PM and Palace discuss changes to rules of succession to the British throne.
It's a thinly disguised attempt to get Princess Anne to the top of the list while there's still time.
written by Roy Turse, 26 March 2009
New deodorant on the market
A new deodorant as been launched on the market today. It is called Umpire.
It's for foul balls.
written by IN SEINE, 26 March 2009
Police are looking for an Irish con artist
The Dublin police are looking for a notorious Irish con artist, Paddy O'Shea, who purchased a return rail ticket but did not come back. His whereabouts are unknown.
written by IN SEINE, 26 March 2009
Mandate from President Obama Imminent
Senator Barney Frank is all atwitter!!
written by TomFoolery, 26 March 2009
P.O. Personnel Purchasing Guns
The USPS will run out of money this year unless it gets help, Postmaster General John Potter told Congress as he sought to cut delivery to five days a week. Also, personnel are reportedly buying guns.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Hillary Breaking Records
Secretary Of State Hillary Clinton has already traveled more than any other Sec. of State's first two months in office. Still cannot find Bill.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Pope Again Upsets Muslims
The Pope has once again upset Muslims by saying their 72 virgins are still virgins because they all look like Beatrice Arthur.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Cuba Asks U.S. To Loosen Up
Cuba, Saudi Arabia are loosening control of their citizens, advise Obama Administration to do the same.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Ethanol Raises Food Prices
Corn crops used to produce ethanol raises the price of food in Mexico, whiskey in Kentucky, Tennessee.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Bush Bushwhacking
Former President George W. Bush filmed while whacking bushes on ranch while yelling, "Bring It On!"
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Man's Ancester Pea-Brained Sausage Swingers
Scientists say their latest finds show that human ancestors had smaller brains, bigger weiners than previously thought. Could offer explanation of how men think today.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Western World, China Seething In Anger
Obama already causing "Change" as western government's attitudes for U.S. go from Just ignore George to Hating our trillion-dollar guts!
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Sub Declares Independence
United States Nuclear Submarine declares its independence from the North American country, according to message sent in Samolia language.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
More People Understan?
Turkmenistan, Ubeckistan promise they will attempt to keep the rest of the world from mixing them up, according to Kurdistan or was it, Kyrgyzstan?
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Obama Promises
Obama promises to do double lip service on nation not headed for another depression, socialism.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
"Big Brother" Geithner Expands Oversight
Treasury Secretary Geithner has proposed a vast expansion of government oversight, including looking away while congress fails to pay their taxes.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Obama's Brother Wants A Word With President
A Kenyan health official says President Barack Obama's older half-brother has been hospitalized with stomach pains and is being tested for malnutrition and rat bites.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Obama's Aunt In Projects
President Obama's aunt, a Kenyan immigrant living in the United States illegally, has returned to her apartment in a Boston public housing project to prepare to kick his ass if she ever gets a chance.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Senate Worried Sick About Football Poll
Senate reviewing how college football picks No. 1. Then plan to play fiddles as several colleges ready to close from lack of funding and Tent City appears in California.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Non-Alcoholic Cabaret In Saudi Arabia
News out of Saudi Arabia is that they have finally opened a non-alcoholic cabaret. They have named it, The Mullah Rouge.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Obama Takes On Trebek
At Obama's latest press conference he did his usual thing: Ignored hard questions from his opponents & only took questions from former Jeopardy stars, then gave his answers in the form of a question.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Hillary Finally Gets Hers
Yesterday was the first day of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's two-day trip to Mexico. This time she actually did have to duck and avoid gunfire from the drug wars on the border.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Pharmaceuticals In Our Water
All the traces of drugs in our water all over the country, serving ice at our bars is producing a new come-on. "Is that a fish in your pocket or are you glad to see me? Well, at least the fish is!"
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
The Bush Decisions
In a new book almost ready for publishing, George Bush lists some of his hardest decisions he had to make as President. #7 was, "Which guy in this crowd is most likely to throw his shoes at me?"
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Bush To Release Book
George W. Bush has signed a deal to write a book. He got $7 million. The tentative name for the book, "George Bush's Big Book Of Blunders."
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Valerie Bertinelli's Last Straw Diet
Valerie Bertinelli, 48, lost 40 pounds and can now fit into a bikini swimsuit (and she looks good). She said she eats whatever she wants as long as she can suck up through a straw.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 March 2009
America The Beautiful
The star of "Ugly Betty" America Ferrera has stated that she has decided to change her first name from America to United States.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 March 2009
Chad K. Sounder's Accessory Novels
Famed courtroom drama writer Chad K. Sounder, has written a follow up book to his 2006 best seller, Accessory Before The Fact. Sounder's sequel is entitled, Accessory After The Fact.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 March 2009
"It's In The Mail."
