The Snookie Goes on Sale Today
The Snookie is a pullover blanket that has 3 additional strategic openings besides those for the head and arms. Ladies can still stay warm and enjoy their husband's attention on a cold night.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 29 March 2009
Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow caught in studio brawl
When Robbie Williams appeared at the same studio where his former bandmates were recording, a fight broke out. Gary Barlow was heard to say "Take That" as his fist connected with Robbie's big head.
written by norma snockers, 29 March 2009
Groping Mascot Wanted!
Fake high school mascot wanted by police for groping team cheerleaders, kidnapping the real team mascot.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
What Smells Delicious?
Meat packing company burning during the night causes everybody in Westchester to wake up this morning hungry enough to eat a bear.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Pete Rose Back
Pete Rose makes an appearance at the Circus Circus Hotel in Las Vegas to be inducted into the Gambler's Hall of fame.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Gore Comforts Families
Al Gore comforts families who lost love ones on Mount Everest avalanche, "We'll find their remains when they resurface in 5 or 6 years."
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Catholics priests to marry
Catholic preists were told by the pope to conduct a life of celibacy by marrying a lezzer "It's more comfortable and you'll be able to watch TV and use the internet."
written by Mary Hinge, 29 March 2009
Catholics tell god to anoy 'gays'
Catholic priests asked god to annoy gay cyclists by making sure that the wind is blowing in their faces whatever direction they cycle in.
written by Mary Hinge, 29 March 2009
Britain Obese given warning by Government.
We have told supermarkets to Help promote healthy living by putting cakes, ice creams, pies etc. in aisles that are too narrow for fatties to fit through.
written by Mary Hinge, 29 March 2009
Police tackle car crime.
A senior police chief warned car thieves "Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat".
written by Mary Hinge, 29 March 2009
Rev. Jeremiah "The Bullfrog" Wright's Book
Rev. Jeremiah Wright's book has just hit the bookstores. The book in titled, Okay So Tell Me Sean "Shithead" Hannity, What The Hell Was All That Damn %#$@&*! Commotion About Anyway?"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
China's Richest Couple
Huang and Du Guangya, the richest couple in China have just purchased France's Eiffel Tower. The Guangya's plan to move it to their backyard in Shanghai, China.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
Threatened Species Status
Polar bears, republicans, Amy Winehouse have been given limited threatened species status.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
UFO Release Blocked
The British Defense Ministry was ready to release still more secret UFO files but that they are now being held up in court by aliens, who say that it would violate their inalienable rights.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Tell Me Later
A new poll shows that 110% of Americas think we're on the road to nowhere, but in an all-fired hurry to try to get there.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Americans Last In Something
Science Magazine claims American consumers rank last in the world in something called environment consciousness. What IS that?
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Lookin' Out For Us
Space storm alert: As we're moving closer and closer to the edge of a disaster from sun storms blasting earth with heat, cutting off technology, congress is still debating the Football Polls.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
A Street Renamed In Dick Cheney's Honor
The town of Devil's Lake, North Dakota, has just honored former Vice-President Dick Cheney by renaming a street after him. Devil's Tail Drive has now become The Dick Drive.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
NASA's Land Rover
NASA officials have announced that land rover "Spirit" after being on Mars for five years has just been assigned the Martian vanity plates, "Mars-1"
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
Generic IUD's
The Kinetic Sex Institute reports that due to the sky-rocketing costs of IUD's they have suggested to the manufacturer that they look into the possibility of making IUD's out of cardboard paper.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
Mt. Sarah Palin (The Volcano)
A majority of Alaska's residents are extremely upset with Gov. Sarah Palin's rejection of the economic stimulus package. Some have even started a petition to sacrifice her to Mt. Redoubt Volcano.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
Amy Winehouse's New Product
Amy Winehouse will introduce The Amy Winehouse Do-It-Yourself Tattoo Kit. Amy says that now sweet little girls everywhere will be able to put the same ugly tattoos that she has on their little bodies.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
Dolly Parton's Two Puppies
Dolly Parton wants the rumors that her breasts are a result of her taking steroids stopped. She told Wolf Blitzer, "Wolfster, my puppies are real. They're a product of cornbread, okra, and taters."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
Tina Fey's Newest Tattoo
A highly reliable source has stated that Tina Fey has just had the words, "Sarah Palin in 2012" tattooed just underneath her 'right' one.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
Sis-Boom Bah
Research studies on education have shown conclusively that 90 percent of high school girls who became pregnant did so between the hours of 11 p.m. and midnight on Friday.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
And Now Here's Jay's Chin
A well-respected Beverly Hills physician has revealed that it is unbelievably astonishing but Jay Leno's chin is now actually bigger than Beyonce's butt.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
Chanel's Eau de ESP
The Chanel Perfume Company has stated that sales of their latest perfume, Eau de Economic Stimulus Package have already surpassed the sales of Chanel No. 5 by 400 percent.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 29 March 2009
Obama On Both Sides Of Fence
President Obama toughens up border, eases up on Illegals. "Shoot them on sight until they make it across border, then find them some food, jobs.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
U.S. Joins Drug War?
