McDonalds are the new Eco Warriors
McDonalds have taken the step of making their brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.
written by Mary Hinge, 27 March 2009
US Has 25% Prisoners
The United States now has 25% of the world's prisoners. Will begin secret conference with Australia the first week in May.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Jack Back
Dr. Jack "The Dripper" Kevorkian declares death sentence carried out by injection of criminals a cruel and unusual punishment.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Obama Makes Start On Global Warming
President Obama says "NOW is the time to take on the global warming issue", while wearing tinfoil hat.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Near Death Experience
Boogertown man that had near-death experience can't get undertaker's grin off his face.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Should Have Been On Stun
Laser mix-up leads to CEO losing his head during Power Point Presentation at New Jersey office meeting.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
"Bring Your Drugs To Work Day"
New York City's "Bring Your Drugs To Work Day" turns out well as police sting brings in over 100 dopers.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Jade goody cure for overdose.
Keep a copy of Jade Goodys obituary in your medicine cabinet at home. It can be used to induce vomiting if toxic substances have accidentally been swallowed.
written by Mary Hinge, 27 March 2009
Jim Davidson wins award
The Comedians' Union have award their National Treasure award to Jim Davidson this year. He accepted it graciously, saying he was proud to be a Comedians' Union National Treasure.
written by MonkeyInTheBath, 27 March 2009
Filth Offenders Quit.
Kim and Aggie are quiting their show 'How disgusting is your house'. A source close to the Hygenic Harpies quote them saying 'We are sick of sniffing man juice on dirty sheets'
written by Mary Hinge, 27 March 2009
Cronkite Saving Ship?
Former CBS anchorman Walter Cronkite is helping preserve a historic ship that is rusting away on Philly's waterfront. "I know what it's like having barnacles on your ass", stated crusty old TV anchor.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Aussie D'Arcy Escapes
Australian swimmer D'Arcy escapes jail for assault. "They should have known better than to jail him here by the river", states jailer.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Diggs, Briem Join "Dead Of Night"
Taye Diggs and Anita Briem have joined the cast of the indie horror film "Dead of Night," currently filming in New Orleans, replacing two others who were found with their brains missing.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Madonna In Trouble With Malawi
Madonna's bid to adopt a second Malawian child, a baby girl called Mercy James, will be examined by a court in the southern African country next week. Mercy James in Malawi means "Buttface Shithead".
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Former PM AC/DC Fan
Ousted Czech Prime Minister Mirek Topolanek says he was inspired by the rock group AC/DC when he mocked U.S. President Barack Obama's economic stimulus plans, a "road to hell. Now Studying Pink Floyd.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Competitive Eating
The winners of the 2009 Marie Callender's Competitive Eating Contest were: Men's Division - Rush Limbaugh, Women's Division - Wynonna Judd.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 March 2009
Osama Bin Laden's "March Madness"
Taking a cue from the NCAA Basketball Tournament's "March Madness," Osama Bin Laden says that he has implimented his own "March Madness" which he says will consist of destroying basketballs.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 27 March 2009
Wild Geese Given OK
Wild geese given OK to fly again in New York after head goose has determined it is now safe.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Another Elvis Spotting
Another sighting of Elvis has been reported, this time in Alabama with Truman Capote and Harper Lee. All three were dead.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
CEO's: Here We Go Again
CEO's of Big Three automaker CEO's may be hauled before congressional panel again to be asked same questions so panel can appear self-righteous once again as approval rate at 4% (plus or minus 4%).
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
1909 Time Capsule Opened
Dug up Time Capsule from 1909 which had a giant spring snake fly out when opened now believed to have been a near-by college prank. Three taken to hospital over shock.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Woman's Prison Riot
Drudge Report says their video of "Woman's Prison Riot" still number one video requested on it's news page, 18 months later.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Bush's New Book
Former President George W. Bush now admits that holding hands with Saudi oil sheik went a little bit further.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
New Global Currency?
A U.N. panel is now touting a new global currency after its meeting on Thursday. So far the leading name for the currency is "The Plugged Nickel".
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Modeling Over Peace Prize
A new poll found that 25 percent of people would rather win "America's Next Top Model" than a Nobel Peace Prize. 50% asked "What's a Nobel Peace Prize?"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Obama: Biden Who?
President Obama gave an online town hall meeting night before last. When asked about Joe Biden, had puzzled look on his face. "Oh, you mean the VP? He's in Cheney's old Undisclosed Location..I think."
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
UK exams regulator Ofqual has blamed exam boards after finding Science GCSE standards have fallen
They said that if the exam boards are not part of the solution, then they are part of the precipitate.
written by Roy Turse, 27 March 2009
Obama Meets Bank CEO's
President Obama to meet privately with bank CEO's. See if they're all packed to assist new troops in Afghanistan.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
U.S. Government -Ran Into Ground
PELOSI: Health-Care Bill in House Will Include Government-Run Option! "Since we've done such a good job of running Freddie Mac, Gennie Mae. U.S. Postal Services, Medicare, Social Security, etc."
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Sudan Blames Israel
A senior Sudanese official says his country believes Israel was behind airstrikes on its soil last month. Also, thinks Israel behind a local cow dying, milk not churning into butter.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Explaining Those Turn Signals
At a meeting of the AARP reps in Iowa, older drivers admit that leaving their left turn signal on is their way of "Flipping Everybody The Bird"!
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
"Point Of Honor, Sir"
There's an old joke in S. Carolina: Jefferson Davis may have surrendered at the Burt-Stark mansion in Abbeville, S.C., in 1865, but the people of S.C. never did. Is the South ready to rise again?
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
"Paranoiance Strikes Deep"
Top Irish republican charged with killing soldiers. Democrats in U.S. congress say Republicans there are giving them a "Funny Look".
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Consumer Spending Up
U.S. consumer spending rose for second straight month in February, while incomes reversed the previous month's gain. Most building fallout shelters, purchasing weapons, stocking food, water supplies.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Vegas, Mafia Need Bailouts
Las Vegas project considers bankruptcy: report that casinos, local mafia organizations may need bailouts.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Obama's International, Personal Goals
President Barack Obama to boost forces in Afghanistan, to set benchmarks, clean up skid marks.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Hillary's Flip Flop
A very shaken Secretary of State Hillary Clinton says she's taken a completely difference on the banana peel situation.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2009
Elton John to separate from wife David Furnish
"David is a pain in the ass" said Elton
written by carlito, 27 March 2009
The BBC plans to move 'Casualty' to Wales
With BBC plans to move the popular hospital drama 'Casualty' from Bristol to Cardiff means that the storylines will contain many more sheep related injuries.
written by IN SEINE, 27 March 2009
