacher had apparently had a fit! Whether it was before or after a pupil stabbed him in the back, nobody knows?
written by IN SEINE, 04 March 2009
World Hunger Eliminated
The U.S. Food And Drug Administration has approved the sale of Viagra for rabbits, thus solving the world hunger problem in one fell swoop.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Most Muslims Love Americans
A new poll out March 8th reveals that 90% of the world's Muslims love American foods, automobiles, music, heads.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Mafia Doing Their Part For Environment
Several members of the Mafia have sent an unsigned letter to Greenpeace saying they have decided to do their part for the environment by dumping bodies at city dumps and using only copper bullets.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
New Dylan Album In April
A "Surprise" and as yet untitled Bob Dylan album will be released in April. There will be three interesting duets with Dylan singing with Kermit the Frog, Wavy Gravy and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
"Pirates" Released
The United States Navy has released nine suspected Somali pirates yesterday after an examination revealed that their shivers had never been timbered.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Hillary Make Symbolic Gesture
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton met with Palestinian leaders again today and, as a symbolic gesture, laid one brick upon another.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
China: Welfare For All
Chinese leaders are reported as considering welfare for all, especially for those rich enough to replace them as the country's leaders.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Schwarz On Pot?
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has been accused of smoking marijuana by an aid. "You should have heard him", stated Leslie Harrison. "You could understand every word he said."
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Bush Back In News
The United States private sector cut 697,000 jobs in February. Former President Bush asks, "Where will we find jobs for that many eunuchers?"
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Hillary Warns Israel, Palestinians
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has told Israeli leaders that home demolitions are "unhelpful." Last week she told Palestinian leaders that firing rockets into Israel daily is "naughty, naughty."
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
The Hague Issues Warrant
The International Court at the Hague has issued a warrant for Sudanese leader Bashir and offering a huge reward. Be sure to watch "Most Wanted" this week.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
New School Recommendations
A new report says that American school children's meals are too sugary and fatty. They recommend daily cereal with more fiber, like "Frosted Wicker Chair Bits."
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Russian Predicts U.S. Collapse
Russian scholar Igor Panarin says the United States will collapse sometimes during 2010. "Unfortunately, the rest of the world by the end of 2009."
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Moon Discovered Circling Saturn
To the surprise of many astronomers, a small moon has been discovered circling Saturn, somehow hidden among it's rings. "Let's face it", stated one expert, "they already have a cloaking device."
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Oldest Brain Discovered
The oldest fossilized brain has been discovered in Kansas, even older than that of Senators, Byrd and McCain, Regis.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Kids Contain Less Lead
A new survey finds that today's youth has less lead in their systems than those tested 20 years ago. They credit more use of ink pens.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Taco Bell's New White House Menu Items
Taco Bell announces that in honor of the president and his wife they will be adding two new menu items...The Brobama Burrito and The First Mama Enchilada Plate.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 04 March 2009
Another Bank Bailout
The latest bank that's petitioning a bailout is the West Bank. In response, Secretary of State has promised $900 million to rebuild.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Toreador Blind-Sided
A Spanish toreador, winning battle with enraged bull, gets blind-sided by a mad cow in Madrid yesterday.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Hustler Magazine Lays Off 112
Larry Flint's Hustler Magazine has had to lay off two writers and 110 photographers because of the current economic downturn.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Art Tour Canceled
Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas announced today that the National Art Tour in Gaza has been canceled until further notice, bailouts.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Students New Mule Train?
U.S. colleges are warning students going into Mexico during Spring Break not to drink any spring water nor accept $1,000 for becoming something they call a "mule" when returning to the U.S.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Just Coincidence?
Pakistan has allowed the Taliban a free land zone to practice their beliefs of public executions and beating women at random. Also, the government there has purchased a dozen daisy cutter bombs.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Retirees Getting Desperate
Money Magazine's new poll reveals that almost 50% of the nation's retirees have had to boil and eat most of their nest eggs.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
New Word For Economy
For the first time today the Federal Government used the word, "Kevorkian" to describe the present United States economy.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Berkeley Sex Study Released
In a new study conducted at Berkeley, 90% of gays there reported accidentally walking in on parents having sex, as children, 100% who walked in on grandparents.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Russian Tanks Headed North
Russian troops and tanks seen headed for the Arctic Circle after a breakaway iceberg claims it's independence.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Obama Gone "Nucklur"
Barack Obama apologized to his audience after saying "nucklur weapons" today. "I knew I would sooner or later", stated the Prez. "It's like trying to get 'row, row, row your boat' out of your head."
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Circus Fire
A Fire broke out at a circus in Swindon today, fortunately nobody was injured. However, Firefighters said; "The heat was intense."
written by IN SEINE, 04 March 2009
Fat Ladies Choir Preparing To Sing In West Brom
The West Midlands Fat Ladies Choir was rehearsing feverishly tonight, after relegation-threatened West Bromwich Albion slid to another home defeat, this time 3-1 to Arsenal.
written by Monkey Woods, 04 March 2009
Operation gone wrong
A Slovenian man has awoke from a amputation operation to find doctors had taken the wrong limb. His left leg was removed instead of his right leading to calls for the surgeon to donate his leg instead
written by whatinthe world, 04 March 2009
Boiled Before Consumed
The Food And Drug Administration has issued a warning that all bottled water should be boiled before consumed.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Credits Motivational Speaker
A Man from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania credits motivational speaker for his having the courage to finally snuff his wife's entire family.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Paranoid Amish Man
Paranoid Amish man tells psychiatrist that he believes that everybody is out to shun him.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
"Hot In Here"
Al Gore blames earth's liquid core and more people saying, "Boy, is it hot in here or is it me?" on global warming.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Georgia Reports Disappearance
The country of Georgia has announced that one of its breakaway republics has disappeared.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
Snuffing & Stuffing It!
A plumber from Santa Fe, New Mexico has plunged to his death by running off a mountainside and being hoisted upon his own plumber's helper.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2009