The U.S. Postal Department reports a 2008 loss of $2.8 billion. Postmaster General John Potter says they have requested and will receive a $3 billion bailout from Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 March 2009
An AIG Official Says He's Really Upset
One AIG official has stated he has received dozens of threats due to the $4 million bonus that he received. Hey, no problem dude...just take some of that bonus money and hire a bodyguard or six.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 March 2009
Learning Channel Begins Sex Education?
The Learning Channel hopes to capture a bigger audience by teaching Adult Sex classes after 12 PM at night.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Regulatory Agenda Unvieled
Treasury head Geithner unveiling regulatory agenda. Boomers would be rounded up and placed in walled cities with plenty of food and water, thus saving medicare & social security from onslaught.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Welfare Drug Tests?
States consider drug tests for welfare recipients but in blind tests, bigger percentage of welfare workers tested positive than recipients.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Pope Getting Condom Protest
Condom uproar latest message problem for pope as crowds blow up condom with helium to release in Vatican Square, some exploding them during the night.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
The US Mint will introduce the first ever coins with Braille inscriptions this week.
It is to commemorate the blind leading the blind into the current economic crisis.
written by Roy Turse, 26 March 2009
New Law Upheld
New York City jaywalker arrested after being linked to al-Qaeda through Pentagon's new "Six Degrees Of Separation Law".
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Atomic Wedgy Readied
Rumor: The United States has given Israel consent to give Iran an atomic wedgie.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Parties In News Media Flight
President Obama turns to Web in order to bypass news media. Republicans turn on Talk Show Radio in order to bypass web.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Obama Budget Marches On
Obama budget on the march through Congress as Republicans throw out as many banana peels and roller skates as possible.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Barker Visits Price Is Right
Bob Barker returned to "The Price Is Right" yesterday. After nearly two years in retirement, the 85-year-old former game show host said he was just there to look at the ladies showing the prizes.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Thai Protesters Turn Down Checks
20,000+ Thai protesters ringed the prime minister's office, demanding the government resign, scoffing at its handout of checks to millions of low-income workers. P.M. answers that his hands are Thaid.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Senior Al-Qaida Leader Surrenders
Saudi Arabia says a senior al-Qaida leader has returned to the country voluntarily and turned himself in. 98-year-old
Fahad al-Ruwaily says he's tired of the fight.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
Catching A Falling Star
Astronomers catch a shooting star for 1st time. "Everyone's excited about getting their wishes", states scientist.
written by Bureau, 26 March 2009
US calls for more circumcision to combat STIs have been dismissed by Alan Johnson, UK minister for Health
"If Americans want to have more circumcisions," he said, "It's no skin off my nose."
written by Roy Turse, 26 March 2009
Billy Connelly copies Sir David Jason
Billy Connelly has told an offensive joke for which he apologizes profusely. On Absolute radio he said; "What do you call a Scottish Cloakroom Attendant?" After a pause, he said; "Angus McCoatup"
written by IN SEINE, 26 March 2009
Proof: sir David Jason reads TheSpoof.com
Sir David said: "What do you call a Pakistani cloakroom attendant?" He then said: "Me hat, me coat." He is reputed to have taken the Joke from TheSpoof.com's website. He did apolgize though.
written by IN SEINE, 26 March 2009
British PM heads for Brazil
Gordon Brown's pre-G20 tour reaches Brazil. Brazil is world-renowned for it's nuts. Gordon Brown should feel at home then.
written by IN SEINE, 26 March 2009
Ann Coulter as Friend to Environment/Politics?
Sending the Ice Queen to Italy-Switzerland border might refreeze glaciers thawed by global warming, making planned redrawing of political boundary unnecessary.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 26 March 2009
"Phew! I needed that!"
President Obama briskly brushed past secret service agents today, toward main White House kitchen, where he entered a walk-in refrigerator. Faint sounds of screaming emerged for several minutes.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 26 March 2009
There Go His Legal Briefs
Lawyer checking into hotel on Times Square has to chase down homeless man who broke into his suitcase and ran off with an armload of underpants.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 26 March 2009
Boy, Are Our Faces Red
Dozens of protesters arrive in Fargo, North Dakota to find the "big dike" they were after is actually a giant flood barrier being constructed to protect downtown area from flooding Red River.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 26 March 2009
Remember When You Were a Little Kid and Used to Blow Bubbles?
Well, he's in town looking for you.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 26 March 2009
Israel Accused
Allegations have been made against the dreaded Israel. However, there is no evidence to support the allegations, as they're only allegations.
written by P Z, 26 March 2009
