Correction:
In a recent article, when we stated 'Chris Moyles is Will Young's poof' we were of course intending to refer to 'Chris Moyles's Will Young Spoof'.
written by Roy Turse, 23 March 2009
British Government announces new IT project
A database containing details of all the illegally held data that the government holds on computer will be created to monitor the problem
written by Roy Turse, 23 March 2009
Gazza checks in with his doctor
Paul Gascoigne has gone for a full checkup after one newspaper refered to him as 'the people's prince'
written by Roy Turse, 23 March 2009
The US has announced a plan to buy up $1trillion of toxic assets
The UK has agreed to bury the lot in a landfill waste site near Peterborough.
written by Roy Turse, 23 March 2009
Couple's Sex Life A Blowout
Boogertown couple both hospitalized after George Wilson overpumps penis, applies ring and base and explodes into wife, Mary Kaye.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Bush Identity Thief Caught
Man who stole former president George Bush' identity arrested after giving himself away by saying something witty.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Investors Still Madoff Mad
Investors say Bernie Madoff should be water boarded to see what he knows about missing millions and then burned at the stake as a warlock.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Poor Richard's List
The nest issue of Poor Richard's Almanac will feature the 1,000 poorest people in the world.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Moneysaving Advice
Government offers free booklets on helping those who snort cocaine to switch to less-costly paint thinner & model glue. Also discourages those smuggling drugs in to U.S. if everyone switches.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Frosty The Snowman's Daughter
Frosty The Snowman's daughter Chilly has been described by her closest friends as being somewhat of a cold individual.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 March 2009
Calimity Jane's Bra
The Cowgirl Hall of Fame in Hereford, Texas has reported that someone has stolen the bronzed bra of Calamity Jane. The curator asks that it be returned no questions asked...well maybe just two.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 March 2009
Penny Marshall's Texas Ranch
Penny Marshall, of the TV sit-com series "Laverne and Shirley" purchased a 300 acre ranch in Texas. She named it, "The 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, Schlmiel, Schlemasel, Hassenpfeffer Incorporated Ranch."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 March 2009
Meeting The Press For 61 Years
The American television show, "Meet The Press" is the longest running TV show in history. The show began in 1947, a total of 61 years. Fox plans to release its version to be titled, "Press The Meat."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 March 2009
Bea Arthur - The First Lady
After years of denial, actress Bea Arthur, has finally admitted that she was in fact President Chester Arthur's first wife.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 March 2009
Town Loses Only Newspaper
What happens when a town loses its only weekly newspaper? Customers in Bear Wallow, Kentucky, say they'll just call up Alice Flener, town gossip. Use corncobs once again.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Robin Willianms OK
Robin Williams is recovering at the Cleveland Clinic after heart surgery that his doctors deemed successful, his publicists said. "He's already visiting other patients, doing Patch Adams routine."
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Existing Home Sales Climb
February existing home sales rise by 5.1 percent according to latest figures. However, non-existing homes are just not moving at all.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Google wants to get closer.
Following Google's venture into 'Up Your Street', they want to get even closer. The new version will be called "Up Your Nose". They may even make a version for the gay community called "Up Yours!"
written by norma snockers, 23 March 2009
In Cold Blood, The Musical
Truman Capote's classic "In Cold Blood" to be turned into high stepping, tail shaking Broadway musical!
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Brotherly Love
Boogertown man says he is going to raise his dead brother's marijuana plants as if they were his own.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
CK Lobbyists Under Scrutiny
Calvin Klein lobbyists accused of offering models as escorts in return for congressional money to build modeling runway to nowhere.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Obama Seeking Credit, Advice
Obama administration seeks to free frozen credit markets, Walt Disney's frozen head, after four straight cartoon presidents.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Well Done Wall Street, Take A Fork &Turn Us Over
Study: Wall Street paid out over $18.4 billion in bonuses in 2008 for employee's working hard so that it's customers would lose only 40% of their money.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Obese Less Likely To Commit Suicide
A new study reveals that obese people are less prone to commit suicide. For one thing, their ropes keep breaking and the chair bottoms cave in.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Wright's Stock Climbs Again
Stocks of Jeremiah Wright's American Home Roosted Chickens goes up another ten percent today.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Sesame Street Layoff!
There was a big layoff of Sesame Street workers over the weekend. If you tuned in today, you probably have already discovered that Miss Piggy, Kermit, Bert and Ernie and Oscar all have the same voice.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
That's Good To Know
A leading expert in the study of global warming says the ocean will not rise during the next one hundred years. However, the earth will sink at least six inches.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Space Station Moved Again
The space station was once again in danger from debris and had to move slightly to avoid the remains of D.B. Cooper.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Public Not Happy
Most big cities are reporting that more people than ever are using public transportation. Also, they warn that if you drive a Hummer, you should stay at least 100 feet away from those riding them.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Goody, Goody, Gone!
