Probably True
Lindsay Lohan, Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson, Tom Cruise all admit to having extraterrestrial affairs.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Eating Insects, Worms Beneficial
Nutritionists say properly prepared, insects and worms are delicious and an excellent source of protein. Look how long worm in tequila bottles kept Dean Martin alive.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
America Need Good Ice Kicking
Global warming experts say that large pieces of icebergs breaking away from the ice shelves only the tip of the iceberg.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Three Highest States
Report: Vermont is highest in marijuana use, Utah in mental health problems and West Virginia in false teeth.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Common Belief Wrong!
Study says people continue to believe that the costlier a thing is, the better. But this is easily disproved by the last four elections.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Dylexic Woman Succeeding
Dyslexic woman who as a child had a hard time not failing classes early in life now a Hebrew scholar.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Bush Shoots Dick Cheney In Face
...at Bush's Prairie Chapel Ranch near Crawford, TX. Bush was trying to scare a squirrel and shot into some shrubbery, behind which Cheney was trying to cop a squat.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 25 March 2009
The world's unluckiest Japanese atomic bomb survivor
Tsutomu Yamaguchi was in Hiroshima on 6 August 1945 when a US plane dropped the 1st atomic bomb. The blast blew him into Nagasaki. He was hit by a 2nd atomic bomb on August 9th, 1945. Is he paranoid?
written by IN SEINE, 25 March 2009
Little War Interest
Public interest in Iraq, Afghanistan War wanes as more and more people have minds on where their next meal is coming from.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Al Gore Slapped By Silly
Al Gore slapped in the face by Richard Simmons after announcing that "Sweating To The Oldies" added to global warming.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Chivalty Not Dead
Chivalrous, sympathetic guy at bar offers to help get drunken woman on her feet, out to the car lot, drive her home and put her to bed.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Can you see what it is yet?
A would-be Rolf Harris has painted a 60 foot penis on the roof of his parents mansion. It took his parents over a year find out what it was and he will have to bring a large scrubber to deal with it.
written by IN SEINE, 25 March 2009
Class Bully Signs Cast
Class bully insists that he signs kid's broken leg cast puts "I'm A Candy Ass" on it while standing on the good foot.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
The West Michigan 4-Pound Burger
The West Michigan Whitecaps baseball team will sell a 4 lb. 4,800 calorie burger for $20. It includes 5 beef patties and 5 slices of cheese. It also includes the phone number of an emergency clinic.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 March 2009
Mafia Going Soft?
A mafia masher was moved to tears by the sad story of man who borrowed money from Big Wally and had the money to pay it all back when he was mugged. Lets him off with only one busted kneecap, big toe.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Dalia Lama Booed
Several loyal followers protest the Dalia Lama when he arrives on his own private astral plane.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Well Fertilized
Woman in New Jersey finds where all the local cats are crapping when she repots her favorite bonzi tree.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Misuse Of Restaurant Equipment
Woman asked to leave popular restaurant after cashier sees her putting vibration device, for who's next in line for a table, down front of her pants.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
New Stimulus Package
President Obama says that newly proposed stimulus plan would include, $300, coupons worth $200 towards Viagra purchase and one free "Vibrating Bunny".
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Pregnancy Diet
A new report from "Today's Health" magazines claims that women who eat more cucumbers, zucchinis and bananas while pregnant are more likely to have male children.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Kentucky Taliban?
Small Muslim town found in eastern Kentucky where women wear extra long skirts and feed sacks with eye holes over their heads.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Wall Street Takeover
The latest rumor on Wall Street is that Hot Wheels is negotiating to take over Chrysler.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Military Investigation Continues
United States military officials say they have discovered even more problems at North Carolina's Fort Drag.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Limbaugh Admits He's Got RTS
Nearly deaf, desperately addicted to prescription Rush Limbaugh has now come down with Restless Tongue Syndrome.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Edinburgh's finest
A group of angry Scots have had a smashing time when they visited the Edinburgh home of Sir Fred Goodwin.
written by IN SEINE, 25 March 2009
An opening has arisen for someone to run a London council's Scuba Equipment shop.
The job title is Manager of Diver City
written by Roy Turse, 25 March 2009
Sir Fred Goodwin says it's fortunate nobody was injured when his windows were broken.
Luckily, he was busy in his counting house at the time.
written by Roy Turse, 25 March 2009
Man admits to putting in Sir Fred Goodwin's windows.