U.S. Secretary of State Clinton vows to help fight Mexico's drug war, trying to decide which drug gangs we're for, against.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Iran Responds To Judge
A U.S. Judge has ordered Iran to pay $25 Million for Hamas killing. Iran agrees to send it by flying pigs.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Polars Apart
Russia is planning to create a dedicated military force to help protect its interests in the disputed Arctic region. Meanwhile Australia arming penguins in Antarctic region.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
N. Korea Set To Launch Missile
North Korea says that it is set to launch missile soon. Surrounding countries set to try not receive it.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Late Husband Takes Remote With Him
Smiling local Boogertown husband looking serene in coffin has no idea that wife has had his TV remote shoved up his ass.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Aussies Battle Poisoned Toads
The Australian state of Queensland have taken part in a mass capture of poisonous cane toads as part of a collective effort at pest control. Meanwhile an army of toads gathered forces in the south.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Obama May Have Cool Reception
President Obama's first European trip could dampen his hopes that a new diplomatic style will convert once-reluctant allies into cooperative global partners as "We Hate Obama's Guts" signs everywhere.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Rough Weather On Saturday
Storms sow snow, thunder, tornadoes, hailstorms, frogs, fish, somebody's clothesline full of underwear, broom riding witch, flying monkeys from Plains to South
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
News From Canada, China?
A cyber spy network in China hacked into classified documents from governments in 103 countries, including computers of the Dalai Lama, a faked report from Canadian researchers said Saturday.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Pol Pot Lucky?
He was one of the greatest mass killers of the 20th century, but that doesn't stop the hopeful from praying or pissing at Pol Pot's grave for lucky lottery numbers, job promotions & beautiful brides.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Major Disarming Requested In Iraq
Iraq orders Sunni gunmen in Baghdad area to disarm. Sunni leaders in Adhamiya ask Shiites to disarm. Both asked to disarm by Kurds in north.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Smokers Taking Hits
Smokers face a hit as tobacco taxes spike. May drop tobacco for marijuana altogether as it's a lot cheaper and without taxes.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
The Redneck Mystic
Redneck mystic in Arkansas can levitate a coon hound out from under the front porch of his double-wide trailer and into the bed of his pick-up truck.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
FBI Leak, Mole
The Federal Bureau of Investigation has reported a leak discovered in their DC headquarters bathroom. Also, a mole in their front yard. Still seeking more info.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Newspaper Reports Strange Happening
The Salt Lake City News & Times reveals that there is actually a 27-year-old never married single guy living in Brigham City, Utah.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Salmonella Mary Found, Arrested
Salmonella Mary discovered and arrested in Trenton, New Jersey. Now blamed for huge outbreak while visiting peanut butter manufacturer in January.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Atari Festival In Cuba
Havana all set to host Cuba's first ever Atari Game Festival and International Competition. Few booking thus far.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Highway To Homeless
Highway To Nowhere, which cost the U.S. millions of bucks, now leads to a homeless tent city. "See", states congressman who got pork project passed.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Males Eventually Disappearing
Geneticist claims that males face eventual extinction but, beginning when it gets down to 4 to 1 female, will enjoy really happy lives.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Bad Sign For Economy
Report: Army Corps of Engineers seen patching levees in New Orleans with $20 bills not a good sign for the economy.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Suicide in cricket board
An agriculture minister is running world richest cricket board still farmer are committing suicide. Wish I can run the Wall Street with all money in my pocket and no-one dying out.
written by Lostinrandomworld, 29 March 2009
'Fritzl-mania' reaches global proportions
First Austria, and then Italy and now Colombia. Fathers are having children with their daughters. How many more such crimes will come to light? Maybe Arkansas will not come as a surprise!
written by norma snockers, 29 March 2009
Didn't Help Bush, Children
Study of Bush administration's reading program hasn't helped at all. Neither has it helped any of the school children, according to U.S. Dept. of Education.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Twenty-Inch Penis
Neanderthals were entirely different species from humans claims new study. Twenty inch penis made them more thoughtful.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Taliban Leader caught
Leader of Afghanistan Taliban arrested, Vice President now their leader, Speaker of the Turban becomes new V.P.
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
Marines Ease Restrictions
U.S. Marines ease up on big brutes with former police records in recruitment efforts. New slogan: We're looking for a few bad apples!
written by Bureau, 29 March 2009