Jade Goody dies and successfully ruins Mothers Day for thousands of sad fans. Her mother however said 'She always did forget Mothers Day, at least she has a good excuse this year'
written by QuakAtak, 23 March 2009
The Real Gov. Sarah "Snowflake" Palin
Gov. Sarah Palin has upset a lot of Alaskans because she rejected a $170 million federal stimulus package for her state. Palin said, "It did not include one penny for moose blinds or hunting bullets."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 March 2009
Indiana Jones To Marry Illinois Flockhart (Ally McBeal)
Harrison Ford has finally asked long time girlfriend Calista Flockhart to marry him. She said yes. No word as yet as to when the 98-year-old Ford and the 28-year-old Flockhart will exchange vows
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 March 2009
The Old & The Young Wedding
Bruce Willis, 54, weds Emma Hemming, 32. Present at the wedding were Demi Moore, 46, and boy-husband Ashton Kutcher, 31. Also on hand were Madonna, 50, and her new boyfriend Timmy, 14.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 March 2009
ConBoy George Receives Another Honor
Boy George who is presently incarcerated at The Petula Clark Prison For Blokes in London, has just been unanimously voted "The Inmate With The Prettiest Lips."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 March 2009
Steve "Mr. Big Macs" Wozniak
"Dancing With The Stars" contestant Steve Wozniak, who is the co-founder of Apple, Inc. has denied that he is taking anabolic steroids.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 March 2009
LeAnn Rimes' Explains "It"
LeAnn Rimes, aka "The Cheatin' Country Crooner" says that Eddie was kissing her on the mouth and that she was not kissing him on the mouth. Okay.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 March 2009
America's "Top Gossip Queen" Fired
America's undisputed "Gossip Queen" Liz Smith has been fired by The New York Post. The 86-year-old Smith worked at the Post for 80 years. She started at the age of 6, working as a trash can emptier.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 23 March 2009
Dalai Lama Denied Visa
S. Africa has denied the Dalai Lama a visa to meet here because his visit would distract attention from country's hosting the 2010 World Cup, a spokesman said. "Old Loud Mouth would ruin everything."
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Michelle Obama Digs Up The Past
While she was digging her garden at the White House, Michelle Obama has found former Vice President Cheney's Spider Hole, Bill Clinton's old escape tunnel and seven of J. Edgar Hoover's old dresses.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Not A Good Sign
Experts warn that falling sales, lay-off of workers and Michelle Obama planting a vegetable garden at the White House definitely not a good sign for the future.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Senator Dodd's Memory Clears
Sen. Dodd, after first denying it, recalls that he's the one who eliminated the provision in the stimulus package that outlawed excessive bonuses & they donated nearly $300 million to his re-election.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
News Shows Ratings Climb
Big news year boosts '60 Minutes', evening news audience. Millions tune in daily to see if they are now broke.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Bird Populations Down
Report: Energy production choking bird populations as windmill blades are filled with bird feathers.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
North Dakota Asks For Help
North Dakota officials plea for volunteers as flood sets in. Meanwhile Al Gore sits on his sorry ass and pontificates.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
"Wanted" Sudan Leader Visits Eritea
Sudan leader visits Eritrea despite arrest warrant. Thus far, 97 people have died trying to serve the warrant
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
NATO: Taliban Leader Killed
NATO reports that a Taliban commander was among 10 killed in yesterday's strike. Number 2 while squatting in a cave.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Obama: Can't Govern Out Of Anger
President Obama says he cannot "govern out of anger" just because of public outrage over bonuses paid at financial institutions kept afloat by taxpayer dollars or 15 of my nominees never paid taxes.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Napoleons Ruling Nursing Homes
The mentally ill even more of a threat in nursing homes than recent report suggested, as three Napoleons take over homes in New York and New Jersey over the weekend.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Topless For Jobless
More women needing cash go from jobless to topless as jobs offered at topless bars. Some sitting on NYC sidewalks cupless with cups as old-time beggers complain they're losing trade.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Obama Bails Out Bank Toxic Assets
The Obama administration says it's new bank rescue initiative will generate $500 billion in purchasing power to buy up toxic assets, esp. those that invested in Skull Valley, Utah, toxic waste dump.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Scientists Doubt Redoubt Eruptions
Alaska's Mount Redoubt volcano erupted four times overnight, sending an ash plume more than 9 miles high into the air, but scientist still doubt that it will erupt again.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Jade Goody Visits TheSpoof.com
"What's all this, then?" she asked. "'Jade Goody to Wed Elephant Man's Remains?' 'Marilyn Manson Offers $20,000 to Sniff Jade Goody's Panties?' Come on, don't you people have anything better to do?"
written by The San Francisco Onion, 23 March 2009
Man Gets Parking Ticket on Google Maps
Jay Walker had just dropped down to street level and started exploring a neighborhood when he was called away. Leaving hastily, he returned nearly 4 hours later to find a parking ticket on his desk.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 23 March 2009
45 Year Birth Rate Increase
Forty-five year high in United States birth rate credited largely to the Osmonds reunion on Oprah!
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Insurance Company Asks For Help
Major insurance company has asked doctors to help them cancel coverage for some patients, but only those dying of some terrible disease.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Limbaugh Pronounces Judgement
Rush Limbaugh saying he'd rather vote for Karl Marx than McCain leaves his Dittoheads scratching their dittos.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Congress Wrestling With Crisis
Congress wrestles with Constitutional Crisis in public showdown. Finally agrees that writing a program for wrestlers to follow, constitutional.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Viagra Side Effect
A new Food & Drug Administration warning released early this morning says that Viagra in the bloodstream could lead to hardening of the arteries.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Egged On By Crowd
New York City weatherman who tried to fry an egg on the sidewalk this weekend arrested for being drunk, assaulting officers with eggs.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Obese Student Sues Roommate
An obese student at Berkeley sues college roommate for constantly gobbling down munchies after breathing second-hand marijuana smoke.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
New Event Planned For Brit Olympics
British Olympic official say they plan to introduce dwarf bowling to the next Olympics there.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Counterfeited Confederate bills
Fake civil war re-enactors admit to counterfeiting confederate bills, sent to Fort McHenry in Baltimore, Md.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
Bison Strike Back
Park rangers at Yellowstone Park now say bison started landslide that killed three snowmobilers this winter.
written by Bureau, 23 March 2009