Michael Mc.Tunnart of Mc.Tunnart Glazing Services has been accused by the police of courting publicity since he made the claim.
written by Roy Turse, 25 March 2009
An International Mystery
Citizens of International Falls, Minnesota are trying to figure out how sheets of falling snow Tuesday wound up "blanketing" the city.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Sure Looked Real
A mime died of silent heart attack yesterday on the streets of NYC as people gathered and applauded his masterful performance.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Chinese Made Bullet-Proof Vests Contain Lead
Protective vests the United States bought for its troops from China may already contain lead.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Dancing With The Stars To Expand Variety
"Dancing With The Stars", running low on variety of couples, announced next episodes will include Rosie O'Donnell and Daffy Duck.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
US Readies For Missile
United States is ready for a north Korean missile. "Should be a great test for our new missile defense system, get out the final glitches", say generals.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Japanese Man Has Worst Luck
Japan has certified a man aged 93 as the only known survivor of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, both hit by atomic bombs towards the end of World War II. He is now living in Iran.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
2009: The Year We All Went Bananas
Thai soldiers have reportedly entered Cambodia near a disputed temple where the two sides briefly exchanged fire last year. There they run into Chinese, Vietnamese soldiers in combat.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Japan's Exports Cut In Half
Japan's exports saw a record plunge in February, falling by nearly half compared with a year earlier, according to the country's finance ministry. Swords being handed out.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Confusion In Afghanistan, Iraq
Obama orders 10,000 troops recently sent to Afghanistan back to Iraq, sends 25,000 from Iraq to Afghanistan "Just to keep 'em confused". Taliban, American troops totally confused, shrug at each other.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Lance Armstrong: I'll race one-armed in TdF
Lance Armstrong says he'll be fit for the Tour de France after breaking his collarbone in a crash last week. He said, I can ride with one arm - after all, I've been riding with one bollock for years".
written by Dungeekin, 25 March 2009
Road kill is the original free range food
says Dave "Bonzer" Dingo, head chef of the new Australian drive through BBQ chain "You kill it, We grill it"
written by Suburban Otter, 25 March 2009
Octo-Mom Mystery
A new puzzle as the octoMom has brought home 8 kids and already had 6, but somehow there are 16 kids and babies at the house. The hospital is going back over their records and Mom counting new ones.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Working Women's New Ladder Of Success
Unemployed women who have decided the only jobs available are those of strippers are finding it hard to climb the pole of success.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Three New Appointees
President Obama has finally filled the three remaining top jobs at the Treasury Department, after allowing two weeks for the three to finally pay up their taxes.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
"Here We See A Large Dong Mass..."
WLAC weatherman's own kid visiting station gets him fired as large dong appears coming down from Canada on evening's weather map.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Search Out For New Taxes
The White House said it would launch a search for new tax revenues, perhaps those making over $10,000 a year, as leaders moved to scale back spending increases & tax cuts in President Obama's budget.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
50 New Species Found
A brilliant green tree frog, jumping spiders and an insurance selling gecko are among more than 50 new animal species scientists have discovered in a remote, mountainous region of Papua New Guinea.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
First Degree Amnesia
I asked my 99-year-old neighbor if she had ever had amnesia. She replied that she couldn't remember.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 March 2009
Netanyahu Pushes For Peace
Israel's Netanyahu says he will push for Israel-Palestinian peace using lots of diplomacy, patience and tanks.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
The Goodyear Blimp?
The owners of the Goodyear Blimp have decided to change the name to the more appropriate, Badyear Blimp.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 March 2009
Herb Alpert Plans A Reunion Tour
Herb Alpert plans on getting his old band The Tijuana Brass back together for a reunion tour. Alpert says they'll do all of their old hits and perform as Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass Cartel.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 March 2009
Buzzards Dip?
Buzzards dip over northern plains, making traffic difficult. I'm sorry, that should be, Blizzard whips northern Plains; making travel difficult.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
The Sequel To Easy Rider
Peter Fonda, Dennis Hopper, and Jack Nicholson will begin filming the sequel to their 1969 hit Easy Rider. The new film takes place 40 years later and is titled, Uneasy Rider.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 March 2009
The Amazing Bird Seeds
My aunt said she threw some bird seeds out in her backyard. And a week later, five bluejays started to sprout.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 March 2009
The Big And Happily Big Kirstie Alley
A 4.7 magnitude earthquake struck Southern California. Kirstie Alley remarked not to blame her because she has been inside her house all day.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 March 2009
Cold Fusion Possible
Researchers at a US Navy laboratory who now have "significant" evidence of cold fusion, a potential energy source that has many skeptics in the scientific community, thank Hillary C. for volunteering.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
The Word On The Street Is...
Due to the economic crisis, the least used word in the English language today is : Profit.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 March 2009
Michelle Pfeiffer By Any Other Name
Michelle Pfeiffer finally decides to change her last name from Pfeiffer to the much easier to spell Fifer.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 25 March 2009
Got Change For A Panda?
China is calling for a replacement for the dominant dollar, showing a growing assertiveness on revamping the world economy ahead of next week's London summit. They'd call it, the Panda.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Concern About Obama
Congressional leaders concerned about pressure he's under after President Obama announces, "I'll bend but not break, I'll shimmy but not shake."
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Obama sees signs of recovery
He said less people have moved into American Tent cites this month.
written by disciple, 25 March 2009
Congress Agrees To Help FBI
Several members of congress volunteer to go to different islands to see if they can track down crooked offshore tax
evaders, have a few drinks, take in some sun.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
1 In 100 Americans In Jail
Report: 1 in 100 American adults are in jail. 1 in 10 no longer get three meals a day or have a roof over their head.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
Bernanke: Could Be More Cuts
Federal Reserve Chairman Bernanke told congress that there may be a few more cuts before the market can get straightened out, so if you know anyone in deep debt, you might take away his safety razor.
written by Bureau, 25 March 2009
